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Process Essay: The Locked-Verse Revisited
I should have known it wasn’t over. I’d written my fic to prove that it was, indeed, possible to put Bruce in Arkham and make Dick Batman, and do so believably. That was all I’d set out to do. Then I moved on to another story and waited to see how DC was going to tackle things.
DC didn’t.
One Year Later, Dick was in New York with Jason and Cheyenne Freemont, and Bruce was back in Gotham, after a stint in Nanda Parbat.
Now, I was in a bind. You see, I’d put Bruce in a situation where he couldn’t just up and break out-not when his identity was publicly known-unless I wanted to revisit Bruce Wayne: Fugitive and have him completely cut all ties with everyone he’d ever known. And getting him out through proper channels was going to be sticky.
Getting Bruce discharged from Arkham meant that I was going to have to go into detail about his treatment program. I was going to have to write about his mental health in a way that wasn’t going to hit the offensive and painful clichés that canon frequently did-and continues to do. And I was going to have to show genuine IC character growth. I don’t have much of a psychology background. I took two courses in college (Intro and Theories of Personality). Realizing the scope that any sequel would require, quite honestly scared me.
Is it any wonder I took a year off to write Nightwing stories for DC2?
But the story wasn’t over. I did have readers asking for a sequel-even after I’d put an author’s note at the end declaring the ‘verse “open” for anyone else who might want to play in it. There were no takers. At least, if there were, I missed them.
And, after I’d done about seven installments of DC2 Nightwing, I was starting to think seriously about the “Locked-Verse.” Going back was still scary, but after a long break, it felt doable again.
And I was starting to visualize scenes.
There’d always been a couple floating at the back of my mind; scenes I knew I was going to write one day, even if I wasn’t entirely sure when or in what context. One involved Bruce calling Jim on the telephone when he was practically at the end of his rope and Jim talking him down. The other was a similar idea, only it involved Dick sitting next to Bruce with his arm around him. On their own? Not enough to build a fic around-at least not a multi-chaptered work, but it was a start.
And then... and then I listened to the Broadway soundtrack for the stage musical version of Disney’s The Lion King and found Endless Night, a song that wasn’t in the movie but just seemed so right for the story I was debating.
I began brainstorming.
Lost to the Night
Overview
In keeping with canon’s “One Year Later” concept, the story would begin one year after Bruce’s arrest, roughly eleven months after his arrival at Arkham. If he hadn’t broken out yet, it was because he still thought he deserved to be in Arkham-which meant that he was going to resist any possibility of getting released-because the phrase “blind-bat stubborn” was so invented for Bruce. The big problem was, I basically had him completely withdrawn. He hadn’t spoken a word since his arrival. When Dick came, he faced the wall. He was steadfastly doing his utmost to avoid anyone even suggesting that it might be time to think about releasing him.
That was Bruce’s frame of mind at the advent of Lost to the Night. As for the rest...
Well, right from the start, I knew that I wanted to get as far away from the Arkham portrayed in Shadow of the Bat’s “The Last Arkham” as possible. While I couldn’t give the Asylum a real-world makeover (which would have seen it as more of a hospital and less of a prison), I could, at the very least, avoid the cliché of an inmate wrapped in a straitjacket in a padded room 24x7. Security was going to be tight, of course. I had Bruce completely segregated from the other inmates, in lockdown, and in a cell that had a heavy steel door that locked with old-fashioned bolts. No locks to pick, no electronic keypads to override, and a four-orderly escort to his therapy sessions. No tools-not even cutlery. That didn’t mean a diet of stale bread and water, but it did mean finger-food. In other words, while I didn’t want a Victorian-style house of horrors, I certainly didn’t want Bruce to enjoy his stay. Arkham didn’t have to be a chamber of horrors. For Bruce-the control freak-to be stuck in a situation where he wasn’t in control of his life would be a torture all its own. I asked myself how he’d be able to stand it.
To my mind, it’s always been pretty clear that the reason Bruce pushes people away goes deeper than trying to “protect” them. If that were his main goal, he’d have given up the cape and cowl and spent the rest of his days stalking his family. Actually, it’s more about protecting himself. When he was a child, he trusted that two people who meant the world for him would always be there for him-and then they abandoned him. At the back of his mind, he’s sure that he’s at risk to lose anyone close to him. It’s going to happen. He can’t stop it. But he can-within limits-control it. After all, if he pushes everyone away, then, yes, they’re going to abandon him... but at a time of his choosing.
Best summed up: “If I hurt me, it’s better than if you hurt me, because, at least my way, I get to control when and how I get hurt.” Bruce thinks of it as kicking in his own sandcastles before a bully has the opportunity. When I was a kid, I can recall snapping my own pencils in half because I knew that certain mean kids were going to break them if I didn’t. Same idea.
So, Bruce isn’t looking to make his stay in Arkham lighter or shorter, because first, he thinks it’s where he belongs and second, if he doesn’t have privileges in the first place, he won’t miss them when they’re gone. When the story opens, Bruce’s apathy/uncooperative behavior has stripped him of most of the basic comforts he could theoretically enjoy in Arkham (lounge privileges, yard privileges, phone privileges). The one thing he has left is visitors-and someone-usually Dick-has been coming daily.
As for the rest of the cast...
Dick
Dick is Batman. It’s sort of an open secret. When Bruce’s identity was exposed in LITF, everyone realized that Dick had been Robin and was probably Nightwing. And even though he hasn’t come out and said he’s Batman, he realizes that people wonder. Some of the police-notably Commissioner Maggie Sawyer and Renee Montoya-do know the truth. Currently, Dick’s working at Wayne Enterprises in media relations as he tries to keep the city together.
Babs
Babs is doing her best to be supportive-and, for most of Lost to the Night, she succeeds. She carries a lot of guilt over not being there when Dick needed her (in the whole Devin Grayson teardown arc) and is trying to make up for it now. She and Dick move in together partway through LTTN.
Jim
Jim is going back and forth between blaming himself for the state that Bruce is now in, trying to be supportive, and wanting to give Bruce a good kick in the rear for shutting them all out.
Tim
Tim is in many ways, my attempt to face up to a weakness of my own. Specifically, when Tim sees someone that he cares for show no sign of improvement for months on end, he finds himself staying away more, because being there is too difficult. I went through something similar as a family member’s Alzheimer’s progressed. I had a million rationalizations, but I knew I should have been around more. I’m not saying that there was no canon justification for Tim’s actions. All the way back in Knightfall, when Bruce awoke from his coma and discovered that he’d been paralyzed, Tim’s response to Bruce’s low spirits was to tell Alfred that he couldn’t bear to see Bruce like that. At that stage in canon, Tim had recently lost his mother. His father had just been released from the hospital, but was on a respirator and in a wheelchair. Well... flash forward 3-4 years and Bruce has withdrawn into his own little shell. Tim is now a full orphan. He’s lost Spoiler and Darla Aquista. Oh, and his stepmother is believed dead in Chemo’s attack on Bludhaven-but they’ve never found a body. Yeah, it wasn’t unreasonable that Tim would be the one member of the family who would deliberately try to distance himself. With the Teen Titans based in San Francisco, he had the perfect excuse to go away to college.
Cass
Cass has her own story. She’s tackling her reading disabilities head-on, with a bit of help from Barbara. She’s in the story-but it’s fair to say that her “track” doesn’t merge with the main story until more than halfway through LTTN. On a coincidences-can-scare-you note, I’ll admit that, when I need to name a street, neighborhood, or OC, all things being equal, I’ll use the name of someone in comics. Often, I’ll just grab an issue at random, look at the cover, and pick a name. In LITF, Cornelius Stirk was holed up in the Mulvihill Plateau (named after colorist Trish Mulvihill). I’ve named an emergency room doctor after Bob Wiacek. And the specialist who is able to find a method that allows Cass to learn to read is a Doctor McLeod, after artist Bob Mcleod, who IRL has published SuperHero ABC. I only found that out later, honest!
Jeremiah
As for Jeremiah Akrham, I saw him as having some self-esteem issues, and a constant need to throw his weight around, proving that he was in control-and yes, it did hit me that this was exactly why he and Bruce would butt heads. They’re both control freaks. Jeremiah is, at his core, a weak pathetic specimen of one-but he actually has more power/control than Bruce in this situation. I view him primarily as a behaviorist. To him, everything is about positive and negative reinforcement-exactly the kind of control paradigm that would infuriate Bruce. And since Bruce isn’t about to play by any rules that Jeremiah might lay down, and since he feels that Arkham Asylum is where he deserves to be, Bruce is quite happy being miserable.
Alex
Next, we have Bruce’s doctor-an OC by the name of Dr. Alex Morgenstern. Why an OC? Well, I needed someone who wasn’t Jeremiah, was competent, could develop a rapport with Bruce, and wasn’t going to be cannon fodder or evil by story’s end. And, because I’ve found a lot of psychological insights in reading Jewish philosophy, and I wasn’t fully clear on what theories were taught in school versus what was life experience/common sense, versus what comes from an Orthodox Jewish upbringing, I gave him a religious Jewish background. I did worry a bit about having a Gary Stu, and maybe I was right to-but I didn’t see having a highly-competent OC doctor as a major hurdle when there just wasn’t anyone appropriate in canon. He was good at his job. And, when you get right down to it, would a Bruce who wasn’t trying to get released be convinced to change his ways by a semi-competent stuffed shirt? Now, Alex was a doctor. I left it at that. We never find out much about his life outside of Arkham, except that he’s married with a large family. He doesn’t immediately win Bruce’s sympathies because he, too, was orphaned at a young age. He’s not a secret vigilante. He doesn’t even have Montoya’s case of hero worship. He’s just a man who is very good at his job-and who’s smart enough to get Bruce to open up-when he’s good and ready.
