(no subject)
Title: It's Raining
Series: Yu Yu Hakusho
Pairings/Characters: Hiei/Botan
Rating/Warnings: Doesn't stray above a T/PG-13 rating. Warnings for bad writing, potential fanbrattieness and a little bit of sexual violence in the later chapters.
Status: Completed.
Disclaimer: While Yu Yu Hakusho is not mine, most of the books quoted were made up by me.
Day Six into Day Seven:
Hiei and Botan ate a pleasant dinner together, the peaceful silence continuing.
It's amazing, thought Botan, how telling silence can be... A few days ago all of our silence was so uncomfortable, awkward. Now... Now it's enough to let things be and just exist, when I'm with him. I can feel the quiet...embracing me.
After the unlikely pair finished eating Botan gathered up the plates, taking them to the kitchen. She reached her goal and pivoted to return to clear the rest of the table. She nearly ran into Hiei as she did, stopping short to avoid the collision; the moody fire demon was carrying the rest of the dishes.
Botan was honestly surprised. "Thank you," she managed, eyes slightly wider than they normally were. It was partly surprise at Hiei giving help and also, she realized, a continued surprise that he loved her...
Hiei wasn't sure why he helped; he supposed it was for the same reasons he helped Yukina. Either way, the pleased smile Botan gave him as she noticed his help woke up a strange fluttery warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. He nodded his head slightly in recognition of his help.
After a few minutes more of silence as Botan bustled around the kitchen, putting their dinner dishes in the dishwasher and other quick chores, Hiei spoke again.
"Thank you," he said, not sure if he was thanking her for the whole afternoon, dinner or something more. "I have to go now; I have training to do. I want to use up as much of my energy as I can each day until the mating season ends."
Some indefinable note of sorrow entered Botan's face. "You're welcome; Thank you, actually. Your company was wonderful."
I was right, echoed in the ferry girls' mind. He's not ready to mark me. He's probably afraid the mating season is affecting his judgment. (1) I was right, I guess... Now it really wouldn't be fair to encourage him to mark me. There was a resigned sadness to her thoughts.
There was an equally resigned sorrow to Hiei. I shouldn't have reminded her about something she had no control over, he thought. If my instinct hadn't kicked in she would be so much closer to becoming the ordinary human she wants to be... I am the Forbidden Child. Cursed. Taboo. My love will never help, heal... Anyone who loves me in return will only be hurt more. The half-koorime was careful to keep his features schooled to their normal blankness. Botan noticed the strictly enforced return to blankness; Hiei wasn't obvious in his emotions, but they had been there. At least until he had suddenly reverted back to the empty unreadable void she had known for so long. It hurt.
"Goodnight," said Botan, almost wistfully, as she stood with Hiei on her porch. He had never been one to leave (or enter) by the front door.
"Goodnight," he responded, voice empty. Sad, too, to Botan's ears.
Almost hesitantly she pressed a soft kiss into his lips, unsure what his reaction would be. When he responded, leaning in to deepen the kiss, she felt a bubble of nervousness she hadn't known she had had pop, disappearing into the flood of warmth rushing through her. She lost herself in the sensation...
The two broke apart a brief minute later. "Good bye," said Botan again, and there was a sudden rush of air, a brief seconds where she felt lips too warm (2) to be human against hers, and then she was alone, with a last whispered good-bye echoing in her ears.
She walked off the porch, some of the more 'interesting' (i.e., dangerous) plants Kurama had planted rustling around. She knew that they were no danger to her and whoever else Kurama had exempted from the protection, but the murmur of leaf against leaf when there was no wind to move them was unsettling. Botan shivered slightly, not entirely from the cooling air. She shook herself, both mentally and physically, and determinedly strode indoors. She drew herself a hot bath and undressed before settling into it, the steam and warmth soothing tension she hadn't known she'd been carrying. Botan heaved a sigh and stretched before collapsing back into the warm water. This was bliss...
Bliss, as long as I don't think of... Of anything important.
For the first time, last time and only time Hiei couldn't focus on training. A certain kiss, a peaceful silence, a shy smile, kept on interrupting. The return of his mating instinct wasn't helping, either.
After finding himself frozen, gazing off into space, lost in thought, several times, he gave up. He walked, slowly for once, to 'his' tree in the park. Climbing up it he assumed his regular position, where he did a quick mental scan with his Jagan.
Everything was the way it should be; Kurama eating a late dinner with his mother, Yukina fast asleep, Yusuke in the middle of a tirade about Koenma to Kuwabara,
Botan in the warm foggy haze that comes right before sleep.
Botan had finally dragged herself out of her rapidly-cooling-to-tepid bathwater when she felt herself nodding off; falling asleep in the bath is a stupid thing to do that gets people early deaths by drowning. Botan had a lot of personal experience with this. She was, after all, Death...
Now she was laying on her bed; somehow she had dried herself off and slipped into a nightgown. The night was too warm for covers so she fell asleep just like that, slightly curled on top of the pristine spread of her sheets. A small smile grew as she thought of a rare soft look from Hiei, the demon she loved. Despite all the problems, the worries, insecurities, she loved him...
Hiei drifted off to sleep, a deeper rest than he normally had. His last thoughts were of soft blue hair and pink eyes warm with love.
It was late, her room dark and peaceful, when Botan's eyes snapped open, looking up at the ceiling above her. Something... was happening... The just-risen moon outside her room was illuminating her room. Maybe it was the change in lighting that had woken her up.
Oh well. She was awake now, and their was no use crying over spilt milk.
Speaking of milk...
