(no subject)
Title: It's Raining
Series: Yu Yu Hakusho
Pairings/Characters: Hiei/Botan
Rating/Warnings: Doesn't stray above a T/PG-13 rating. Warnings for bad writing, potential fanbrattieness and a little bit of sexual violence in the later chapters.
Status: Completed.
Disclaimer: While Yu Yu Hakusho is not mine, most of the books quoted were made up by me.
Day Four, after noon, into Day Five:
Botan spent the rest of her day with Kagome, Shizuru, Keiko and Yukina, the four girls enoying the chance to act at least fairly typical for teenagers their age. Admittedly, it wasn't entirely normal (how could it be?) but it was a lot closer than most of them normally got.
She had another restless night, tossing uneasily, though she slept late this morning, nearly until ten, before she was woken by an irate Koenma demanding that she come back to work because there was much too much to do and didn't she know that they were all over-worked and she truly couldn't take any more time off at all, really.
Botan arrived home later than she was used too, at maybe nine in the evening, absolutely exhausted. She was aching with fatigue, and so tired... She had missed lunch, and her lack of sleep was beginning to catch up with her. Combining that with her recent emotional upheaval, it was a wonder she was still upright.
She took a brief shower, the water as hot as she could stand it, before getting out and drying off, slipping into her pajamas. Yawning widely she fell into her bed, falling into a deep sleep. It was calmer than she had been the other nights, but only so because she was too tired for anything else. She still wasn't as peaceful as she might have been otherwise.
Hiei had spent the past 24 hours or so sleeping and training, trying desperately to keep his mind off of Botan and what had happened. He had done everything, anything, and it wasn't working.
He had fallen into an uneasy doze around eight in the evening, as the last of the day's sunlight was fading from the sky. He had awoken panicked, his breath harsh in his throat. He didn't remember the nightmare that had woken him up, but a deep unease settled over him nonetheless.
A few brief seconds later Hiei stood silently on Botan's porch, the plants Kurama had grown to ward the porch recognizing him as a friend and allowing him to pass into her apartment. A brief check through the space assured him that everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be.
Hiei quietly opened the door to Botan's room, slipping in and closing it behind him. He settled himself on the windowledge, where he could easily view her bed, which was to the right of his perch. He was still tired, though his come-and-go mating instinct seemed to have retreated for the time being. He lost himself in peaceful observation, content in knowing that she was safe, protected... The moment seemed to stretch on, the dark night peaceful, the outline of his shadow spread across Botan's wall, a portrait in moonlight.
He wanted to be here forever, he thought, his drifting mind running into a spark of truth. He wanted nothing more than to be there for Botan, both for physical protection and emotional. That was what love was, when happiness was in another person... Hiei was remarkably at ease with that realization. He had changed a lot over the past few years, more than he had expected. Meeting Kurama, with his devotion to the ningen woman who had raised him, inexplicable and partly unwanted, had affected him. Meeting Yukina had started to redefine him. Even working with Yusuke and, much as he hated to admit it, Kuwabara, and changed his opinions about humans, but also how much of a weakness emotions were.
It wasn't that he had suddenly decided that emotions made you stronger. It wasn't that he had even begun to come around slowly to the idea that they were great things. It was just how they opened him to the idea that maybe complete emotionless wasn't the way you absolutely had to be, and you could manage to survive the other way.
That was really all it had taken. That little tiny altered piece of his views had completely changed his life, entirely and utterly. It had been enough for his mating instinct to pick out a potential mate; it had been enough to make him confess that he'd fallen in love with Botan, both to himself and her. And that has made all the difference... (1)
Botan shifted slightly, making a soft noise of complaint, her face creased in silent worry.
The slight changes in her sleep attracting his attention, the fire demon moving to her side, looking down at her. She was dreaming, her eyes flitting back and forth wildly under her eyelids, the motions frantic, panicked.
Hesitating slightly, afraid he might wake her up, Hiei reached out and touched a careful hand to hers, unsure of the why behind his gesture. There was nothing he could do about whatever was haunting her dreams, and he only risked waking her up--bringing attention to the fact that he was watching her sleep in her own apartment, late at night, when he had no business there at all--by touching her. Nevertheless, he followed through with the gesture.
Botan turned at his touch, still fast asleep, holding his hand in both of hers, trying to wrap her body around it as well, clinging to his hand like it was the anchor to this life, the only safe port in a raging storm.
