set me free, your Heaven's a lie

[dragonladyflame]

There's a new intern in the Marketing department. He seems nice enough; he sent me an email warning me about his pirate cannonballs.

Sudden Poll!How should I treat the new intern

Comments

[queenofolupitoo]

a! Nice Lydia!

[dragonladyflame]

Wow. You're the only one who thinks so.

[crywolf]

Be utterly kind and straightforward and tell him everything he needs to know, in exchange for his pirate cannonballs.

If he refuses, plot daily on how to steal his cannonballs. Tell him the plot every day. Then, after a couple of weeks of this, pretend to forget about the cannonballs. Four days later, steal them and put them on your desk.

[dragonladyflame]

What do I do when he steals them back?

[agnoster]

d - play with his mind until he is completely unsure of what reality is! like mailing him 203 numbered sheep erasers in reverse order one per day via inter-office mail!

[dragonladyflame]

I shall attribute it to the Assassin-Americans!

PS. What's a sheep eraser?

"pirate cannonballs"

[heliograph]

Is that a euphemism?

[dragonladyflame]

Ooh, you bring up an intriguing point. Maybe I should include him in my potential sexual harassment lawsuit!

[ejgrgunner]

D) Surreptitiously leave menacing notes on his desk. Attribute them to offended Assassin-Americans. Attempt to extort the pirate cannonballs from him in exchange for protection from aforementioned Assassin-Americans.

[foxfour]

buccaneer-americans need no protection from assassin-americans!

[ejgrgunner]

While this may be true, possession of pirate cannonballs is not, in and of itself, sufficient proof of Buccaneer-Americanness.

[foxfour]

a valid point.