Botan walked into her kitchen and found herself a glass by feel and splotches of moonlight, filling it with milk. She drank it quickly-It was still too warm out to heat it up-and put the glass by the sink. Yawning she ambled back into her bedroom, any earlier feelings of unease fully and completely dispelled.
There was a small rustling in the silence; Botan paused, covers pulled back on her bed, glancing over her shoulder. She thought she caught a gleam of red eyes in the darkness. "Hiei?" she asked, feeling slightly silly. "Is that you?"
A white bandanna fell into a puddle of moonlight. Mind still foggy with sleep Botan leaned forward to look at it. Deciphering her sleep patterns to the point where she knew that yes it was Hiei's warded bandanna that he used to cover his Jagan. Which brought her to the next problem... What was Hiei's bandanna doing here? Shouldn't it be with Hiei?
An unknown instinct made her look up. Hiei (so he was here... thought a removed part of her mind) stood in front of her, Jagan fully opened, his skin black in the shades-of-gray world of moonlight. Botan's mind filled in the color, a deep green; disinterestedly she noticed his elongated fangs and claws. Copies of the Jagan in his forehead had opened all over his body.
"Hiei?" she asked again. Her tired mind just wasn't grasping... what was... happening...
A low growl grew in his throat, deep and threatening, its sensation more tactile than audible. A sudden rush of fear at the guttural sound, entirely instinct, flooded through her; the adrenaline cleared the lingering fog of sleep from her mind.
There was a sudden burst of fire on Botan's porch, and the plantings that had been there were nothing more than cinders; the structure itself was untouched. Instinct was urging Hiei on: Botan was his, his alone, his to protect, and any other demons' mark was a threat, something to be destroyed. A worry that was much deeper than instinct shivered through Botan.
Something was wrong. Botan was about to manifest her oar when she was suddenly pressed up against the wall, pinned to it, strong hands holding her there, warm enough that she could feel the heat radiating off of him-Hiei-as he pressed against her, forcing her to keep still...
She struggled against him, her actions useless. She couldn't move... The fire demon frowned slightly before drawing a sharp claw down the front of her thin nightgown, tearing open the cloth. A thin line of blood followed behind his claws, an after-thought. The tips were sharp enough, the touch delicate enough, that the pain seemed far-away, as if it was happening to another person...
Hiei could feel the drive to mark her, mate her, coursing through his system, a thick haze; Botan could see the desire in his eyes. Both of them could hear her heartbeat, pounding... Only Botan could hear her screaming, kept as it was in her mind, silent...
Some far-away part of the demons' mind was furious, horrified, but the weight of the rest of his resolve was too over-powering. He could smell Botan's intoxicating scent, sweet and human, overlaid with the clean smell of rain.
He pressed his lips into hers, urgently, hungrily, his fangs scraping against her delicate mouth, the coppery taste of blood filling the kiss. Botan's struggles were going weaker as she grew more and more desperate about the futility of the situation, more and more worn out from her previous struggles.
He quickly switched his attention from her lips to the base of her neck, where it merged seamlessly into her shoulders, the bare expanse of skin empty, unmarked. He smirked into it, trailing his tongue over the skin, brushing it with the tips of his fangs, searching, searching... He was nothing but a hungry, craving instinct, demanding that it have its way...
Botan's mind was both frozen with panic and rushing onward violently, and always filled with horror... She knew what he was doing: looking for the little knot of power that was close to the surface in both humans and demons, the place that was bit to mark someone... She had wanted this but not like this, no, never like this, no no no, this was all wrong, nooo...
Another smirk from Hiei, who wasn't Hiei. Botan knew that, and could feel his fangs ready to bite into her neck, for once and for always... You are only marked once, unless the person who marked you died. She didn't want that, didn't want this...
Desperate tears spilled out of her eyes, a useless gesture of lost hope. She sagged, broken, sobbing against the hands and body that held her captive.
The roiling instinct that was Hiei's thoughts cleared long enough for a single lucid thought: something was wrong. It served to slow him, pause him; he sniffed the air carefully. He had destroyed the protections put on by another demon, another male, a threat to his claim and a blow to his honor. He was completing the taking of what was rightfully his...
There was a scent of salt in the air. Bitter salt, not the human-filled smell of sweat. Salt from tears...
It was enough to snap him out of the automatic haze of his uncontrolled, instinctual lust, even when pleas hadn't been: talking was normal, pleading was normal, struggling was normal, to his dark instinct, but tears were not.
Hiei gazed for the first time into the face of the onna he had pinned to the wall. No, not just a woman: Botan. With a growing sense of horror he backed slowly away, gently releasing her. Botan's face was wet with tears, a smudge of blood on her cheek from her torn lip, twin bruises growing on her arms where he had held her to the wall. Her nightgown lay in tatters around her, also smudged with blood, and a dark cut reached from below her collar-bone to her navel. She was panting, breath coming hard. Botan refused to meet Hiei's eyes.
The half-koorime turned. His instinct... He had lost control... Nearly marked Botan against her will, nearly raped her... Hurt her... He had hurt her...
He refused to meet her eyes, to see fear in them when she looked at him, see her flinch away from him. He couldn't take that, never...
Hiei gently placed the woman in his arms on the bed, backing away quickly. And then... And then he turned and ran, the malevolent deep green tint fading from his skin, the copies of his Jagan closing, nails and teeth shortening; a single tear dropped behind him, the crystal rolling across the ground. He ran away, because he couldn't face seeing the one person who had ever told him that she loved him look at him with fear in her eyes. The one person he had ever loved, repulsed because he couldn't control himself, had nearly done unspeakable horrors to her...
