Breathe: 'Leave Me Be'
I love Sarah Mclachan, and though it may not be apparent, this applies surprisingly often to Battlestar Galactica. (Her songs are so often full of angst, lol.)
Her song, Time in particular, kept playing in my head, the chorus inspiring a series of drabbles. I'm not even sure I got the chorus right, but this is the way it sounds in my head. The following related drabbles don't have to be read in order, or even together, though that's the way they were written. I called the series Breathe, and the first installment, Leave Me Be, follows. I always wished they showed the continuation of that argument regarding Baltar...
Also, I stole my favorite line from the entire series and put it in here. Bonus points if you can find it.
Set between Crossroads and Six of One... (Spoilers as expected)
Disclaimer: All lyrics for Time belong to Sarah M. and BSG belongs to RDM. I own nothing. Thanks for letting me play...
Pairing: Adama/Roslin
Rating: G
Leave me be.
‘Madame President.’ Even though he hadn’t raised it, his voice echoed through the halls of the old battlestar, reaching her down the hall.
Damn, he could project when he wanted.
Keeping her face impassive, she turned to face him. At this point she was the only one, other than his fellow judges, who knew what he’d done. There was no point in starting new rumors of disunity among the Fleet leadership.
Keep it together Roslin.
She sighed. She had just hoped to be able to step away, just for just a few minutes.
‘Admiral.’
He looked at her, and she could see him, trying to read her mind. Keeping her face impassive, she forced out a fake smile.
Just get out of my face.
Instead he took her arm, and though it appeared courteous, she could feel the steel in his grip. She knew he saw through her façade. He always did. Leading her firmly down the hall, he ushered her into the Ward Room before turning to close the hatch. She watched him but kept standing, leaning against the boardroom table.
Fine, if that’s the way you want to play it. Let’s get this over with.
He looked at her quietly for a long moment. She focused on giving him nothing.
‘I thought we might finish our conversation from a moment ago.’
She heard his voice again in her head. ‘Not guilty is not the same as innocent.’
Her hands hurt. She glanced down and saw that her knuckles were turning white from gripping the edge of the table. Deliberately, she relaxed them.
‘I thought our respective positions were quite clear, Admiral.’
‘You’re upset regarding my failure to find Baltar guilty.’
‘Upset?’
‘Laur- Madame President, I meant what I said earlier. We have to focus on the future, on finding earth. We can’t get locked into our bitterness, our desire for vengeance. We have to move forward. You taught me that.’
‘Vengeance? I wanted justice. Not for me. Justice for the Fleet, for Saul, for Kara, for all of those people left behind on that rock, tortured and killed and slaughtered while Baltar watched.’
He grimaced. She knew he tried, but he never could understood what it was like, stuck there, completely at the mercy of the Cylons, prone to their capricious tinkering.
‘You said the prosecution failed to make its case. That’s because it focused on the wrong thing. It’s not that he surrendered when they occupied New Caprica. What did they have, four base ships? I would have surrendered too. Surrendering to overwhelming odds, that’s not dishonorable. That’s not treason. Collaborating with the enemy, helping to hunt down those who resisted, helping them beat us, detain us, torture us, kill us. That’s treason.
He helped them. I know it. I know it. You know it. You know what I saw, back on Caprica, before the attacks. You know what he did, here. You see what’s left of us.’
She heard her voice rising and tried to tamp it down.
‘How could you? How could you break with me over Baltar? Baltar!?! I know I’ve betrayed you, I know I’ve disappointed you, but that was over Kobol, over Cain. Not over some sniveling little shit like Gaius Frakking Baltar!’
She whipped around so she wouldn’t have to face him and starting pacing the length of the room.
Hold it together, hold it together.
She just had to push the rage down, deep down, control it, and then she’d be able to focus on what she needed to do.
How could he? How could he?
She was shaking. She wished she could blame the chamalla, but she knew that would be a lie.
Keep it together Roslin. Keep it together.
He came around the table and stood quietly in front of her.
‘Laura, are you ready to talk to me about what happened to you on New Caprica?’
‘I’ve told you - ’
‘Not the Fleet or Sam or Ellen or Kara or Saul. You.’
‘What happened to Saul and Kara and Sam and Ellen is part of what happened to me. People killed, people disappeared, people tortured. Arrested without charge, by masked policemen.’
People locked away in detention centres, held for days.
‘And I was helpless to stop it.’
He moved closer to her and stood, still as a statue. ‘Hit me.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ She turned away, wishing she could resume her pacing.
‘Seriously, Laura. Hit me.’
‘I’m not hitting the Admiral of the Fleet.’
‘Hit me.’
She growled, deep in her throat. Keep it together, Roslin, keep it together.
'What am I five? I’m not throwing a tantrum here, Bill.’
He stepped closer, moving deliberately into her personal space. ‘Hit me.’
‘UHHH.’ She went to shove him away, but he didn’t move. Keeping his eyes on hers, he moved closer.
‘Hit me.’
She was so angry. Keep it together, keep it together. She shoved him again, harder. If only he’d get out of her face. When he didn’t she punched him in the chest. If only he’d leave her alone. Suddenly she was hitting him, again and again, using his chest like a punching bag, hitting him over and over and over again. She didn’t realize she was crying, silently, violently, sobbing, until it was too late.
Pulling away, she resumed pacing, wrapping her arms around herself. Hold it together, hold it together.
She wiped her eyes angrily. ‘I don’t feel any better.’
Liar.
He caught up to her and forced her into his embrace. ‘I know.’
They stood in silence for a moment until she broke away, moving to the door.
‘Laura.’
She turned.
‘I could never break with you. I will never break with you. And you have never betrayed me. Even with regards to Kobol. It was always, will always, be you, and me, coming up together.’
