Accidents and Aftermath, Chapter 6: Understanding
Title: Accidents and Aftermath
Author: Dreaming of Everything dreams_of_all
Series: Yu Yu Hakusho
Characters/Pairings: Hiei/Botan
Rating/Warnings: T for over-all mood, nothing terribly bad in specifics.
Summary: When Hiei is poisoned, causing temporary insanity, he severely wounds Botan, who's now comatose, hovering on the brink of death. This fic is a series of onesided conversations between the two as Hiei deals with his emotions, and then the aftermath.
Hiei was slightly surprised when the door swung open at a time when none of the nurses were scheduled to visit. He had heard the footsteps, of course, but he hadn't recognized them as ones that could belong to any of the spirit detectives; they were too quiet, too soft; the person didn't weigh enough to be any of them.
He recognized the girl as Urameshi's woman, the one he had taken hostage when Yusuke had first fought him. She apparently didn't see him, had no idea he was there--clearly nobody had told her he had taken to haunting the room. Admittedly, he wasn't particularly obviously placed, but she was clearly no fighter. He watched silently, not wanting to deal with the girl, especially considering that, the first time he had met her, he had kidnapped her and tried to forcefully open a copy of his Jagan in her. Humans made such complicated deals out of those sorts of things.
"Oh, Botan..." she whispered, her voice cracking slightly as tears gathered in her eyes. Hiei vaguely remembered her earlier, when they had been told the news. A week to live, a week before they would know, permanently, whether she would live or die.
"We've just fallen apart without you. I can't seem to stop crying, I just don't know what to say to my parents. Yusuke's beating himself up over it, I've never seen him this torn up, I have no idea what’s going to happen-you just can’t die!”
She was silent for a few minutes, except for loud sniffling as she tried to keep her tears under control.
“I’m sorry-you always hated crying. N-Never could stand to see anyone depressed.” At that, she finally broke down sobbing, overwhelmed.
Hiei could just barely catch her words, strangled as they were by her sobs and muffled by the hands she was covering her face with.
“It’s just not fair, you always hated seeing us sad or depressed and now we all are, and it’s because of you, it’s not fair to you, it’s not fair to us, but I can’t help it, if you were here you’d make us all cheer up."
Her tears and babbling began to slow, trailing off.
“If you were here, we wouldn’t be sad in the first place.”
She sat for another few long minutes before leaving Hiei alone once more, with the irony of her words-if you were here you’d make us all cheer up-you always hated seeing us sad or depressed-now we all are.
oOo
Yusuke entered a while after Keiko left. He was, apparently, aware of the fact that Hiei was definitely in the room.
“Hey, Hiei! Listen-it just can’t be healthy for you to stick around haunting Botan’s room like some creepy grumpy overgrown bat with three eyes. Plus she’s going to freak i-when she wakes up.”
Shaken by the slip of his tongue, Yusuke was silent for a few minutes. Hiei made no move to respond.
“Seriously. Don’t beat yourself up over it-we’re all damn sure that it’s not your fault. Sure, you’re a moody, temperamental bastard most of the time, but we all trust you. Yeah… Damn this is awkward.”
Hiei gave a small snort of agreement at that last comment, at least. Yusuke was not custom-made for uplifting and inspirational speeches, particularly not when it came to things like emotions.
“Yeah, whatever. I can kick your ass halfway to next Sunday.”
“You’re imagining things, Urameshi.”
“Hah! I did it before, I can do it again. No-one beats the mighty Yusuke Urameshi!”
Hiei remained pointedly silent.
“Shut up! …Damn! Stop being quiet so loudly!”
oOo
“I…”
The word fell flat. Hiei wasn’t even sure what he had meant to say. The oppressing silence and overwhelming pressure of guilt-worry-envy-fear-sorrow-understanding was nearly hypnotizing, pushing him into the glassy-eyed, unthinking, nearly meditative state that drew words from him, water to a sponge.
“…I think I… Understand.
“At least, I am beginning to.
“I always wondered what everyone else saw in you, what redeeming values you had beyond grating vapidity and ill-advised optimism.
“I think though… That that… Is what I was missing. There were no ‘potential qualities that could count as marginally helpful’ because I couldn’t see them for what they were worth.
“You were a voice of hope even when it was hopeless, even if nobody believed it; the reassurance always managed to worm its way in somehow. You were strong when you needed to be, even though you were always weak. You cared, deeply, about as all… except for, maybe, me, but that’s to be expected. It is what I deserve, the least of what my punishment should be, after what I have done. That girl of Yusuke’s was never as hurt by my kidnapping as she was by me hurting you. That, at least, had a chance of recovery…
“Not that I… Care about her. She is a weak human, when all is said and done, worse than you ever were, but Yusuke sees something in her. I don’t think I understand it…
“But I never saw anything in you until it was too late. It had nothing to do with the… incident, but it looks like I stole away my own second chance.