Hiei gave a barely noticable sigh, sitting down on a convenient wooden chest, one labelled 'Things To Do Once I Have Time;' (2) moving now would definitely wake up the onna, so he wouldn't. Anyways, it seemed almost like his touch was comforting her... Though in reality, he told himself,it was probably only something to cling to, not a particular someone, and anyone or thing could have stood in his place.
He laid back for a long night. As he slowly relaxed more and more the kitty Botan had adopted the day before, Rain, emerged from under her bed, a dust bunny nearly the size of her head caught on her ear, a silly confused expression on her face. Her eyes were wider than normalin the lowered light levels, tail twitching excitedly, tentacles swaying to some unknown inner rythm.
The cat walked right up to Hiei, reaching up with a tentacle to tap questioningly at his leg. The demon gave the animal a flat look. Ignoring the subtle warnings, Rain jumped onto his lap, turning twice before folding herself into a compact ball that began purring contendly, tentacles tapping happily against his thigh.
Pointedly ignoring the creature, or at least attempting to,he turned his attention to Botan's room, looking around at it with vague disinterest. The walls were remarkably bare, with only a few framed pictures of people she knew: Kurama, Kuwabara, Yusuke, Genkai, other ferry girls, Koenma, Yukina, Shizuru and Keiko, himself. The only other piece of furniture in the room, a desk, was equally empty, with only a notebook, a few pens and other office supplies on it, all so pristine it looked untouched. A fluffy pastel-blue cushion on the floor was the only other indicator that somebody, Botan in particular, lived in the room.
Hiei was slightly surprised. There was a minumim of things overly fluff, nothing pink; it was very reserved compared to what most people would have expected from the ferry girl. As he though about it, Hiei began to realize that it was fairly similar to what he was discovering about her: there was a lot more to her personality than what was immediately apparent.
As he mused slowly over his thoughts, he didn't notice Botan slowly swim back up to reality from the depths of her dreams.
"Hiei?" she mumbled, a fuzzy, confused look in her half-lidded eyes, heavy with sleep.
The half-koorime nodded in acknowledgement, unable to say anything. He had been caught in her apartment, late at night, with an on/off mating instinct, holding her hand, watching her as she slept. It... Didn't look good. At all.
Botan was starting to return to her normal state-of-mind, one not completely altered by her dreams and their after-affects. "What're you doing here?" she asked, looking bemused. Good, though Hiei. At least she's not too angry.
"I... Just wanted to check that everything was fine."
"Why?" she asked, blunt.
"Nightmares," said the demon, averting his eyes, unable to bring himself to lie to her but embarrassed. Maybe--if he was lucky--she wouldn't remember anything in the morning.
"I understand that," said Botan, head lowered, pain in her face. "They are... They're all of my fears made real. And I'm always alone, and I can see the nightmares happening, and I can see how they could happen, in real life..."
"And you can see yourself abandoned, driven away by people you knew, because you weren't good enough... Because everything wasn't nearly enough... Because you had no hope of suceeding, but had been allowed to try, and failed anyway..." half-whispered Hiei, his eyes blank; in his mind fragments of nightmares played, flashing past him.
Botan looked up at him, face set with resignation at the hurtful dreams that she had. "You just have to learn to be stronger than them," she said, voice lowered as well. The nighttime darkness pressed in around them, making them keep their voices low, an inexplicable mandate of silence enforced by the night.
"Yes..."
"Thank you for being here. Thank you... for caring enough about me to come on a whim, a deam-driven urge. Thank you."
"You don't mind?"
Botan smiled slightly, her expression half sad, half amused. "Well... Watching me sleep might be considered a bit weird, but it's also very nice of you. You didn't have to come, you didn't have to stay, and you could have woken me up when I grabbed your arm instead of just staying." Looking down she realized she was still clutching the aforementioned appendage tightly, clinging to it like a favorite teddy-bear, like a conglomerate of everything that had ever been safety and hope to her.
She blushed and released him, making a small "...meep..." of embarrasment as she did.
"I suppose I didn't have to stay," said Hiei, looking at her, "But I wanted to. I wanted to be there." He didn't know why he took her hand again, holding it gently, carefully, but he felt this need to comfort her... She was still haunted by her nightmares, face slightly too pale, her body tense with the remains of fear.