She smiled wearily. ‘Even if it kills us?’
‘Maybe we’re coming up in body bags. But we’re coming up together.’
Her song, Time in particular, kept playing in my head, the chorus inspiring a series of drabbles. I'm not even sure I got the chorus right, but this is the way it sounds in my head. The following related drabbles don't have to be read in order, or even together, though that's the way they were written. I called the series Breathe, and the first installment, Leave Me Be, follows. I always wished they showed the continuation of that argument regarding Baltar...
Also, I stole my favorite line from the entire series and put it in here. Bonus points if you can find it.
Set between Crossroads and Six of One... (Spoilers as expected)
Disclaimer: All lyrics for Time belong to Sarah M. and BSG belongs to RDM. I own nothing. Thanks for letting me play...
Pairing: Adama/Roslin
Rating: G
Leave me be.
‘Madame President.’ Even though he hadn’t raised it, his voice echoed through the halls of the old battlestar, reaching her down the hall.
Damn, he could project when he wanted.
Keeping her face impassive, she turned to face him. At this point she was the only one, other than his fellow judges, who knew what he’d done. There was no point in starting new rumors of disunity among the Fleet leadership.
Keep it together Roslin.
She sighed. She had just hoped to be able to step away, just for just a few minutes.
‘Admiral.’
He looked at her, and she could see him, trying to read her mind. Keeping her face impassive, she forced out a fake smile.
Just get out of my face.
Instead he took her arm, and though it appeared courteous, she could feel the steel in his grip. She knew he saw through her façade. He always did. Leading her firmly down the hall, he ushered her into the Ward Room before turning to close the hatch. She watched him but kept standing, leaning against the boardroom table.
Fine, if that’s the way you want to play it. Let’s get this over with.
He looked at her quietly for a long moment. She focused on giving him nothing.
‘I thought we might finish our conversation from a moment ago.’
She heard his voice again in her head. ‘Not guilty is not the same as innocent.’
Her hands hurt. She glanced down and saw that her knuckles were turning white from gripping the edge of the table. Deliberately, she relaxed them.
‘I thought our respective positions were quite clear, Admiral.’
‘You’re upset regarding my failure to find Baltar guilty.’
‘Upset?’
‘Laur- Madame President, I meant what I said earlier. We have to focus on the future, on finding earth. We can’t get locked into our bitterness, our desire for vengeance. We have to move forward. You taught me that.’
‘Vengeance? I wanted justice. Not for me. Justice for the Fleet, for Saul, for Kara, for all of those people left behind on that rock, tortured and killed and slaughtered while Baltar watched.’
He grimaced. She knew he tried, but he never could understood what it was like, stuck there, completely at the mercy of the Cylons, prone to their capricious tinkering.
‘You said the prosecution failed to make its case. That’s because it focused on the wrong thing. It’s not that he surrendered when they occupied New Caprica. What did they have, four base ships? I would have surrendered too. Surrendering to overwhelming odds, that’s not dishonorable. That’s not treason. Collaborating with the enemy, helping to hunt down those who resisted, helping them beat us, detain us, torture us, kill us. That’s treason.
He helped them. I know it. I know it. You know it. You know what I saw, back on Caprica, before the attacks. You know what he did, here. You see what’s left of us.’
She heard her voice rising and tried to tamp it down.
‘How could you? How could you break with me over Baltar? Baltar!?! I know I’ve betrayed you, I know I’ve disappointed you, but that was over Kobol, over Cain. Not over some sniveling little shit like Gaius Frakking Baltar!’
She whipped around so she wouldn’t have to face him and starting pacing the length of the room.
Hold it together, hold it together.
She just had to push the rage down, deep down, control it, and then she’d be able to focus on what she needed to do.
How could he? How could he?
She was shaking. She wished she could blame the chamalla, but she knew that would be a lie.
Keep it together Roslin. Keep it together.
He came around the table and stood quietly in front of her.
‘Laura, are you ready to talk to me about what happened to you on New Caprica?’
‘I’ve told you - ’
‘Not the Fleet or Sam or Ellen or Kara or Saul. You.’
‘What happened to Saul and Kara and Sam and Ellen is part of what happened to me. People killed, people disappeared, people tortured. Arrested without charge, by masked policemen.’
People locked away in detention centres, held for days.
‘And I was helpless to stop it.’
He moved closer to her and stood, still as a statue. ‘Hit me.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ She turned away, wishing she could resume her pacing.
‘Seriously, Laura. Hit me.’
‘I’m not hitting the Admiral of the Fleet.’
‘Hit me.’
She growled, deep in her throat. Keep it together, Roslin, keep it together.
'What am I five? I’m not throwing a tantrum here, Bill.’
He stepped closer, moving deliberately into her personal space. ‘Hit me.’
‘UHHH.’ She went to shove him away, but he didn’t move. Keeping his eyes on hers, he moved closer.
‘Hit me.’
She was so angry. Keep it together, keep it together. She shoved him again, harder. If only he’d get out of her face. When he didn’t she punched him in the chest. If only he’d leave her alone. Suddenly she was hitting him, again and again, using his chest like a punching bag, hitting him over and over and over again. She didn’t realize she was crying, silently, violently, sobbing, until it was too late.
Pulling away, she resumed pacing, wrapping her arms around herself. Hold it together, hold it together.
She wiped her eyes angrily. ‘I don’t feel any better.’
Liar.
He caught up to her and forced her into his embrace. ‘I know.’
They stood in silence for a moment until she broke away, moving to the door.
‘Laura.’
She turned.
‘I could never break with you. I will never break with you. And you have never betrayed me. Even with regards to Kobol. It was always, will always, be you, and me, coming up together.’
She smiled wearily. ‘Even if it kills us?’
‘Maybe we’re coming up in body bags. But we’re coming up together.’