Botan had slipped into a daze as he had let go of her, relief flooding her, so heavy that she couldn't think, move. She was safe... She shivered, felt sensation coming back into her limbs, a thin line of pain and a wider band of aching fading back into notice.
Hiei... He had lost control of his instinct. So close to the end, too, just a day or so before the instinct started fading... Hiei...
Did she love him?
Yes. She loved him.
A little part of her was hysterical, crying, but she pushed it aside. He had regained control of himself, and this was no time for tears.
The way he had looked at her, when he had realized what he had been about to do...
Idly, unable to think straight, some part of her wondered what had made him stop. Another removed part of her mind analyzed her reaction as shock.
Everything seemed scattered...
An image of Hiei, backing away from her, red eyes wide and unguarded, horror and shock and panic and sadness and ashamedness and a terrible fear and most of all guilt apparent in his face, came swimming into her mental line-of-sight. Some of her blood was smeared on his cheek.
Another thought, slow and lazy, drifted into her mind, unexpectedly fierce and forceful. That hadn't been Hiei; Hiei loved her...
Some part of her mind knew that nobody would ever love her.
She got to her feet, naked, unsteady, the long thin scrape on her upper body (It was already scabbing over... noticed some part of her) pulling painfully at her movements. Slow, vague, she pulled on loose pants and the first shirt she came too, ignoring the blood that started to seep through it. Botan picked up Hiei's warded bandanna and, nearly dreamily, still in a state of shock, manifested her oar. She walked to her porch, where the still-warm ash of what had been her patio garden lay in a thin black covering, a dusting of negative snow.
She didn't know where Hiei would be. Away from her... The cold night air blowing past her was enough to bring her back to herself. She loved Hiei, and he was hurt, and she could help and not helping was unacceptable
He wasn't in his normal tree in the park, or the warded clearing he trained in. Where else had she seen him...?
Hiei didn't know why he had retreated to the tree just outside of the clearing Botan had landed in, seven days ago. It was, he supposed, the last time things had been 'normal' between him and Botan... This was the place he had first felt a twinge of curiosity about Botan, when he had seen her walking in the rain, a funny sort of expression on her face. The first time he had spent any real amount of time thinking about her, most likely the moment his instinct had picked her out...
Everything was different now.
He was vaguely aware of the clink of tear gems gently rolling with his breath, pooled in folds in the material of his clothes. He had no memory of shedding them.
Botan landed awkwardly, her ankle twisting beneath her. She ignored the pain, getting up, searching the clearing frantically. The place she had landed for a walk, the other day, when she had been struck by a sudden sorrow brought on by watching over the city.
"Hiei?" she called, voice wavering. "Hiei!"
"Botan?" he said. The ferry girl didn't hear him; she was a ways away from him, and only his demon hearing had made him hear her.
"Hiei, are you here? Please answer me... Please don't leave... I know I can't find you if you don't want me too..."
The koorime slipped out of his tree, faster than the human eye could follow, stopping short a little ways from Botan. Slowly, carefully, afraid of her reaction, he walked up.
"Botan?" he said again, voice rough with emotion.
She gasped, happy and relieved, tears that had been pooled in her eyes running down her face. She stepped towards him, almost afraid he was only a hallucination brought on because of stress, or that he would run away again. Her foot twinged painfully as she put it down and she quickly drew it back up, switching her gait to a cautious limp.
Hiei watched her hiss with pain as her foot touched the ground, and couldn't hold back. He hurried to her, his movements as if he'd disappeared than reappeared. He steadied Botan, prepared to leave as she cringed away from him. Prepared for her to cringe.
The expected flinch away from his presence and touch never happened, and he looked into her face.
Tears were pouring down Botan's cheeks, but she was eerily silent. Botan reached out and grasped at Hiei, wrapping him into a desperate hug, comforting herself with his presence; the fire demon responded, hesitantly returning the embrace.
"I... I was so afraid you were gone..." she said brokenly.
"...Thought you'd never want to see me again... Oh God, I never meant to hurt you..."
"It wasn't you," said Botan firmly, repositioning herself so that she held him by the shoulders, looking deep into his red eyes. "This is you. You care. You... love me?" She ended with a question, unsure.
"Yes. I love you." There was a firm conviction in the quiet words.
"I love you too," said Botan, her voice soft, slightly shy.
The two stood there, taking comfort in having the other.
There was an intense feeling of release in Hiei. Botan didn't hate him, didn't fear him, loved him...
Somewhere deep inside of her, within a surge of emotions and sensations (receding panic, euphoric joy, shaky relief, twinges of pain) was an unshakable calm.
Hiei loved her. Somehow-she wasn't sure how, didn't want to think about it, she might begin to doubt it-she knew that his instinct was no longer influencing it. She loved him, and he loved her, and there were no other affecting factors.
"I... Need to go home and fix myself up," said Botan finally.
Hiei nodded once in recognition of the words. The clearing was darkening as clouds curdled across the sky, covering the moon.
"...Would you come with me?" asked Botan. Hiei smiled up (3) at her.
Botan materialized her oar. Hiei shot her a blank look.
"No." he said firmly. "There is no way in hell I'm getting on that thing."
"How do we get home, then?" said Botan.
"...I'll carry you."
Botan lay in Hiei's arms, holding onto him tightly.
"I'd like it known that I really don't like this..." she said.
"Hn." said the fire demon noncommittally. Botan smiled slightly at the small noise, so entirely Hiei-ish.