Gotham OYL
Meanwhile, life outside of Arkham is marching on. Penguin and Calculator are working together to try to find out Oracle’s identity. Firefly wants to create a pyrotic spectacle. And Selina… has a daughter.
At the time that I brought Helena Kyle in, Pfeiffer had just stated that she was Sam Bradley’s, not Bruce’s. While, technically, I could have said, “Hey. That’s Pfeiffer’s spin. Here’s mine,” I didn’t feel right about unequivocally making her Bruce’s biological daughter. So I made it equivocal. Selina and Bruce had been together less than a week before his arrest. A couple of days after his arrest, Selina went out for a couple of drinks and had a one-night-stand with someone she’d met at the bar-someone who’d reminded her physically of Bruce. For the record, she didn’t consider her judgment impaired to the point of dub-con/non-con. She never had a paternity test done because she wanted to think that the baby was Bruce’s-and she had no intention of trying to get child support from him. Frankly, I thought that Bruce would probably be one of the last people to insist on knowing if Helena was his “real” daughter, since he already considered Dick and Jason to be his real sons. (Tim’s canon adoption happened OYL, and thus isn’t part of my AU.)
So, when the story opens, Bruce’s apathy has already cost him whatever small comforts he might have been permitted, such as time in the lounge or the yard, access to literature, etc. The one thing that he still has is visitors. By the end of the first chapter, Jeremiah is threatening to eliminate those as well.
Harsh? On the surface, definitely. Then again, it’s about the only thing remaining for Bruce that can be taken away-I really didn’t think that Jeremiah would throw Bruce in “the hole” for refusing to talk to his therapists. Still, that threat does shake Bruce out of his apathy. Not right away. Actually, Bruce initially sees this as an opportunity to make one last attempt to push his family away. Even if he kicks down that sandcastle a split-second before it was going to come down anyway, it’ll be a victory. Except that, when the chips are down, Bruce realizes that he can’t stop the visits-that they are important, and that they are worth fighting to keep. So, by the end of the second chapter, Bruce is resigned to working with Alex-who spends the first few sessions pretty much doing crossword puzzles.
Bruce looked around. There was no 'treatment couch'. Instead, in addition to the desk and swivel chair, the office contained a contemporary sofa upholstered in teal, with two matching armchairs, grouped around a double pedestal coffee table. On each side of the sofa, there was a well-appointed bookcase. Like the coffee table and desk, the wood had a cherry finish.
"You can take a book, if you'd like."
Bruce ignored the offer. He was too busy steeling himself for the ordeal ahead.
Alex didn't even glance up, so intent was he on his writing.
After a few moments of this, Bruce began to wonder. Was Alex deliberately trying to wear him down? He glanced at the desk. Something caught his eye and he leaned forward in angry disbelief. Alex was calmly filling out a crossword puzzle.
"What are you doing?"
Alex raised his eyes. "Trying to find a ten-letter synonym for 'prediction'. The fourth letter's a 'G'. Got any ideas?"
"What?"
"If you're bored, there's plenty of reading material on the shelves. Pick something."
He didn't sound sarcastic or insulting. If anything, his tone was downright friendly. Bruce frowned. Obviously, Alex was playing some sort of game, but what? Bruce slowly stood up and walked to the window. Hesitantly, he pushed aside the ersatz silk curtain. The window was barred, of course, but he could see the exercise yard, and the walls, and a bit of the fields beyond them. He could see the sky. He could see it all. He just couldn't go outside. Abruptly Bruce let the curtain fall back into place.
With a mental sigh, he sat down on the sofa, facing the desk, and waited for Alex to say something. He watched, as the doctor frowned and flipped the pages to the answers at the back of the book, then wrote some more. When he turned to a new puzzle, Bruce felt more than a little irritated. Finally, Alex looked up.
"Okay, time's almost up. I'll see you tomorrow."
Bruce gaped at him. "That's it?"
"Well, there are another three minutes to go, but yes, basically."
"You just sat here doing crossword puzzles for almost an hour and…"
Alex nodded. "Do you want to be here?" He asked.
"What?"
"If I wrote out your discharge papers today, would you want to go home?"
Bruce was silent.
"That's what I thought," Alex said. "Simply put: if you want to stay in Arkham, then there's no point in wasting my time or yours trying to get you well enough to leave. So, consider these sessions a chance for you to spend an hour in a different environment, and again, feel free to avail yourself of the reading material. Oh! You wouldn't by any chance know a nine-letter name of a songbird? Starts with 's' and the sixth and seventh letters are 'ch'?"
There was a light tap on the door. Alex smiled. "We're done," he called. "See you tomorrow, Mr. Wayne."
I will go on record saying that when I had to study “The Stone Boy“ in seventh grade, one thing the teacher said-which made enough of an impression to stay with me for over twenty years-was that, when the protagonist, Arnold, comes across as unfeeling, it’s not that he doesn’t feel anything-it’s that he feels so much-but he can’t figure out how to express it. This has always tied in with my impressions of Bruce at his most infuriating. I couldn’t resist having Bruce come across it. Actually, I wasn’t a fan of the Steinbeck novella we covered in junior high either, and I’ll admit to letting Bruce do a bit of venting for me.
The Plan
Well, as I mentioned, back when I did my first process essay, I tend to write multiparts in a half-planned/half-spontaneous way. I create an outline before I start a chapter, but I don’t plot out the whole story. I had a clear goal: get Bruce released from Arkham legitimately. Again, with his identity publicly known, escape wasn’t going to be in the cards unless Bruce decided to leave Gotham and sever all ties. And even then there would be suspicions. That doesn’t stop Bruce from breaking out once-that’s how I worked in the scene where Jim talks Bruce down. It’s a pivotal point, because it’s the first time that Bruce realizes that if he gets out, he won’t be able to just pick up where he left off.
So, when it sinks in that getting out is going to be a lot easier than staying out, he calls on Jim for help. He’d had a fight with Dick earlier-when he’d asked Dick to help him escape. Dick had refused.
Well, once Jim helped Bruce decide to return of his own volition, Bruce determined that if he had to go through channels to get released, then that was what he was going to do. He was back, and it was about time, too...
...Except he wasn’t. I couldn’t write him going from apathetic to desperate to back-to-normal, just because he said he was. He’d mentally shut himself up in a tiny box for over a year. He couldn’t suddenly pop out and not expect to have atrophied muscles.
In other words, about two chapters after Bruce’s great escape, right when I’d finally gotten him weekend passes away from Arkham, and he’d discovered his daughter-I realized two things.
I tried to figure it out. The story kept getting longer, as I brought him further along. I burned down Arkham and stuck him in the emergency room with smoke inhalation (where I have Dr. Wiacek appear). Tim came back, after being blasted/guilted into doing so by both Babs and Cassie Sandsmark. Cass discovered that she liked manga.
And as his hearing date loomed, Bruce got more and more apprehensive.
The reviewers started telling me that they wanted to see him showing some backbone. I sympathized, but the timing was wrong. A Bruce who had spent (by story’s end) nearly two years incarcerated, a Bruce who was forcing himself to play by someone else’s rules for what might have been the first time since he’d taken instruction from martial artists across the globe, simply wasn’t in a frame of mind to assert himself. And the thought of his being free again-walking in a world where his identity was common knowledge, unwelcome at the company he’d inherited-and, more importantly, returning to the manor where Alfred wasn’t waiting... Hell, yeah, he was scared.
Lost to the Night ends with Bruce’s release, and with a warning that, should he engage in vigilante activity while under the jurisdiction of the Gotham City Mental Health Authority (for at least the next 12 months), he’ll be back in custody. The way back is just beginning.
The Way Back
I needed another break. My writing was out of control. Lost to the Night had several chapters that ran over thirty pages. It was like “the updates that ate Cleveland,” or something. So, I joined dcu_freeforall and did a 50-prompt table to get back to compact writing. Batman RIP began as I neared the end of the table, and I wrote The Salem Protocol-another divergent AU. Then I went back to the “Locked” verse.
I still had no clue where to take Batman. I mean, I know I wanted him back in the cowl, but I couldn’t see a realistic way to get him there. He’d lost so much. He had a long readjustment ahead of him. I wasn’t even sure if he believed he’d be able to get back to the costume after a two-year hiatus. Normally, I don’t like to start a story if I don’t know how I want it to end. In this case, though, I decided to give it a shot...
Getting started
The story opens four days after Bruce’s release. He’s been staying with Dick and Babs, knowing that it’s temporary, and that he does need to go back to the manor. There’s a part of him that wants to take back his life, but there’s a bigger part that is tired, apprehensive, and able to admit that Dick’s been doing a good job looking after Gotham. He knows that he needs some time to readjust, and he isn’t looking to rush back into things.
Furthermore, with the certainty that if he’s detected being Batman during the next twelve months, he’ll be in Blackgate (remember, I’d just burned down Arkham. The inmates were temporarily in Gotham’s other secure facility), call it fear of getting caught; call it the realization that further incarceration is no longer an acceptable risk, since it’s no longer an abstract concept for him. Whatever it is, Bruce isn’t planning to get back to the cowl right away.
