1.1.
previously, the Doyles got married, Tommy got arrested a bunch of times, and Mary-Anne birthed her husband's cloven-hoofed offspring. much fun was had by all.
already the little bundle of joy is asserting himself.
Mary-Anne likes to creepy stare at the baby while Tommy sort of just gives the kid a nod before creeping out to do whatever it is that Tommy does.
Tommy: Who's life can I make miserable today?
he gives the little woman a hug before leaving for work. i was highly suspicious of his motives.
big surprise! asshat got arrested, yet again. his criminal skills need some serious work.
upon his triumphant return Tommybreaks the TV for like, the hundredth time that week. i had to stop calling in the repairman because Tommy only got promoted twice, and i was saving up to build them a bigger house. oh, and Mary-Anne popped into pregnancy while he was in the slammer. go figure.
then it was time for little Johnny's birthday. welcome to the first day of the rest of your misery, little guy. with Tommy as your father, you were doomed from the start.
Johnny spawned with blonde hair, like his mother, and his dad's blue eyes and shaved head. well, let's just change that shall we? you're creepin' me out.
that's so much better. Johnny is going to grow up in diapers, because his parents are poor as hell and can't afford a onesie.
Johnny: Is this my family? @#$%. *tries to crawl back up Mary-Anne's vag*
Mary-Anne: You offend me with your lack of Political views and garbled speech. Why didn't 't you just come out of the womb wearing a zoot-suit and smoking cigars?
Johnny: I hate my life.
it's that time again. Mary-Anne rolled for a girl this time, but as ever, dickhead over there wanted a boy. my total lack of surprise should be duly noted.
Charlie Doyle was born into the world, much to his father's delight. Mary-Anne is now surrounded by a slew of penises. i do not envy you, woman.
Mary-Anne: HERP-A-DERP.
Mary-Anne: Let's cuddle on the couch while Johnny sits in the dark and screams futilely for attention.
Johnny: Dickhead.
they keep rolling 'Woo-Hoo'. you already have two kids, what the hell is wrong with you?
Johnny: I shit my pants.
Mary-Anne: Maybe if I stare at it REALLY HARD it will go away.
Johnny: THANK GOD! So. Hungry. Hnnnnghhhh.
Mary-Anne: You mean they have to eat? That was not mentioned in Totally Preggers: A Mother's Tale.
i feel so bad for the kid, i might just make him heir out of pity. we shall see how the others age up.
come the frick on, people! like you don't have enough mouths to feed up in this hizzy.
Mary-Anne: *pop*
Me: *facepalm*
it was Charlie's birthday, which should speak volumes as to what this kid should expect from here on out: disaster and suffering FOR ALL OF YOUR DAYS.
Charlie has his mom's hair and her eyes. Mary-Anne likes to torture him by dressing him in that hat.
Charlie: F U.
Charlie's father proceeded to be a dickhead, as per the norm.
Tommy: Best part of having kids? Infinite candy stealage.
Charlie: What a douche.
Johnny got another birthday, and Mary-Anne continued her trend of existing solely on a diet of cake and Xanax.
Johnny: I am going to eat my cake all by myself in this corner while laughing my ass off at Charlie's stupid hat. LOSERFACE.
Mary-Anne: OH GAWD THE PAIN.
Charlie: MY EYES! IT BUUURRNNNSSSS.
Danny Doyle was born, which satisfied yet another roll for boys that Mary-Anne and Tommy both got. i am starting to get worried that this generation will not have any girls in it. also, Mary Anne is sporting a Rosie the Riveter look, since all she does all day is clean, cook, and change shitty diapers. YOU CAN DO IT, GURL.
Tommy got enough promotions and raises to allow for me to begin rebuilding their pad. it's sparse for the moment, and looks like a giant square, but we'll get there eventually. also, Mary-Anne has been gaining a bit of weight, poor thing. can't say as i blame her, Tommy yells at her all the time and tortures their children constantly.
Tommy: It's called a treadmill. Get on one.
Tommy: You're not as cute as your brother.