A few brief seconds later they were once again on Botan's porch. Hiei looked guiltily at the piles of ash as the first few drops of rain splattered onto them.
The two entered the apartment, Botan finding her medical kit; Hiei looked over her ankle, satisfied himself that it wasn't broken and wrapped it tightly. The ferry girl retreated to the bathroom to wash the blood off of the longer cut that Hiei had given her; it wasn't very deep at all, and there was no way to bandage it without wrapping herself with gauze to the point that she resembled a half-finished mummy, so she left it as it was.
She walked back out into the main room, noticing that Hiei had straightened up her room. She smiled softly, privately, at the little gesture.
Botan took a slight detour, stopping by the kitchen to put on the kettle, heating up water for tea.
She sat down next to Hiei on the couch, so close that they were barely touching. Each one had a sense of the other next to them, the contact so close that they could feel it, electrifying, running, comfortingly, through their body.
Botan sighed and leaned into the person next to her, needing the comfort. Hiei wrapped an arm around her waist, encouraging her.
"Oh!" said Botan, suddenly remembering. She rummaged in her pockets before pulling out Hiei's bandanna, wordlessly offering it to him. The half-koorime took it, tying it back in place around his head.
Botan slowly grew aware of Hiei's scent, a mix of burning rosemary and fir with a faint smell underneath it, a strange musk, that she assumed was demon. She wondered off-handedly what another demon would smell.
The tea kettle whistle sounded. "Tea?" asked Botan. Hiei shook his head no. "Okay then."
She returned shortly, cup of steeping tea in hand. She took a deep, calming breath of the fragrant steam before setting it on the coffee table.
"Hiei? Is your instinct still affecting you?"
The question was unexpected. Hiei thought a few brief moments before answering. "No. I think that... earlier... was the last of it."
Botan nodded slowly. "Would... Would you be willing to take me as your mate?" She blushed heavily as she finished the question and looked away.
"...Why?" asked Hiei, stunned, a welter of confusing emotions chasing their way through their mind in a dizzying repetitive pattern. "I thought what you wanted most was to be a normal human. Please don't do this only because of me..."
"Plans change," she said simply.
Hiei looked deeply into her face, searching for any trace of doubt, any hesitation, any unspoken motives. A steady calm had surfaced from somewhere deep inside of her.
He stepped a few feet away from her, pulling off the headband that covered his Jagan, slowly switching into his full-demon form again. "You know who I am?"
He didn't want her to associate who he was only with his normal form and his darker, uncontrollable instincts with his full form; he would need to be this way, with his youki in full force, for the marking anyways. And he wanted
Botan felt a slight stab of momentary fear, left over from earlier that evening, but it receded as she saw Hiei's warm gaze leveled at her, the gaze of the man she loved. She felt growing desire pooled deep within her,
She walked over to him, pulling him into another embrace. She lowered her head to his neck, laid a soft kiss, looked back at Hiei, silently asking permission. He smiled gently at her, pulled her closer, holding her protectively in his arms. She lowered her head once more, mouth hovering over his skin, her breath a feathery caress, searching for the place that felt instinctually right. She found it, plunging her teeth, hard as she could manage, into a certain spot in the junction between neck and shoulder.
Hiei's demon-fast healing kept him from losing much blood, but the few drops produced were kissed up by Botan, her tongue dabbing softly (sensuously) against his skin.
She raised her head and they kissed, mouths hungry, seeking, desire warm and strong between them; Hiei transferred his attention to the base of her neck, hesitating slightly-just long enough for Botan to notice-before biting down. He licked away the blood as it welled up from the punctures, Botan feeling shivers of ecstasy wind their way through her body at the touch.
They broke apart for a few minutes, staying only in a loose hug, letting what had happened sink in.
Marked. They were tied together now, forever bonded.
Once that would have scared Botan, the idea that there was no backing out. Now there was just a brilliant euphoria, a sense of forever, an understanding that she was the one that Hiei loved, just as much as she loved her.
Hiei felt a calm surprise (someone loved him... Had marked him... Wanted to be with him forever, even though she knew his past...) and an equally fierce joy. Marked... And in love.
Hiei could smell the strong desire in Botan's scent, knew there was an answering one in his, mixed in with a supreme happiness, and deep love. He tightened the embrace, pressing himself against her, a sudden urgency in his motions. Botan felt it and responded, needing it just as much, and they pressed their lips together in a fierce kiss filled with rising passion and Botan's last thought was of Hiei's heat against her, and how it reflected the heat rising within her...
Botan awoke early, the sky still gray from dawn, the very early morning serenely calm and still. She drifted slowly to an aware state, gradually recognizing that the warm shape she was curled around was Hiei. The events of the night before didn't hit her with a sudden jolt, but instead slowly drifted out of the background. Botan sighed happily and stretched, untangling herself from the body beside her.
Hiei was aware of Botan slowly awakening beside him, beautiful and serene in the calm of peaceful waking. She was always beautiful; not in the icy way of the koorime, but in a warm way, a comforting way. She was beautiful because he loved her. She loved him back. The thought brought a small, secret smile to his face. bonded forever... He opened his eyes and laid a small nuzzling kiss on a little scabbing-over wound on Botan, right at the junction where her neck flowed into her shoulder.
Life is often confusing, and often lonely. Sometimes, though... Sometimes, life is perfect.
(1) Funny how people tend to reflect their own insecurities onto others...
(2) Fire demon, right?
(3) Sorry, but I always write Hiei as short. I know a lot of people don't, but to me it's just sort of who he is. There's not much of a height distance as things are, though; I mean, Botan's not particularly tall and female, so Hiei's not that much shorter than she is.
