Ficlet
Random Eva ficlet. Mostly psychological stuff from Asuka.
Title: None
Fandom: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Pairing: Asuka/Shinji
Word Count: 303
Asuka can't understand Shinji. She doesn't know why he always withdraws, always apologizes, always curls up into his little shell. She doesn't get him. He's nothing like Kaji, he's nothing like what people are supposed to act like, what men are supposed to act like. And yet, somehow, she's drawn to him. Despite herself, she likes him. And it's because of that, because of these feelings, she lashes out. She doesn't want them. She doesn't need them. But she wants him to pay attention to her, to see her and she doesn't understand why he pulls away from her, why he withdraws again. What does he want from her? She can't actually come out and say it. She can't admit it, even to herself. Asuka can't say that she needs someone else, she has to rely on herself and only herself.
Admitting that she likes another, that she wants someone to be close to her is weakness. It will slow her down, it will keep her from doing what she has to do. So she lashes out, calls him names, berates him, derides him. And somehow, she expects him to see through it all, she hopes he sees through it all, to see what she really wants. When he doesn't, she lashes out again, this time in anger, subconciously.
"I don't need him," she tells herself, "I don't want him. He's a wuss, a second-rate pilot. He can't keep up with me."
And yet, in one of the darkest hours of her life, as she sits, curled into a ball as her mind is ripped apart, dissected piece by piece, examined by an Angel, she finds herself thinking of him, cursing him for not helping her, for not seeing through her own concious thoughts.
And ultimately, she will die, alone, still wondering why.
Title: None
Fandom: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Pairing: Asuka/Shinji
Word Count: 303
Asuka can't understand Shinji. She doesn't know why he always withdraws, always apologizes, always curls up into his little shell. She doesn't get him. He's nothing like Kaji, he's nothing like what people are supposed to act like, what men are supposed to act like. And yet, somehow, she's drawn to him. Despite herself, she likes him. And it's because of that, because of these feelings, she lashes out. She doesn't want them. She doesn't need them. But she wants him to pay attention to her, to see her and she doesn't understand why he pulls away from her, why he withdraws again. What does he want from her? She can't actually come out and say it. She can't admit it, even to herself. Asuka can't say that she needs someone else, she has to rely on herself and only herself.
Admitting that she likes another, that she wants someone to be close to her is weakness. It will slow her down, it will keep her from doing what she has to do. So she lashes out, calls him names, berates him, derides him. And somehow, she expects him to see through it all, she hopes he sees through it all, to see what she really wants. When he doesn't, she lashes out again, this time in anger, subconciously.
"I don't need him," she tells herself, "I don't want him. He's a wuss, a second-rate pilot. He can't keep up with me."
And yet, in one of the darkest hours of her life, as she sits, curled into a ball as her mind is ripped apart, dissected piece by piece, examined by an Angel, she finds herself thinking of him, cursing him for not helping her, for not seeing through her own concious thoughts.
And ultimately, she will die, alone, still wondering why.