Dick, knowing the restrictions under which Bruce has to operate, is ready to go back to being Nightwing full time, partly because he doesn’t want Bruce to feel as if Dick is usurping the cowl, but also because he doesn’t want the police to keep stopping him to verify that he isn’t Bruce. It’s only when Bruce volunteers to call on GCPD for a few nights, to make it obvious that Bruce Wayne and Batman are in two different places, that Dick relents.
Meanwhile, Jim has moved into the caretaker’s cottage on the manor grounds. Nobody likes the idea of Bruce being alone, but Barbara doesn’t want him living with her and Dick, and she doesn’t want to move into the manor. Tim is still living in San Francisco (he and the TT relocate to Gotham pretty early in the story, but that’s still down the road). Cass has her satellite cave. And... meanwhile, Dodge turns up and starts “helping” out the Bats. Especially Cass.
As for Selina-I’m not happy with the way I treated her at the beginning. It had to do with a decision she made in canon and her reasons for doing so. Specifically, in canon, Selina gave up her daughter for adoption when she realized that she couldn’t keep her safe. And in Lost to the Night, I’d had her voice some real and valid concerns about how safe it would be to be seen in the company of the man publicly known to be Batman.
And so, at the beginning of The Way Back, Selina takes Helena and leaves Gotham for a few weeks. And then... she spends a good part of the fic going back and forth between leaving Helena with him and whisking her away. Bruce doesn’t fault her. Remember, this is the guy who pushes people away so they won’t get hurt. However, Selina’s comings and goings don’t help his trust issues.
The Players
Bruce
Right from the start, I wanted to show that, for Bruce, getting released was only step one.
First of all, he needs to continue meeting with Alex, as well as his social worker, Bryan Krait.
Second, he can’t be alone for more than 15 minutes at a time. Jim agrees to supervise him-with Bruce’s full approval. Along the lines of “If I have to have someone keeping tabs on me, at least, it won’t be a stranger.”
Third, his board of directors doesn’t want him back. While Bruce remains the majority shareholder, the board threatens to challenge his mental competency in court, should he try to assert any control. The matter could be tied up in court indefinitely, while Bruce would be under a microscope. At this juncture-particularly with Dick still working there, Bruce is prepared to accept the empty title of “President Emeritus” and stay away from PMWE.
A good part of the first few chapters just deals with Bruce getting used to things like remembering that when it’s time for sleep, he has to turn out the lights. Realizing that his gardens are choked with weeds. Discovering that his high-society friends now want nothing to do with him, and yes, that actually does hurt more than he thought it would.
At the back of his mind, he’s wondering whether his Arkham experience has “broken” him in some way... to the point where he actually injects himself with fear toxin to try to figure out if his biggest terror is now the thought of returning.
It’s not. But it does serve as an eye-opener. Bruce is usually pretty good at figuring out when he’s messed up, but this is the first time he realizes the full impact of his actions. Suffice to say that Dick gives him some well-deserved hell for it. Shortly after that, Bruce begins working out. He’s still not sure where he’s going, but (with apologies to E.B. White), he knows he’s heading in the right direction.
I wanted to show Bruce struggling to regain what he’s lost, and by-and-large, succeeding, but it’s not a steady progression. There are a number of setbacks, both major and minor, until we reach the end of this installment. And, just like I wasn’t really sure where Bruce was going to end up, he wasn’t sure either.
I’m not saying that writing without a clear objective in mind is a good thing. Usually, when I try to write that way for an extended period, I run out of steam in the middle. I think that had I had a better idea of where I was taking Bruce, the narrative would have been tighter. The focus would have been clearer. However, I’m not sure that Bruce’s doubts and fears would have been as believably portrayed.
There’s a reason I don’t write Murder She Wrote-style whodunnits: when I know who the killer is, it’s very hard for me not to tip my hand too much. It’s fine if we’re supposed to know who the killer is, and the thrill is in seeing if the good guys can catch them or find the evidence to make the charges stick. It’s not a problem if the audience isn’t supposed to test their wits and see if they can connect the clues. But if I know from the outset that it’s going to be Mrs. Peacock in the study with a candlestick, I’ll invariably make it too obvious.
Similarly, had I started writing the story knowing where Bruce was going to wind up, I don’t think I would have been able to tell it in a way in which the audience wouldn’t see it coming. Bruce wouldn’t have as many self-doubts or setbacks, because the writer borrowing his POV wouldn’t have those doubts. Bruce’s journey of discovery was mine, too. And in this case, it worked well. I still prefer the clear final objective, in general.
Dick
Dick has been the lynchpin of the family from the start. He’s had a support network. He’s instituted a “two-nights-on-one-night-off” rule, where every night, two members of the family are on patrol (between Dick, Cass and Tim, initially; then, later, Dick, Cass and Selina), while one takes a breather. If all he had to worry about was filling the cowl, he’d be fine. Unfortunately, he’s also dealing with:
He’s doing his best to cope, but he’s just got too much on his shoulders, even with the precautions and the support network.
Jim
...Is not Alfred. And believe me, it was tempting to push him into the role. And it didn’t help much that when I was talking to one of my betas about moving him onto the manor grounds, she was all “wait. You’re making him over into Alfred?” He has to keep an eye on Bruce. And, at least at first, Bruce doesn’t mind.
It’s not really OOC when you figure that, for two years, even when Bruce has been alone, he’s known that he was under surveillance. He’s had people around and he’s gotten used to it. Those who read Gotham Knights #17 recall that when Bruce was finally, really, truly alone, he was on the vid-phone pestering Oracle and then telling Aquaman he needed help getting his giant penny out the well! He wants to be alone-but at the same time, he wants people nearby in case he changes his mind.
I’d say that the biggest difference is, that when Bruce tries to get engrossed in his work (he’s helping out the police with cold cases, in addition to his workouts), Jim doesn’t stand for it. There’s one point where Helena is crying in the nursery, while Bruce is down in the cave working on the computers. When Jim points out that maybe he should give his daughter some attention, Bruce ignores him.
Then Jim unplugs the computer. I’m not sure Dick could have gotten away with that!
When the Kents visit the manor for Christmas, Jim and Martha bond over absent spouses. It’s not a whirlwind romance, so much as it is two people realizing that they enjoy each other’s company a good deal.
Jim is able to read Bruce the riot act in a way that Dick can’t. He also has a pretty good idea of when he can ignore some of Bruce’s chafing at restrictions, and when he needs to say something.
Barbara
Barbara understands something of what it’s like for Bruce to, on the one hand, want to go on with life as if everything is normal, but on the other hand, be painfully aware of how much has changed. At times, she can be sympathetic. At times, she can be openly resentful of the time that Dick spends heading out to the manor. The relationship isn’t perfect, but both she and Dick are committed to working on it.
Barbara also spends a fair amount of time mentoring Kid Devil after he loses his meta powers-a role Dick chooses for her, partly because Barbara has a way of taking people who’ve been thrown a curve and steering them in a new direction. (Pretty much her reasons for working with Black Canary and Huntress.)
The nature of her role sticks her backstage and on the sidelines, but wherever it’s possible for her to shine, I let her.
Tim
Back in Gotham now-Selina calls him in the first time she takes off with Helena, the first time. Shortly thereafter, the Teen Titans relocate to Gotham.
Tim does spend a lot of time angsting over his past-upset with himself for not being around, unable to let things go, even though Bruce is willing. He wants to be there now, but he’s not entirely sure how to be. So, he throws himself into his work and does his best not to let everyone down.
Cass
Of the entire family, I think I had the most fun with Cass. It started with her deciding that she wanted to do something with her downtime. She ended up volunteering at the same hospital where Bruce had been treated for smoke inhalation. And, while there, she strikes up a tentative friendship with Jeremiah Arkham-who has spent the last few months in ICU recovering from smoke inhalation complications far more severe than anything Bruce experienced.
She also resolves to get her GED-and Jeremiah has a part to play in that one too.
Cass isn’t put out by what people say to her-not when she can read what they mean. Over the course of the story, she develops a sort of blunt diplomacy that cuts through the noise and gets to the heart of the matter.
Helena
Helena goes from 15 to 22 months in this installment. She can be cute, clingy, whiny, willful... I guess if I had to have her explain herself in one sentence, it would be “I’m a baby being a baby!” Oh and Bruce is pretty much putty in her hands.
I did make a conscious effort to avoid the kidfic clichés. She doesn’t lisp her way through complete sentences. And as much as Bruce may be wrapped around her pinky, he doesn’t suddenly become the perfect dad. When she’s away from him for an extended period, it takes time for her to warm up to him. And she is VERY capable of throwing tantrums.
Selina
As stated above, she spends a good portion of the fic slipping in and out of Bruce’s life. However, she really is doing it with Helena’s safety in mind. So, when Joker pops into her apartment and spies the crib (Helena is at Bruce’s at the time), Selina decides to lie low, but leave Helena with Bruce-who has a better security system. Eventually, she moves into the manor. And, arguably, her concern for Helena is what starts the story moving toward the conclusion of this installment, and the beginning of Unrehearsable.