Series: Yu Yu Hakusho
Pairings/Characters: Hiei/Botan
Rating/Warnings: Doesn't stray above a T/PG-13 rating. Warnings for bad writing, potential fanbrattieness and a little bit of sexual violence in the later chapters.
Status: Completed.
Disclaimer: While Yu Yu Hakusho is not mine, most of the books quoted were made up by me.
Day Six into Day Seven:
Hiei and Botan ate a pleasant dinner together, the peaceful silence continuing.
It's amazing, thought Botan, how telling silence can be... A few days ago all of our silence was so uncomfortable, awkward. Now... Now it's enough to let things be and just exist, when I'm with him. I can feel the quiet...embracing me.
After the unlikely pair finished eating Botan gathered up the plates, taking them to the kitchen. She reached her goal and pivoted to return to clear the rest of the table. She nearly ran into Hiei as she did, stopping short to avoid the collision; the moody fire demon was carrying the rest of the dishes.
Botan was honestly surprised. "Thank you," she managed, eyes slightly wider than they normally were. It was partly surprise at Hiei giving help and also, she realized, a continued surprise that he loved her...
Hiei wasn't sure why he helped; he supposed it was for the same reasons he helped Yukina. Either way, the pleased smile Botan gave him as she noticed his help woke up a strange fluttery warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. He nodded his head slightly in recognition of his help.
After a few minutes more of silence as Botan bustled around the kitchen, putting their dinner dishes in the dishwasher and other quick chores, Hiei spoke again.
"Thank you," he said, not sure if he was thanking her for the whole afternoon, dinner or something more. "I have to go now; I have training to do. I want to use up as much of my energy as I can each day until the mating season ends."
Some indefinable note of sorrow entered Botan's face. "You're welcome; Thank you, actually. Your company was wonderful."
I was right, echoed in the ferry girls' mind. He's not ready to mark me. He's probably afraid the mating season is affecting his judgment. (1) I was right, I guess... Now it really wouldn't be fair to encourage him to mark me. There was a resigned sadness to her thoughts.
There was an equally resigned sorrow to Hiei. I shouldn't have reminded her about something she had no control over, he thought. If my instinct hadn't kicked in she would be so much closer to becoming the ordinary human she wants to be... I am the Forbidden Child. Cursed. Taboo. My love will never help, heal... Anyone who loves me in return will only be hurt more. The half-koorime was careful to keep his features schooled to their normal blankness. Botan noticed the strictly enforced return to blankness; Hiei wasn't obvious in his emotions, but they had been there. At least until he had suddenly reverted back to the empty unreadable void she had known for so long. It hurt.
"Goodnight," said Botan, almost wistfully, as she stood with Hiei on her porch. He had never been one to leave (or enter) by the front door.
"Goodnight," he responded, voice empty. Sad, too, to Botan's ears.
Almost hesitantly she pressed a soft kiss into his lips, unsure what his reaction would be. When he responded, leaning in to deepen the kiss, she felt a bubble of nervousness she hadn't known she had had pop, disappearing into the flood of warmth rushing through her. She lost herself in the sensation...
The two broke apart a brief minute later. "Good bye," said Botan again, and there was a sudden rush of air, a brief seconds where she felt lips too warm (2) to be human against hers, and then she was alone, with a last whispered good-bye echoing in her ears.
She walked off the porch, some of the more 'interesting' (i.e., dangerous) plants Kurama had planted rustling around. She knew that they were no danger to her and whoever else Kurama had exempted from the protection, but the murmur of leaf against leaf when there was no wind to move them was unsettling. Botan shivered slightly, not entirely from the cooling air. She shook herself, both mentally and physically, and determinedly strode indoors. She drew herself a hot bath and undressed before settling into it, the steam and warmth soothing tension she hadn't known she'd been carrying. Botan heaved a sigh and stretched before collapsing back into the warm water. This was bliss...
Bliss, as long as I don't think of... Of anything important.
For the first time, last time and only time Hiei couldn't focus on training. A certain kiss, a peaceful silence, a shy smile, kept on interrupting. The return of his mating instinct wasn't helping, either.
After finding himself frozen, gazing off into space, lost in thought, several times, he gave up. He walked, slowly for once, to 'his' tree in the park. Climbing up it he assumed his regular position, where he did a quick mental scan with his Jagan.
Everything was the way it should be; Kurama eating a late dinner with his mother, Yukina fast asleep, Yusuke in the middle of a tirade about Koenma to Kuwabara,
Botan in the warm foggy haze that comes right before sleep.
Botan had finally dragged herself out of her rapidly-cooling-to-tepid bathwater when she felt herself nodding off; falling asleep in the bath is a stupid thing to do that gets people early deaths by drowning. Botan had a lot of personal experience with this. She was, after all, Death...
Now she was laying on her bed; somehow she had dried herself off and slipped into a nightgown. The night was too warm for covers so she fell asleep just like that, slightly curled on top of the pristine spread of her sheets. A small smile grew as she thought of a rare soft look from Hiei, the demon she loved. Despite all the problems, the worries, insecurities, she loved him...
Hiei drifted off to sleep, a deeper rest than he normally had. His last thoughts were of soft blue hair and pink eyes warm with love.
It was late, her room dark and peaceful, when Botan's eyes snapped open, looking up at the ceiling above her. Something... was happening... The just-risen moon outside her room was illuminating her room. Maybe it was the change in lighting that had woken her up.
Oh well. She was awake now, and their was no use crying over spilt milk.
Speaking of milk...
