When you have held on to the hatred for so many years, it becomes almost impossible to "forgive" those who have hurt you. It is frightening to consider it for if you do, you loose the hatred and you are afraid of what you will have to replace it. For whatever it is is unfamiliar and that may be more frightening to you.
So you hold on to the "unforgiveness" because it is the ONLY thing you know. Not the best thing to do. But you do it anyway because you don't know how or what else to do.
Forgive me for gatecrashing, but I was just about to respond to dragonflower9 agreeing with her quote, when I read your comment.
Without going into detail, you have really made me think. Your reasoning is valid simply because life isn't black & white.
Forgiveness is liberating, but unless we have something to fill the space; unless we have perhaps explored what & why we are ready to forgive, the outcome isn't necessarily assured.
Thank you for this ~ I appreciate it on levels you cannot imagine :)
I do not consider your comment "gate-crashing." It is an honest response to what you have read by the quote and myself.
I did, however, base my reply/comment upon my own personal experience. For there are things in my own life that I've not been able to forgive because they were too horrible for me to consider forgiving. Thus I have carried them. I do not necessarily support the idea of carrying them but I am honestly afraid to let them go. For I do not know what I would do then.
I am just being honest.
Like you, though, I do support the idea of forgiveness if it is legitimate.
For me it's as much about needing to forgive myself & hoping to be forgiven. And yet, I understand why the person in question struggles with this; why it's so hard for her.
But the pain & bitterness she hangs onto taints her life; I long for her to be free of it but I know almost better than she does why it's so difficult. And as you say ~ what is one supposed to replace the anger with?
As you will see from my reply to your friend, mistress_renata I changed my mind about my response to this quote. Essentially, I do believe it's a valid statement & would hope everyone would embrace the message.
The problem is ~ it takes a great deal more courage than some people actually have. Unless we understand that forgiveness has to come from somewhere deeper than simply, 'being nice' or doing 'the decent thing,' it won't work. Sometimes, the pain runs so deep & is of such long standing, it's easier to stay in the anger. It may not be healthy, but it can afford a weird sense of security.
Nevertheless ~ I am all for forgiveness ~ I am by nature a forgiving person & know from personal experience how liberating it can be.
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So you hold on to the "unforgiveness" because it is the ONLY thing you know. Not the best thing to do. But you do it anyway because you don't know how or what else to do.
Good quote though. I appreciate it.
( ... )
Reply
Without going into detail, you have really made me think. Your reasoning is valid simply because life isn't black & white.
Forgiveness is liberating, but unless we have something to fill the space; unless we have perhaps explored what & why we are ready to forgive, the outcome isn't necessarily assured.
Thank you for this ~ I appreciate it on levels you cannot imagine :)
Reply
I did, however, base my reply/comment upon my own personal experience. For there are things in my own life that I've not been able to forgive because they were too horrible for me to consider forgiving. Thus I have carried them. I do not necessarily support the idea of carrying them but I am honestly afraid to let them go. For I do not know what I would do then.
I am just being honest.
Like you, though, I do support the idea of forgiveness if it is legitimate.
( ... )
Reply
But the pain & bitterness she hangs onto taints her life; I long for her to be free of it but I know almost better than she does why it's so difficult. And as you say ~ what is one supposed to replace the anger with?
Reply
The problem is ~ it takes a great deal more courage than some people actually have. Unless we understand that forgiveness has to come from somewhere deeper than simply, 'being nice' or doing 'the decent thing,' it won't work. Sometimes, the pain runs so deep & is of such long standing, it's easier to stay in the anger. It may not be healthy, but it can afford a weird sense of security.
Nevertheless ~ I am all for forgiveness ~ I am by nature a forgiving person & know from personal experience how liberating it can be.
Reply
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