LJ presents: Season's Beatings
She's done it again.
Because LJ is going off on a holiday, we had an early Christmas at our place this year. That means new toys for the munchkin... and, therefore, new additions to the cast of her ongoing, canon-merging uber-storyline.
If you thought Escape of the Fallen and Storm of Time were epic, you ain't seen nothing yet.
LJ presents:
SEASON’S BEATINGS
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
----------
T’was the night before Christmas
And spirits were high,
For no one made mischief
Not a single bad guy!
The villains were locked up
In prison, with care,
And heroes were outside
To ensure they stayed there.
It was Christmas Eve, and Han Solo was unhappy. He - along with Guy Gardner, Wolverine, Spider-Man and Bulkhead - had drawn the short straw back at hero headquarters. Batman was convinced the imprisoned villains (his and those belonging to the Ninja Turtles, captured thanks to several weeks of effort) would try a mass escape for the holidays, and Han was among those who’d been “volunteered” for guard duty. Still, it could have been worse. The others were outside in the cold while he was snug in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon, listening to the gentle beeping of the radar system…
… turn into an ear-splitting klaxon as, over the horizon, came a shape Han hoped he would never have to see again.
As unbelievable as it was, an AT-AT - an Imperial walker - was on Earth, and it was drawing bead on the Falcon! Han threw the shields up just in time, knowing they’d not long withstand the colossal vehicle’s deadly canons. Outside, Guy and the other heroes tried to spring into action against their surprising foe - but were cut off by even more surprises.
With a hideous laugh, the Green Goblin laced the area with pumpkin bombs. The heroes scattered as best they could, only to run into a spreading cloud of fear gas, courtesy of the Scarecrow. The AT-AT’s driver fired the cannons, hemming them in with well-timed precision - which made perfect sense when Clock King flew overhead on a speeder-bike, clearly co-ordinating the assault. The worst was still to come, however. Bulkhead and Wolverine were still on their feet but fell in the face of a living nightmare: the return of the malicious, devilish Red Skull himself.
Yes, the terror-smith of World War II was back! Wolverine was horrified. He’d fought Red Skull years before, alongside Nick Fury and the missing, legendary Captain America! He’d thought their foe was dead, and had no idea how the madman had returned. The very idea overwhelmed his senses - thanks, in no small part, to the fear gas.
Han, still inside his ship, tried to call for reinforcements. However, the Skull used his Cosmic Cube to drain Guy’s ring of its Oan energy - and turn it against the famous cruiser. The emerald blast shattered the shields, fried the radar dish and flipped the Falcon upside-down! Flames billowed from the vessel, and it appeared Han was done for - cooked alive in his beloved space craft. Thanks to Red Skull’s regimented leadership and Clock King’s expert timing, five of the world’s best heroes had been taken out in less than 10 minutes. The new baddies had an advantage the old ones never understood: teamwork.
The walls of the prison were no match for the AT-AT, either. They crumbled to dust under its onslaught, disgorging Gorilla Grodd, Shredder and their foul fellows back into the world. Red Skull gave them a very simple choice: swear fealty to him and his evil allies, or be locked in the jail with the defeated heroes. Not even the Joker was crazy enough to refuse that deal. Guy and the others were trussed up with double- and triple-redundant restraints, then locked inside the prison for safe-keeping. The villains extinguished the fires blazing throughout the Falcon, attached tow cables and dragged the ship away from the battlefield.
Fortunately, none of the bad guys realised Han had not been claimed by the inferno. The cunning smuggler had managed to sneak out of his ship by using a trap door known only to himself and Chewbacca. Having watched the grisly tableau unfold - and knowing he lacked the know-how to free his friends from the prison - Han began the long walk back to headquarters, hoping to warn his allies before Red Skull reached Villainville.
It was a vain hope, for Red Skull was not headed for Doctor Doom’s stronghold. Instead, he and his colleagues were leading their newfound army straight for Super Hero City… and the Avengers Mansion!
The plan of attack was, once again, a masterpiece. Scarecrow altered the Goblin’s pumpkin bombs so that they spewed fear gas instead of smoke. Clock King timed the security sweeps and, through a radio, directed the Goblin and his glider through the high-tech web so he could toss “fear pumpkins” into the air vents. As the gas spread through the mansion, twisting the heroes’ very minds against them, the AT-AT driver opened up with the canons and blew a hole in the side of hero headquarters. Whipped into a frenzy, the heroes attacked one another and did the villains’ work for them.
Only the Autobots - as mechanical beings, they were immune to the gas - were able to escape the chaos and make it outside. Unfortunately, that was also part of the plan. Shredder, the Joker and their cronies set upon the confused Cybertronians and, by sheer weight of numbers, brought them down. When Optimus Prime tried to use the Matrix to even the odds, Red Skull leaped in and stole its power with the Cosmic Cube. The mighty Optimus Prime fell before the nefarious super-scientist, and the battle was lost. Just as they’d done at the prison, the High Council of Evil had pooled their powers and co-ordinated their depravity to score a decisive victory. Teamwork, usually the secret weapon of the heroes, had been used against them to crushing effect.
The sounds of war brought Doctor Doom, the Fallen and the other villains out of their lair and to the ruins of hero headquarters. They arrived just in time to see Red Skull absorb the power of the Silver Surfer’s board into his doomsday box. Neither overlord was happy to see Skull and his army. They were even unhappier when the historic terrorist made the same demand of their forces as he had of the former prisoners! Megatron refused because of his loyalty to the Fallen, only to receive a blast of Cosmic/Matrix energy courtesy of Red Skull. The sickening impact flung him hundreds of metres away! Taking advantage of the momentary shock, Red Skull used his Cube to rip the Fallen’s powers and his very Spark from his chassis!
