Magnetism, Part 1
Leena's Bed and Breakfast
Unnamed Unincorporated Settlement
South Dakota
Something is rotten in the state of Colorado. A nun jumped off the roof of a church; a teenage violinist threw a temper tantrum during practice, destroying his instrument; and a newly widowed old lady wrote some obscene graffiti on the front of a local hospital. None of which would be particularly noteworthy, except that they happened on different ends of the same small town almost simultaneously. That alone is enough to make Artie suspect Artifact activity at work.
He's come to the Bed and Breakfast for two reasons. First, to brief Pete and Myka on the situation in Unionville; second, to explain why he had to turn the emergency Neutralizer shower on the two of them this morning when they were arguing in the middle of the Warehouse floor.
"Y'know, i-it's gonna have who-knows-what consequences," Artie lectures as Pete follows him down the stairs, "and as I keep telling you, repeatedly, all things have a magnetic context. Especially things in that Warehouse. Pete, Pete, you cannot go into that place with so much negative energy. You wanna fight with her, fine, fight with her, but not there."
"One of us has to be in charge out in the field, dont'cha think?"
Artie turns and gives Pete an exasperated look. "You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"
"Yeah, yeah," says Pete, in a casual tone that says to Artie that he has not, in fact, been listening. "I'm just saying, somebody leads, somebody follows, right? I mean, I have more experience, more knowhow... I'm more grounded."
...you know what? Artie's just going to go with that. "Pete, you're the obvious choice here." Before Pete can respond, Artie holds up a hand in an 'I'm not finished' gesture. "Do me a favor, will you? Let Myka think that she's running things, because, really, she's very very very sensitive."
Pete nods in acknowledgment. He can handle it.
As they approach the parlor, Artie can hear Myka confessing to Leena: "Sometimes I just wanna punch him. He reminds me of my father, y'know? He's arrogant."
"I think he's kind of sexy."
"So not my type."
"Really? What's your type?"
"I don't know, Leena. Opposable thumbs, maybe?"
"Hello, ladies," says Pete as he swaggers into the room in front of Artie. "Oh, we're not interrupting 'girl talk,' are we?"
'Like now, see? I could punch him right now,' Myka hisses at Leena.
"Alright. Game time. C'mon, c'mon--" Artie ushers the two junior Agents into the dining room. They've got a briefing to do. Personal issues can wait.
"A nun, a teenager, and an old lady all acting very strangely in Unionville, Colorado." Artie gestures to the maps, notes and photographs spread out across the table. "I have research here that indicates that each of these people knew exactly what they were doing; the thing is, they couldn't stop themselves from doing it for some reason."
Myka frowns. "Well, could there be a practical explanation? Something in the water?"
"Nothing. I checked." Artie starts gathering up the papers and stuffing them back into the cardboard portfolio case he brought with him.
"Maybe it's just a bad flu bug," offers Pete with a smirk.
"Well, only three cases in a town of thousands indicates there was something non-viral," replies Artie. "Although I still need to rule out anything bacterial, parasitic, prionic, viroidic, and of course, fungal."
"...I was kidding."
Artie shakes his head, his expression deadly serious. "No, no, never rule out anything. Until you've ruled it out. Oh, and I want you guys to ask each of the victims my list of field recovery questions."
They both groan, almost simultaneously. "Artie, not the questions, please?" begs Myka.
"Yeah, they're embarrassing," agrees Pete, dragging a hand over his face.
"Yeah. My only pleasure left in life, concocting ways to embarrass you." Artie digs in the folio again. "Here, in case you've lost them... take this."
Myka shakes her head as she takes the folder full of printed paper. "Y'know, how can it matter if a person smells fudge before an incident?"
"Yeah, or if your 'gallbladder is feeling numb'?" adds Pete, reading off Question 7.
"Humor me?" says Artie with a pleading expression. The other two Agents say nothing; he'll take that as a 'yes.' "Alright. I want you to go to Unionville, find out if these three people are connected in some way, and if they are, is there an Artifact at the center of it. If there is, bring it home. Simple."
"Easy peasy," says Pete as he gets up. "Oh, uh, transpo? My truck's still in Lake Michigan."
"God, that was cold," murmurs Myka.
Artie sighs and digs in his pocket. "Alright. Take my car." He tosses the keys to Pete. "Just--no food, no drink, don't go over 55, don't park near anything." Pete and Myka both stare at him with mingled bewilderment and exasperation. "What? After a certain age, a person likes to have a nice car."
Pete gives him another weird look, then turns to leave. Myka lingers behind. "Artie," she pipes up once Pete is out of earshot. "One of us needs to be in charge. Somebody has to run point."
Ah, yes. Artie knew this was coming. "You," he says, pointing at Myka.
"Good," says Myka firmly. "Then we're both on the same page."
"Of course, Myka, I mean, you're the obvious choice. Uh--" He holds up a hand. "Do me a favor, please? Let Pete think that he's running things. He's very, very touchy."
Myka nods. "I can make that work."
"Good." Good, thinks Artie as he watches her leave. That should at least keep them behaving civilly toward each other.
Leena walks in as Myka is leaving. "So. Any news on the breach at the Warehouse?"
"There's been no breach," says Artie dismissively. "Just a two-bit hacker who's going nowhere."
Leena's eyebrows go up. "Well, after the dead end at Dickinson's, it looks like you're the one that's getting nowhere."
"I, my dear, am choosing to ignore this irritating pest." He rises, satchel in hand and folio tucked beneath his arm, and strides out. "I suggest you do the same."
[Dialogue from Warehouse 13 episode 1x04, "Magnetism."]
