What's the Point of being Popular (if you can't do what you want?) Chapter 7
Title: What's the point of being popular (if you can't do what you want?)
Pairing: Sam/Puck
Rating: Still chilling out in PG-13
Spoilers: Only for earlier chapters.
Chapter Seven
Sam wasn’t used to getting much attention from Coach Beiste. In his world, personal attention from the coach - or any teacher, really - was a message that he was messing up somehow.
He knocked at the door to the coach’s office in the locker room, and heard a gruff “Hurry on then!” from behind the shuttered door. Great, Sam thought. Messing up already.
“Coach?”
“Evans! About time. Have a seat, I want to talk about your tryout last week.” The coach was sitting behind her desk and riffling through a stack of football forms - she seemed to be in the process of organising her first string team.
“Uhg, yeah coach... I was thinking, maybe it wasn’t a great idea for me to even try out this year. I mainly only went for it because Puck was pushing it, and I didn’t get any practice in over the summer, and-“
“The foundation is all there, all solid. What is it that’s messing up your head so badly? You practically flunked off the field. If I’m going to give you another shot I have to know that you’re not going to shut down during a game.” The papers were roughly shoved into a folder and Beiste picked up a pen from her desk. It looked too small in her meaty hand. She started tapping it on the wooden surface of the desk, watching Sam.
“Um, another chance, coach? I thought...” Sam still didn’t know if he wanted to be on the team, and now it sounded like the coach was going to make the choice for him. Nobody ever gave him enough time to make up his own mind.
“Listen Evans, I’m not going to leave my best quarterback off the roster because he had a poor trial. We both know that Hudson is graduating at the end of the year and it’s high time you stepped up and started showing me you want this. That’s IF you want it.”
Sam found himself nodding. He didn’t know why he’s been pushing this away... of course he wanted to be quarterback, it’s what he’d been working towards since he started playing. Quarterback, captain of glee... despite everything, he still had some time to make his dreams happen. All his family drama, the whole ‘being gay’ thing... Sam didn’t want everything that was going on to destroy his life. To wreck everything that he actually liked about himself. He liked football, he was GOOD at football; playing with the team would give him more than a way to work off energy and steam, it was something he could channel his frustration into. His family… they were out of the picture. If he worked harder, if he didn’t give up on the things that made him feel like himself, Sam knew that didn’t have to be the end of the world. He didn’t want the world to be over yet… there were things he still wanted to do.
Quarterback, make a play for captain of Glee... what else do I want?, Sam was lost in thought for a moment. He didn’t remember ever asking himself that before, and he wasn’t sure where the answer might take him. He felt like if he could just figure out what he wanted, somehow he’d find a way to make it happen. And if he couldn’t…maybe Puck would have an idea.
Coach Beiste wasn’t one to sit quietly for long.
“Evans!” she barked, jerking Sam out of his trance, “I’m waiting for you to talk to me about what’s going on with you. There’s been enough pussyfooting around.”
Sam plummeted down to Earth. Where could he start?
“Coach, I just had a bad trial because I was worried about telling my parents something. I didn’t know how they’d react, and...and yeh.” His mom had taught him, ‘if you’re ever confused or scared, just tell the truth the best way you know how’. That had been right after he’d broken a window and lied about it.
“Drugs is it? The stuff you kids are doing these days... or some sort of... you haven’t gone and pulled something like Puckerman, have you? The team name needs to be squeaky clean this year or fundraising isn’t going to cover us...” She stood up and began pacing behind her desk. Sam sat up straight.
“No coach, nothing like that - no drugs, and Puck - he’s been helping me out, actually. Don’t judge him by his rep, he’s really... like, people misunderstand him, Coach, because he doesn’t just let people in, they have to... you know, earn it. Or most people do I guess, I didn’t do anything. He’s just a good guy.”
Coach Beiste had stopped and turned to face Sam, her hands resting on the back of her chair. Sam tried to make himself smaller.
She took a deep breath and sat again, still watching him closely. Sam glanced up into her eyes... he had never really understood Coach Beiste. He was pretty sure she didn’t want her players to see more of her than the prickly, no-nonsense attitude. Like to appear human would undercut her authority. Sam realized that she was probably right about that.
“Well?” She asked simply.
Sam steeled himself. This was going to happen sooner or later. He felt... excited, at the notion of going through with it. His heart was pounding.
“Coach, I messed up my trial because I was worried about telling my parents that I’m...that I like guys. And it was really on my mind, and I wasn’t even sure if I should be on the team because if it came out...”
She didn’t take her eyes off him, but she did blink in surprise.
“Evans...why didn’t you come to me with this?”
“I just... I didn’t think of it. And you’re my coach, this wasn’t something I wanted to put on you... and I didn’t know if you would be disappointed in me...”
“Disappointed? Evans, what do you think I’m here for? If there’s something in your skull messing you up so bad your game goes to hell, you come to me, you got that?”
Sam’s heart was still beating. Was this real? She was talking as though he still had a place on her team.
“Yeah Coach, I got it. I... you still want me to play?”
“Evans, you’re quarterback. I want you starting, we need to get you in shape to take over the reigns and fly solo next year, and if you think I’m going to go easy on you then you just wait and see how easy things are.”
“No Coach, I mean... Yes Coach, I’ll work my hardest for you, I promise.”
“You’re going to give me your ALL, Evans! This is going to be a huge year for the team. Now... this other thing. Have you told your parents yet? Would it help for me to call them in so we can talk to them together?”
For a minute his heart had been soaring, and for the second time in ten minutes the Coach had plucked him out of the atmosphere into a crash landing.