Botan walked into her kitchen and found herself a glass by feel and splotches of moonlight, filling it with milk. She drank it quickly-It was still too warm out to heat it up-and put the glass by the sink. Yawning she ambled back into her bedroom, any earlier feelings of unease fully and completely dispelled.
There was a small rustling in the silence; Botan paused, covers pulled back on her bed, glancing over her shoulder. She thought she caught a gleam of red eyes in the darkness. "Hiei?" she asked, feeling slightly silly. "Is that you?"
A white bandanna fell into a puddle of moonlight. Mind still foggy with sleep Botan leaned forward to look at it. Deciphering her sleep patterns to the point where she knew that yes it was Hiei's warded bandanna that he used to cover his Jagan. Which brought her to the next problem... What was Hiei's bandanna doing here? Shouldn't it be with Hiei?
An unknown instinct made her look up. Hiei (so he was here... thought a removed part of her mind) stood in front of her, Jagan fully opened, his skin black in the shades-of-gray world of moonlight. Botan's mind filled in the color, a deep green; disinterestedly she noticed his elongated fangs and claws. Copies of the Jagan in his forehead had opened all over his body.
"Hiei?" she asked again. Her tired mind just wasn't grasping... what was... happening...
A low growl grew in his throat, deep and threatening, its sensation more tactile than audible. A sudden rush of fear at the guttural sound, entirely instinct, flooded through her; the adrenaline cleared the lingering fog of sleep from her mind.
There was a sudden burst of fire on Botan's porch, and the plantings that had been there were nothing more than cinders; the structure itself was untouched. Instinct was urging Hiei on: Botan was his, his alone, his to protect, and any other demons' mark was a threat, something to be destroyed. A worry that was much deeper than instinct shivered through Botan.
Something was wrong. Botan was about to manifest her oar when she was suddenly pressed up against the wall, pinned to it, strong hands holding her there, warm enough that she could feel the heat radiating off of him-Hiei-as he pressed against her, forcing her to keep still...
She struggled against him, her actions useless. She couldn't move... The fire demon frowned slightly before drawing a sharp claw down the front of her thin nightgown, tearing open the cloth. A thin line of blood followed behind his claws, an after-thought. The tips were sharp enough, the touch delicate enough, that the pain seemed far-away, as if it was happening to another person...
Hiei could feel the drive to mark her, mate her, coursing through his system, a thick haze; Botan could see the desire in his eyes. Both of them could hear her heartbeat, pounding... Only Botan could hear her screaming, kept as it was in her mind, silent...
Some far-away part of the demons' mind was furious, horrified, but the weight of the rest of his resolve was too over-powering. He could smell Botan's intoxicating scent, sweet and human, overlaid with the clean smell of rain.
He pressed his lips into hers, urgently, hungrily, his fangs scraping against her delicate mouth, the coppery taste of blood filling the kiss. Botan's struggles were going weaker as she grew more and more desperate about the futility of the situation, more and more worn out from her previous struggles.
He quickly switched his attention from her lips to the base of her neck, where it merged seamlessly into her shoulders, the bare expanse of skin empty, unmarked. He smirked into it, trailing his tongue over the skin, brushing it with the tips of his fangs, searching, searching... He was nothing but a hungry, craving instinct, demanding that it have its way...
Botan's mind was both frozen with panic and rushing onward violently, and always filled with horror... She knew what he was doing: looking for the little knot of power that was close to the surface in both humans and demons, the place that was bit to mark someone... She had wanted this but not like this, no, never like this, no no no, this was all wrong, nooo...
Another smirk from Hiei, who wasn't Hiei. Botan knew that, and could feel his fangs ready to bite into her neck, for once and for always... You are only marked once, unless the person who marked you died. She didn't want that, didn't want this...
Desperate tears spilled out of her eyes, a useless gesture of lost hope. She sagged, broken, sobbing against the hands and body that held her captive.
The roiling instinct that was Hiei's thoughts cleared long enough for a single lucid thought: something was wrong. It served to slow him, pause him; he sniffed the air carefully. He had destroyed the protections put on by another demon, another male, a threat to his claim and a blow to his honor. He was completing the taking of what was rightfully his...
There was a scent of salt in the air. Bitter salt, not the human-filled smell of sweat. Salt from tears...
It was enough to snap him out of the automatic haze of his uncontrolled, instinctual lust, even when pleas hadn't been: talking was normal, pleading was normal, struggling was normal, to his dark instinct, but tears were not.
Hiei gazed for the first time into the face of the onna he had pinned to the wall. No, not just a woman: Botan. With a growing sense of horror he backed slowly away, gently releasing her. Botan's face was wet with tears, a smudge of blood on her cheek from her torn lip, twin bruises growing on her arms where he had held her to the wall. Her nightgown lay in tatters around her, also smudged with blood, and a dark cut reached from below her collar-bone to her navel. She was panting, breath coming hard. Botan refused to meet Hiei's eyes.
The half-koorime turned. His instinct... He had lost control... Nearly marked Botan against her will, nearly raped her... Hurt her... He had hurt her...
He refused to meet her eyes, to see fear in them when she looked at him, see her flinch away from him. He couldn't take that, never...
Hiei gently placed the woman in his arms on the bed, backing away quickly. And then... And then he turned and ran, the malevolent deep green tint fading from his skin, the copies of his Jagan closing, nails and teeth shortening; a single tear dropped behind him, the crystal rolling across the ground. He ran away, because he couldn't face seeing the one person who had ever told him that she loved him look at him with fear in her eyes. The one person he had ever loved, repulsed because he couldn't control himself, had nearly done unspeakable horrors to her...