Unnamed Unincorporated Settlement
South Dakota
Something is rotten in the state of Colorado. A nun jumped off the roof of a church; a teenage violinist threw a temper tantrum during practice, destroying his instrument; and a newly widowed old lady wrote some obscene graffiti on the front of a local hospital. None of which would be particularly noteworthy, except that they happened on different ends of the same small town almost simultaneously. That alone is enough to make Artie suspect Artifact activity at work.
He's come to the Bed and Breakfast for two reasons. First, to brief Pete and Myka on the situation in Unionville; second, to explain why he had to turn the emergency Neutralizer shower on the two of them this morning when they were arguing in the middle of the Warehouse floor.
"Y'know, i-it's gonna have who-knows-what consequences," Artie lectures as Pete follows him down the stairs, "and as I keep telling you, repeatedly, all things have a magnetic context. Especially things in that Warehouse. Pete, Pete, you cannot go into that place with so much negative energy. You wanna fight with her, fine, fight with her, but not there."
"One of us has to be in charge out in the field, dont'cha think?"
Artie turns and gives Pete an exasperated look. "You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"
"Yeah, yeah," says Pete, in a casual tone that says to Artie that he has not, in fact, been listening. "I'm just saying, somebody leads, somebody follows, right? I mean, I have more experience, more knowhow... I'm more grounded."
...you know what? Artie's just going to go with that. "Pete, you're the obvious choice here." Before Pete can respond, Artie holds up a hand in an 'I'm not finished' gesture. "Do me a favor, will you? Let Myka think that she's running things, because, really, she's very very very sensitive."
Pete nods in acknowledgment. He can handle it.
As they approach the parlor, Artie can hear Myka confessing to Leena: "Sometimes I just wanna punch him. He reminds me of my father, y'know? He's arrogant."
"I think he's kind of sexy."
"So not my type."
"Really? What's your type?"
"I don't know, Leena. Opposable thumbs, maybe?"
"Hello, ladies," says Pete as he swaggers into the room in front of Artie. "Oh, we're not interrupting 'girl talk,' are we?"
'Like now, see? I could punch him right now,' Myka hisses at Leena.
"Alright. Game time. C'mon, c'mon--" Artie ushers the two junior Agents into the dining room. They've got a briefing to do. Personal issues can wait.
"A nun, a teenager, and an old lady all acting very strangely in Unionville, Colorado." Artie gestures to the maps, notes and photographs spread out across the table. "I have research here that indicates that each of these people knew exactly what they were doing; the thing is, they couldn't stop themselves from doing it for some reason."
Myka frowns. "Well, could there be a practical explanation? Something in the water?"
"Nothing. I checked." Artie starts gathering up the papers and stuffing them back into the cardboard portfolio case he brought with him.
"Maybe it's just a bad flu bug," offers Pete with a smirk.
"Well, only three cases in a town of thousands indicates there was something non-viral," replies Artie. "Although I still need to rule out anything bacterial, parasitic, prionic, viroidic, and of course, fungal."
"...I was kidding."
Artie shakes his head, his expression deadly serious. "No, no, never rule out anything. Until you've ruled it out. Oh, and I want you guys to ask each of the victims my list of field recovery questions."
They both groan, almost simultaneously. "Artie, not the questions, please?" begs Myka.
"Yeah, they're embarrassing," agrees Pete, dragging a hand over his face.
"Yeah. My only pleasure left in life, concocting ways to embarrass you." Artie digs in the folio again. "Here, in case you've lost them... take this."
Myka shakes her head as she takes the folder full of printed paper. "Y'know, how can it matter if a person smells fudge before an incident?"
"Yeah, or if your 'gallbladder is feeling numb'?" adds Pete, reading off Question 7.
"Humor me?" says Artie with a pleading expression. The other two Agents say nothing; he'll take that as a 'yes.' "Alright. I want you to go to Unionville, find out if these three people are connected in some way, and if they are, is there an Artifact at the center of it. If there is, bring it home. Simple."
"Easy peasy," says Pete as he gets up. "Oh, uh, transpo? My truck's still in Lake Michigan."
"God, that was cold," murmurs Myka.
Artie sighs and digs in his pocket. "Alright. Take my car." He tosses the keys to Pete. "Just--no food, no drink, don't go over 55, don't park near anything." Pete and Myka both stare at him with mingled bewilderment and exasperation. "What? After a certain age, a person likes to have a nice car."
Pete gives him another weird look, then turns to leave. Myka lingers behind. "Artie," she pipes up once Pete is out of earshot. "One of us needs to be in charge. Somebody has to run point."
Ah, yes. Artie knew this was coming. "You," he says, pointing at Myka.
"Good," says Myka firmly. "Then we're both on the same page."
"Of course, Myka, I mean, you're the obvious choice. Uh--" He holds up a hand. "Do me a favor, please? Let Pete think that he's running things. He's very, very touchy."
Myka nods. "I can make that work."
"Good." Good, thinks Artie as he watches her leave. That should at least keep them behaving civilly toward each other.
Leena walks in as Myka is leaving. "So. Any news on the breach at the Warehouse?"
"There's been no breach," says Artie dismissively. "Just a two-bit hacker who's going nowhere."
Leena's eyebrows go up. "Well, after the dead end at Dickinson's, it looks like you're the one that's getting nowhere."
"I, my dear, am choosing to ignore this irritating pest." He rises, satchel in hand and folio tucked beneath his arm, and strides out. "I suggest you do the same."
[Dialogue from Warehouse 13 episode 1x04, "Magnetism."]