Accidents and Aftermath, Chapter 4: Need
Title: Accidents and Aftermath
Author: Dreaming of Everything dreams_of_all
Series: Yu Yu Hakusho
Characters/Pairings: Hiei/Botan
Rating/Warnings: T for over-all mood, nothing terribly bad in specifics.
Summary: When Hiei is poisoned, causing temporary insanity, he severely wounds Botan, who's now comatose, hovering on the brink of death. This fic is a series of onesided conversations between the two as Hiei deals with his emotions, and then the aftermath.
"We need you."
The statement was surprising, abrupt, startlingly unexpected.
The darkened room was unchanged; the door remained closed, Botan remained comatose and Hiei remained a mostly-silent specter of guilt.
All of the nurses knew he was there, and each hurried just a little bit more, lingered just a little bit less, because of it.
None of them approved. Gossip ran rampant through all Reikai. The combined authority and threats of Koenma, Yusuke, Genkai, Kuwabara, Kurama and most especially Hiei was not enough to halt the insidious tide of rumors and half-truths, all cobbled together.
If anyone had been in the room they would have been surprised that Hiei had spoken. Very few, if any, would have expected that silence would draw words out of the demon.
"Kurama, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Koenma... They're all falling apart without you."
He paused reflectively.
"I expect everyone else you know is as well.
"You worm your way into everyone's life. Even though I--" He hesitated at 'hated,' changed his mind. "Even though we never got along, you were a part of who I was. I would yell at you, insult you, threaten you, and we would...affect each other.
"You gave us hope. You gave us... Optimism, unwavering belief, when we didn't have any and thought we didn't need any.
"You gave us more than you know. Just your presence, I think, was worth more than you ever guessed at...
"And now we're forced to realize.
"I don't think anyone is functioning. Not even the day-to-day...
"...seems to be getting done."
The silence drew on, empty and demanding, for a subjective eternity longer.
"I wish you knew how much we all need you."
To Hiei, it felt as if silence curled up and fell into restful sleep, sated at his confession. There would be other conversations.
oOo
"Hey," said Yusuke as Keiko sat down beside him.
They were on the roof, which had happened before, but this time was different. This time, Yusuke wasn't just escaping class and annoying teachers. This time, Keiko couldn't blame him.
She was there for the same reasons he was.
"Hello," she said, voice as subdued as his had been, for all his contrived casualness.
They sat quietly for a few minutes, the sky heavy above them. The day was sunny and warm, a blue eternity overhead.
Botan's hair wasn't that shade of blue, but it was comparable.
"It's weird, huh?" said Yusuke finally.
"She has to be okay!" blurted Keiko in response, before blushing and turning away.
"I know," sighed Yusuke. "I know."
Even now that it happened, it was hard to imagine that Botan wouldn't pop out of somewhere, a new assignment or gadget in hand.
The fragile body, unnervingly silent and deathly still, arranged on white sheets in an stiffly unnatural position didn't quite match up with the bubbly girl they knew.
It wasn't so much as if it hadn't happened, but that it seemed as if it had happened to two different people.
But it had, and it was Botan who was affected. They both had to realize that. Slowly, they had begun to.
The two sat like that for a while.
"She has to live..." whispered Keiko. "She has to..."
oOo
Kurama knew he shouldn't be missing school, if only because of his mother--the grades themselves, the teachers and the other students, he couldn't care less about.
But he also knew that Hiei needed him. It was why he was currently not, in fact, in school, and instead going to meet with Hiei, who was currently unaware of that fact.
He also knew he would take that fact to his grave. Hiei would not react well to hearing that said out loud, and he knew he would feel the same, were the situation reversed.
That didn't change the matter.
Kurama's feet had memorized the hallways to take to Botan's room and he maneuvered expertly through the maze of corridors that was Reikai.
The dead-ends, loops, circular hallways, conjunctions and sudden turns make you realize that it grew up slowly, with no rhyme or reason, he thought idly. The entire complex seems almost alive... A sleeping creature created over time by its inhabitants, having only a sleepy disinterest in them.
The idea was both fascinating and disturbing.
He found himself outside Botan's room and entered with a sigh.
"Hiei?" he called out, voice soft.
"Hn. Fox." he received by way of response.
"How is she doing?"
Hiei wasn't going to bother wasting his breath on a rhetorical question.
"How are you doing?"
"...hn."
Kurama gave him a look clearly stating what he thought of his response.
Hiei remained stubbornly silent, still half-shrouded in darkness.
"Hiei, look. I'm going to be blunt, because I'm just... exhausted.
"I'm worried about you. I know what I would be like, if it was me, and I would need the support, even if I didn't admit it. You'd help me, too, denying it all the while, so just think of it as me returning the favor."
Hiei finally turned to look at him, red eyes glinting in the darkness, the curve of his head barely visible in the dim lighting, and Kurama had to squelch an inappropriate bubble of amusement at what the nurses must think of him and the situation. Hiei had never been a warm, fuzzy person, or even companionable, as Kurama was.
That aside, Kurama could see the guilt clearly on Hiei's face, and the strain the past days had caused.
"This is hard enough as it is," said Kurama finally, as the silence wore on. "You should know that. I don't need this on top of everything else, and you need it even less."
"..I don't know." said Hiei. "I... don't know how I'm doing. Kurama, I don't know how I'm going to manage if she doesn't make it.
"I don't think I can take that much guilt."
"I know nothing I can say will change your mind, so I won't remind you again that it isn't your fault."
"It wasn't your weapon that caused the damage," said Hiei, leveling his glare at Kurama.
"I know," he sighed, dropping into the plain wood chair that had been left for visitors. "I know, no matter how much I wish it wasn't the case."