Botan looked at him, eyes wide. "Re..." her voice cracked. "Really? Thank you."
Hiei made a non-commital noise, glancing downwards, embarrased. Botan's free hand reached out to brush his shoulder, making him glance up, startled. The two looked at each other, red eyes meeting pink-and-purple ones, both filled with understanding.
Botan was lost in his eyes, eyes that, a week ago, she would have considered hard, empty. Now... Now she saw a lot more in them. She saw... understanding. Hope. A true desire to care for her. She saw... Love. She saw worry, and years of habit conflicting with new ideas...
Hiei looked into her eyes, and saw in them a summation of everything he already knew about her. He saw her depthless abilities to care for people, her need to help. He saw her loneliness, her insecurities... And, maybe, love. She loved him...
It might have been an accident when their lips touched. They were too lost in what they saw in the other to really think about what they were doing.
Hiei left once the kiss was over.
Botan was left, breathless, joyous, alone in her bedroom, hand pressed to the side of her face, surprise stamped onto her features. Surprise and... happiness. Joy. Bliss.
Confusion.
It had been everything a first kiss should be. She didn't know if it really was her first, but she had decided long ago that the person she used to be and the person she was now were different. She had no memories of what happened before her death, and the fact had simply ceased to bother her.The kisshad been... Breathtaking. Enrapturing. All-consuming, filling up her every sense, seizing all her attention in one perfect, wonderful now. Her soul had been wrapped in a blanket of warmth, comfort, passion. She had felt loved, safe. Perfect...
Hiei perched on a tree near Botan's apartment, a branch carefully chosen so he could watch over it.
They had kissed. She had kissed him, or he had kissed her, but they probably kissed each other simultaneously, and it had been perfect. His instinct began to waken, pressing to the front of his mind, but he pushed it down. Regardless of who had started the kiss she had returned it, allowing the contact, the closeness... She had pressed against him, her lips on his, and he had done the same, reveling in the contact, finding rapture in the perfect moment...
Hiei had never been used to this. He had grown used to being the Forbidden Child, someone who was considered so vile, impure, that any contact with him at all had been repulsive...
He thought that, maybe, this would make up for all those years.
Love could do a lot.
He knew he loved her.
Series: Yu Yu Hakusho
Pairings/Characters: Hiei/Botan
Rating/Warnings: Doesn't stray above a T/PG-13 rating. Warnings for bad writing, potential fanbrattieness and a little bit of sexual violence in the later chapters.
Status: Completed.
Disclaimer: While Yu Yu Hakusho is not mine, most of the books quoted were made up by me.
Day Four, after noon, into Day Five:
Botan spent the rest of her day with Kagome, Shizuru, Keiko and Yukina, the four girls enoying the chance to act at least fairly typical for teenagers their age. Admittedly, it wasn't entirely normal (how could it be?) but it was a lot closer than most of them normally got.
She had another restless night, tossing uneasily, though she slept late this morning, nearly until ten, before she was woken by an irate Koenma demanding that she come back to work because there was much too much to do and didn't she know that they were all over-worked and she truly couldn't take any more time off at all, really.
Botan arrived home later than she was used too, at maybe nine in the evening, absolutely exhausted. She was aching with fatigue, and so tired... She had missed lunch, and her lack of sleep was beginning to catch up with her. Combining that with her recent emotional upheaval, it was a wonder she was still upright.
She took a brief shower, the water as hot as she could stand it, before getting out and drying off, slipping into her pajamas. Yawning widely she fell into her bed, falling into a deep sleep. It was calmer than she had been the other nights, but only so because she was too tired for anything else. She still wasn't as peaceful as she might have been otherwise.
Hiei had spent the past 24 hours or so sleeping and training, trying desperately to keep his mind off of Botan and what had happened. He had done everything, anything, and it wasn't working.
He had fallen into an uneasy doze around eight in the evening, as the last of the day's sunlight was fading from the sky. He had awoken panicked, his breath harsh in his throat. He didn't remember the nightmare that had woken him up, but a deep unease settled over him nonetheless.
A few brief seconds later Hiei stood silently on Botan's porch, the plants Kurama had grown to ward the porch recognizing him as a friend and allowing him to pass into her apartment. A brief check through the space assured him that everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be.