Botan had slipped into a daze as he had let go of her, relief flooding her, so heavy that she couldn't think, move. She was safe... She shivered, felt sensation coming back into her limbs, a thin line of pain and a wider band of aching fading back into notice.
Hiei... He had lost control of his instinct. So close to the end, too, just a day or so before the instinct started fading... Hiei...
Did she love him?
Yes. She loved him.
A little part of her was hysterical, crying, but she pushed it aside. He had regained control of himself, and this was no time for tears.
The way he had looked at her, when he had realized what he had been about to do...
Idly, unable to think straight, some part of her wondered what had made him stop. Another removed part of her mind analyzed her reaction as shock.
Everything seemed scattered...
An image of Hiei, backing away from her, red eyes wide and unguarded, horror and shock and panic and sadness and ashamedness and a terrible fear and most of all guilt apparent in his face, came swimming into her mental line-of-sight. Some of her blood was smeared on his cheek.
Another thought, slow and lazy, drifted into her mind, unexpectedly fierce and forceful. That hadn't been Hiei; Hiei loved her...
Some part of her mind knew that nobody would ever love her.
She got to her feet, naked, unsteady, the long thin scrape on her upper body (It was already scabbing over... noticed some part of her) pulling painfully at her movements. Slow, vague, she pulled on loose pants and the first shirt she came too, ignoring the blood that started to seep through it. Botan picked up Hiei's warded bandanna and, nearly dreamily, still in a state of shock, manifested her oar. She walked to her porch, where the still-warm ash of what had been her patio garden lay in a thin black covering, a dusting of negative snow.
She didn't know where Hiei would be. Away from her... The cold night air blowing past her was enough to bring her back to herself. She loved Hiei, and he was hurt, and she could help and not helping was unacceptable
He wasn't in his normal tree in the park, or the warded clearing he trained in. Where else had she seen him...?
Hiei didn't know why he had retreated to the tree just outside of the clearing Botan had landed in, seven days ago. It was, he supposed, the last time things had been 'normal' between him and Botan... This was the place he had first felt a twinge of curiosity about Botan, when he had seen her walking in the rain, a funny sort of expression on her face. The first time he had spent any real amount of time thinking about her, most likely the moment his instinct had picked her out...
Everything was different now.
He was vaguely aware of the clink of tear gems gently rolling with his breath, pooled in folds in the material of his clothes. He had no memory of shedding them.
Botan landed awkwardly, her ankle twisting beneath her. She ignored the pain, getting up, searching the clearing frantically. The place she had landed for a walk, the other day, when she had been struck by a sudden sorrow brought on by watching over the city.
"Hiei?" she called, voice wavering. "Hiei!"
"Botan?" he said. The ferry girl didn't hear him; she was a ways away from him, and only his demon hearing had made him hear her.
"Hiei, are you here? Please answer me... Please don't leave... I know I can't find you if you don't want me too..."
The koorime slipped out of his tree, faster than the human eye could follow, stopping short a little ways from Botan. Slowly, carefully, afraid of her reaction, he walked up.
"Botan?" he said again, voice rough with emotion.
She gasped, happy and relieved, tears that had been pooled in her eyes running down her face. She stepped towards him, almost afraid he was only a hallucination brought on because of stress, or that he would run away again. Her foot twinged painfully as she put it down and she quickly drew it back up, switching her gait to a cautious limp.
Hiei watched her hiss with pain as her foot touched the ground, and couldn't hold back. He hurried to her, his movements as if he'd disappeared than reappeared. He steadied Botan, prepared to leave as she cringed away from him. Prepared for her to cringe.
The expected flinch away from his presence and touch never happened, and he looked into her face.
Tears were pouring down Botan's cheeks, but she was eerily silent. Botan reached out and grasped at Hiei, wrapping him into a desperate hug, comforting herself with his presence; the fire demon responded, hesitantly returning the embrace.
"I... I was so afraid you were gone..." she said brokenly.
"...Thought you'd never want to see me again... Oh God, I never meant to hurt you..."
"It wasn't you," said Botan firmly, repositioning herself so that she held him by the shoulders, looking deep into his red eyes. "This is you. You care. You... love me?" She ended with a question, unsure.
"Yes. I love you." There was a firm conviction in the quiet words.
"I love you too," said Botan, her voice soft, slightly shy.
The two stood there, taking comfort in having the other.
There was an intense feeling of release in Hiei. Botan didn't hate him, didn't fear him, loved him...
Somewhere deep inside of her, within a surge of emotions and sensations (receding panic, euphoric joy, shaky relief, twinges of pain) was an unshakable calm.
Hiei loved her. Somehow-she wasn't sure how, didn't want to think about it, she might begin to doubt it-she knew that his instinct was no longer influencing it. She loved him, and he loved her, and there were no other affecting factors.
"I... Need to go home and fix myself up," said Botan finally.
Hiei nodded once in recognition of the words. The clearing was darkening as clouds curdled across the sky, covering the moon.
"...Would you come with me?" asked Botan. Hiei smiled up (3) at her.
Botan materialized her oar. Hiei shot her a blank look.
"No." he said firmly. "There is no way in hell I'm getting on that thing."
"How do we get home, then?" said Botan.
"...I'll carry you."
Botan lay in Hiei's arms, holding onto him tightly.
"I'd like it known that I really don't like this..." she said.
"Hn." said the fire demon noncommittally. Botan smiled slightly at the small noise, so entirely Hiei-ish.
A few brief seconds later they were once again on Botan's porch. Hiei looked guiltily at the piles of ash as the first few drops of rain splattered onto them.