“Oh...no, Coach, thanks, maybe that would’ve been better, but...”
“You’ve told them then? You got it off your chest, out of your system?”
“Yeah... I mean, I could have done a better job of it, I dumped it on them all at once and they were really tired, so-“
“How exactly did they react, Sam?”
He was thrown by the use of his first name. It sounded so strange coming from Coach Beiste - he was pretty sure she’d never used it before.
“Um... they...” Sam was on the verge of telling her everything, but something inside him froze. He couldn’t believe that he’d been able to tell her about being gay, and now... but what would happen to him if he told? Would she leave him alone, let him sort things out, stay at Puck’s place? Sam doubted that. She cared too much.
“...They were pretty thrown, like, they always thought I was really into girls and I think my mom was counting on lots of grandkids, but um... we had a really long chat and um... like, mom is even going to go and get some books from the library and stuff, so it’s all good.”
It was almost too easy to parrot off his private fantasy about how his parents might have reacted and give it to the Coach as the truth. Still, Sam thought his stumbling over the words might have given him away. She looked at him hard for a few seconds before going back to her papers.
“Well good then, Evans, well done. I look forward to seeing them at games. That’s all for now.”
Sam stood to leave, barely daring to believe he’d gotten away with the lie. He’d thought Coach Beiste could smell lies.
“Oh, Evans...” Sam stopped, his hand halfway to the doorknob. Great, he thought, this is where the other shoe drops. He’d known it was coming. There was just no way this meeting could go so well. He turned, reluctantly, to meet the Coaches gaze.
“If anyone gives you a hard time… anything that rubs you the wrong way… I don’t want to be last in line to hear about it, you got that? You come and tell me. If I’m not next on your list after Puckerman I’ll have you doing windsprints until you’re my age in dog years, you got that?” She held his stunned gaze for a few moments before roughly pulling out the folder full of forms.
It took a second for Sam to find his voice.
“Uh…I got it, Coach. You bet. Um… thanks.” He felt lame, but his chest was swelling and his eyes were itching and he had to say something before he ducked out of her office.
“Okay then. Practice starts Thursday.”
Sam rubbed his eyes roughly as he left the locker room. He was glad he had the jog back to Puck’s place to get his head straight again.
#
The cutlery clattered as Puck deposited it in a heap on the table. It had always been his job to set the table before dinner, and since Sam was doing his best to help dish the food without getting in the way of Puck’s mom, there wasn’t much else for him to do.
Puck hadn’t seen his little sister in a few days. It wasn’t until he asked about it that his mom told him that she and her father had agreed that she would attend school closer to the city. Puck felt vaguely hurt that no one had told him - but he suspected that talking about it would have hurt his mom a whole lot more. She didn’t want her daughter anywhere near her ex-husband, but there were a bunch of adult things that Puck didn’t understand caught up in their custody fight. Puck was relieved that his father didn’t want him. Setting out the plates, Puck realised that he’d accidentally set four places at the table. He hurried to clean away his mistake before his mom saw; that would not be a great start to their first ‘family’ meal together.
Nora Puckerman was a huge believer in family meals. She tried to make sure she cooked a proper sit-down meal at least once a week, and Puck had learned early on that in his mom’s eyes there was no acceptable excuse for missing a family meal, whenever it managed to happen. Even when it was just her and Puck, his mom made a big deal out of it. Puck had resented it for a while but recently - especially after Beth - he’d really started to appreciate the importance his mom placed on family. He was even happier when she started referring to it as ‘our first family meal’ in front of Sam. Puck could tell that little gesture made Sam feel really comfortable, to the extent that he was happily explaining some sci-fi movie to Puck’s mom while he helped with the food.
Puck couldn’t help but smile. His mom had a way of opening people up; He hoped that when she found out that Sam wasn’t all-that-straight (because really, it was just a matter of time)- he just hoped she’d be able to keep being friendly. It would rip Sam up to have another person shut him out in the cold.
His mom had gone all out with the meal. She’d traded her afternoon for a late shift and she’d spent most of the day roasting lamb and pumpkin and potatoes and Puck was pretty sure she’d made her special cheese sauce for the cauliflower. The house had been filling up with the delicious aroma of a feast for hours and his mouth was watering.
He grabbed a bunch of sauces from the pantry and poured glasses of water just as Sam announced that the food was all served. Puck helped by carrying his mom’s plate to the table, and he lit some candles around the room.
They all sat down and Puck was relieved when his mom didn’t ask Sam to say grace - he knew from experience that something like that could be a lot of pressure. She clasped her hands and said a few words about gratitude and family and then she looked at both of them from her position at the head of the table and smiled. To Puck it seemed that the candlelight and the wonderful meal had lifted years of stress from her shoulders. He picked up his cutlery - he’d been dying to get his teeth into this meal for hours.
“So Sam, it’s so good that we’ve finally had a chance to spend some real time together.” Puck made an effort not to snort at the sound of his mom’s cautious politeness. “I’m sorry I’ve been working so much, but your help in the kitchen today - you were a lifesaver. Someone taught you very well.”
Sam blushed and smiled happily as he shovelled some vegetables into his mouth.
“Thanks, it was a lot of fun,” he said, swallowing quickly. “It’s been ages since I’ve had a sit-down meal like this. It tastes amazing - you’re a wonderful cook.”
If there was one thing Puck had noticed about Sam, it was that the kid did a really good job of giving back whenever someone fed him. Puck had made breakfast and dinner for him a couple of times and Sam was always suitably appreciative. Weirdly, it made Puck want to cook more often. If Puck had thought of Sam as sneaky, he might have suspected that was the intended effect.