Hiei quietly opened the door to Botan's room, slipping in and closing it behind him. He settled himself on the windowledge, where he could easily view her bed, which was to the right of his perch. He was still tired, though his come-and-go mating instinct seemed to have retreated for the time being. He lost himself in peaceful observation, content in knowing that she was safe, protected... The moment seemed to stretch on, the dark night peaceful, the outline of his shadow spread across Botan's wall, a portrait in moonlight.
He wanted to be here forever, he thought, his drifting mind running into a spark of truth. He wanted nothing more than to be there for Botan, both for physical protection and emotional. That was what love was, when happiness was in another person... Hiei was remarkably at ease with that realization. He had changed a lot over the past few years, more than he had expected. Meeting Kurama, with his devotion to the ningen woman who had raised him, inexplicable and partly unwanted, had affected him. Meeting Yukina had started to redefine him. Even working with Yusuke and, much as he hated to admit it, Kuwabara, and changed his opinions about humans, but also how much of a weakness emotions were.
It wasn't that he had suddenly decided that emotions made you stronger. It wasn't that he had even begun to come around slowly to the idea that they were great things. It was just how they opened him to the idea that maybe complete emotionless wasn't the way you absolutely had to be, and you could manage to survive the other way.
That was really all it had taken. That little tiny altered piece of his views had completely changed his life, entirely and utterly. It had been enough for his mating instinct to pick out a potential mate; it had been enough to make him confess that he'd fallen in love with Botan, both to himself and her. And that has made all the difference... (1)
Botan shifted slightly, making a soft noise of complaint, her face creased in silent worry.
The slight changes in her sleep attracting his attention, the fire demon moving to her side, looking down at her. She was dreaming, her eyes flitting back and forth wildly under her eyelids, the motions frantic, panicked.
Hesitating slightly, afraid he might wake her up, Hiei reached out and touched a careful hand to hers, unsure of the why behind his gesture. There was nothing he could do about whatever was haunting her dreams, and he only risked waking her up--bringing attention to the fact that he was watching her sleep in her own apartment, late at night, when he had no business there at all--by touching her. Nevertheless, he followed through with the gesture.
Botan turned at his touch, still fast asleep, holding his hand in both of hers, trying to wrap her body around it as well, clinging to his hand like it was the anchor to this life, the only safe port in a raging storm.
Hiei gave a barely noticable sigh, sitting down on a convenient wooden chest, one labelled 'Things To Do Once I Have Time;' (2) moving now would definitely wake up the onna, so he wouldn't. Anyways, it seemed almost like his touch was comforting her... Though in reality, he told himself,it was probably only something to cling to, not a particular someone, and anyone or thing could have stood in his place.
He laid back for a long night. As he slowly relaxed more and more the kitty Botan had adopted the day before, Rain, emerged from under her bed, a dust bunny nearly the size of her head caught on her ear, a silly confused expression on her face. Her eyes were wider than normalin the lowered light levels, tail twitching excitedly, tentacles swaying to some unknown inner rythm.
The cat walked right up to Hiei, reaching up with a tentacle to tap questioningly at his leg. The demon gave the animal a flat look. Ignoring the subtle warnings, Rain jumped onto his lap, turning twice before folding herself into a compact ball that began purring contendly, tentacles tapping happily against his thigh.
Pointedly ignoring the creature, or at least attempting to,he turned his attention to Botan's room, looking around at it with vague disinterest. The walls were remarkably bare, with only a few framed pictures of people she knew: Kurama, Kuwabara, Yusuke, Genkai, other ferry girls, Koenma, Yukina, Shizuru and Keiko, himself. The only other piece of furniture in the room, a desk, was equally empty, with only a notebook, a few pens and other office supplies on it, all so pristine it looked untouched. A fluffy pastel-blue cushion on the floor was the only other indicator that somebody, Botan in particular, lived in the room.
Hiei was slightly surprised. There was a minumim of things overly fluff, nothing pink; it was very reserved compared to what most people would have expected from the ferry girl. As he though about it, Hiei began to realize that it was fairly similar to what he was discovering about her: there was a lot more to her personality than what was immediately apparent.
As he mused slowly over his thoughts, he didn't notice Botan slowly swim back up to reality from the depths of her dreams.
"Hiei?" she mumbled, a fuzzy, confused look in her half-lidded eyes, heavy with sleep.
The half-koorime nodded in acknowledgement, unable to say anything. He had been caught in her apartment, late at night, with an on/off mating instinct, holding her hand, watching her as she slept. It... Didn't look good. At all.