The two entered the apartment, Botan finding her medical kit; Hiei looked over her ankle, satisfied himself that it wasn't broken and wrapped it tightly. The ferry girl retreated to the bathroom to wash the blood off of the longer cut that Hiei had given her; it wasn't very deep at all, and there was no way to bandage it without wrapping herself with gauze to the point that she resembled a half-finished mummy, so she left it as it was.
She walked back out into the main room, noticing that Hiei had straightened up her room. She smiled softly, privately, at the little gesture.
Botan took a slight detour, stopping by the kitchen to put on the kettle, heating up water for tea.
She sat down next to Hiei on the couch, so close that they were barely touching. Each one had a sense of the other next to them, the contact so close that they could feel it, electrifying, running, comfortingly, through their body.
Botan sighed and leaned into the person next to her, needing the comfort. Hiei wrapped an arm around her waist, encouraging her.
"Oh!" said Botan, suddenly remembering. She rummaged in her pockets before pulling out Hiei's bandanna, wordlessly offering it to him. The half-koorime took it, tying it back in place around his head.
Botan slowly grew aware of Hiei's scent, a mix of burning rosemary and fir with a faint smell underneath it, a strange musk, that she assumed was demon. She wondered off-handedly what another demon would smell.
The tea kettle whistle sounded. "Tea?" asked Botan. Hiei shook his head no. "Okay then."
She returned shortly, cup of steeping tea in hand. She took a deep, calming breath of the fragrant steam before setting it on the coffee table.
"Hiei? Is your instinct still affecting you?"
The question was unexpected. Hiei thought a few brief moments before answering. "No. I think that... earlier... was the last of it."
Botan nodded slowly. "Would... Would you be willing to take me as your mate?" She blushed heavily as she finished the question and looked away.
"...Why?" asked Hiei, stunned, a welter of confusing emotions chasing their way through their mind in a dizzying repetitive pattern. "I thought what you wanted most was to be a normal human. Please don't do this only because of me..."
"Plans change," she said simply.
Hiei looked deeply into her face, searching for any trace of doubt, any hesitation, any unspoken motives. A steady calm had surfaced from somewhere deep inside of her.
He stepped a few feet away from her, pulling off the headband that covered his Jagan, slowly switching into his full-demon form again. "You know who I am?"
He didn't want her to associate who he was only with his normal form and his darker, uncontrollable instincts with his full form; he would need to be this way, with his youki in full force, for the marking anyways. And he wanted
Botan felt a slight stab of momentary fear, left over from earlier that evening, but it receded as she saw Hiei's warm gaze leveled at her, the gaze of the man she loved. She felt growing desire pooled deep within her,
She walked over to him, pulling him into another embrace. She lowered her head to his neck, laid a soft kiss, looked back at Hiei, silently asking permission. He smiled gently at her, pulled her closer, holding her protectively in his arms. She lowered her head once more, mouth hovering over his skin, her breath a feathery caress, searching for the place that felt instinctually right. She found it, plunging her teeth, hard as she could manage, into a certain spot in the junction between neck and shoulder.
Hiei's demon-fast healing kept him from losing much blood, but the few drops produced were kissed up by Botan, her tongue dabbing softly (sensuously) against his skin.
She raised her head and they kissed, mouths hungry, seeking, desire warm and strong between them; Hiei transferred his attention to the base of her neck, hesitating slightly-just long enough for Botan to notice-before biting down. He licked away the blood as it welled up from the punctures, Botan feeling shivers of ecstasy wind their way through her body at the touch.
They broke apart for a few minutes, staying only in a loose hug, letting what had happened sink in.
Marked. They were tied together now, forever bonded.
Once that would have scared Botan, the idea that there was no backing out. Now there was just a brilliant euphoria, a sense of forever, an understanding that she was the one that Hiei loved, just as much as she loved her.
Hiei felt a calm surprise (someone loved him... Had marked him... Wanted to be with him forever, even though she knew his past...) and an equally fierce joy. Marked... And in love.
Hiei could smell the strong desire in Botan's scent, knew there was an answering one in his, mixed in with a supreme happiness, and deep love. He tightened the embrace, pressing himself against her, a sudden urgency in his motions. Botan felt it and responded, needing it just as much, and they pressed their lips together in a fierce kiss filled with rising passion and Botan's last thought was of Hiei's heat against her, and how it reflected the heat rising within her...
Botan awoke early, the sky still gray from dawn, the very early morning serenely calm and still. She drifted slowly to an aware state, gradually recognizing that the warm shape she was curled around was Hiei. The events of the night before didn't hit her with a sudden jolt, but instead slowly drifted out of the background. Botan sighed happily and stretched, untangling herself from the body beside her.
Hiei was aware of Botan slowly awakening beside him, beautiful and serene in the calm of peaceful waking. She was always beautiful; not in the icy way of the koorime, but in a warm way, a comforting way. She was beautiful because he loved her. She loved him back. The thought brought a small, secret smile to his face. bonded forever... He opened his eyes and laid a small nuzzling kiss on a little scabbing-over wound on Botan, right at the junction where her neck flowed into her shoulder.
Life is often confusing, and often lonely. Sometimes, though... Sometimes, life is perfect.
(1) Funny how people tend to reflect their own insecurities onto others...
(2) Fire demon, right?
(3) Sorry, but I always write Hiei as short. I know a lot of people don't, but to me it's just sort of who he is. There's not much of a height distance as things are, though; I mean, Botan's not particularly tall and female, so Hiei's not that much shorter than she is.