If only I had a gun to shoot happy faces into my wall.

[dr_composed]

Never have I felt more needless.

What am I doing, really? I don't have any reason to believe that anyone gives a damn what I think -- not that they don't care about me, just that they don't care to hear what I have to say. I have friends, but rarely are our conversations anything more than shallow. I have family, but God knows I'm not close to them

Comments

[shutupeccles]

Wow, did you type this directly from my brain or what?

Sometimes the only light in my life comes from the goofy stuff my sone say. For instance this recent conversation in a chip shop:

Eldest [to me]: I keep forgetting, is Hans Christan Anderssen the one who wrote the book of Mormon or the gay writer?

Youngest [to world in general]: What's a gay rider? How do you ride a gay?

Self and Eldest: O-o

hope it made you giggle, or at least go 'thank goodness those aren't my children'

[dr_composed]

Haha, that was good... XD I needed that.

[pywen]

Believe me, you are not the only one to feel like this. I too seem to be missing something, though I have yet to find out what it is. My family and friend links are not that strong (except maybe the one with my mother) and everything is, as you say, so gray that it's boring to look into the real world. I just dropped out of school with an unfinished collegial program, and I'm not sure I'm gonna go back to finish it on a later date. I have no interest in any kind of normal work, no interest in any kind of normal life and no interest in any kind of normal relationships. It is like what I am truly in need of doesn't exist anymore on Earth, and I am wilting away because of this. I have developped high laziness up to the point where anything that is not centered around my laptop sounds too lazy to me to bother with, and that includes going outside to do a simple walk around my block.

In this grey world where I have no goals to look foward to, my colourful self is slowly becoming devoid of colors altogether.