Finding the way back
Even when Bruce was in Arkham, he was assisting GCPD by going over the cold case files that Montoya shared with him. Upon his release, Commissioner Sawyer offered him a position training SWAT and other divisions. Bruce brushed her off. Then he got himself maneuvered into a situation that nearly got him shipped back to Arkham.
He and Jim were out running an errand. Bruce went to check on something and returned to find Jim being marched off at gunpoint. He followed, got Jim out, but also got recognized by the kidnapper. Although the DA’s office opted not to pursue the kidnapper’s accusations that Bruce had violated his parole, Sawyer turned up at the manor, the next day.
As soon as the door closed behind him, Maggie got to the reason for her visit. "Don't say anything before I say my piece," she said firmly. "Please, just hear me out. First, I wanted to let you know, in person, that the DA's office concluded this morning that there are no grounds to investigate Flass's allegations."
Bruce allowed a faint smile to surface. "That's g-"
"I said, hear me out," she interrupted. "Look. Off the record, I don't give a damn whether you were in violation or not. I don't know. I don't
need to know. But I will say this: if, hypothetically speaking, Flass's version of the facts was accurate, and if, hypothetically speaking, you had contacted us before you went in, I could have deputized you on the spot. If you had been closer to the scene than any of our units, I would have, without hesitation." She gazed levelly into his blue eyes. "You did good work out there, not so long ago. I know that, if you want to, you can again. And," she smiled ruefully, "if you decide that fieldwork is over for you, I really hope that you'll still consider the instructor position I offered you months ago. Think about it." The smile became a grin. "I just had to get that out once. Now, that I've said what I came here to say," she added, reaching down to pick her purse up from the floor, "I'll be off. Tell Jim, it was good to see him again, and please do be in touch."
Bruce isn’t in touch. Not for months. However, he does come to realize two things:
So, he agrees to the process. At least, he intends to. But there’s still one issue left to address: going through police training means passing all the requirements. It means a thorough background check. It means a psych evaluation. And it means passing all of the police academy requirements... including gun handling.
To be fair, Bruce tries. Before he decides to start the process, he goes down to the cave to work on that issue. To say it doesn’t go well is an understatement.
The exercise that he had set for himself was simple. Place fifteen rounds of ammunition in the magazine and load the magazine into the gun. Then, unload the magazine and remove the ammunition. Check the gun, and put it away. He'd shown Dick the loading protocols for numerous firearms years ago, early in their partnership.
"Are you sure about this?" Dick's voice rang with incredulity as he stared at the piece. "I thought you hated guns."
"But," he heard himself tell the ten-year-old. "I don't fear them. There's a big difference."
He scowled at the equipment on the table and reached for the box of rounds.
His hand froze.
What was wrong with him? He could do this. He'd taught Dick, hadn't he? True, that time it had been a Colt Anaconda, but it was still a gun. Back then, handling one hadn't been a problem. For a moment, Bruce considered unpacking the Colt and seeing whether that would be easier. He rejected the idea. The Colt was a revolver; the Beretta, a semi-automatic. He had to get comfortable-he cringed mentally-using a semi-automatic. He would need to demonstrate proficiency with one in order to pass the exam. And then the department would issue him one; to carry with him at all times. He took deep breath and looked at the Beretta once more. The Beretta, he couldn't help thinking, that David Cain had used to kill Vesper Fairchild. He never should have bought the thing in the first place, but worse, he never should have kept it afterwards. That night in the alley, the gun had also been a semi-automatic, although he hadn't realized it until years afterwards when he'd recognized it from a series of pictures of different firearms. The shape of the weapon that had taken his parents from him had been indelibly burned into his memory: a Beretta M1951.
He forced his attention back to the task at hand.
Load the rounds into the magazine. Load. The rounds. Into. The magazine.
His hand seemed to have a mind of his own. It hovered over the box of ammunition, but it would not lower.
With a snarl, he pushed his chair away from the table and turned to find Jim standing there.
It wasn’t going to be enough. I realized that about partway through the chapter. Getting deputized as a means to an end, getting deputized for Helena’s sake... if he could avoid the gun handling, it would be one thing. But as matters stood, there was no way that he was going to go through with this.
So... matters didn’t stand.
He dialed the commissioner's office.
"I've been waiting for your call since the broadcast started airing, Mr. Wayne. Given the circumstances, I'm prepared to give you considerable latitude. On the understanding that you follow through on what we've discussed previously, of course."
Bruce blinked in confusion. "I'm... sorry?"
There was a moment's pause. Then Commissioner Sawyer took a deep breath. "Turn on your television, Mr. Wayne. I believe that all the local stations are carrying the story. I'll hold."
Still puzzled, Bruce walked over to the computer array and pressed several buttons. He started as a blast of maniacal laughter shattered the quiet of the cave. Then his jaw dropped in angry disbelief as Joker's face gave way to the image of Harley Quinn standing next to a bound, bruised, and barely conscious Harrier. She was grinning broadly, both arms pointing toward the captive in a "ta-dah!" gesture.
"...That's right, folks!" Joker was saying, "I'll accept no substitutes. Unless the one real, original Bat-boob shows up within the next... oh... let's pick a number at random, say... forty-two hours, I'll wring this little bird's neck. HAHAHAHAHA!"
Bruce sucked in his breath. Tim. Joker had Tim.
...Bruce picked up the phone again. "I have to get there," he said tersely. "If anyone else tries-"
"No bat suit," Maggie replied crisply. "At least, nothing with an obvious bat insignia. I can't countermand the terms of your release. I can testify on your behalf at a hearing, but that won't keep you out of a holding cell until it convenes. Car and gadgets weren't mentioned in the judge's ruling last summer. Use what equipment you're comfortable with. And within ten days time," a hint of steel crept into her voice, "you will present yourself at the police academy, to take the required tests. If you fail any of them, you will enrol in the necessary courses. Classes begin the last week of February-contingent on your passing a psych evaluation, of course."
Something about Maggie's unruffled self-assurance rankled with him. As much as he wanted to agree and end the call, he heard himself counter, "And if I don't pass the psych eval?"
Maggie took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. "Then tonight is the last time that you will operate in this city with my sanction. I can't have a loose cannon on these streets. And I can't knowingly turn a blind eye to one going forward, either." As Bruce opened his mouth to reply, she continued, "Would you? If you were sitting behind my desk?"
That checked him. If he were trying to give someone a chance to do what they had done in the past, knowing all the while how badly it would reflect on him if things were to go wrong... And if the last time things went wrong, that same person had got thirty of my colleagues killed... He closed his eyes. Even if Sawyer's sole motivation in placing these stipulations was to cover her own... backside, it was reason enough. She wasn't his enemy. She was going as far as she could to help him, but he had to meet her the rest of the way.
He brought a hand to his forehead. The police academy. Testing. A psych profile. Guns... He pressed his lips together firmly. Enough. Tim needed him. He let out a long breath. "I accept your terms. Now, what information have your people garnered so far?"
And, just like that... the plot was back on track. But now, I had a new dilemma.
The fic might have started off slow, but it had built. It had hit peaks-Bruce injecting himself with fear toxin, Bruce rescuing Jim, Dick stopping a bio-terrorist threat and spending days unsure whether he’d been infected with smallpox-and it had hit valleys-reconciliation with Superman, a Jim Gordon/Martha Kent romance, quiet moments with Helena. However, once Bruce rescued Tim and beat Joker...
...There was no way that I was going to be able to sustain the fic’s momentum. Bruce was going to have a hard row to hoe just getting through the background investigation. And since I’d recently made the acquaintance of a support staffer with the San Jose PD-who was fact-checking my scenarios with her police colleagues, well, I wanted to show it all. But to do that, I’d need to start slow again and build up.
And The Way Back was now 39 chapters long, plus a prologue. There was no help for it. I needed to end this fic and start a fourth part.
...Which is where I am now. Bruce’s way back so far hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing, and it hasn’t brought him to where he thought it would. He’s in new territory, with a new rulebook, and no contingency plan-because he never envisioned this scenario in his wildest dreams.
I don’t usually name my chapters until they’re finished. When naming a fic, it’s a bit different-because the title sets the mood for the entire story, not just a piece of it. But it didn’t take me long to find a title for this part that pretty much summed up Bruce’s life from this point onward in one word (even if I suspect I made the word up!)
UNREHEARSABLE.
(Note: After I posted this essay, my beta advised me that the word "unrehearsable" had been in the OED since 1924. That didn't stop Word's spellcheck from redlining it.)
I should have known it wasn’t over. I’d written my fic to prove that it was, indeed, possible to put Bruce in Arkham and make Dick Batman, and do so believably. That was all I’d set out to do. Then I moved on to another story and waited to see how DC was going to tackle things.
DC didn’t.
One Year Later, Dick was in New York with Jason and Cheyenne Freemont, and Bruce was back in Gotham, after a stint in Nanda Parbat.
Now, I was in a bind. You see, I’d put Bruce in a situation where he couldn’t just up and break out-not when his identity was publicly known-unless I wanted to revisit Bruce Wayne: Fugitive and have him completely cut all ties with everyone he’d ever known. And getting him out through proper channels was going to be sticky.
Getting Bruce discharged from Arkham meant that I was going to have to go into detail about his treatment program. I was going to have to write about his mental health in a way that wasn’t going to hit the offensive and painful clichés that canon frequently did-and continues to do. And I was going to have to show genuine IC character growth. I don’t have much of a psychology background. I took two courses in college (Intro and Theories of Personality). Realizing the scope that any sequel would require, quite honestly scared me.