“Well I’m certainly glad you’re staying with us for the time being, Noah can use all the help he can get learning his way around the kitchen.” Puck grinned at Sam across the table. All three of them knew that Nora had been keeping her son active in the kitchen since he was little. She was of the firm belief that women should judge a man by how well he cooked for her, and she had every intention of helping Puck bag the best pick of the bunch. Puck privately suspected it was because she wanted pretty grandchildren as soon as possible. That is... Puck painfully revised in his head, pretty grandchildren that she can keep.
Puck hadn’t contributed too much to the dinner conversation. His mom seemed to be enjoying getting Sam to open up and talk about himself a little.
#
“-So that’s when I found out I got the quarterback spot, which was a big surprise because I’d already met Finn when he tried to get me into the glee club-"
“The glee club!” Nora clapped her hands together, looking at Puck and back to Sam happily. “Noah has barely mentioned it - a sure sign that it's a topic of interest. What do you all do all the time? I assume that you ended up joining, Sam?”
“Yep, not right away because I was a little worried that I wouldn’t fit in and because I was new. But we have a blast. Auditions for this year are coming up and I don’t know what song I should sing. Last year auditions were really informal, so it’s pretty nerve-wracking this time around. Even after meeting with Coach Beiste I’m still almost hoping that glee club clashes with football though, because once the team finds out I’m gay they probably won’t be that receptive-“
Puck froze. He’d been halfway into a bite and he nearly choked swallowing his mouthful. He looked at Sam in alarm; he’d been animatedly talking but as soon as the words had tumbled out of his mouth his hands had dropped and the colour had run out of his face.
Puck looked to his mom, and for a few beats there was total silence around the table.
“Noah... that's something you didn't mention.” Nora was looking from Puck and back to Sam again now. Her lips had thinned down and her hands held her cutlery limply on the tabletop, momentarily forgotten. The happy expression she had worn moments earlier had disappeared completely.
“Uhh... well mom, it’s just, it’s not really my place, and...” Puck hated it when he started stumbling over his own words. He couldn’t recall if he’d mentioned to Sam that he’d held back on the whole sexual-orientation front; had he fucked up by not warning Sam? Not that it mattered now.
Silence pressed in on them. Sam was looking at him in a half-panic; his eyes were wide and Puck thought he saw the guys lip quiver just a little. Sam thought Puck would know what to do, but he had no idea.
Puck couldn't do anything more than return Sam's alarmed expression.
In a very quiet voice, Sam spoke up.
“Listen, Ms. Puckerman, sorry, I got... I was just over-excited, I guess I forgot that you didn’t know for a second. It’s okay, I’ll get going.” He pushed his seat back from the table and the legs scraped against the tiles.
The sound seemed to startle Nora Puckerman out of her trance, and she dropped her folk and caught Sam’s arm in a move so fast Puck had barely registered it.
“Sam, oh Sammy don’t be ridiculous, you’re not going anywhere! Poor boy, that’s not- I mean, it’s a shock, you seem so... but Sam, no no no, it’s just a lot to process all at once...” She looked to Puck without letting go of Sam’s arm. Puck was speechless. He tried to think of something to say but it was like his brain was flooding.
“So...” Nora looked from Puck, back up to Sam again, and back again to Puck. “I mean, what do I do about this? I certainly never thought - I mean if I’d suspected, I would’ve thought about what to do to handle something like... but...” Puck’s mom trailed off, gently letting go of Sam’s arm and composing herself.
“Sit down at the table properly Samuel, for heaven’s sake.” She said sternly, before dropping her gaze straight down at her half finished dinner. Sam cautiously pulled back into his place and Puck wanted to laugh when he caught Sam sitting up straight at the use of his full name.
It took another moment for Nora to take a deep breath. Her eyes flicked up to Puck.
“Okay, well, what do parents do in this situation? Am I supposed to put you into separate rooms? I mean, if Sam was a girlfriend - no offence dear - but, oh, lord knows I can’t be here patrolling the corridors anyway... and I’m sure, I mean I know at this point Noah, you’ve had plenty of experiences...” She seemed to shake a little then and settle back into place. “I think arrangements are fine, really. I know I taught Puck very carefully about protection after... after our history, and Sam you seem very sensible...”
At that it dawned on Puck and Sam simultaneously...
“No!” “-He’s not-“ “-I’m not-“
They talked over each other for another second and Nora interrupted them with an indulgent smile.
“Yes, yes, I’m happy for you to play it however you like, and I know Noah can’t stand it when I start involving myself. Just do be safe.” She fixed Puck with a look that broached absolutely no arguments, before looking back to Sam and fixing her face into a relaxed smile.
“Sam dear, tell me more about that movie you mentioned, what was it called? I hadn’t heard of it and I’d love to see it...”
Puck resigned himself to the fact that his mom had a very clear idea about what she thought Sam and Puck’s relationship was. Once his mom had something like that in her head, there was no shaking it - and every denial just drove it deeper. On the whole, he realised, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world for his mom to think he and Sam were fooling around. Firstly it guaranteed them a little more privacy than, say, Puck and Finn might get. Plus the idea would tag Sam as a VIP in Nora’s mind, which would help in the weeks to come as they started to talk about long-term plans...
Puck was still thinking as Sam started relaxing into the task of describing some sci-fi flick to his mom again. Even if it hadn’t been intended that way, the whole thing had to be the smoothest ‘coming out to the folks’ conversation Puck had ever heard of. Sometimes his mom was just especially amazing. He felt a warm bubbling happiness in his chest. He’d wondered sometimes, especially over the past days, like, what would happen if he WAS...? Like, would his mom still love him, or would she kick him out like Sam’s parents had?