“I am beginning to understand, but I don’t think I understand much of anything, really…”
Author: Dreaming of Everything dreams_of_all
Series: Yu Yu Hakusho
Characters/Pairings: Hiei/Botan
Rating/Warnings: T for over-all mood, nothing terribly bad in specifics.
Summary: When Hiei is poisoned, causing temporary insanity, he severely wounds Botan, who's now comatose, hovering on the brink of death. This fic is a series of onesided conversations between the two as Hiei deals with his emotions, and then the aftermath.
Hiei was slightly surprised when the door swung open at a time when none of the nurses were scheduled to visit. He had heard the footsteps, of course, but he hadn't recognized them as ones that could belong to any of the spirit detectives; they were too quiet, too soft; the person didn't weigh enough to be any of them.
He recognized the girl as Urameshi's woman, the one he had taken hostage when Yusuke had first fought him. She apparently didn't see him, had no idea he was there--clearly nobody had told her he had taken to haunting the room. Admittedly, he wasn't particularly obviously placed, but she was clearly no fighter. He watched silently, not wanting to deal with the girl, especially considering that, the first time he had met her, he had kidnapped her and tried to forcefully open a copy of his Jagan in her. Humans made such complicated deals out of those sorts of things.
"Oh, Botan..." she whispered, her voice cracking slightly as tears gathered in her eyes. Hiei vaguely remembered her earlier, when they had been told the news. A week to live, a week before they would know, permanently, whether she would live or die.
"We've just fallen apart without you. I can't seem to stop crying, I just don't know what to say to my parents. Yusuke's beating himself up over it, I've never seen him this torn up, I have no idea what’s going to happen-you just can’t die!”
She was silent for a few minutes, except for loud sniffling as she tried to keep her tears under control.
“I’m sorry-you always hated crying. N-Never could stand to see anyone depressed.” At that, she finally broke down sobbing, overwhelmed.
Hiei could just barely catch her words, strangled as they were by her sobs and muffled by the hands she was covering her face with.
“It’s just not fair, you always hated seeing us sad or depressed and now we all are, and it’s because of you, it’s not fair to you, it’s not fair to us, but I can’t help it, if you were here you’d make us all cheer up."
Her tears and babbling began to slow, trailing off.
“If you were here, we wouldn’t be sad in the first place.”
She sat for another few long minutes before leaving Hiei alone once more, with the irony of her words-if you were here you’d make us all cheer up-you always hated seeing us sad or depressed-now we all are.
oOo
Yusuke entered a while after Keiko left. He was, apparently, aware of the fact that Hiei was definitely in the room.
“Hey, Hiei! Listen-it just can’t be healthy for you to stick around haunting Botan’s room like some creepy grumpy overgrown bat with three eyes. Plus she’s going to freak i-when she wakes up.”
Shaken by the slip of his tongue, Yusuke was silent for a few minutes. Hiei made no move to respond.
“Seriously. Don’t beat yourself up over it-we’re all damn sure that it’s not your fault. Sure, you’re a moody, temperamental bastard most of the time, but we all trust you. Yeah… Damn this is awkward.”
Hiei gave a small snort of agreement at that last comment, at least. Yusuke was not custom-made for uplifting and inspirational speeches, particularly not when it came to things like emotions.
“Yeah, whatever. I can kick your ass halfway to next Sunday.”
“You’re imagining things, Urameshi.”
“Hah! I did it before, I can do it again. No-one beats the mighty Yusuke Urameshi!”
Hiei remained pointedly silent.
“Shut up! …Damn! Stop being quiet so loudly!”
oOo
“I…”
The word fell flat. Hiei wasn’t even sure what he had meant to say. The oppressing silence and overwhelming pressure of guilt-worry-envy-fear-sorrow-understanding was nearly hypnotizing, pushing him into the glassy-eyed, unthinking, nearly meditative state that drew words from him, water to a sponge.
“…I think I… Understand.
“At least, I am beginning to.
“I always wondered what everyone else saw in you, what redeeming values you had beyond grating vapidity and ill-advised optimism.
“I think though… That that… Is what I was missing. There were no ‘potential qualities that could count as marginally helpful’ because I couldn’t see them for what they were worth.
“You were a voice of hope even when it was hopeless, even if nobody believed it; the reassurance always managed to worm its way in somehow. You were strong when you needed to be, even though you were always weak. You cared, deeply, about as all… except for, maybe, me, but that’s to be expected. It is what I deserve, the least of what my punishment should be, after what I have done. That girl of Yusuke’s was never as hurt by my kidnapping as she was by me hurting you. That, at least, had a chance of recovery…
“Not that I… Care about her. She is a weak human, when all is said and done, worse than you ever were, but Yusuke sees something in her. I don’t think I understand it…
“But I never saw anything in you until it was too late. It had nothing to do with the… incident, but it looks like I stole away my own second chance.
“I am beginning to understand, but I don’t think I understand much of anything, really…”