“Now, I am the dominant force in this universe,” the madman hissed, raising his weapon high. “I have combined Oan willpower energy with the Power Cosmic, the essence of Primus and the taint of Unicron!” He turned to Doom and grinned. “You will bow to me now, Victor, or you will suffer the same fate as the talking tank and his clanking master. Choose well…”
Swayed by the chaos around them - and the sweet sight of decimated heroes - the villains turned on their former masters and, as MODOK put it, “joined up with the winning team”. One, however, bellowed with rage. Devastator, the most gigantic Decepticon, re-affirmed his loyalty to Megatron and attacked Red Skull. Happy for a chance to show his might, the preserved Nazi used the Cube to humble, then deactivate the behemoth. He did not take Devastator’s Spark, however, saying he “still had use” for the beast.
Victor von Doom is many things: a total idiot is not one of them. He lowered his sword and bowed to his superior… for now. Quietly, he took the counsel of the universe’s greatest turncoat - Starscream - and solicited the services of the nearest zealot - Lugnut - to plan for an eventual coup. “After all, Red Skull has to sleep sometime,” he growled.
Another villain, meanwhile, found himself unexpectedly promoted. The AT-AT driver revealed he’d joined Red Skull’s team - and leant it the unassailable strength of his vehicle - so that he could find his way back to Darth Vader and “once again serve the Dark Lord of the Sith”. To his surprise, Vader was welcomed into the inner circle with open arms and became co-leader of the villains.
And so Doctor Doom and the Fallen were replaced with Red Skull and Darth Vader. At their command, the evil allies made their way back to the prison with the captured heroes in tow. Unlike the “former management”, the Red Skull was not taking chances with his defeated foes. Once again pooling the resources around them - especially the science of Shockwave - the despot’s team came up with a most devilish imprisonment for the once-unstoppable heroes.
Most of the prisoners were bound and gagged with devices that electrocuted them if they moved. They were placed in a dungeon with bars above their heads. Around those bars was woven the unconscious form of Plastic Man. Should they somehow manage to get free, the heroes would be unable to break through the bars without killing their friend.
Devastator, meanwhile, was welded to the outside of the prison doors and wired into the captured R2-D2. If Artoo’s scanners detected any known hero outside (Vader had realised Han Solo was missing, and was unwilling to believe the smuggler had died), Devastator’s vortex grinder would activate and suck them up. C-3PO was also wired into the prison, but at ground level. Should the hapless protocol droid see any known heroes approach the prison he would scream out. At his cry, the weaponry of the captured Autobots - who had been welded together, in their vehicle modes, around the droid’s feet - would fire upon the intruder.
The Joker was unsatisfied. The Dark Knight, he said, would easily navigate through those redundancies. “After all - he’s Batman,” the clown groused. The new bad guys weren’t done, however. Batman was stripped of his utility belt, but not placed with the rest of the heroes. Instead he was tied up and dangled over a churning pool of boiling water. Electric eels darted through the scalding liquid, while fear gas wreathed the Caped Crusader at all times. His belt and the Batmobile were given to the Joker, while Owlman took ownership of the Batwing.
Red Skull took no chances with Iron Man, either. The millionaire industrialist had a series of large, inter-connected pumpkin bomb wired into his Arc reactor. If he moved or spoke, the surge of energy from the reactor into his damaged heart would also trigger one of the explosions… and possibly a fatal chain reaction. Two other heroes escaped incarceration: Darth Vader ordered Luke and Leia Skywalker be held captive in the AT-AT until he had the time to turn them to the Dark Side.
Their foes hideously secured, the villains turned their attention toward Super Hero City. The local police and the authorities would be no match for the army that destroyed the heroes in mere minutes, and Clock King predicted another rapid, efficient victory. With Darth Vader and his clone troopers piloting the Millennium Falcon, the “Owl-wing” providing air cover, the “Joker-mobile” scouting ahead and the AT-AT leading the charge, the invasion began.
Once again, Han Solo bore witness to evil unleashed. He’d not made it far, on foot, from the prison when the villains passed him… then passed him again on their way to the city. In desperation, he pulled out his communicator and sent an SOS. He was stunned when, after a seeming eternity, a female voice responded.
“Is my Christmas present talking to me?” it asked.
The voice belonged to Pepper Potts - personal assistant and confidant to Tony Stark. The industrialist had, for Christmas, crafted Pepper an armoured suit of her own - and Han had accidentally activated its communicator! After a quick briefing, a resolute Pepper told Han to “stand still, and brace yourself”. A second later, an armoured form snagged him by the wrists and pulled him up into the sky! Pepper was, fortunately, a quick study with her new toy and took herself and Han out to sea.
“Where are you going?” the scoundrel demanded. “The fight’s back that way!”
“We’re not going to the fight,” Pepper explained. “Not yet, anyway. I had my armour scan the globe for any heroic energy signals. I thought maybe I could find us some reinforcements. But the only signal I could pick up is coming from an island in the middle of the ocean… Death Island.”
Site of a thousand shipwrecks and uncountable pirate skeletons, Death Island was the “elephant’s graveyard” of the high seas. Pepper and Han touched down on a glacier set into the centre of the island. Following Pepper’s directions and making careful use of his blaster, Han melted the ice until he came across a red, white and blue shield… and its equally colourful owner. In a true Christmas miracle, the long-missing legend of World War II had been found. Captain America was alive!