Maybe if things went somewhere with Sam it wouldn’t be so complicated after all.
#
When dinner was finished Puck’s mom dished some ice cream and fruit and they dimmed the lights to watch a movie together. Out of deference to his mom Puck chose a romantic comedy, but five minutes in Nora proclaimed that she wanted to watch a ‘boy movie’ with her two boys. Sam’s chest swelled with pride at that, and Puck put on a flick closer to their regular taste.
Nora’s exclamation bounced around in Sam’s head throughout the entire film - he didn’t really follow the story. Mostly he just sat, stunned at the changes that had taken place in his life at breakneck speed.
Puck’s mom had curled up on one couch, which left Sam sharing the other with Puck. He kept wanting to edge a little closer so that they’d touch a little. He didn’t know what had gotten into him. He’d never thought about Puck in any romantic kind of way before - like, if he was totally honest then, yeh, he’d noticed Puck’s body, but that was just like a straight guy admiring girls. Since all this started, and spending so much time with Puck, and getting to know him… Sam’s heart beat a lot harder when he was closer to Puck. Now, sitting next to him, Sam couldn’t help but notice every little reaction Puck had to the television. Halfway through Puck had caught Sam looking and flashed him a grin, and then HE had leaned over and nudged Sam with his shoulder... Sam couldn’t help but be a little jealous, Puck made that little motion look like the easiest, most natural thing in the world.
He tried not to be too obvious about leaning into the center of the couch and pressing the side of his body into Puck. His palms were sweating, his heart was pounding - and Puck... Puck wasn’t pulling away. If he even noticed, which Sam was sure he wouldn’t because he knew he was being stupid... but this was worth it. Sitting watching a movie practically on top of Puck... that feeling was worth everything he’d been through.
At some point Puck reminded him that he hadn’t taken a bite of his (now melted) ice cream and fruit chunks for ages. Sam ate a spoonful and tried to grin at Puck at the same time, and Puck just laughed. Sam caught Nora watching the two of them looking at each other and smiling.
Sam couldn’t believe what she’d said over dinner. He’d been scared, frozen, after blurting out about being gay- he’d really thought she wouldn’t let him stay, like, look at how his OWN parents had reacted...but then, when she’d thought he and Puck were together... Sam couldn’t believe it. How could she think PUCK was...?
Just the idea made Sam’s heart flutter a little and he tried to crush any hopes down. He knew that a relationship with Puck... even anything more than being buddies - Sam knew that was pretty firmly off the table. There was no way that Puck would’ve let him be so touchy-feely if Sam hadn’t just become a resident of the fucking lost and found. Puck was like the ultimate ladies man… even IF (and Sam felt himself cringe at the size of that ‘if’), IF Puck decided he wanted to fool around with a guy… that would be all it was. Fooling around. Sex. Puck was like the school sex shark, he didn’t really seem to do ‘relationships’. Except for Quinn, anyway.
After the movie wrapped up Nora left for her late shift and Sam brushed his teeth next to Puck. They made toothpaste-filled grins at each other in the mirror, baring their teeth like wild animals and snarling before breaking into halting laughter. By the time they were finished Sam had to mop up toothpaste from his chin.
Shuffling into the bedroom Sam really hoped that somehow they’d end up cuddling again without him having to ask... but he also didn’t want to push his luck. It couldn’t have been comfortable for Puck to share his bed with another dude.
“I’ll take the floor this time.” Sam volunteered, wanting to get in ahead, avoid the waiting and eventual disappointment.
“It’s okay dude, you don’t have to.”
“Nah... I’ve taken up your bed long enough, and that foam mat doesn’t look too bad.” Sam stole a pillow from Puck’s bed and moved to unroll the mat. Puck stood near the door watching him for a second, before shrugging and flipping off the light.
Sam stretched out on the mat - it was not nearly as soft as it looked - and stared up at the dark ceiling while Puck shuffled into bed.
He tried to relax and think about things other than Puck. Sometimes when he couldn’t get to sleep he’d tell himself stories from his favorite movies, and then if he was lucky they’d turn into his dreams. Tonight it was hard though because Puck couldn’t seem to relax in bed, he kept turning and shuffling the covers.
A few minutes passed and Sam was about to ask Puck if he was okay. He’d resisted because the silence was like...oppressive. Just as he was working up the nerve to break it, though, Puck slid off the bed, covers and all, and curled into Sam’s side with his arm curled over Sam’s chest. Sudden, complete wakefulness spread through Sam and his body was on fire where Puck was touching him. For a second he was sure he’d drifted off to sleep. He pushed his toe into the sole of his other foot and the stab of feeling assured him that no, this was real. And it felt perfect.
Puck was close enough that when he whispered in Sam’s ear, Sam could almost feel Puck’s lips on his skin. He repressed a shiver.
“So I couldn’t get comfortable up there, I’ve gotten kinda used to having to share the space.”
Sam chuckled. He felt so much happier, more complete... being curled up with Puck just felt so comforting.
“No complaints here.” Sam whispered up towards the roof. “Except... is it kinda stupid for us to both be down here when there’s a perfectly good bed up there?”
Sam waited; Puck didn’t answer right away.
“Actually,” Puck whispered, hugging Sam a little and nuzzling his shoulder softly, “I’m good here if you’re not too uncomfortable.”
Sam mentally shrugged - he didn’t care at all. The mat under him was suddenly feeling much softer. He basked in the feeling of Puck’s body against his and let his eye close.
In his dreams he and Puck flew in circles together on the backs of dragons.