Johnny: DIAF.
next installment: yet another pregnancy, Tommy gets in some "quality time" with his boys, and Mary-Anne has a mental-breakdown. thanks for reading! - Heebs
already the little bundle of joy is asserting himself.
Mary-Anne likes to creepy stare at the baby while Tommy sort of just gives the kid a nod before creeping out to do whatever it is that Tommy does.
Tommy: Who's life can I make miserable today?
he gives the little woman a hug before leaving for work. i was highly suspicious of his motives.
big surprise! asshat got arrested, yet again. his criminal skills need some serious work.
upon his triumphant return Tommybreaks the TV for like, the hundredth time that week. i had to stop calling in the repairman because Tommy only got promoted twice, and i was saving up to build them a bigger house. oh, and Mary-Anne popped into pregnancy while he was in the slammer. go figure.
then it was time for little Johnny's birthday. welcome to the first day of the rest of your misery, little guy. with Tommy as your father, you were doomed from the start.
Johnny spawned with blonde hair, like his mother, and his dad's blue eyes and shaved head. well, let's just change that shall we? you're creepin' me out.
that's so much better. Johnny is going to grow up in diapers, because his parents are poor as hell and can't afford a onesie.
Johnny: Is this my family? @#$%. *tries to crawl back up Mary-Anne's vag*
Mary-Anne: You offend me with your lack of Political views and garbled speech. Why didn't 't you just come out of the womb wearing a zoot-suit and smoking cigars?
Johnny: I hate my life.
it's that time again. Mary-Anne rolled for a girl this time, but as ever, dickhead over there wanted a boy. my total lack of surprise should be duly noted.
Charlie Doyle was born into the world, much to his father's delight. Mary-Anne is now surrounded by a slew of penises. i do not envy you, woman.
Mary-Anne: HERP-A-DERP.
Mary-Anne: Let's cuddle on the couch while Johnny sits in the dark and screams futilely for attention.
Johnny: Dickhead.
they keep rolling 'Woo-Hoo'. you already have two kids, what the hell is wrong with you?
Johnny: I shit my pants.
Mary-Anne: Maybe if I stare at it REALLY HARD it will go away.
Johnny: THANK GOD! So. Hungry. Hnnnnghhhh.
Mary-Anne: You mean they have to eat? That was not mentioned in Totally Preggers: A Mother's Tale.
i feel so bad for the kid, i might just make him heir out of pity. we shall see how the others age up.
come the frick on, people! like you don't have enough mouths to feed up in this hizzy.
Mary-Anne: *pop*
Me: *facepalm*
it was Charlie's birthday, which should speak volumes as to what this kid should expect from here on out: disaster and suffering FOR ALL OF YOUR DAYS.
Charlie has his mom's hair and her eyes. Mary-Anne likes to torture him by dressing him in that hat.
Charlie: F U.
Charlie's father proceeded to be a dickhead, as per the norm.
Tommy: Best part of having kids? Infinite candy stealage.
Charlie: What a douche.
Johnny got another birthday, and Mary-Anne continued her trend of existing solely on a diet of cake and Xanax.
Johnny: I am going to eat my cake all by myself in this corner while laughing my ass off at Charlie's stupid hat. LOSERFACE.
Mary-Anne: OH GAWD THE PAIN.
Charlie: MY EYES! IT BUUURRNNNSSSS.
Danny Doyle was born, which satisfied yet another roll for boys that Mary-Anne and Tommy both got. i am starting to get worried that this generation will not have any girls in it. also, Mary Anne is sporting a Rosie the Riveter look, since all she does all day is clean, cook, and change shitty diapers. YOU CAN DO IT, GURL.
Tommy got enough promotions and raises to allow for me to begin rebuilding their pad. it's sparse for the moment, and looks like a giant square, but we'll get there eventually. also, Mary-Anne has been gaining a bit of weight, poor thing. can't say as i blame her, Tommy yells at her all the time and tortures their children constantly.
Tommy: It's called a treadmill. Get on one.
Tommy: You're not as cute as your brother.
Johnny: DIAF.
next installment: yet another pregnancy, Tommy gets in some "quality time" with his boys, and Mary-Anne has a mental-breakdown. thanks for reading! - Heebs