Author: Dreaming of Everything dreams_of_all
Series: Yu Yu Hakusho
Characters/Pairings: Hiei/Botan
Rating/Warnings: T for over-all mood, nothing terribly bad in specifics.
Summary: When Hiei is poisoned, causing temporary insanity, he severely wounds Botan, who's now comatose, hovering on the brink of death. This fic is a series of onesided conversations between the two as Hiei deals with his emotions, and then the aftermath.
"We need you."
The statement was surprising, abrupt, startlingly unexpected.
The darkened room was unchanged; the door remained closed, Botan remained comatose and Hiei remained a mostly-silent specter of guilt.
All of the nurses knew he was there, and each hurried just a little bit more, lingered just a little bit less, because of it.
None of them approved. Gossip ran rampant through all Reikai. The combined authority and threats of Koenma, Yusuke, Genkai, Kuwabara, Kurama and most especially Hiei was not enough to halt the insidious tide of rumors and half-truths, all cobbled together.
If anyone had been in the room they would have been surprised that Hiei had spoken. Very few, if any, would have expected that silence would draw words out of the demon.
"Kurama, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Koenma... They're all falling apart without you."
He paused reflectively.
"I expect everyone else you know is as well.
"You worm your way into everyone's life. Even though I--" He hesitated at 'hated,' changed his mind. "Even though we never got along, you were a part of who I was. I would yell at you, insult you, threaten you, and we would...affect each other.
"You gave us hope. You gave us... Optimism, unwavering belief, when we didn't have any and thought we didn't need any.
"You gave us more than you know. Just your presence, I think, was worth more than you ever guessed at...
"And now we're forced to realize.
"I don't think anyone is functioning. Not even the day-to-day...
"...seems to be getting done."
The silence drew on, empty and demanding, for a subjective eternity longer.
"I wish you knew how much we all need you."
To Hiei, it felt as if silence curled up and fell into restful sleep, sated at his confession. There would be other conversations.
oOo
"Hey," said Yusuke as Keiko sat down beside him.
They were on the roof, which had happened before, but this time was different. This time, Yusuke wasn't just escaping class and annoying teachers. This time, Keiko couldn't blame him.
She was there for the same reasons he was.
"Hello," she said, voice as subdued as his had been, for all his contrived casualness.
They sat quietly for a few minutes, the sky heavy above them. The day was sunny and warm, a blue eternity overhead.
Botan's hair wasn't that shade of blue, but it was comparable.
"It's weird, huh?" said Yusuke finally.
"She has to be okay!" blurted Keiko in response, before blushing and turning away.
"I know," sighed Yusuke. "I know."
Even now that it happened, it was hard to imagine that Botan wouldn't pop out of somewhere, a new assignment or gadget in hand.
The fragile body, unnervingly silent and deathly still, arranged on white sheets in an stiffly unnatural position didn't quite match up with the bubbly girl they knew.
It wasn't so much as if it hadn't happened, but that it seemed as if it had happened to two different people.
But it had, and it was Botan who was affected. They both had to realize that. Slowly, they had begun to.
The two sat like that for a while.
"She has to live..." whispered Keiko. "She has to..."
oOo
Kurama knew he shouldn't be missing school, if only because of his mother--the grades themselves, the teachers and the other students, he couldn't care less about.
But he also knew that Hiei needed him. It was why he was currently not, in fact, in school, and instead going to meet with Hiei, who was currently unaware of that fact.
He also knew he would take that fact to his grave. Hiei would not react well to hearing that said out loud, and he knew he would feel the same, were the situation reversed.
That didn't change the matter.
Kurama's feet had memorized the hallways to take to Botan's room and he maneuvered expertly through the maze of corridors that was Reikai.
The dead-ends, loops, circular hallways, conjunctions and sudden turns make you realize that it grew up slowly, with no rhyme or reason, he thought idly. The entire complex seems almost alive... A sleeping creature created over time by its inhabitants, having only a sleepy disinterest in them.
The idea was both fascinating and disturbing.
He found himself outside Botan's room and entered with a sigh.
"Hiei?" he called out, voice soft.
"Hn. Fox." he received by way of response.
"How is she doing?"
Hiei wasn't going to bother wasting his breath on a rhetorical question.
"How are you doing?"
"...hn."
Kurama gave him a look clearly stating what he thought of his response.
Hiei remained stubbornly silent, still half-shrouded in darkness.
"Hiei, look. I'm going to be blunt, because I'm just... exhausted.
"I'm worried about you. I know what I would be like, if it was me, and I would need the support, even if I didn't admit it. You'd help me, too, denying it all the while, so just think of it as me returning the favor."
Hiei finally turned to look at him, red eyes glinting in the darkness, the curve of his head barely visible in the dim lighting, and Kurama had to squelch an inappropriate bubble of amusement at what the nurses must think of him and the situation. Hiei had never been a warm, fuzzy person, or even companionable, as Kurama was.
That aside, Kurama could see the guilt clearly on Hiei's face, and the strain the past days had caused.
"This is hard enough as it is," said Kurama finally, as the silence wore on. "You should know that. I don't need this on top of everything else, and you need it even less."
"..I don't know." said Hiei. "I... don't know how I'm doing. Kurama, I don't know how I'm going to manage if she doesn't make it.
"I don't think I can take that much guilt."
"I know nothing I can say will change your mind, so I won't remind you again that it isn't your fault."
"It wasn't your weapon that caused the damage," said Hiei, leveling his glare at Kurama.
"I know," he sighed, dropping into the plain wood chair that had been left for visitors. "I know, no matter how much I wish it wasn't the case."