silver hair fading from limp fingers
wonwoo/seulgi | 1142w, r-13
Seulgi falls in love with the boy who slips at eleven pm under her sheets and holds her like he has no other person to hold on to.
Every morning, she falls out of love with the empty space beside her and his shadow of a figure when they pass by each other in their college hallways with no hint of recognition. Whenever the hallways are too packed and bodies are smushed just to go through each side of different ends, she can feel his fingers brushing her fingertips and how it struggles to keep their hands together, even though it is even for a mere second.
She lets him, even though there is little to no love she spares for a boy in his silver hair, with fingers so bony yet long it always manage to slip between her pallid golden locks in daylight as Jisoo is her sun and he is everything and he holds her hand to the world, showing themselves off with no shame and no fear and all Jisoo gives for her is love and love, affection and care and she falls and crashes vehemently with Jisoo in daylight.
His crescent shaped like eyes when he smiles down to her or up to her and how fragile and strong he is at the same time, with his soft palm and cracked fingertips and him burying his face between the locks of her hair and how sweet his smile is whenever she does something considerate for him when she is far from it.
"Aren't you being a sweetheart right now? So rare of you to do this for me," when one day Seulgi decides to cook something for Jisoo and she actually tries to cook just so this boy can have a proper meal other than take out fast foods and sandwiches.
"Thank you," he pecks her on the cheek and pulls her to him by encircling his arm around her neck, and Seulgi may seem unaffected for she has practiced herself in the act of not putting her heart on her cheek or even on her sleeves but she smiles inside of her heart.
Jisoo is a boy who shies away from lips to lips kisses and touch and it all makes Seulgi giddy to do more and more. But less of her is already enough for Jisoo, so she's careful to not overwhelm him.
Another night and she can feel him slipping in beside her and pulls her with one arm to his chest. It is always like this between the two of them, never about taking clothes off and kisses involving lips. It's of whispers and hugs.
"You should stop coming back, Wonwoo."
"Why?" She hears a crack in his voice. She doesn't try to open her eyes.
"You can't keep doing this. Everything has come to an end."
"What end?"
She hates it so much, to break another truth he denies all over again.
"We're no longer together, Wonwoo," it feels strange to have him holding her this close when her heart is no longer his. "It's been three months."
He sighs, but not moving away from her. "I missed you."
"Everyday, I missed you, Seulgi. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for being such an asshole, I'm sorry."
She doesn't want to open her eyes as her heart constricts in pain, tears bubbling inside her closed eyes.
"I...everything's fine. But, things will never go back to the way it is."
"But-"
"I love Jisoo. I love him, he-he keeps my heart whole and he's always so careful with me." Unlike you.
He sighs into her hair, slipping his fingers between her pallid golden locks. "I'm going to miss you so much."
"You're going to see me everyday still."
"It's not the same. It's not me who is holding your hand."
Seulgi feels like being swallowed by the bed and she falls asleep with his arms wrapped around her for the last time, and she falls in love for the last time with the boy who is finally going to let her go tonight.
By the morning, she falls out of love with that same boy from the night and the one who leaves an empty space beside her, only that she sees a lonely spare key that isn't hers by her bedside.
She smiles because she knows the boy she used to love and have her heart broken for the millionth of time has finally accepted that she just found someone who keeps her heart in a protective glass case and doesn't waver, unlike Wonwoo who had always been unsure of her and kept leaving and coming back to her with lipstick stains on his neck and strong perfume which never belonged to her.
She is always welcomed by Jisoo's hand ready to interlace it with hers, walking on street pavements with him in the side where cars buzz by and him playing with her hair and sometimes is the one who ties her hair into a ponytail whenever he feels that her hair is getting in the way of whatever things she is doing. He is a collection of small, adoring actions that mounts up to a mountain of love.
He rarely initiates kisses in the lips but when he does, it's always deep and private when there are only the two of them in some closed up space. He brushes his lips so deeply and lovingly at the same time it drives her head dizzy and her body light as if she is weightless and his hands never roam and always pressed to both of her palms. Seulgi can never get enough of it, Jisoo is like a drug for her.
"Your lips are so soft, Jisoo," she mumbles amidst panting breaths after she distracted Jisoo from studying on his apartment by the sofa and he smiles.
"Well, what do you expect me to say then?"
"I don't know either."
"You should stay seated in your seat. That's it. Now, don't sit on my lap out of the blue like that okay?" He moves back to his studying table after he just carried her to the sofa. Not to the bed, Jisoo is wise like that even with someone like her.
"Okay."
She goes home that night and falls asleep, while falling in love with the boy who lives with her smile on his heart, who shies away from kisses and touch and no longer with the boy who has moved on with a heavy heart. At eleven pm, she truly falls asleep with a content smile as she no longer feels restless rustles of sheets being lifted and her matress groaning while carrying another weight of a soul that is no longer hers.