Botan was starting to return to her normal state-of-mind, one not completely altered by her dreams and their after-affects. "What're you doing here?" she asked, looking bemused. Good, though Hiei. At least she's not too angry.
"I... Just wanted to check that everything was fine."
"Why?" she asked, blunt.
"Nightmares," said the demon, averting his eyes, unable to bring himself to lie to her but embarrassed. Maybe--if he was lucky--she wouldn't remember anything in the morning.
"I understand that," said Botan, head lowered, pain in her face. "They are... They're all of my fears made real. And I'm always alone, and I can see the nightmares happening, and I can see how they could happen, in real life..."
"And you can see yourself abandoned, driven away by people you knew, because you weren't good enough... Because everything wasn't nearly enough... Because you had no hope of suceeding, but had been allowed to try, and failed anyway..." half-whispered Hiei, his eyes blank; in his mind fragments of nightmares played, flashing past him.
Botan looked up at him, face set with resignation at the hurtful dreams that she had. "You just have to learn to be stronger than them," she said, voice lowered as well. The nighttime darkness pressed in around them, making them keep their voices low, an inexplicable mandate of silence enforced by the night.
"Yes..."
"Thank you for being here. Thank you... for caring enough about me to come on a whim, a deam-driven urge. Thank you."
"You don't mind?"
Botan smiled slightly, her expression half sad, half amused. "Well... Watching me sleep might be considered a bit weird, but it's also very nice of you. You didn't have to come, you didn't have to stay, and you could have woken me up when I grabbed your arm instead of just staying." Looking down she realized she was still clutching the aforementioned appendage tightly, clinging to it like a favorite teddy-bear, like a conglomerate of everything that had ever been safety and hope to her.
She blushed and released him, making a small "...meep..." of embarrasment as she did.
"I suppose I didn't have to stay," said Hiei, looking at her, "But I wanted to. I wanted to be there." He didn't know why he took her hand again, holding it gently, carefully, but he felt this need to comfort her... She was still haunted by her nightmares, face slightly too pale, her body tense with the remains of fear.
Botan looked at him, eyes wide. "Re..." her voice cracked. "Really? Thank you."
Hiei made a non-commital noise, glancing downwards, embarrased. Botan's free hand reached out to brush his shoulder, making him glance up, startled. The two looked at each other, red eyes meeting pink-and-purple ones, both filled with understanding.
Botan was lost in his eyes, eyes that, a week ago, she would have considered hard, empty. Now... Now she saw a lot more in them. She saw... understanding. Hope. A true desire to care for her. She saw... Love. She saw worry, and years of habit conflicting with new ideas...
Hiei looked into her eyes, and saw in them a summation of everything he already knew about her. He saw her depthless abilities to care for people, her need to help. He saw her loneliness, her insecurities... And, maybe, love. She loved him...
It might have been an accident when their lips touched. They were too lost in what they saw in the other to really think about what they were doing.
Hiei left once the kiss was over.
Botan was left, breathless, joyous, alone in her bedroom, hand pressed to the side of her face, surprise stamped onto her features. Surprise and... happiness. Joy. Bliss.
Confusion.
It had been everything a first kiss should be. She didn't know if it really was her first, but she had decided long ago that the person she used to be and the person she was now were different. She had no memories of what happened before her death, and the fact had simply ceased to bother her.The kisshad been... Breathtaking. Enrapturing. All-consuming, filling up her every sense, seizing all her attention in one perfect, wonderful now. Her soul had been wrapped in a blanket of warmth, comfort, passion. She had felt loved, safe. Perfect...
Hiei perched on a tree near Botan's apartment, a branch carefully chosen so he could watch over it.
They had kissed. She had kissed him, or he had kissed her, but they probably kissed each other simultaneously, and it had been perfect. His instinct began to waken, pressing to the front of his mind, but he pushed it down. Regardless of who had started the kiss she had returned it, allowing the contact, the closeness... She had pressed against him, her lips on his, and he had done the same, reveling in the contact, finding rapture in the perfect moment...
Hiei had never been used to this. He had grown used to being the Forbidden Child, someone who was considered so vile, impure, that any contact with him at all had been repulsive...
He thought that, maybe, this would make up for all those years.
Love could do a lot.
He knew he loved her.