(no subject)
Title:Coming Back
Book: The Charioteer
Rating: G
Summary: Ralph's POV at the end of chapter sixteen.
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters and make no profit from them.
Special thank you to jrtomlin and all your wonderful advise.
Ralph watched as Laurie slept. His face still in sleep held the same charm Ralph found he loved while he was awake. Even now with his mouth slightly open, breath even and steady, Ralph found him too good to be true. That he was here at all bewildered him the way it did seeing him among Sandy’s lot.
“I should have had to come back.”
He couldn’t have stopped himself from opening his arms to him no more than he could have stopped his ship from sinking. Even now, as Laurie slept, the thought to sneak away and carry on with his plans seemed cruel. Ralph would never leave him, but he could wait for Laurie to understand the mistake he had made by coming back.
He won’t stay. A voice whispered in his ear. He came back, but for how long?
He didn’t want to think about it. He was here now, and that is what Ralph told himself, what mattered the most. He didn’t know whether he should be relieved or not, that Laurie couldn’t see the quiet misery residing inside him. Ralph had told himself that before now it hadn’t mattered. The boy hadn’t been anything more than Ralph could understand. He knew what Laurie must feel for him had been real and honest. Ralph could understand, if only Laurie could trust him.
But why would he, the voice whispered again. What am I compared to something as innocent as that boy. He’ll hate me, eventually for ruining it all for him. Ralph who had no innocence left to speak of, whose ideals had come at the expense to anyone who had ever cared for him. Laurie, Alec, even poor Bim. It was too much. He could never be the storybook hero that Laurie wanted him to be, expected him to be. All those fears that Ralph would never voice, because they were his to bear and no one else’s. Not even this man.
Soon enough Laurie would understand he couldn’t be his ideal Lanyon. That perhaps he never had been. He would see him for what he was again and realize how he fell short. And when he did he would leave again, and for good.
In the meantime he pulled Laurie closer into his arms and told himself that as of right now, in this moment, he was happy. It was enough.
Book: The Charioteer
Rating: G
Summary: Ralph's POV at the end of chapter sixteen.
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters and make no profit from them.
Special thank you to jrtomlin and all your wonderful advise.
Ralph watched as Laurie slept. His face still in sleep held the same charm Ralph found he loved while he was awake. Even now with his mouth slightly open, breath even and steady, Ralph found him too good to be true. That he was here at all bewildered him the way it did seeing him among Sandy’s lot.
“I should have had to come back.”
He couldn’t have stopped himself from opening his arms to him no more than he could have stopped his ship from sinking. Even now, as Laurie slept, the thought to sneak away and carry on with his plans seemed cruel. Ralph would never leave him, but he could wait for Laurie to understand the mistake he had made by coming back.
He won’t stay. A voice whispered in his ear. He came back, but for how long?
He didn’t want to think about it. He was here now, and that is what Ralph told himself, what mattered the most. He didn’t know whether he should be relieved or not, that Laurie couldn’t see the quiet misery residing inside him. Ralph had told himself that before now it hadn’t mattered. The boy hadn’t been anything more than Ralph could understand. He knew what Laurie must feel for him had been real and honest. Ralph could understand, if only Laurie could trust him.
But why would he, the voice whispered again. What am I compared to something as innocent as that boy. He’ll hate me, eventually for ruining it all for him. Ralph who had no innocence left to speak of, whose ideals had come at the expense to anyone who had ever cared for him. Laurie, Alec, even poor Bim. It was too much. He could never be the storybook hero that Laurie wanted him to be, expected him to be. All those fears that Ralph would never voice, because they were his to bear and no one else’s. Not even this man.
Soon enough Laurie would understand he couldn’t be his ideal Lanyon. That perhaps he never had been. He would see him for what he was again and realize how he fell short. And when he did he would leave again, and for good.
In the meantime he pulled Laurie closer into his arms and told himself that as of right now, in this moment, he was happy. It was enough.