Gotta make the most of the dance before the sky-people come.
Pairing: Sam/Puck
Rating: Still chilling out in PG-13
Spoilers: Only for earlier chapters.
Chapter Seven
Sam wasn’t used to getting much attention from Coach Beiste. In his world, personal attention from the coach - or any teacher, really - was a message that he was messing up somehow.
He knocked at the door to the coach’s office in the locker room, and heard a gruff “Hurry on then!” from behind the shuttered door. Great, Sam thought. Messing up already.
“Coach?”
“Evans! About time. Have a seat, I want to talk about your tryout last week.” The coach was sitting behind her desk and riffling through a stack of football forms - she seemed to be in the process of organising her first string team.
“Uhg, yeah coach... I was thinking, maybe it wasn’t a great idea for me to even try out this year. I mainly only went for it because Puck was pushing it, and I didn’t get any practice in over the summer, and-“
“The foundation is all there, all solid. What is it that’s messing up your head so badly? You practically flunked off the field. If I’m going to give you another shot I have to know that you’re not going to shut down during a game.” The papers were roughly shoved into a folder and Beiste picked up a pen from her desk. It looked too small in her meaty hand. She started tapping it on the wooden surface of the desk, watching Sam.
“Um, another chance, coach? I thought...” Sam still didn’t know if he wanted to be on the team, and now it sounded like the coach was going to make the choice for him. Nobody ever gave him enough time to make up his own mind.
“Listen Evans, I’m not going to leave my best quarterback off the roster because he had a poor trial. We both know that Hudson is graduating at the end of the year and it’s high time you stepped up and started showing me you want this. That’s IF you want it.”
Sam found himself nodding. He didn’t know why he’s been pushing this away... of course he wanted to be quarterback, it’s what he’d been working towards since he started playing. Quarterback, captain of glee... despite everything, he still had some time to make his dreams happen. All his family drama, the whole ‘being gay’ thing... Sam didn’t want everything that was going on to destroy his life. To wreck everything that he actually liked about himself. He liked football, he was GOOD at football; playing with the team would give him more than a way to work off energy and steam, it was something he could channel his frustration into. His family… they were out of the picture. If he worked harder, if he didn’t give up on the things that made him feel like himself, Sam knew that didn’t have to be the end of the world. He didn’t want the world to be over yet… there were things he still wanted to do.
Quarterback, make a play for captain of Glee... what else do I want?, Sam was lost in thought for a moment. He didn’t remember ever asking himself that before, and he wasn’t sure where the answer might take him. He felt like if he could just figure out what he wanted, somehow he’d find a way to make it happen. And if he couldn’t…maybe Puck would have an idea.
Coach Beiste wasn’t one to sit quietly for long.
“Evans!” she barked, jerking Sam out of his trance, “I’m waiting for you to talk to me about what’s going on with you. There’s been enough pussyfooting around.”
Sam plummeted down to Earth. Where could he start?
“Coach, I just had a bad trial because I was worried about telling my parents something. I didn’t know how they’d react, and...and yeh.” His mom had taught him, ‘if you’re ever confused or scared, just tell the truth the best way you know how’. That had been right after he’d broken a window and lied about it.
“Drugs is it? The stuff you kids are doing these days... or some sort of... you haven’t gone and pulled something like Puckerman, have you? The team name needs to be squeaky clean this year or fundraising isn’t going to cover us...” She stood up and began pacing behind her desk. Sam sat up straight.
“No coach, nothing like that - no drugs, and Puck - he’s been helping me out, actually. Don’t judge him by his rep, he’s really... like, people misunderstand him, Coach, because he doesn’t just let people in, they have to... you know, earn it. Or most people do I guess, I didn’t do anything. He’s just a good guy.”
Coach Beiste had stopped and turned to face Sam, her hands resting on the back of her chair. Sam tried to make himself smaller.
She took a deep breath and sat again, still watching him closely. Sam glanced up into her eyes... he had never really understood Coach Beiste. He was pretty sure she didn’t want her players to see more of her than the prickly, no-nonsense attitude. Like to appear human would undercut her authority. Sam realized that she was probably right about that.
“Well?” She asked simply.
Sam steeled himself. This was going to happen sooner or later. He felt... excited, at the notion of going through with it. His heart was pounding.
“Coach, I messed up my trial because I was worried about telling my parents that I’m...that I like guys. And it was really on my mind, and I wasn’t even sure if I should be on the team because if it came out...”
She didn’t take her eyes off him, but she did blink in surprise.
“Evans...why didn’t you come to me with this?”
“I just... I didn’t think of it. And you’re my coach, this wasn’t something I wanted to put on you... and I didn’t know if you would be disappointed in me...”
“Disappointed? Evans, what do you think I’m here for? If there’s something in your skull messing you up so bad your game goes to hell, you come to me, you got that?”
Sam’s heart was still beating. Was this real? She was talking as though he still had a place on her team.
“Yeah Coach, I got it. I... you still want me to play?”
“Evans, you’re quarterback. I want you starting, we need to get you in shape to take over the reigns and fly solo next year, and if you think I’m going to go easy on you then you just wait and see how easy things are.”
“No Coach, I mean... Yes Coach, I’ll work my hardest for you, I promise.”
“You’re going to give me your ALL, Evans! This is going to be a huge year for the team. Now... this other thing. Have you told your parents yet? Would it help for me to call them in so we can talk to them together?”
For a minute his heart had been soaring, and for the second time in ten minutes the Coach had plucked him out of the atmosphere into a crash landing.
“Oh...no, Coach, thanks, maybe that would’ve been better, but...”