The super-soldier was also, however, disoriented and depressed. His last memory was of a moment 65 years earlier. He and his youthful partner, Bucky, had leaped aboard Red Skull’s rocket plane to stop the villain escaping from a Nazi fortress. The duo had managed to sabotage the plane, but Bucky lost his life while Cap was thrown into suspended animation. Learning Red Skull had escaped death - and retained possession of the Cosmic Cube - angered Cap, and he quickly agreed to help “the lady in the tin suit” and “the greaser with the bad jacket” defeat their mutual enemy.
As they flew back toward the city, Cap spied something on the ground he thought they could use - a discarded tank. Upon closer examination, however, the vehicle was revealed to be Megatron… a very angry, very deranged Megatron! Even confronted with such an alien sight, Cap managed to fight Megatron to enough of a standstill to open a dialogue. He proposed a temporary alliance “for the sake of everyone”, which made sense to the Decepticon leader. Cap ordered Pepper, Han and Megatron to intercept the villains. When they protested, he said it was the only way. “Han says that prison is designed to detect and attack anyone it recognises,” he reasoned. “But because I’ve been gone so long, none of it is going to recognise me.”
Cap stealthily approached the prison. His first goal was to rescue “the young lady’s gentleman caller”. Bombs shaped like pumpkins are still bombs, and no soldier becomes a living legend without learning a few things about defusing explosives. Cap made short work of Iron Man’s predicament and helped the weakened Squaddie back to ground level. Iron Man was as shocked and delighted to see Captain America - someone he’d only read about in books - as he was grateful for the rescue. Still weak, he waited while Cap turned his attention to “the guy with the pointy-eared mask”.
Freeing Batman was much more of an ordeal. Cap had planned to throw his shield at the rope and sever it, then leap out and catch Batman before he plummeted into the boiling water and electric eels. The Scarecrow’s airborne toxin flooded his nostrils, however, and weakened his resolve. Everywhere he turned, Cap saw Bucky dying over and over again, in any manner of horrifying ways. Drawing on his training and determination, Cap pushed past his terror and executed his daring plan. Batman was freed and, together, the heroes helped each other back down to ground level.
As the first rays of the sun shone over the horizon, and Christmas Eve became Christmas Day, three of the greatest heroes of all time stood together and wondered how to free their friends from the ultimate prison.
Miles away, the people of Super Hero City woke on Christmas morning expecting peace on Earth and goodwill toward men. Instead, they received a cold, callous helping of super villain enmity!
Emboldened by the heroes’ imprisonment, the bad guys attacked the helpless city without mercy. The bank was robbed, the restaurants looted and the park put to the torch. Wayne Manor was sacked (and Alfred knocked unconscious) while police officers were chased down and bound with their own handcuffs. Terrorised families ran for the city limits, hoping for escape… and finding only a vicious, glowering Megatron.
This time, however, the Decepticon was on the side of the angels. The metallic tyrant loosed volley after volley from his fusion cannon, blowing his former allies out of the sky. Pepper Potts backed him up with airborne repulsor blasts while Han Solo chose his targets carefully, dropping bad guys and then vanishing behind cover. Though small, the heroic force made good use of guerrilla tactics. Within moments their numbers were bolstered - Doctor Doom saw his chance to stage a coup and threw in with Megatron. So, too, did Lugnut and Starscream, who, though utterly disgusted with himself, preferred his former boss’ insanity to the regimented, militaristic rule of Red Skull and Darth Vader.
Meanwhile, Captain America, Iron Man and Batman pondered their seemingly insurmountable task. Neither of the modern-day heroes could approach the prison without setting off its numerous traps, and so all hope rested on the super-soldier. Cap was, of course, remarkable. First, he threw his shield into Devastator’s vortex generator, jamming its gears. Invisible to both C-3PO and R2-D2 thanks to unfamiliarity, he freed both droids by following Iron Man’s shouted advice. Cap disconnected the Autobots by paying close attention to Batman’s instructions. With those traps disabled, Iron Man was able to move in and prise Devastator off the front doors using his armour’s great strength.
Coming into the prison from above, Cap could untangle Plastic Man from his predicament and remove the bars. With his hands wrapped in the pliable prankster, and therefore insulated, the super-soldier freed every hero from their electrified bonds. The pooling of resources had gotten the good guys into that mess, and a second pooling of resources was their salvation.
Shaking the cobwebs from their minds and steeling their resolve, the Autobots, Ninja Turtles, Rebels, Super Hero Squad and Justice League prepared to (as Grimlock put it) “kick some butt”. Iron Man had an idea. “Teamwork freed us, and teamwork will win the day for us,” he reasoned. “But to be an effective team, you need a great leader. And the only person for the job is Captain America!”
Everyone agreed - except the man himself. Cap declined, reminding them that the last time he’d led a team into battle it had ended in disaster. “It might be 65 years for you but, for me, Bucky died just a few minutes ago,” he said solemnly. “I’m sorry, but I’m not ready for the responsibility. I’ll fight by your side, and I’ll do whatever it takes to stop Red Skull, but I can’t be your leader.”
Spider-Man stepped forward. “I haven’t been at this hero thing all that long,” the web-slinger said, “but I learned, very early on, that ordinary people suffer when guys like us fail to act. I could have saved my uncle if I’d taken action, but I let something stop me. In my case it was greed… in your case, Cap, it’s grief. And I know a lot about grief, too. I know it can take you over - and that’s not what the people we loved would have wanted. When bad things happen you have to keep going and honour their teachings, not give up.” He grew bashful for a moment. “That’s what I think, anyway.”
