A Poem Revised

[dr_nabe]

(This is the original Poem

Comments

[silveroak]

I like the flow of the original much better and think it captures the eternal moment while you are in the moment best.

However, the revision captures how truly fleeting a moment is, and how it is but a blink of the eye in the scheme of things when viewed outside of the moment.

Better is defined as which point you wish to promote. I am one who likes to preserve moments and would dwell in the original more.

[dr_nabe]

Thank you for your comment.

[dr_nabe]

Thank you for your comment.