LJ Idol: Week 2

[draconic_rogue]

LJ Idol: Week 2
Three Little WordsSome people believe seven is a lucky and powerful number but I’ve always felt power was in the number three. People swear that good things come in threes or bad things come in threes. Or they’ll say death happens in threes or they always sneeze three times. There’s the trinity of Past, Present, and Future. There

Comments

[gandolforf]

Excellent entry.

[draconic_rogue]

Thank you. :)

[nodressrehersal]

This is a really strong piece, and certainly an intense story. I think you did a great job telling it.

I have two observations to offer.

1. In the 9th and 10th paragraph, you use "dead" (sleep) and "death" (alarm)as descriptors, but they're so close together it sort of negates the depth of what you're saying.

2. In the 10th, you say, "I woke up determined and telling myself that “I will live.” which actually sounds more like what the nurses expected - bravado - while your description here: "It wasn’t just confidence that things would work out, I truly felt like I knew things would be fine." seems more accurate, and intuitive, based on what you also describe later. I would rework that first sentence to convey your gut feeling when you woke up.

[draconic_rogue]

Thank you for the compliment and the critique. I'll have to rework those areas. :)

[sweeny_todd]

wow. full on stuff. I am glad that it all turned out ok!

[draconic_rogue]

Thank you! I'm glad for it too. :)

[n3m3sis42]

This was so engaging and well written. What a scary experience. I'm glad you made it through.

[draconic_rogue]

Thank you! It was very scary, but luckily, everything worked out in the end.

[basric]

A beautiful story.

[draconic_rogue]

Thank you! :)