Hearing wisdom from one so young brought a smile to Cap’s face. Spider-Man reminded him of Bucky, and he recognised the truth in the web-slinger’s words. Declaring he’d changed his mind, Cap walked to the front of the group and outlined his plan. “Iron Man was, with respect, wrong,” he began. “The villains have the market cornered on teamwork. If we’re to succeed, we need to break up that solidarity… we need to divide and conquer.” He took a deep breath. “And, when it comes to the Cosmic Cube, we’re going to need some heavy-duty reinforcements.”
The Silver Surfer nodded. “Leave that to me,” he said cryptically, using the last ergs of his energy to fire a glowing beacon into space. “Reinforcements are en route.”
Back in the city, Han and his troops were starting to falter. Hit-and-run tactics could only work for so long; eventually they would be ground into the pavement and defeated. Making things worse, in Han’s opinion, was the Joker. The grinning harlequin hadn’t bothered to join the fight - he was sitting nearby, eating popcorn in the front seat of the Batmobile and enjoying the show. Han wanted so badly to wipe the smile off the bad guy’s face…
… but smiled himself when he saw a dark, bat-winged shadow descend over the Clown Prince of Crime.
Batman’s arrival signalled a second invasion force - that of the heroes. Though unprepared, Red Skull remained a consummate general and began to devise a counter-attack. His orders, however, fell on deaf ears. As per Cap’s plan, each hero targeted his primary nemesis - Bumblebee went straight for Barricade, Leonardo jump-kicked Shredder, Aquaman plowed through Black Manta and so on. Old enmities flared and grudges rushed to the surface, and professionalism and co-ordination were erased in a wash of blood-red fury. Clock King screamed desperately for order but was ignored; the Green Goblin tried to marshal the troops only to be webbed up by Spider-Man. Megatron and Optimus Prime teamed up to defeat Shockwave, stuffing the turncoat scientist into the Decepticon’s alt-mode cannon and firing him into a building. Batman, meanwhile, reclaimed the Batwing and took out Owlman - his second villain for the day. The “divide” had worked, and the “conquer” was only a matter of time.
In the midst of the cacophony, R2-D2 and C-3PO undertook a most dangerous mission. The droids slipped between the combatants, boarded the AT-AT and freed Luke and Leia. The twins joined the battle and attacked Darth Vader, using their combined Force powers to pull him out of the Falcon. That gave Han and Chewbacca the chance to re-take their ship and, all importantly, control of its canons. He signalled to his friends and, with a colossal effort, Luke and Leia Force-threw Darth Vader into the AT-AT. Seeing his leader in peril, the driver opened the side hatch so he could catch the Lord of the Sith - creating a gap in the armour that Han filled with laser fire. The “walker” exploded in gouts of multi-coloured flame and toppled to the ground.
It was the final turning point in the battle. Their composure broken, Red Skull’s closest allies fell victim to their enemies. The madman, however, would not be denied. Brandishing the Cube, he used his unearthly powers to freeze all the heroes in place - except one. In a flash of patriotic colours, Cap’s shield knocked the Cube from the Nazi’s hand and then returned to his master. A firm believer in “fair play”, Cap nevertheless tossed his weapon aside and offered to fight his eternal nemesis hand-to-hand.
Red Skull, sadly, was not so fair-minded. He called the Cube back to him and blasted Cap with its eldritch energies. Even without his shield, Cap braced himself and walked into the tempest, refusing to lay down and die. No matter how much energy buffeted his body, the super-soldier would not fall. Though barely alive, he still made it all the way to Red Skull and flattened the would-be global dictator with a thunderous right hook… then collapsed.
As Red Skull lost consciousness, so did his spell lose potency. The heroes rushed forward but it was too late - Captain America had breathed his last. The good guys began to mourn but were interrupted by a sudden eclipse. The unexpected celestial event heralded the arrival of Galactus, devourer of worlds!
Mighty Galactus had answered the Silver Surfer’s beacon and returned to repay his debt to Earth and the heroes who spared his life when last they battled. He used his un-matched mastery of cosmic energy to return that which the Cube had stolen, restoring the Matrix, the Green Lantern ring, the Surfer’s board and the Fallen’s Spark. “The scales are still unbalanced,” he then intoned, holding a massive hand over Red Skull. As the amazed heroes watched, Galactus leeched the super-soldier serum from the Nazi’s body and transferred it into Cap, bringing him back to life. The good guys immediately celebrated, revelling in the happy ending to their ordeal. With a quiet smile, Galactus used his powers to teleport the villains back to their stronghold and repair all the damage done to Super Hero City. “The debt is repaid and the scales are balanced,” he told a questioning Silver Surfer. “I will take my leave, herald… but we shall meet again, and soon.” There was another eclipse, and Galactus was gone.
It was Christmas Day, and Han Solo was happy. His friends were alive and well, his adopted home had been restored, the good guys had won and the bad guys were likely making the Red Skull’s crew clean their toilets as punishment. Life was good. He offered Cap his hand, and the super-soldier gratefully shook it. “Guess that’s a wrap,” Han said with a lop-sided grin. “After all this time, you’ve avenged Bucky’s death.”
“That’s what we do,” Iron Man said happily, throwing an arm around Cap’s shoulders. “We may be Squaddies and Turtles, Autobots and Leaguers but, when you get right to the core of it… we’re all Avengers.”
And with that, a new legend was born.
