"B" is for...
blarg.
tendon had a fun time during dancing.
and my knee spazzed about 10 minutes ago.
perhaps actually doing those exercises for it would be helpful. but...yeah.
on a more important note:
Calaveras Faire a week from tomorrow-ish.
good and bad.
good: cause i wanna get out to a faire, and Calaveras is supposed to be good for that. and bonding and all that good shit.
bad: missing next game. arrg. i really was looking forward to it. and now i have told guildmistress-lady that i will be going to faire, but i really want to go to game.
so tune in next thursday to see if i will pull a me and back out.
honestly, no shock will come from me, since, well, i never finish what i start.
or rather, i rarely do.
mostly cause i was really looking forward to going to game and do more cool shit.
but i really want to go to faire too.
hence: BLARG!
pros and cons: well calaveras is gonna be cold. and that sucks. i hate cold. 'specially when camping. which is what i'm gonna be doing.
if i stay here, i get to stay with jason, and i will be warm and i will prolly get to hang with the guys. and that is fun.
i like dancing, but, there is a real detached feeling. i am working on closing that, but as i have found in the past, it takes a lot to get past that. i mean, just this year i got comfortable with eating around people i dont know that well. i still put off eating what i "want" or would "like" when i am with other people. not so much with jason, but deffinetly with people i dont know so well.
some how i have a fear that i will be judged for what i put on my plate. how freakin' bizarre is that. good to know that i know that it is jsut famula and not actual problems.
right now my hatred for cold, and distance from home is bothering me. that, and my car sickness.
last time i drove up calaveras way, i was like..6 or 7. and i can't remember how many times i puked going up there. but it was deffinetly more than 2. so here comes the dilemma. the bus will prolly be how lowra and i get up there. so, big van. plus long car ride. i forsee baaaaad shit happening. if i take the front seat, i will want to turn around to talk to others, which will only aggravate the problem. if i sit in the back, poor air circulation, sickness ensues.
all in all, its a no win situation. so....i cry myself to sleep.
well, no. i just get aggravated.
i hate being a quitter. but i so am. i can chalk up japan to jet lag all i want, but i didn't want to be away for 3 weeks.
this is one weekend.
i am so lame.
gimme a crutch. i am too lame.
i guess what i will do is i will go to the faire. i just need to tell jason that i won't be here friday night either, and then reassure myself that things are cool.
if only it was a faire that was closer to here. ya know? so i could go for like, one day, or only go for the day, and drive back down at night.
which is how danville would be if i was going.
i really wish i could get into it, but i dont think it will end up working out. i will keep dancing at EDC but i dunno if i will keep up with Pryanksters.
the costume stuff, i love. the dancing, i love. but i don't think i can handle the faire part. we will see after calaveras what happens. but i wouldn't be surprised if i became EDC only. parties maybe, but i dunno about faires. seems like one of those things. like theatre. i worked my ass off to make acme work for me. and i my highschool grades suffered. i really dont want to do that again. so i think that pryanksters won't be a big thing for me after calaveras. maybe i will do things close by, like folsom. but i dunno about far away, big ones. that might be a biiit too much.
so i guess calaveras will be a test and then, well. i will go from there. Russ was saying that i should take up swing so that jason and i could go dancing more often. but honestly i would feel so clumsy dancing with jason. its hard enough for me to do it in EDC. but swing seems a little more involved. and its another people thing. i dont think it will work.
i guess one of the hard parts is you have to work with people who just.......rub you the wrong way. and well. there are a few of those at dance.
but being me, i won't say it. cause i appear to be inccapable of having an opinion on....anything. well, strike that, i have a problem saying that i have an opinion. arg.
this is just making my life more difficult. i dont need that.
so i guess i will drop the subject and forget the whole thing.
the point is that i am going to calaveras, and from there we will find out what will happen.
perhaps the whole thing will flip over. but i can't sacrafice math next quarter. i have to get it right now. i lack fudge room. which blows, but i did it to myself, so i suck.
mreh too lazy to continue contemplation.
paper to do, sleep to get.
all that important stuff. mrrrrarg.