Is it any wonder I took a year off to write Nightwing stories for DC2?
But the story wasn’t over. I did have readers asking for a sequel-even after I’d put an author’s note at the end declaring the ‘verse “open” for anyone else who might want to play in it. There were no takers. At least, if there were, I missed them.
And, after I’d done about seven installments of DC2 Nightwing, I was starting to think seriously about the “Locked-Verse.” Going back was still scary, but after a long break, it felt doable again.
And I was starting to visualize scenes.
There’d always been a couple floating at the back of my mind; scenes I knew I was going to write one day, even if I wasn’t entirely sure when or in what context. One involved Bruce calling Jim on the telephone when he was practically at the end of his rope and Jim talking him down. The other was a similar idea, only it involved Dick sitting next to Bruce with his arm around him. On their own? Not enough to build a fic around-at least not a multi-chaptered work, but it was a start.
And then... and then I listened to the Broadway soundtrack for the stage musical version of Disney’s The Lion King and found Endless Night, a song that wasn’t in the movie but just seemed so right for the story I was debating.
I began brainstorming.
Lost to the Night
Overview
In keeping with canon’s “One Year Later” concept, the story would begin one year after Bruce’s arrest, roughly eleven months after his arrival at Arkham. If he hadn’t broken out yet, it was because he still thought he deserved to be in Arkham-which meant that he was going to resist any possibility of getting released-because the phrase “blind-bat stubborn” was so invented for Bruce. The big problem was, I basically had him completely withdrawn. He hadn’t spoken a word since his arrival. When Dick came, he faced the wall. He was steadfastly doing his utmost to avoid anyone even suggesting that it might be time to think about releasing him.
That was Bruce’s frame of mind at the advent of Lost to the Night. As for the rest...
Well, right from the start, I knew that I wanted to get as far away from the Arkham portrayed in Shadow of the Bat’s “The Last Arkham” as possible. While I couldn’t give the Asylum a real-world makeover (which would have seen it as more of a hospital and less of a prison), I could, at the very least, avoid the cliché of an inmate wrapped in a straitjacket in a padded room 24x7. Security was going to be tight, of course. I had Bruce completely segregated from the other inmates, in lockdown, and in a cell that had a heavy steel door that locked with old-fashioned bolts. No locks to pick, no electronic keypads to override, and a four-orderly escort to his therapy sessions. No tools-not even cutlery. That didn’t mean a diet of stale bread and water, but it did mean finger-food. In other words, while I didn’t want a Victorian-style house of horrors, I certainly didn’t want Bruce to enjoy his stay. Arkham didn’t have to be a chamber of horrors. For Bruce-the control freak-to be stuck in a situation where he wasn’t in control of his life would be a torture all its own. I asked myself how he’d be able to stand it.
To my mind, it’s always been pretty clear that the reason Bruce pushes people away goes deeper than trying to “protect” them. If that were his main goal, he’d have given up the cape and cowl and spent the rest of his days stalking his family. Actually, it’s more about protecting himself. When he was a child, he trusted that two people who meant the world for him would always be there for him-and then they abandoned him. At the back of his mind, he’s sure that he’s at risk to lose anyone close to him. It’s going to happen. He can’t stop it. But he can-within limits-control it. After all, if he pushes everyone away, then, yes, they’re going to abandon him... but at a time of his choosing.
Best summed up: “If I hurt me, it’s better than if you hurt me, because, at least my way, I get to control when and how I get hurt.” Bruce thinks of it as kicking in his own sandcastles before a bully has the opportunity. When I was a kid, I can recall snapping my own pencils in half because I knew that certain mean kids were going to break them if I didn’t. Same idea.
So, Bruce isn’t looking to make his stay in Arkham lighter or shorter, because first, he thinks it’s where he belongs and second, if he doesn’t have privileges in the first place, he won’t miss them when they’re gone. When the story opens, Bruce’s apathy/uncooperative behavior has stripped him of most of the basic comforts he could theoretically enjoy in Arkham (lounge privileges, yard privileges, phone privileges). The one thing he has left is visitors-and someone-usually Dick-has been coming daily.
As for the rest of the cast...
Dick
Dick is Batman. It’s sort of an open secret. When Bruce’s identity was exposed in LITF, everyone realized that Dick had been Robin and was probably Nightwing. And even though he hasn’t come out and said he’s Batman, he realizes that people wonder. Some of the police-notably Commissioner Maggie Sawyer and Renee Montoya-do know the truth. Currently, Dick’s working at Wayne Enterprises in media relations as he tries to keep the city together.
Babs
Babs is doing her best to be supportive-and, for most of Lost to the Night, she succeeds. She carries a lot of guilt over not being there when Dick needed her (in the whole Devin Grayson teardown arc) and is trying to make up for it now. She and Dick move in together partway through LTTN.
Jim
Jim is going back and forth between blaming himself for the state that Bruce is now in, trying to be supportive, and wanting to give Bruce a good kick in the rear for shutting them all out.
Tim
Tim is in many ways, my attempt to face up to a weakness of my own. Specifically, when Tim sees someone that he cares for show no sign of improvement for months on end, he finds himself staying away more, because being there is too difficult. I went through something similar as a family member’s Alzheimer’s progressed. I had a million rationalizations, but I knew I should have been around more. I’m not saying that there was no canon justification for Tim’s actions. All the way back in Knightfall, when Bruce awoke from his coma and discovered that he’d been paralyzed, Tim’s response to Bruce’s low spirits was to tell Alfred that he couldn’t bear to see Bruce like that. At that stage in canon, Tim had recently lost his mother. His father had just been released from the hospital, but was on a respirator and in a wheelchair. Well... flash forward 3-4 years and Bruce has withdrawn into his own little shell. Tim is now a full orphan. He’s lost Spoiler and Darla Aquista. Oh, and his stepmother is believed dead in Chemo’s attack on Bludhaven-but they’ve never found a body. Yeah, it wasn’t unreasonable that Tim would be the one member of the family who would deliberately try to distance himself. With the Teen Titans based in San Francisco, he had the perfect excuse to go away to college.
Cass
Cass has her own story. She’s tackling her reading disabilities head-on, with a bit of help from Barbara. She’s in the story-but it’s fair to say that her “track” doesn’t merge with the main story until more than halfway through LTTN. On a coincidences-can-scare-you note, I’ll admit that, when I need to name a street, neighborhood, or OC, all things being equal, I’ll use the name of someone in comics. Often, I’ll just grab an issue at random, look at the cover, and pick a name. In LITF, Cornelius Stirk was holed up in the Mulvihill Plateau (named after colorist Trish Mulvihill). I’ve named an emergency room doctor after Bob Wiacek. And the specialist who is able to find a method that allows Cass to learn to read is a Doctor McLeod, after artist Bob Mcleod, who IRL has published SuperHero ABC. I only found that out later, honest!
Jeremiah
As for Jeremiah Akrham, I saw him as having some self-esteem issues, and a constant need to throw his weight around, proving that he was in control-and yes, it did hit me that this was exactly why he and Bruce would butt heads. They’re both control freaks. Jeremiah is, at his core, a weak pathetic specimen of one-but he actually has more power/control than Bruce in this situation. I view him primarily as a behaviorist. To him, everything is about positive and negative reinforcement-exactly the kind of control paradigm that would infuriate Bruce. And since Bruce isn’t about to play by any rules that Jeremiah might lay down, and since he feels that Arkham Asylum is where he deserves to be, Bruce is quite happy being miserable.
Alex
Next, we have Bruce’s doctor-an OC by the name of Dr. Alex Morgenstern. Why an OC? Well, I needed someone who wasn’t Jeremiah, was competent, could develop a rapport with Bruce, and wasn’t going to be cannon fodder or evil by story’s end. And, because I’ve found a lot of psychological insights in reading Jewish philosophy, and I wasn’t fully clear on what theories were taught in school versus what was life experience/common sense, versus what comes from an Orthodox Jewish upbringing, I gave him a religious Jewish background. I did worry a bit about having a Gary Stu, and maybe I was right to-but I didn’t see having a highly-competent OC doctor as a major hurdle when there just wasn’t anyone appropriate in canon. He was good at his job. And, when you get right down to it, would a Bruce who wasn’t trying to get released be convinced to change his ways by a semi-competent stuffed shirt? Now, Alex was a doctor. I left it at that. We never find out much about his life outside of Arkham, except that he’s married with a large family. He doesn’t immediately win Bruce’s sympathies because he, too, was orphaned at a young age. He’s not a secret vigilante. He doesn’t even have Montoya’s case of hero worship. He’s just a man who is very good at his job-and who’s smart enough to get Bruce to open up-when he’s good and ready.
Gotham OYL
Meanwhile, life outside of Arkham is marching on. Penguin and Calculator are working together to try to find out Oracle’s identity. Firefly wants to create a pyrotic spectacle. And Selina… has a daughter.