“You’ve told them then? You got it off your chest, out of your system?”
“Yeah... I mean, I could have done a better job of it, I dumped it on them all at once and they were really tired, so-“
“How exactly did they react, Sam?”
He was thrown by the use of his first name. It sounded so strange coming from Coach Beiste - he was pretty sure she’d never used it before.
“Um... they...” Sam was on the verge of telling her everything, but something inside him froze. He couldn’t believe that he’d been able to tell her about being gay, and now... but what would happen to him if he told? Would she leave him alone, let him sort things out, stay at Puck’s place? Sam doubted that. She cared too much.
“...They were pretty thrown, like, they always thought I was really into girls and I think my mom was counting on lots of grandkids, but um... we had a really long chat and um... like, mom is even going to go and get some books from the library and stuff, so it’s all good.”
It was almost too easy to parrot off his private fantasy about how his parents might have reacted and give it to the Coach as the truth. Still, Sam thought his stumbling over the words might have given him away. She looked at him hard for a few seconds before going back to her papers.
“Well good then, Evans, well done. I look forward to seeing them at games. That’s all for now.”
Sam stood to leave, barely daring to believe he’d gotten away with the lie. He’d thought Coach Beiste could smell lies.
“Oh, Evans...” Sam stopped, his hand halfway to the doorknob. Great, he thought, this is where the other shoe drops. He’d known it was coming. There was just no way this meeting could go so well. He turned, reluctantly, to meet the Coaches gaze.
“If anyone gives you a hard time… anything that rubs you the wrong way… I don’t want to be last in line to hear about it, you got that? You come and tell me. If I’m not next on your list after Puckerman I’ll have you doing windsprints until you’re my age in dog years, you got that?” She held his stunned gaze for a few moments before roughly pulling out the folder full of forms.
It took a second for Sam to find his voice.
“Uh…I got it, Coach. You bet. Um… thanks.” He felt lame, but his chest was swelling and his eyes were itching and he had to say something before he ducked out of her office.
“Okay then. Practice starts Thursday.”
Sam rubbed his eyes roughly as he left the locker room. He was glad he had the jog back to Puck’s place to get his head straight again.
#
The cutlery clattered as Puck deposited it in a heap on the table. It had always been his job to set the table before dinner, and since Sam was doing his best to help dish the food without getting in the way of Puck’s mom, there wasn’t much else for him to do.
Puck hadn’t seen his little sister in a few days. It wasn’t until he asked about it that his mom told him that she and her father had agreed that she would attend school closer to the city. Puck felt vaguely hurt that no one had told him - but he suspected that talking about it would have hurt his mom a whole lot more. She didn’t want her daughter anywhere near her ex-husband, but there were a bunch of adult things that Puck didn’t understand caught up in their custody fight. Puck was relieved that his father didn’t want him. Setting out the plates, Puck realised that he’d accidentally set four places at the table. He hurried to clean away his mistake before his mom saw; that would not be a great start to their first ‘family’ meal together.
Nora Puckerman was a huge believer in family meals. She tried to make sure she cooked a proper sit-down meal at least once a week, and Puck had learned early on that in his mom’s eyes there was no acceptable excuse for missing a family meal, whenever it managed to happen. Even when it was just her and Puck, his mom made a big deal out of it. Puck had resented it for a while but recently - especially after Beth - he’d really started to appreciate the importance his mom placed on family. He was even happier when she started referring to it as ‘our first family meal’ in front of Sam. Puck could tell that little gesture made Sam feel really comfortable, to the extent that he was happily explaining some sci-fi movie to Puck’s mom while he helped with the food.
Puck couldn’t help but smile. His mom had a way of opening people up; He hoped that when she found out that Sam wasn’t all-that-straight (because really, it was just a matter of time)- he just hoped she’d be able to keep being friendly. It would rip Sam up to have another person shut him out in the cold.
His mom had gone all out with the meal. She’d traded her afternoon for a late shift and she’d spent most of the day roasting lamb and pumpkin and potatoes and Puck was pretty sure she’d made her special cheese sauce for the cauliflower. The house had been filling up with the delicious aroma of a feast for hours and his mouth was watering.
He grabbed a bunch of sauces from the pantry and poured glasses of water just as Sam announced that the food was all served. Puck helped by carrying his mom’s plate to the table, and he lit some candles around the room.
They all sat down and Puck was relieved when his mom didn’t ask Sam to say grace - he knew from experience that something like that could be a lot of pressure. She clasped her hands and said a few words about gratitude and family and then she looked at both of them from her position at the head of the table and smiled. To Puck it seemed that the candlelight and the wonderful meal had lifted years of stress from her shoulders. He picked up his cutlery - he’d been dying to get his teeth into this meal for hours.
“So Sam, it’s so good that we’ve finally had a chance to spend some real time together.” Puck made an effort not to snort at the sound of his mom’s cautious politeness. “I’m sorry I’ve been working so much, but your help in the kitchen today - you were a lifesaver. Someone taught you very well.”
Sam blushed and smiled happily as he shovelled some vegetables into his mouth.
“Thanks, it was a lot of fun,” he said, swallowing quickly. “It’s been ages since I’ve had a sit-down meal like this. It tastes amazing - you’re a wonderful cook.”
If there was one thing Puck had noticed about Sam, it was that the kid did a really good job of giving back whenever someone fed him. Puck had made breakfast and dinner for him a couple of times and Sam was always suitably appreciative. Weirdly, it made Puck want to cook more often. If Puck had thought of Sam as sneaky, he might have suspected that was the intended effect.
