Random venting....
This is just me bitching about random people, but of course I won't say their names. Just 'cuz I'd rather tell it to their faces, just not any time soon. So this is just some random venting, really not that important (unless I have a reason to hate you, then you may want to continue...)
You smell like ass. Literally. And you cheat on your girlfriend and tell you that you love her. I hate her alomst as much as I hate you, but not quite. Just because I feel sorry for her. She's pathetic. You're just dirty. Oh yeah, and I know that you have chlamyddia. Not because I have it or anything, that's gross (just incase some random person reading this thinks thats how I know....people like gossip like that). I wouldn't touch you with a 60 foot poll, even if I was paid a bujillion dollars for it and my life depended on it. But you fucked my friend who has it. Well she's not really my friend, just someone I talk to from time to time. I couldn't really see myself being friends with someone who openly announces their stds to random people...It must really suck to be you eh? Random information for your girlfriend: I believe its somewhere around 30-40% of girls don't show any symptoms, even though they may have it. And the vast majority of guys who have it show no symptoms. That's gross. I think I'm going to go puke now. (I've wanted to get that out for months now.....)
I miss you. I hate everything about you and I wish I could stop thinking about you. But I still get butterflies when you look at me. That's why I turn away so fast everytime I see you, just incase you were wondering. I know you said you still wanted us to be friends, but it's pretty damn hard with a story like this. I don't know which one of us is worse, the lying one or the cheating one? I've been the cheating one before, so I forgave you. But when you found out I lied, I don't think you forgave me. And it's killing me. But atleast it's given me that tad bit of......respect isn't the right word but its the only one cooming to mind at the time. But I still miss you. You're probably the biggest jerk I know, but I can see through you like freaking glass. I jsut wish I could tell you everything. But you'd probably hate me for it. I know I would. Hello, my first name is distance.
You killed me. I don't miss you. I did once, but not anymore. Now I could care less about you or any of the stupid drama you put me through. I never thought I'd meet an actor better than myself. But then I was introduced to you. Together, we could win an Emmy (or whatever the hell those award are called, you know, the ones they give to the daytime soap stars...). I like to tell you I'm sorry, but I'm really not. I'm just dissappointed that things turned out the way they did. But then again, everything happens for a reason right? I find it kind of ironic how I told you I never wanted to see you again and you got so upset. And where are you now? I'd love to stay and chat a little longer, but I've never been the patient type. I just hope this never gets through to you. (I've never been great with my secrets either).
You killed me too. Wow this is turning out to be a lot more emo and a lot less angry than I had planned. Meh, I guess that's just how the cookies will crumble...anyway, back to my crying: Actually, it's not crying. That was what I wanted to say. All of that went to waste. And I still have yet to cry. I'll cry over boys that I dated for no longer than a month, and yet after pretty much what was 3 years, when you finally tell me I'm not good enough, nothing. Not even a stupid emo line comes to mind. I see you once in a while. I just don't think it's hit me yet. It's been almost 7 months. When it finally does hit me, which may not be for a while, it'll be like a trainwreck. I probably won't even go to school for days, maybe even weeks. I'll stop speaking. I won't even be able to cry. Just shake and puke. But until then, I'll keep seeing you on the street and smiling with a "hi", forgetting for those few precious seconds that all we ever had was a lie.
I hate you. You piss me off more than anyone I've ever known. You talked shit behind my back and made ME appologize for it. It was bullshit and a half. I feel sorry for you because your lifes such a goddamn pathetic mess. But at the same time, I hate how much you glamorize it and crave attention and pity from anyone willing to listen to your fabricated stories. I hate what a poseur you are, and you don't even realize it. I'm actually glad to be rid of you. I feel horrible for all of it. But that's just me.
I hate you still. But I forgive you. So I guess now I just wish I could hate you, but I don't. I know you're begging for a second chance, but I could never give you one, even if I tried. I wonder now if you still read this. I doubt it, but you may. I'm ashamed of what happened. I could never risk anything like that again. I wish it never happened. Atleast then I could lie and tell you how I was falling in love with you again. That was fun.
I love you. Probably more than you realize right now. If you ever left me, I'd be completely lost. I'm not even joking. I'll always be there for you, no matter what. (wholly sappy-ness of doom!!! what a freaking after school special....)
That's pretty much all of it for now. I just wanted to get that out there. Oh yeah, and just so you know, none of these people have livejournal, so odds are if you're reading this, it's not about you. You probabaly don't even know who it's about. But guessings always fun :) Oh yeah, and thanks for reading this if you did.
<3