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Greet the Fire as Your Friend,
SF
Because LJ is going off on a holiday, we had an early Christmas at our place this year. That means new toys for the munchkin... and, therefore, new additions to the cast of her ongoing, canon-merging uber-storyline.
If you thought Escape of the Fallen and Storm of Time were epic, you ain't seen nothing yet.
LJ presents:
SEASON’S BEATINGS
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
----------
T’was the night before Christmas
And spirits were high,
For no one made mischief
Not a single bad guy!
The villains were locked up
In prison, with care,
And heroes were outside
To ensure they stayed there.
It was Christmas Eve, and Han Solo was unhappy. He - along with Guy Gardner, Wolverine, Spider-Man and Bulkhead - had drawn the short straw back at hero headquarters. Batman was convinced the imprisoned villains (his and those belonging to the Ninja Turtles, captured thanks to several weeks of effort) would try a mass escape for the holidays, and Han was among those who’d been “volunteered” for guard duty. Still, it could have been worse. The others were outside in the cold while he was snug in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon, listening to the gentle beeping of the radar system…
… turn into an ear-splitting klaxon as, over the horizon, came a shape Han hoped he would never have to see again.
As unbelievable as it was, an AT-AT - an Imperial walker - was on Earth, and it was drawing bead on the Falcon! Han threw the shields up just in time, knowing they’d not long withstand the colossal vehicle’s deadly canons. Outside, Guy and the other heroes tried to spring into action against their surprising foe - but were cut off by even more surprises.
With a hideous laugh, the Green Goblin laced the area with pumpkin bombs. The heroes scattered as best they could, only to run into a spreading cloud of fear gas, courtesy of the Scarecrow. The AT-AT’s driver fired the cannons, hemming them in with well-timed precision - which made perfect sense when Clock King flew overhead on a speeder-bike, clearly co-ordinating the assault. The worst was still to come, however. Bulkhead and Wolverine were still on their feet but fell in the face of a living nightmare: the return of the malicious, devilish Red Skull himself.
Yes, the terror-smith of World War II was back! Wolverine was horrified. He’d fought Red Skull years before, alongside Nick Fury and the missing, legendary Captain America! He’d thought their foe was dead, and had no idea how the madman had returned. The very idea overwhelmed his senses - thanks, in no small part, to the fear gas.
Han, still inside his ship, tried to call for reinforcements. However, the Skull used his Cosmic Cube to drain Guy’s ring of its Oan energy - and turn it against the famous cruiser. The emerald blast shattered the shields, fried the radar dish and flipped the Falcon upside-down! Flames billowed from the vessel, and it appeared Han was done for - cooked alive in his beloved space craft. Thanks to Red Skull’s regimented leadership and Clock King’s expert timing, five of the world’s best heroes had been taken out in less than 10 minutes. The new baddies had an advantage the old ones never understood: teamwork.
The walls of the prison were no match for the AT-AT, either. They crumbled to dust under its onslaught, disgorging Gorilla Grodd, Shredder and their foul fellows back into the world. Red Skull gave them a very simple choice: swear fealty to him and his evil allies, or be locked in the jail with the defeated heroes. Not even the Joker was crazy enough to refuse that deal. Guy and the others were trussed up with double- and triple-redundant restraints, then locked inside the prison for safe-keeping. The villains extinguished the fires blazing throughout the Falcon, attached tow cables and dragged the ship away from the battlefield.
Fortunately, none of the bad guys realised Han had not been claimed by the inferno. The cunning smuggler had managed to sneak out of his ship by using a trap door known only to himself and Chewbacca. Having watched the grisly tableau unfold - and knowing he lacked the know-how to free his friends from the prison - Han began the long walk back to headquarters, hoping to warn his allies before Red Skull reached Villainville.
It was a vain hope, for Red Skull was not headed for Doctor Doom’s stronghold. Instead, he and his colleagues were leading their newfound army straight for Super Hero City… and the Avengers Mansion!
The plan of attack was, once again, a masterpiece. Scarecrow altered the Goblin’s pumpkin bombs so that they spewed fear gas instead of smoke. Clock King timed the security sweeps and, through a radio, directed the Goblin and his glider through the high-tech web so he could toss “fear pumpkins” into the air vents. As the gas spread through the mansion, twisting the heroes’ very minds against them, the AT-AT driver opened up with the canons and blew a hole in the side of hero headquarters. Whipped into a frenzy, the heroes attacked one another and did the villains’ work for them.
Only the Autobots - as mechanical beings, they were immune to the gas - were able to escape the chaos and make it outside. Unfortunately, that was also part of the plan. Shredder, the Joker and their cronies set upon the confused Cybertronians and, by sheer weight of numbers, brought them down. When Optimus Prime tried to use the Matrix to even the odds, Red Skull leaped in and stole its power with the Cosmic Cube. The mighty Optimus Prime fell before the nefarious super-scientist, and the battle was lost. Just as they’d done at the prison, the High Council of Evil had pooled their powers and co-ordinated their depravity to score a decisive victory. Teamwork, usually the secret weapon of the heroes, had been used against them to crushing effect.
The sounds of war brought Doctor Doom, the Fallen and the other villains out of their lair and to the ruins of hero headquarters. They arrived just in time to see Red Skull absorb the power of the Silver Surfer’s board into his doomsday box. Neither overlord was happy to see Skull and his army. They were even unhappier when the historic terrorist made the same demand of their forces as he had of the former prisoners! Megatron refused because of his loyalty to the Fallen, only to receive a blast of Cosmic/Matrix energy courtesy of Red Skull. The sickening impact flung him hundreds of metres away! Taking advantage of the momentary shock, Red Skull used his Cube to rip the Fallen’s powers and his very Spark from his chassis!