At the time that I brought Helena Kyle in, Pfeiffer had just stated that she was Sam Bradley’s, not Bruce’s. While, technically, I could have said, “Hey. That’s Pfeiffer’s spin. Here’s mine,” I didn’t feel right about unequivocally making her Bruce’s biological daughter. So I made it equivocal. Selina and Bruce had been together less than a week before his arrest. A couple of days after his arrest, Selina went out for a couple of drinks and had a one-night-stand with someone she’d met at the bar-someone who’d reminded her physically of Bruce. For the record, she didn’t consider her judgment impaired to the point of dub-con/non-con. She never had a paternity test done because she wanted to think that the baby was Bruce’s-and she had no intention of trying to get child support from him. Frankly, I thought that Bruce would probably be one of the last people to insist on knowing if Helena was his “real” daughter, since he already considered Dick and Jason to be his real sons. (Tim’s canon adoption happened OYL, and thus isn’t part of my AU.)
So, when the story opens, Bruce’s apathy has already cost him whatever small comforts he might have been permitted, such as time in the lounge or the yard, access to literature, etc. The one thing that he still has is visitors. By the end of the first chapter, Jeremiah is threatening to eliminate those as well.
Harsh? On the surface, definitely. Then again, it’s about the only thing remaining for Bruce that can be taken away-I really didn’t think that Jeremiah would throw Bruce in “the hole” for refusing to talk to his therapists. Still, that threat does shake Bruce out of his apathy. Not right away. Actually, Bruce initially sees this as an opportunity to make one last attempt to push his family away. Even if he kicks down that sandcastle a split-second before it was going to come down anyway, it’ll be a victory. Except that, when the chips are down, Bruce realizes that he can’t stop the visits-that they are important, and that they are worth fighting to keep. So, by the end of the second chapter, Bruce is resigned to working with Alex-who spends the first few sessions pretty much doing crossword puzzles.
Bruce looked around. There was no 'treatment couch'. Instead, in addition to the desk and swivel chair, the office contained a contemporary sofa upholstered in teal, with two matching armchairs, grouped around a double pedestal coffee table. On each side of the sofa, there was a well-appointed bookcase. Like the coffee table and desk, the wood had a cherry finish.
"You can take a book, if you'd like."
Bruce ignored the offer. He was too busy steeling himself for the ordeal ahead.
Alex didn't even glance up, so intent was he on his writing.
After a few moments of this, Bruce began to wonder. Was Alex deliberately trying to wear him down? He glanced at the desk. Something caught his eye and he leaned forward in angry disbelief. Alex was calmly filling out a crossword puzzle.
"What are you doing?"
Alex raised his eyes. "Trying to find a ten-letter synonym for 'prediction'. The fourth letter's a 'G'. Got any ideas?"
"What?"
"If you're bored, there's plenty of reading material on the shelves. Pick something."
He didn't sound sarcastic or insulting. If anything, his tone was downright friendly. Bruce frowned. Obviously, Alex was playing some sort of game, but what? Bruce slowly stood up and walked to the window. Hesitantly, he pushed aside the ersatz silk curtain. The window was barred, of course, but he could see the exercise yard, and the walls, and a bit of the fields beyond them. He could see the sky. He could see it all. He just couldn't go outside. Abruptly Bruce let the curtain fall back into place.
With a mental sigh, he sat down on the sofa, facing the desk, and waited for Alex to say something. He watched, as the doctor frowned and flipped the pages to the answers at the back of the book, then wrote some more. When he turned to a new puzzle, Bruce felt more than a little irritated. Finally, Alex looked up.
"Okay, time's almost up. I'll see you tomorrow."
Bruce gaped at him. "That's it?"
"Well, there are another three minutes to go, but yes, basically."
"You just sat here doing crossword puzzles for almost an hour and…"
Alex nodded. "Do you want to be here?" He asked.
"What?"
"If I wrote out your discharge papers today, would you want to go home?"
Bruce was silent.
"That's what I thought," Alex said. "Simply put: if you want to stay in Arkham, then there's no point in wasting my time or yours trying to get you well enough to leave. So, consider these sessions a chance for you to spend an hour in a different environment, and again, feel free to avail yourself of the reading material. Oh! You wouldn't by any chance know a nine-letter name of a songbird? Starts with 's' and the sixth and seventh letters are 'ch'?"
There was a light tap on the door. Alex smiled. "We're done," he called. "See you tomorrow, Mr. Wayne."
I will go on record saying that when I had to study “The Stone Boy“ in seventh grade, one thing the teacher said-which made enough of an impression to stay with me for over twenty years-was that, when the protagonist, Arnold, comes across as unfeeling, it’s not that he doesn’t feel anything-it’s that he feels so much-but he can’t figure out how to express it. This has always tied in with my impressions of Bruce at his most infuriating. I couldn’t resist having Bruce come across it. Actually, I wasn’t a fan of the Steinbeck novella we covered in junior high either, and I’ll admit to letting Bruce do a bit of venting for me.
The Plan
Well, as I mentioned, back when I did my first process essay, I tend to write multiparts in a half-planned/half-spontaneous way. I create an outline before I start a chapter, but I don’t plot out the whole story. I had a clear goal: get Bruce released from Arkham legitimately. Again, with his identity publicly known, escape wasn’t going to be in the cards unless Bruce decided to leave Gotham and sever all ties. And even then there would be suspicions. That doesn’t stop Bruce from breaking out once-that’s how I worked in the scene where Jim talks Bruce down. It’s a pivotal point, because it’s the first time that Bruce realizes that if he gets out, he won’t be able to just pick up where he left off.
- Like I just mentioned, his identity is known. This means that the police will be treating him as a fugitive, no matter what costume he may or may not choose to wear. Unless he were to decide to permanently lose the Kevlar and retire to some place with no extradition treaty, or get a completely new identity and spend the rest of his days living anonymously and looking over his shoulder, he’s going to have to go through the system.
- Even if friends and family are willing to hide him, he’ll be basically exchanging one prison for another and casting the people around him as jailors.
- His company has pointedly renamed itself as Patrick Morgan Wayne Enterprises (PMWE) in an attempt to distance themselves from Bruce.
- There’s always construction and renovation going on in the city. After over a year, enough has changed that he no longer recognizes it as well as he thought he did.
- He doesn’t have access to any of his financial resources beyond his emergency cash stashes-which will last him for a time, but when they dry up, he won’t be able to get more without alerting the authorities to his whereabouts.
- The JLA has disbanded. Back in Aquaman #1 (the series that started with Orin banished from Atlantis), it was made clear that the JLA had some sort of emergency assistance program in case a Leaguer suddenly found themself stranded. I figured that Bruce probably would have bankrolled something like that-but in any case, there wasn’t anyone he was going to risk calling given the mindwiping and the fact that he’d resigned.
So, when it sinks in that getting out is going to be a lot easier than staying out, he calls on Jim for help. He’d had a fight with Dick earlier-when he’d asked Dick to help him escape. Dick had refused.
Well, once Jim helped Bruce decide to return of his own volition, Bruce determined that if he had to go through channels to get released, then that was what he was going to do. He was back, and it was about time, too...
...Except he wasn’t. I couldn’t write him going from apathetic to desperate to back-to-normal, just because he said he was. He’d mentally shut himself up in a tiny box for over a year. He couldn’t suddenly pop out and not expect to have atrophied muscles.
In other words, about two chapters after Bruce’s great escape, right when I’d finally gotten him weekend passes away from Arkham, and he’d discovered his daughter-I realized two things.
- There was going to be a Part 3 to this AU, in which Bruce attempts to rebuild his life after his release.
- I had no freaking clue whether he’d ever be able to return to the cowl, after this.
I tried to figure it out. The story kept getting longer, as I brought him further along. I burned down Arkham and stuck him in the emergency room with smoke inhalation (where I have Dr. Wiacek appear). Tim came back, after being blasted/guilted into doing so by both Babs and Cassie Sandsmark. Cass discovered that she liked manga.
And as his hearing date loomed, Bruce got more and more apprehensive.
The reviewers started telling me that they wanted to see him showing some backbone. I sympathized, but the timing was wrong. A Bruce who had spent (by story’s end) nearly two years incarcerated, a Bruce who was forcing himself to play by someone else’s rules for what might have been the first time since he’d taken instruction from martial artists across the globe, simply wasn’t in a frame of mind to assert himself. And the thought of his being free again-walking in a world where his identity was common knowledge, unwelcome at the company he’d inherited-and, more importantly, returning to the manor where Alfred wasn’t waiting... Hell, yeah, he was scared.
Lost to the Night ends with Bruce’s release, and with a warning that, should he engage in vigilante activity while under the jurisdiction of the Gotham City Mental Health Authority (for at least the next 12 months), he’ll be back in custody. The way back is just beginning.
The Way Back
I needed another break. My writing was out of control. Lost to the Night had several chapters that ran over thirty pages. It was like “the updates that ate Cleveland,” or something. So, I joined dcu_freeforall and did a 50-prompt table to get back to compact writing. Batman RIP began as I neared the end of the table, and I wrote The Salem Protocol-another divergent AU. Then I went back to the “Locked” verse.
I still had no clue where to take Batman. I mean, I know I wanted him back in the cowl, but I couldn’t see a realistic way to get him there. He’d lost so much. He had a long readjustment ahead of him. I wasn’t even sure if he believed he’d be able to get back to the costume after a two-year hiatus. Normally, I don’t like to start a story if I don’t know how I want it to end. In this case, though, I decided to give it a shot...