“Well I’m certainly glad you’re staying with us for the time being, Noah can use all the help he can get learning his way around the kitchen.” Puck grinned at Sam across the table. All three of them knew that Nora had been keeping her son active in the kitchen since he was little. She was of the firm belief that women should judge a man by how well he cooked for her, and she had every intention of helping Puck bag the best pick of the bunch. Puck privately suspected it was because she wanted pretty grandchildren as soon as possible. That is... Puck painfully revised in his head, pretty grandchildren that she can keep.
Puck hadn’t contributed too much to the dinner conversation. His mom seemed to be enjoying getting Sam to open up and talk about himself a little.
#
“-So that’s when I found out I got the quarterback spot, which was a big surprise because I’d already met Finn when he tried to get me into the glee club-"
“The glee club!” Nora clapped her hands together, looking at Puck and back to Sam happily. “Noah has barely mentioned it - a sure sign that it's a topic of interest. What do you all do all the time? I assume that you ended up joining, Sam?”
“Yep, not right away because I was a little worried that I wouldn’t fit in and because I was new. But we have a blast. Auditions for this year are coming up and I don’t know what song I should sing. Last year auditions were really informal, so it’s pretty nerve-wracking this time around. Even after meeting with Coach Beiste I’m still almost hoping that glee club clashes with football though, because once the team finds out I’m gay they probably won’t be that receptive-“
Puck froze. He’d been halfway into a bite and he nearly choked swallowing his mouthful. He looked at Sam in alarm; he’d been animatedly talking but as soon as the words had tumbled out of his mouth his hands had dropped and the colour had run out of his face.
Puck looked to his mom, and for a few beats there was total silence around the table.
“Noah... that's something you didn't mention.” Nora was looking from Puck and back to Sam again now. Her lips had thinned down and her hands held her cutlery limply on the tabletop, momentarily forgotten. The happy expression she had worn moments earlier had disappeared completely.
“Uhh... well mom, it’s just, it’s not really my place, and...” Puck hated it when he started stumbling over his own words. He couldn’t recall if he’d mentioned to Sam that he’d held back on the whole sexual-orientation front; had he fucked up by not warning Sam? Not that it mattered now.
Silence pressed in on them. Sam was looking at him in a half-panic; his eyes were wide and Puck thought he saw the guys lip quiver just a little. Sam thought Puck would know what to do, but he had no idea.
Puck couldn't do anything more than return Sam's alarmed expression.
In a very quiet voice, Sam spoke up.
“Listen, Ms. Puckerman, sorry, I got... I was just over-excited, I guess I forgot that you didn’t know for a second. It’s okay, I’ll get going.” He pushed his seat back from the table and the legs scraped against the tiles.
The sound seemed to startle Nora Puckerman out of her trance, and she dropped her folk and caught Sam’s arm in a move so fast Puck had barely registered it.
“Sam, oh Sammy don’t be ridiculous, you’re not going anywhere! Poor boy, that’s not- I mean, it’s a shock, you seem so... but Sam, no no no, it’s just a lot to process all at once...” She looked to Puck without letting go of Sam’s arm. Puck was speechless. He tried to think of something to say but it was like his brain was flooding.
“So...” Nora looked from Puck, back up to Sam again, and back again to Puck. “I mean, what do I do about this? I certainly never thought - I mean if I’d suspected, I would’ve thought about what to do to handle something like... but...” Puck’s mom trailed off, gently letting go of Sam’s arm and composing herself.
“Sit down at the table properly Samuel, for heaven’s sake.” She said sternly, before dropping her gaze straight down at her half finished dinner. Sam cautiously pulled back into his place and Puck wanted to laugh when he caught Sam sitting up straight at the use of his full name.
It took another moment for Nora to take a deep breath. Her eyes flicked up to Puck.
“Okay, well, what do parents do in this situation? Am I supposed to put you into separate rooms? I mean, if Sam was a girlfriend - no offence dear - but, oh, lord knows I can’t be here patrolling the corridors anyway... and I’m sure, I mean I know at this point Noah, you’ve had plenty of experiences...” She seemed to shake a little then and settle back into place. “I think arrangements are fine, really. I know I taught Puck very carefully about protection after... after our history, and Sam you seem very sensible...”
At that it dawned on Puck and Sam simultaneously...
“No!” “-He’s not-“ “-I’m not-“
They talked over each other for another second and Nora interrupted them with an indulgent smile.
“Yes, yes, I’m happy for you to play it however you like, and I know Noah can’t stand it when I start involving myself. Just do be safe.” She fixed Puck with a look that broached absolutely no arguments, before looking back to Sam and fixing her face into a relaxed smile.
“Sam dear, tell me more about that movie you mentioned, what was it called? I hadn’t heard of it and I’d love to see it...”
Puck resigned himself to the fact that his mom had a very clear idea about what she thought Sam and Puck’s relationship was. Once his mom had something like that in her head, there was no shaking it - and every denial just drove it deeper. On the whole, he realised, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world for his mom to think he and Sam were fooling around. Firstly it guaranteed them a little more privacy than, say, Puck and Finn might get. Plus the idea would tag Sam as a VIP in Nora’s mind, which would help in the weeks to come as they started to talk about long-term plans...
Puck was still thinking as Sam started relaxing into the task of describing some sci-fi flick to his mom again. Even if it hadn’t been intended that way, the whole thing had to be the smoothest ‘coming out to the folks’ conversation Puck had ever heard of. Sometimes his mom was just especially amazing. He felt a warm bubbling happiness in his chest. He’d wondered sometimes, especially over the past days, like, what would happen if he WAS...? Like, would his mom still love him, or would she kick him out like Sam’s parents had?