“Now, I am the dominant force in this universe,” the madman hissed, raising his weapon high. “I have combined Oan willpower energy with the Power Cosmic, the essence of Primus and the taint of Unicron!” He turned to Doom and grinned. “You will bow to me now, Victor, or you will suffer the same fate as the talking tank and his clanking master. Choose well…”
Swayed by the chaos around them - and the sweet sight of decimated heroes - the villains turned on their former masters and, as MODOK put it, “joined up with the winning team”. One, however, bellowed with rage. Devastator, the most gigantic Decepticon, re-affirmed his loyalty to Megatron and attacked Red Skull. Happy for a chance to show his might, the preserved Nazi used the Cube to humble, then deactivate the behemoth. He did not take Devastator’s Spark, however, saying he “still had use” for the beast.
Victor von Doom is many things: a total idiot is not one of them. He lowered his sword and bowed to his superior… for now. Quietly, he took the counsel of the universe’s greatest turncoat - Starscream - and solicited the services of the nearest zealot - Lugnut - to plan for an eventual coup. “After all, Red Skull has to sleep sometime,” he growled.
Another villain, meanwhile, found himself unexpectedly promoted. The AT-AT driver revealed he’d joined Red Skull’s team - and leant it the unassailable strength of his vehicle - so that he could find his way back to Darth Vader and “once again serve the Dark Lord of the Sith”. To his surprise, Vader was welcomed into the inner circle with open arms and became co-leader of the villains.
And so Doctor Doom and the Fallen were replaced with Red Skull and Darth Vader. At their command, the evil allies made their way back to the prison with the captured heroes in tow. Unlike the “former management”, the Red Skull was not taking chances with his defeated foes. Once again pooling the resources around them - especially the science of Shockwave - the despot’s team came up with a most devilish imprisonment for the once-unstoppable heroes.
Most of the prisoners were bound and gagged with devices that electrocuted them if they moved. They were placed in a dungeon with bars above their heads. Around those bars was woven the unconscious form of Plastic Man. Should they somehow manage to get free, the heroes would be unable to break through the bars without killing their friend.
Devastator, meanwhile, was welded to the outside of the prison doors and wired into the captured R2-D2. If Artoo’s scanners detected any known hero outside (Vader had realised Han Solo was missing, and was unwilling to believe the smuggler had died), Devastator’s vortex grinder would activate and suck them up. C-3PO was also wired into the prison, but at ground level. Should the hapless protocol droid see any known heroes approach the prison he would scream out. At his cry, the weaponry of the captured Autobots - who had been welded together, in their vehicle modes, around the droid’s feet - would fire upon the intruder.
The Joker was unsatisfied. The Dark Knight, he said, would easily navigate through those redundancies. “After all - he’s Batman,” the clown groused. The new bad guys weren’t done, however. Batman was stripped of his utility belt, but not placed with the rest of the heroes. Instead he was tied up and dangled over a churning pool of boiling water. Electric eels darted through the scalding liquid, while fear gas wreathed the Caped Crusader at all times. His belt and the Batmobile were given to the Joker, while Owlman took ownership of the Batwing.
Red Skull took no chances with Iron Man, either. The millionaire industrialist had a series of large, inter-connected pumpkin bomb wired into his Arc reactor. If he moved or spoke, the surge of energy from the reactor into his damaged heart would also trigger one of the explosions… and possibly a fatal chain reaction. Two other heroes escaped incarceration: Darth Vader ordered Luke and Leia Skywalker be held captive in the AT-AT until he had the time to turn them to the Dark Side.
Their foes hideously secured, the villains turned their attention toward Super Hero City. The local police and the authorities would be no match for the army that destroyed the heroes in mere minutes, and Clock King predicted another rapid, efficient victory. With Darth Vader and his clone troopers piloting the Millennium Falcon, the “Owl-wing” providing air cover, the “Joker-mobile” scouting ahead and the AT-AT leading the charge, the invasion began.
Once again, Han Solo bore witness to evil unleashed. He’d not made it far, on foot, from the prison when the villains passed him… then passed him again on their way to the city. In desperation, he pulled out his communicator and sent an SOS. He was stunned when, after a seeming eternity, a female voice responded.
“Is my Christmas present talking to me?” it asked.
The voice belonged to Pepper Potts - personal assistant and confidant to Tony Stark. The industrialist had, for Christmas, crafted Pepper an armoured suit of her own - and Han had accidentally activated its communicator! After a quick briefing, a resolute Pepper told Han to “stand still, and brace yourself”. A second later, an armoured form snagged him by the wrists and pulled him up into the sky! Pepper was, fortunately, a quick study with her new toy and took herself and Han out to sea.
“Where are you going?” the scoundrel demanded. “The fight’s back that way!”
“We’re not going to the fight,” Pepper explained. “Not yet, anyway. I had my armour scan the globe for any heroic energy signals. I thought maybe I could find us some reinforcements. But the only signal I could pick up is coming from an island in the middle of the ocean… Death Island.”
Site of a thousand shipwrecks and uncountable pirate skeletons, Death Island was the “elephant’s graveyard” of the high seas. Pepper and Han touched down on a glacier set into the centre of the island. Following Pepper’s directions and making careful use of his blaster, Han melted the ice until he came across a red, white and blue shield… and its equally colourful owner. In a true Christmas miracle, the long-missing legend of World War II had been found. Captain America was alive!