Getting started
The story opens four days after Bruce’s release. He’s been staying with Dick and Babs, knowing that it’s temporary, and that he does need to go back to the manor. There’s a part of him that wants to take back his life, but there’s a bigger part that is tired, apprehensive, and able to admit that Dick’s been doing a good job looking after Gotham. He knows that he needs some time to readjust, and he isn’t looking to rush back into things.
Furthermore, with the certainty that if he’s detected being Batman during the next twelve months, he’ll be in Blackgate (remember, I’d just burned down Arkham. The inmates were temporarily in Gotham’s other secure facility), call it fear of getting caught; call it the realization that further incarceration is no longer an acceptable risk, since it’s no longer an abstract concept for him. Whatever it is, Bruce isn’t planning to get back to the cowl right away.
Dick, knowing the restrictions under which Bruce has to operate, is ready to go back to being Nightwing full time, partly because he doesn’t want Bruce to feel as if Dick is usurping the cowl, but also because he doesn’t want the police to keep stopping him to verify that he isn’t Bruce. It’s only when Bruce volunteers to call on GCPD for a few nights, to make it obvious that Bruce Wayne and Batman are in two different places, that Dick relents.
Meanwhile, Jim has moved into the caretaker’s cottage on the manor grounds. Nobody likes the idea of Bruce being alone, but Barbara doesn’t want him living with her and Dick, and she doesn’t want to move into the manor. Tim is still living in San Francisco (he and the TT relocate to Gotham pretty early in the story, but that’s still down the road). Cass has her satellite cave. And... meanwhile, Dodge turns up and starts “helping” out the Bats. Especially Cass.
As for Selina-I’m not happy with the way I treated her at the beginning. It had to do with a decision she made in canon and her reasons for doing so. Specifically, in canon, Selina gave up her daughter for adoption when she realized that she couldn’t keep her safe. And in Lost to the Night, I’d had her voice some real and valid concerns about how safe it would be to be seen in the company of the man publicly known to be Batman.
And so, at the beginning of The Way Back, Selina takes Helena and leaves Gotham for a few weeks. And then... she spends a good part of the fic going back and forth between leaving Helena with him and whisking her away. Bruce doesn’t fault her. Remember, this is the guy who pushes people away so they won’t get hurt. However, Selina’s comings and goings don’t help his trust issues.
The Players
Bruce
Right from the start, I wanted to show that, for Bruce, getting released was only step one.
First of all, he needs to continue meeting with Alex, as well as his social worker, Bryan Krait.
Second, he can’t be alone for more than 15 minutes at a time. Jim agrees to supervise him-with Bruce’s full approval. Along the lines of “If I have to have someone keeping tabs on me, at least, it won’t be a stranger.”
Third, his board of directors doesn’t want him back. While Bruce remains the majority shareholder, the board threatens to challenge his mental competency in court, should he try to assert any control. The matter could be tied up in court indefinitely, while Bruce would be under a microscope. At this juncture-particularly with Dick still working there, Bruce is prepared to accept the empty title of “President Emeritus” and stay away from PMWE.
A good part of the first few chapters just deals with Bruce getting used to things like remembering that when it’s time for sleep, he has to turn out the lights. Realizing that his gardens are choked with weeds. Discovering that his high-society friends now want nothing to do with him, and yes, that actually does hurt more than he thought it would.
At the back of his mind, he’s wondering whether his Arkham experience has “broken” him in some way... to the point where he actually injects himself with fear toxin to try to figure out if his biggest terror is now the thought of returning.
It’s not. But it does serve as an eye-opener. Bruce is usually pretty good at figuring out when he’s messed up, but this is the first time he realizes the full impact of his actions. Suffice to say that Dick gives him some well-deserved hell for it. Shortly after that, Bruce begins working out. He’s still not sure where he’s going, but (with apologies to E.B. White), he knows he’s heading in the right direction.
I wanted to show Bruce struggling to regain what he’s lost, and by-and-large, succeeding, but it’s not a steady progression. There are a number of setbacks, both major and minor, until we reach the end of this installment. And, just like I wasn’t really sure where Bruce was going to end up, he wasn’t sure either.
I’m not saying that writing without a clear objective in mind is a good thing. Usually, when I try to write that way for an extended period, I run out of steam in the middle. I think that had I had a better idea of where I was taking Bruce, the narrative would have been tighter. The focus would have been clearer. However, I’m not sure that Bruce’s doubts and fears would have been as believably portrayed.
There’s a reason I don’t write Murder She Wrote-style whodunnits: when I know who the killer is, it’s very hard for me not to tip my hand too much. It’s fine if we’re supposed to know who the killer is, and the thrill is in seeing if the good guys can catch them or find the evidence to make the charges stick. It’s not a problem if the audience isn’t supposed to test their wits and see if they can connect the clues. But if I know from the outset that it’s going to be Mrs. Peacock in the study with a candlestick, I’ll invariably make it too obvious.
Similarly, had I started writing the story knowing where Bruce was going to wind up, I don’t think I would have been able to tell it in a way in which the audience wouldn’t see it coming. Bruce wouldn’t have as many self-doubts or setbacks, because the writer borrowing his POV wouldn’t have those doubts. Bruce’s journey of discovery was mine, too. And in this case, it worked well. I still prefer the clear final objective, in general.
Dick
Dick has been the lynchpin of the family from the start. He’s had a support network. He’s instituted a “two-nights-on-one-night-off” rule, where every night, two members of the family are on patrol (between Dick, Cass and Tim, initially; then, later, Dick, Cass and Selina), while one takes a breather. If all he had to worry about was filling the cowl, he’d be fine. Unfortunately, he’s also dealing with:
- Worries over Bruce
- Trying to be mentor/big brother to Tim and Cass
- Working on his relationship with Babs
- A new position at Wayne Enterprises
- The appearance of Dodge, who “just wants to help!”
He’s doing his best to cope, but he’s just got too much on his shoulders, even with the precautions and the support network.
Jim
...Is not Alfred. And believe me, it was tempting to push him into the role. And it didn’t help much that when I was talking to one of my betas about moving him onto the manor grounds, she was all “wait. You’re making him over into Alfred?” He has to keep an eye on Bruce. And, at least at first, Bruce doesn’t mind.
It’s not really OOC when you figure that, for two years, even when Bruce has been alone, he’s known that he was under surveillance. He’s had people around and he’s gotten used to it. Those who read Gotham Knights #17 recall that when Bruce was finally, really, truly alone, he was on the vid-phone pestering Oracle and then telling Aquaman he needed help getting his giant penny out the well! He wants to be alone-but at the same time, he wants people nearby in case he changes his mind.
I’d say that the biggest difference is, that when Bruce tries to get engrossed in his work (he’s helping out the police with cold cases, in addition to his workouts), Jim doesn’t stand for it. There’s one point where Helena is crying in the nursery, while Bruce is down in the cave working on the computers. When Jim points out that maybe he should give his daughter some attention, Bruce ignores him.
Then Jim unplugs the computer. I’m not sure Dick could have gotten away with that!
When the Kents visit the manor for Christmas, Jim and Martha bond over absent spouses. It’s not a whirlwind romance, so much as it is two people realizing that they enjoy each other’s company a good deal.
Jim is able to read Bruce the riot act in a way that Dick can’t. He also has a pretty good idea of when he can ignore some of Bruce’s chafing at restrictions, and when he needs to say something.
Barbara
Barbara understands something of what it’s like for Bruce to, on the one hand, want to go on with life as if everything is normal, but on the other hand, be painfully aware of how much has changed. At times, she can be sympathetic. At times, she can be openly resentful of the time that Dick spends heading out to the manor. The relationship isn’t perfect, but both she and Dick are committed to working on it.
Barbara also spends a fair amount of time mentoring Kid Devil after he loses his meta powers-a role Dick chooses for her, partly because Barbara has a way of taking people who’ve been thrown a curve and steering them in a new direction. (Pretty much her reasons for working with Black Canary and Huntress.)
The nature of her role sticks her backstage and on the sidelines, but wherever it’s possible for her to shine, I let her.
Tim
Back in Gotham now-Selina calls him in the first time she takes off with Helena, the first time. Shortly thereafter, the Teen Titans relocate to Gotham.
Tim does spend a lot of time angsting over his past-upset with himself for not being around, unable to let things go, even though Bruce is willing. He wants to be there now, but he’s not entirely sure how to be. So, he throws himself into his work and does his best not to let everyone down.
Cass
Of the entire family, I think I had the most fun with Cass. It started with her deciding that she wanted to do something with her downtime. She ended up volunteering at the same hospital where Bruce had been treated for smoke inhalation. And, while there, she strikes up a tentative friendship with Jeremiah Arkham-who has spent the last few months in ICU recovering from smoke inhalation complications far more severe than anything Bruce experienced.
She also resolves to get her GED-and Jeremiah has a part to play in that one too.
Cass isn’t put out by what people say to her-not when she can read what they mean. Over the course of the story, she develops a sort of blunt diplomacy that cuts through the noise and gets to the heart of the matter.
Helena
Helena goes from 15 to 22 months in this installment. She can be cute, clingy, whiny, willful... I guess if I had to have her explain herself in one sentence, it would be “I’m a baby being a baby!” Oh and Bruce is pretty much putty in her hands.
I did make a conscious effort to avoid the kidfic clichés. She doesn’t lisp her way through complete sentences. And as much as Bruce may be wrapped around her pinky, he doesn’t suddenly become the perfect dad. When she’s away from him for an extended period, it takes time for her to warm up to him. And she is VERY capable of throwing tantrums.
