(no subject)
Coming back from Baltimore late last night, when I got to the light where I needed to turn to go home and go to bed, I turned the other way and drove over to my old/new/real/half-constructed house.
I knew what I'd do when I got there; I had it all planned out in my head. I'd climb the newly-built stairs to the second floor and have some time alone in the skeleton of my room. I'd sit for a while, I'd think about the great big things like life and the universe, I'd sort through my feelings, and maybe I'd achieve some temporary peace of mind. It seemed like the proper emotionally symbolic act. If my life were a movie, I was certain, it's what I would do. But of course, without the slightly mournful indie soundtrack and the dramatic camera-panning, nothing could go like imagined it.
I pulled into my neighbors’ driveway, since ours was occupied by a dumpster and piles of wood planks. I killed the lights and stepped out of the car, almost slipping on the sheet of ice under my feet. I picked my way carefully across the yard and walked into the garage.
It was dark. The weak light from the neighbors’ porch lights didn’t do much to make the space look any less creepy and cavernous. I stopped and stood and stared out through the glassy window panels at the back of the house, where the family room would be. It would have been stupid to go in any further. There were too many dangers: things to trip over, nails to step on, ways to fall into the basement. There wasn’t anything I could do here worth breaking my neck over. How long would I last before sitting and thinking got old? I’d already over-thought the idea beyond spontaneity and my teeth were chattering. I didn’t want to go in, and I also didn’t need to. I’d already reached emotional resolution bawling my eyes out at the idea of it on the ride over.
I left feeling a little defeated and a little silly and a little numb from the cold. But the moon was huge and bright and low in the sky, and maybe half empty but probably half full.
I’ll take my symbolism where I can get it, thank you very much.
In any case, this morning my mom took me over to the house to check out my room in the happy sunlit hours. I spun around in circles in the big open spaces and walked through where the walls would be. And I took pictures! At this point, there's not much to look at, but it's definitely progress.
My room! Beautiful, right?
The most recent part of the project, underway.
I tried to be artsy with little success. This would be the view of a dumpster through the hole in the front door where the doorknob will be. Uh?
Innuendo~