The super-soldier was also, however, disoriented and depressed. His last memory was of a moment 65 years earlier. He and his youthful partner, Bucky, had leaped aboard Red Skull’s rocket plane to stop the villain escaping from a Nazi fortress. The duo had managed to sabotage the plane, but Bucky lost his life while Cap was thrown into suspended animation. Learning Red Skull had escaped death - and retained possession of the Cosmic Cube - angered Cap, and he quickly agreed to help “the lady in the tin suit” and “the greaser with the bad jacket” defeat their mutual enemy.
As they flew back toward the city, Cap spied something on the ground he thought they could use - a discarded tank. Upon closer examination, however, the vehicle was revealed to be Megatron… a very angry, very deranged Megatron! Even confronted with such an alien sight, Cap managed to fight Megatron to enough of a standstill to open a dialogue. He proposed a temporary alliance “for the sake of everyone”, which made sense to the Decepticon leader. Cap ordered Pepper, Han and Megatron to intercept the villains. When they protested, he said it was the only way. “Han says that prison is designed to detect and attack anyone it recognises,” he reasoned. “But because I’ve been gone so long, none of it is going to recognise me.”
Cap stealthily approached the prison. His first goal was to rescue “the young lady’s gentleman caller”. Bombs shaped like pumpkins are still bombs, and no soldier becomes a living legend without learning a few things about defusing explosives. Cap made short work of Iron Man’s predicament and helped the weakened Squaddie back to ground level. Iron Man was as shocked and delighted to see Captain America - someone he’d only read about in books - as he was grateful for the rescue. Still weak, he waited while Cap turned his attention to “the guy with the pointy-eared mask”.
Freeing Batman was much more of an ordeal. Cap had planned to throw his shield at the rope and sever it, then leap out and catch Batman before he plummeted into the boiling water and electric eels. The Scarecrow’s airborne toxin flooded his nostrils, however, and weakened his resolve. Everywhere he turned, Cap saw Bucky dying over and over again, in any manner of horrifying ways. Drawing on his training and determination, Cap pushed past his terror and executed his daring plan. Batman was freed and, together, the heroes helped each other back down to ground level.
As the first rays of the sun shone over the horizon, and Christmas Eve became Christmas Day, three of the greatest heroes of all time stood together and wondered how to free their friends from the ultimate prison.
Miles away, the people of Super Hero City woke on Christmas morning expecting peace on Earth and goodwill toward men. Instead, they received a cold, callous helping of super villain enmity!
Emboldened by the heroes’ imprisonment, the bad guys attacked the helpless city without mercy. The bank was robbed, the restaurants looted and the park put to the torch. Wayne Manor was sacked (and Alfred knocked unconscious) while police officers were chased down and bound with their own handcuffs. Terrorised families ran for the city limits, hoping for escape… and finding only a vicious, glowering Megatron.
This time, however, the Decepticon was on the side of the angels. The metallic tyrant loosed volley after volley from his fusion cannon, blowing his former allies out of the sky. Pepper Potts backed him up with airborne repulsor blasts while Han Solo chose his targets carefully, dropping bad guys and then vanishing behind cover. Though small, the heroic force made good use of guerrilla tactics. Within moments their numbers were bolstered - Doctor Doom saw his chance to stage a coup and threw in with Megatron. So, too, did Lugnut and Starscream, who, though utterly disgusted with himself, preferred his former boss’ insanity to the regimented, militaristic rule of Red Skull and Darth Vader.
Meanwhile, Captain America, Iron Man and Batman pondered their seemingly insurmountable task. Neither of the modern-day heroes could approach the prison without setting off its numerous traps, and so all hope rested on the super-soldier. Cap was, of course, remarkable. First, he threw his shield into Devastator’s vortex generator, jamming its gears. Invisible to both C-3PO and R2-D2 thanks to unfamiliarity, he freed both droids by following Iron Man’s shouted advice. Cap disconnected the Autobots by paying close attention to Batman’s instructions. With those traps disabled, Iron Man was able to move in and prise Devastator off the front doors using his armour’s great strength.
Coming into the prison from above, Cap could untangle Plastic Man from his predicament and remove the bars. With his hands wrapped in the pliable prankster, and therefore insulated, the super-soldier freed every hero from their electrified bonds. The pooling of resources had gotten the good guys into that mess, and a second pooling of resources was their salvation.
Shaking the cobwebs from their minds and steeling their resolve, the Autobots, Ninja Turtles, Rebels, Super Hero Squad and Justice League prepared to (as Grimlock put it) “kick some butt”. Iron Man had an idea. “Teamwork freed us, and teamwork will win the day for us,” he reasoned. “But to be an effective team, you need a great leader. And the only person for the job is Captain America!”
Everyone agreed - except the man himself. Cap declined, reminding them that the last time he’d led a team into battle it had ended in disaster. “It might be 65 years for you but, for me, Bucky died just a few minutes ago,” he said solemnly. “I’m sorry, but I’m not ready for the responsibility. I’ll fight by your side, and I’ll do whatever it takes to stop Red Skull, but I can’t be your leader.”
Spider-Man stepped forward. “I haven’t been at this hero thing all that long,” the web-slinger said, “but I learned, very early on, that ordinary people suffer when guys like us fail to act. I could have saved my uncle if I’d taken action, but I let something stop me. In my case it was greed… in your case, Cap, it’s grief. And I know a lot about grief, too. I know it can take you over - and that’s not what the people we loved would have wanted. When bad things happen you have to keep going and honour their teachings, not give up.” He grew bashful for a moment. “That’s what I think, anyway.”