Selina
As stated above, she spends a good portion of the fic slipping in and out of Bruce’s life. However, she really is doing it with Helena’s safety in mind. So, when Joker pops into her apartment and spies the crib (Helena is at Bruce’s at the time), Selina decides to lie low, but leave Helena with Bruce-who has a better security system. Eventually, she moves into the manor. And, arguably, her concern for Helena is what starts the story moving toward the conclusion of this installment, and the beginning of Unrehearsable.
Finding the way back
Even when Bruce was in Arkham, he was assisting GCPD by going over the cold case files that Montoya shared with him. Upon his release, Commissioner Sawyer offered him a position training SWAT and other divisions. Bruce brushed her off. Then he got himself maneuvered into a situation that nearly got him shipped back to Arkham.
He and Jim were out running an errand. Bruce went to check on something and returned to find Jim being marched off at gunpoint. He followed, got Jim out, but also got recognized by the kidnapper. Although the DA’s office opted not to pursue the kidnapper’s accusations that Bruce had violated his parole, Sawyer turned up at the manor, the next day.
As soon as the door closed behind him, Maggie got to the reason for her visit. "Don't say anything before I say my piece," she said firmly. "Please, just hear me out. First, I wanted to let you know, in person, that the DA's office concluded this morning that there are no grounds to investigate Flass's allegations."
Bruce allowed a faint smile to surface. "That's g-"
"I said, hear me out," she interrupted. "Look. Off the record, I don't give a damn whether you were in violation or not. I don't know. I don't
need to know. But I will say this: if, hypothetically speaking, Flass's version of the facts was accurate, and if, hypothetically speaking, you had contacted us before you went in, I could have deputized you on the spot. If you had been closer to the scene than any of our units, I would have, without hesitation." She gazed levelly into his blue eyes. "You did good work out there, not so long ago. I know that, if you want to, you can again. And," she smiled ruefully, "if you decide that fieldwork is over for you, I really hope that you'll still consider the instructor position I offered you months ago. Think about it." The smile became a grin. "I just had to get that out once. Now, that I've said what I came here to say," she added, reaching down to pick her purse up from the floor, "I'll be off. Tell Jim, it was good to see him again, and please do be in touch."
Bruce isn’t in touch. Not for months. However, he does come to realize two things:
- He wants to return to the cowl.
- This time, he needs official sanction. Without police approval, his time in Arkham will count against him in the eyes of the general public. Not to mention that he’s leaving himself wide open for assault charges, etc. If he goes through police training-including a psych evaluation, it’ll look better for him. And he doesn’t want Helena to have a father who’s spending most of his time trying to stay clear of the law.
So, he agrees to the process. At least, he intends to. But there’s still one issue left to address: going through police training means passing all the requirements. It means a thorough background check. It means a psych evaluation. And it means passing all of the police academy requirements... including gun handling.
To be fair, Bruce tries. Before he decides to start the process, he goes down to the cave to work on that issue. To say it doesn’t go well is an understatement.
The exercise that he had set for himself was simple. Place fifteen rounds of ammunition in the magazine and load the magazine into the gun. Then, unload the magazine and remove the ammunition. Check the gun, and put it away. He'd shown Dick the loading protocols for numerous firearms years ago, early in their partnership.
"Are you sure about this?" Dick's voice rang with incredulity as he stared at the piece. "I thought you hated guns."
"But," he heard himself tell the ten-year-old. "I don't fear them. There's a big difference."
He scowled at the equipment on the table and reached for the box of rounds.
His hand froze.
What was wrong with him? He could do this. He'd taught Dick, hadn't he? True, that time it had been a Colt Anaconda, but it was still a gun. Back then, handling one hadn't been a problem. For a moment, Bruce considered unpacking the Colt and seeing whether that would be easier. He rejected the idea. The Colt was a revolver; the Beretta, a semi-automatic. He had to get comfortable-he cringed mentally-using a semi-automatic. He would need to demonstrate proficiency with one in order to pass the exam. And then the department would issue him one; to carry with him at all times. He took deep breath and looked at the Beretta once more. The Beretta, he couldn't help thinking, that David Cain had used to kill Vesper Fairchild. He never should have bought the thing in the first place, but worse, he never should have kept it afterwards. That night in the alley, the gun had also been a semi-automatic, although he hadn't realized it until years afterwards when he'd recognized it from a series of pictures of different firearms. The shape of the weapon that had taken his parents from him had been indelibly burned into his memory: a Beretta M1951.
He forced his attention back to the task at hand.
Load the rounds into the magazine. Load. The rounds. Into. The magazine.
His hand seemed to have a mind of his own. It hovered over the box of ammunition, but it would not lower.
With a snarl, he pushed his chair away from the table and turned to find Jim standing there.
It wasn’t going to be enough. I realized that about partway through the chapter. Getting deputized as a means to an end, getting deputized for Helena’s sake... if he could avoid the gun handling, it would be one thing. But as matters stood, there was no way that he was going to go through with this.
So... matters didn’t stand.
He dialed the commissioner's office.
"I've been waiting for your call since the broadcast started airing, Mr. Wayne. Given the circumstances, I'm prepared to give you considerable latitude. On the understanding that you follow through on what we've discussed previously, of course."
Bruce blinked in confusion. "I'm... sorry?"
There was a moment's pause. Then Commissioner Sawyer took a deep breath. "Turn on your television, Mr. Wayne. I believe that all the local stations are carrying the story. I'll hold."
Still puzzled, Bruce walked over to the computer array and pressed several buttons. He started as a blast of maniacal laughter shattered the quiet of the cave. Then his jaw dropped in angry disbelief as Joker's face gave way to the image of Harley Quinn standing next to a bound, bruised, and barely conscious Harrier. She was grinning broadly, both arms pointing toward the captive in a "ta-dah!" gesture.
"...That's right, folks!" Joker was saying, "I'll accept no substitutes. Unless the one real, original Bat-boob shows up within the next... oh... let's pick a number at random, say... forty-two hours, I'll wring this little bird's neck. HAHAHAHAHA!"
Bruce sucked in his breath. Tim. Joker had Tim.
...Bruce picked up the phone again. "I have to get there," he said tersely. "If anyone else tries-"
"No bat suit," Maggie replied crisply. "At least, nothing with an obvious bat insignia. I can't countermand the terms of your release. I can testify on your behalf at a hearing, but that won't keep you out of a holding cell until it convenes. Car and gadgets weren't mentioned in the judge's ruling last summer. Use what equipment you're comfortable with. And within ten days time," a hint of steel crept into her voice, "you will present yourself at the police academy, to take the required tests. If you fail any of them, you will enrol in the necessary courses. Classes begin the last week of February-contingent on your passing a psych evaluation, of course."
Something about Maggie's unruffled self-assurance rankled with him. As much as he wanted to agree and end the call, he heard himself counter, "And if I don't pass the psych eval?"
Maggie took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. "Then tonight is the last time that you will operate in this city with my sanction. I can't have a loose cannon on these streets. And I can't knowingly turn a blind eye to one going forward, either." As Bruce opened his mouth to reply, she continued, "Would you? If you were sitting behind my desk?"
That checked him. If he were trying to give someone a chance to do what they had done in the past, knowing all the while how badly it would reflect on him if things were to go wrong... And if the last time things went wrong, that same person had got thirty of my colleagues killed... He closed his eyes. Even if Sawyer's sole motivation in placing these stipulations was to cover her own... backside, it was reason enough. She wasn't his enemy. She was going as far as she could to help him, but he had to meet her the rest of the way.
He brought a hand to his forehead. The police academy. Testing. A psych profile. Guns... He pressed his lips together firmly. Enough. Tim needed him. He let out a long breath. "I accept your terms. Now, what information have your people garnered so far?"
And, just like that... the plot was back on track. But now, I had a new dilemma.
The fic might have started off slow, but it had built. It had hit peaks-Bruce injecting himself with fear toxin, Bruce rescuing Jim, Dick stopping a bio-terrorist threat and spending days unsure whether he’d been infected with smallpox-and it had hit valleys-reconciliation with Superman, a Jim Gordon/Martha Kent romance, quiet moments with Helena. However, once Bruce rescued Tim and beat Joker...
...There was no way that I was going to be able to sustain the fic’s momentum. Bruce was going to have a hard row to hoe just getting through the background investigation. And since I’d recently made the acquaintance of a support staffer with the San Jose PD-who was fact-checking my scenarios with her police colleagues, well, I wanted to show it all. But to do that, I’d need to start slow again and build up.
And The Way Back was now 39 chapters long, plus a prologue. There was no help for it. I needed to end this fic and start a fourth part.
...Which is where I am now. Bruce’s way back so far hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing, and it hasn’t brought him to where he thought it would. He’s in new territory, with a new rulebook, and no contingency plan-because he never envisioned this scenario in his wildest dreams.
I don’t usually name my chapters until they’re finished. When naming a fic, it’s a bit different-because the title sets the mood for the entire story, not just a piece of it. But it didn’t take me long to find a title for this part that pretty much summed up Bruce’s life from this point onward in one word (even if I suspect I made the word up!)
UNREHEARSABLE.
(Note: After I posted this essay, my beta advised me that the word "unrehearsable" had been in the OED since 1924. That didn't stop Word's spellcheck from redlining it.)