Maybe if things went somewhere with Sam it wouldn’t be so complicated after all.
#
When dinner was finished Puck’s mom dished some ice cream and fruit and they dimmed the lights to watch a movie together. Out of deference to his mom Puck chose a romantic comedy, but five minutes in Nora proclaimed that she wanted to watch a ‘boy movie’ with her two boys. Sam’s chest swelled with pride at that, and Puck put on a flick closer to their regular taste.
Nora’s exclamation bounced around in Sam’s head throughout the entire film - he didn’t really follow the story. Mostly he just sat, stunned at the changes that had taken place in his life at breakneck speed.
Puck’s mom had curled up on one couch, which left Sam sharing the other with Puck. He kept wanting to edge a little closer so that they’d touch a little. He didn’t know what had gotten into him. He’d never thought about Puck in any romantic kind of way before - like, if he was totally honest then, yeh, he’d noticed Puck’s body, but that was just like a straight guy admiring girls. Since all this started, and spending so much time with Puck, and getting to know him… Sam’s heart beat a lot harder when he was closer to Puck. Now, sitting next to him, Sam couldn’t help but notice every little reaction Puck had to the television. Halfway through Puck had caught Sam looking and flashed him a grin, and then HE had leaned over and nudged Sam with his shoulder... Sam couldn’t help but be a little jealous, Puck made that little motion look like the easiest, most natural thing in the world.
He tried not to be too obvious about leaning into the center of the couch and pressing the side of his body into Puck. His palms were sweating, his heart was pounding - and Puck... Puck wasn’t pulling away. If he even noticed, which Sam was sure he wouldn’t because he knew he was being stupid... but this was worth it. Sitting watching a movie practically on top of Puck... that feeling was worth everything he’d been through.
At some point Puck reminded him that he hadn’t taken a bite of his (now melted) ice cream and fruit chunks for ages. Sam ate a spoonful and tried to grin at Puck at the same time, and Puck just laughed. Sam caught Nora watching the two of them looking at each other and smiling.
Sam couldn’t believe what she’d said over dinner. He’d been scared, frozen, after blurting out about being gay- he’d really thought she wouldn’t let him stay, like, look at how his OWN parents had reacted...but then, when she’d thought he and Puck were together... Sam couldn’t believe it. How could she think PUCK was...?
Just the idea made Sam’s heart flutter a little and he tried to crush any hopes down. He knew that a relationship with Puck... even anything more than being buddies - Sam knew that was pretty firmly off the table. There was no way that Puck would’ve let him be so touchy-feely if Sam hadn’t just become a resident of the fucking lost and found. Puck was like the ultimate ladies man… even IF (and Sam felt himself cringe at the size of that ‘if’), IF Puck decided he wanted to fool around with a guy… that would be all it was. Fooling around. Sex. Puck was like the school sex shark, he didn’t really seem to do ‘relationships’. Except for Quinn, anyway.
After the movie wrapped up Nora left for her late shift and Sam brushed his teeth next to Puck. They made toothpaste-filled grins at each other in the mirror, baring their teeth like wild animals and snarling before breaking into halting laughter. By the time they were finished Sam had to mop up toothpaste from his chin.
Shuffling into the bedroom Sam really hoped that somehow they’d end up cuddling again without him having to ask... but he also didn’t want to push his luck. It couldn’t have been comfortable for Puck to share his bed with another dude.
“I’ll take the floor this time.” Sam volunteered, wanting to get in ahead, avoid the waiting and eventual disappointment.
“It’s okay dude, you don’t have to.”
“Nah... I’ve taken up your bed long enough, and that foam mat doesn’t look too bad.” Sam stole a pillow from Puck’s bed and moved to unroll the mat. Puck stood near the door watching him for a second, before shrugging and flipping off the light.
Sam stretched out on the mat - it was not nearly as soft as it looked - and stared up at the dark ceiling while Puck shuffled into bed.
He tried to relax and think about things other than Puck. Sometimes when he couldn’t get to sleep he’d tell himself stories from his favorite movies, and then if he was lucky they’d turn into his dreams. Tonight it was hard though because Puck couldn’t seem to relax in bed, he kept turning and shuffling the covers.
A few minutes passed and Sam was about to ask Puck if he was okay. He’d resisted because the silence was like...oppressive. Just as he was working up the nerve to break it, though, Puck slid off the bed, covers and all, and curled into Sam’s side with his arm curled over Sam’s chest. Sudden, complete wakefulness spread through Sam and his body was on fire where Puck was touching him. For a second he was sure he’d drifted off to sleep. He pushed his toe into the sole of his other foot and the stab of feeling assured him that no, this was real. And it felt perfect.
Puck was close enough that when he whispered in Sam’s ear, Sam could almost feel Puck’s lips on his skin. He repressed a shiver.
“So I couldn’t get comfortable up there, I’ve gotten kinda used to having to share the space.”
Sam chuckled. He felt so much happier, more complete... being curled up with Puck just felt so comforting.
“No complaints here.” Sam whispered up towards the roof. “Except... is it kinda stupid for us to both be down here when there’s a perfectly good bed up there?”
Sam waited; Puck didn’t answer right away.
“Actually,” Puck whispered, hugging Sam a little and nuzzling his shoulder softly, “I’m good here if you’re not too uncomfortable.”
Sam mentally shrugged - he didn’t care at all. The mat under him was suddenly feeling much softer. He basked in the feeling of Puck’s body against his and let his eye close.
In his dreams he and Puck flew in circles together on the backs of dragons.
Gotta make the most of the dance before the sky-people come.