Hearing wisdom from one so young brought a smile to Cap’s face. Spider-Man reminded him of Bucky, and he recognised the truth in the web-slinger’s words. Declaring he’d changed his mind, Cap walked to the front of the group and outlined his plan. “Iron Man was, with respect, wrong,” he began. “The villains have the market cornered on teamwork. If we’re to succeed, we need to break up that solidarity… we need to divide and conquer.” He took a deep breath. “And, when it comes to the Cosmic Cube, we’re going to need some heavy-duty reinforcements.”
The Silver Surfer nodded. “Leave that to me,” he said cryptically, using the last ergs of his energy to fire a glowing beacon into space. “Reinforcements are en route.”
Back in the city, Han and his troops were starting to falter. Hit-and-run tactics could only work for so long; eventually they would be ground into the pavement and defeated. Making things worse, in Han’s opinion, was the Joker. The grinning harlequin hadn’t bothered to join the fight - he was sitting nearby, eating popcorn in the front seat of the Batmobile and enjoying the show. Han wanted so badly to wipe the smile off the bad guy’s face…
… but smiled himself when he saw a dark, bat-winged shadow descend over the Clown Prince of Crime.
Batman’s arrival signalled a second invasion force - that of the heroes. Though unprepared, Red Skull remained a consummate general and began to devise a counter-attack. His orders, however, fell on deaf ears. As per Cap’s plan, each hero targeted his primary nemesis - Bumblebee went straight for Barricade, Leonardo jump-kicked Shredder, Aquaman plowed through Black Manta and so on. Old enmities flared and grudges rushed to the surface, and professionalism and co-ordination were erased in a wash of blood-red fury. Clock King screamed desperately for order but was ignored; the Green Goblin tried to marshal the troops only to be webbed up by Spider-Man. Megatron and Optimus Prime teamed up to defeat Shockwave, stuffing the turncoat scientist into the Decepticon’s alt-mode cannon and firing him into a building. Batman, meanwhile, reclaimed the Batwing and took out Owlman - his second villain for the day. The “divide” had worked, and the “conquer” was only a matter of time.
In the midst of the cacophony, R2-D2 and C-3PO undertook a most dangerous mission. The droids slipped between the combatants, boarded the AT-AT and freed Luke and Leia. The twins joined the battle and attacked Darth Vader, using their combined Force powers to pull him out of the Falcon. That gave Han and Chewbacca the chance to re-take their ship and, all importantly, control of its canons. He signalled to his friends and, with a colossal effort, Luke and Leia Force-threw Darth Vader into the AT-AT. Seeing his leader in peril, the driver opened the side hatch so he could catch the Lord of the Sith - creating a gap in the armour that Han filled with laser fire. The “walker” exploded in gouts of multi-coloured flame and toppled to the ground.
It was the final turning point in the battle. Their composure broken, Red Skull’s closest allies fell victim to their enemies. The madman, however, would not be denied. Brandishing the Cube, he used his unearthly powers to freeze all the heroes in place - except one. In a flash of patriotic colours, Cap’s shield knocked the Cube from the Nazi’s hand and then returned to his master. A firm believer in “fair play”, Cap nevertheless tossed his weapon aside and offered to fight his eternal nemesis hand-to-hand.
Red Skull, sadly, was not so fair-minded. He called the Cube back to him and blasted Cap with its eldritch energies. Even without his shield, Cap braced himself and walked into the tempest, refusing to lay down and die. No matter how much energy buffeted his body, the super-soldier would not fall. Though barely alive, he still made it all the way to Red Skull and flattened the would-be global dictator with a thunderous right hook… then collapsed.
As Red Skull lost consciousness, so did his spell lose potency. The heroes rushed forward but it was too late - Captain America had breathed his last. The good guys began to mourn but were interrupted by a sudden eclipse. The unexpected celestial event heralded the arrival of Galactus, devourer of worlds!
Mighty Galactus had answered the Silver Surfer’s beacon and returned to repay his debt to Earth and the heroes who spared his life when last they battled. He used his un-matched mastery of cosmic energy to return that which the Cube had stolen, restoring the Matrix, the Green Lantern ring, the Surfer’s board and the Fallen’s Spark. “The scales are still unbalanced,” he then intoned, holding a massive hand over Red Skull. As the amazed heroes watched, Galactus leeched the super-soldier serum from the Nazi’s body and transferred it into Cap, bringing him back to life. The good guys immediately celebrated, revelling in the happy ending to their ordeal. With a quiet smile, Galactus used his powers to teleport the villains back to their stronghold and repair all the damage done to Super Hero City. “The debt is repaid and the scales are balanced,” he told a questioning Silver Surfer. “I will take my leave, herald… but we shall meet again, and soon.” There was another eclipse, and Galactus was gone.
It was Christmas Day, and Han Solo was happy. His friends were alive and well, his adopted home had been restored, the good guys had won and the bad guys were likely making the Red Skull’s crew clean their toilets as punishment. Life was good. He offered Cap his hand, and the super-soldier gratefully shook it. “Guess that’s a wrap,” Han said with a lop-sided grin. “After all this time, you’ve avenged Bucky’s death.”
“That’s what we do,” Iron Man said happily, throwing an arm around Cap’s shoulders. “We may be Squaddies and Turtles, Autobots and Leaguers but, when you get right to the core of it… we’re all Avengers.”
And with that, a new legend was born.
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Greet the Fire as Your Friend,
SF