FMA [Drabble:] 'And really bad eggs'
All but prompted by evil-little-dog, inspired by her post.
A/N: Because I couldn't resist. Written while sleep-deprived. Crack. Dedicated to ELD. XD
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
They were the very finest of H.R.M. Queen Elizabeth's navy. Granted, born and bred as straight and true Amestrians they were also the first and only of said newly formed Marine Corps.
Sent beyond the known borders to explore and conquer for the benefit of their homeland and to rise up in challenge against the worst pirate threat their neighbouring country and ally (since the signing of the Southern Peace Treaty of 1918) had faced in the last twelve decades.
And so these brave of heart set forth from the largest port in Aerugo, Aquroya, ready to tame the wild, briny waters and the alleged monsters roaming in the deep depths. No matter that less than a fortnight ago, they wouldn't have been able to tell starboard side from port and any Aerugon child of a mere five summers could tie more element resisting knots than these war hardened soldiers.
They were the elite; they were heroes in the making, if not already legends whilst still living. They were going to crush these filthy pirates and make an example of why you just didn't mess with Amestris' best. They were...never going to live down the shame.
After three months at sea without even a whisper of the enemy's whereabouts or hideout, they'd made berth at the first habitable place they'd spotted along the shorelines of the great unknown. They had justly indulged just a bit in the fineries a surprisingly hospitable, if somewhat rowdy pioneer’s town had to offer. Next morning they'd set sail and with the gloomy mists (though such dreariness may have been a side effect of cheap liquor) they'd been beset by Sirens. Or so they'd thought.
Women. They were bested in battle - only because these pirate scum didn't heed the rules of a proper fight, mind you! - striped of all valuables and provisions and then dropped off in disgrace at the nearest, wealthiest port of the known South by a bunch of girls and old ladies.
New myths rose in these men’s dragging footsteps. Mr. Fuery from the fishmonger's will scare the youngest children with night time terrors of fierce scythe-wielding Commodore Pinako, who'd cut a grown man in half (she could reach no higher) and cackle about it, before scalping him and then plot other unspeakable things. She sailed through the dark of night - yes, and morning fog too - searching for new men to chop in revenge for a long lost love spurned, people say. Her captain Rockbell the Second was no less to be feared. She had a collection of human limbs stored in her quarters, or so swears Mr. Havoc, the grocer. Would craft new ones from wood and even metal when she could, ‘so much better’, she said, ‘who needed those inferior flesh ones.’ Historians will one day get into heated debates whether the captain's armoury consisted of a saw or screwdrivers or even both, you mark my words. Unspeakable horrors are this wild lass's legacy.
A crew of miscreants and outlaws these ferocious women command... (Imagine, good sir, women! Preposterous indeed.)
The tales would grow more outrageous over the years in which once proud and just Amestris failed to curb this looming danger. The first mate was an exile from the east. Adorned with her captain’s god-awful imitation of working limbs, yet a finer swordsman…or rather swords handler had not been seen since tigers still roamed the wilderness of Amestris during the last Ice Age, the scholars wrote. And more of the same ilk, from everywhere in the known empires they came: south, west, north and central. Most lacking limbs - no doubt cut off by the Rockbells as part of the crew’s initiation to prove worth their salt. One had actual claws for hands and enjoyed rallying up man for closer quarter, cage fights. Another could shoot cannon balls, I kid you not, sir, lead cannon balls from her left kneecap. Man-eaters, harlots and other such ilk could be found among the elicit crew.
But I must rest. Why not pass by Baker Heymans? He can tell better stories than I can and he’s always up for another enactment of the Insidious Sirens motley bunch. Just don’t ask him about his part, alright? He is still a bit sore about his lost reputation as a sailor, they all were. Alas, poor lads, they’d never stood a chance...
A/N: Yup, I deliberately took 'Elizabeth' for Riza. King Roy just doesn't sound right to me. ^^ I also know that in FMA:A Aquroya was a city located within Amestris borders, but I like to ignore those facts as suits and it fitted, in my opinion.
A/N: Because I couldn't resist. Written while sleep-deprived. Crack. Dedicated to ELD. XD
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
They were the very finest of H.R.M. Queen Elizabeth's navy. Granted, born and bred as straight and true Amestrians they were also the first and only of said newly formed Marine Corps.
Sent beyond the known borders to explore and conquer for the benefit of their homeland and to rise up in challenge against the worst pirate threat their neighbouring country and ally (since the signing of the Southern Peace Treaty of 1918) had faced in the last twelve decades.
And so these brave of heart set forth from the largest port in Aerugo, Aquroya, ready to tame the wild, briny waters and the alleged monsters roaming in the deep depths. No matter that less than a fortnight ago, they wouldn't have been able to tell starboard side from port and any Aerugon child of a mere five summers could tie more element resisting knots than these war hardened soldiers.
They were the elite; they were heroes in the making, if not already legends whilst still living. They were going to crush these filthy pirates and make an example of why you just didn't mess with Amestris' best. They were...never going to live down the shame.
After three months at sea without even a whisper of the enemy's whereabouts or hideout, they'd made berth at the first habitable place they'd spotted along the shorelines of the great unknown. They had justly indulged just a bit in the fineries a surprisingly hospitable, if somewhat rowdy pioneer’s town had to offer. Next morning they'd set sail and with the gloomy mists (though such dreariness may have been a side effect of cheap liquor) they'd been beset by Sirens. Or so they'd thought.
Women. They were bested in battle - only because these pirate scum didn't heed the rules of a proper fight, mind you! - striped of all valuables and provisions and then dropped off in disgrace at the nearest, wealthiest port of the known South by a bunch of girls and old ladies.
New myths rose in these men’s dragging footsteps. Mr. Fuery from the fishmonger's will scare the youngest children with night time terrors of fierce scythe-wielding Commodore Pinako, who'd cut a grown man in half (she could reach no higher) and cackle about it, before scalping him and then plot other unspeakable things. She sailed through the dark of night - yes, and morning fog too - searching for new men to chop in revenge for a long lost love spurned, people say. Her captain Rockbell the Second was no less to be feared. She had a collection of human limbs stored in her quarters, or so swears Mr. Havoc, the grocer. Would craft new ones from wood and even metal when she could, ‘so much better’, she said, ‘who needed those inferior flesh ones.’ Historians will one day get into heated debates whether the captain's armoury consisted of a saw or screwdrivers or even both, you mark my words. Unspeakable horrors are this wild lass's legacy.
A crew of miscreants and outlaws these ferocious women command... (Imagine, good sir, women! Preposterous indeed.)
The tales would grow more outrageous over the years in which once proud and just Amestris failed to curb this looming danger. The first mate was an exile from the east. Adorned with her captain’s god-awful imitation of working limbs, yet a finer swordsman…or rather swords handler had not been seen since tigers still roamed the wilderness of Amestris during the last Ice Age, the scholars wrote. And more of the same ilk, from everywhere in the known empires they came: south, west, north and central. Most lacking limbs - no doubt cut off by the Rockbells as part of the crew’s initiation to prove worth their salt. One had actual claws for hands and enjoyed rallying up man for closer quarter, cage fights. Another could shoot cannon balls, I kid you not, sir, lead cannon balls from her left kneecap. Man-eaters, harlots and other such ilk could be found among the elicit crew.
But I must rest. Why not pass by Baker Heymans? He can tell better stories than I can and he’s always up for another enactment of the Insidious Sirens motley bunch. Just don’t ask him about his part, alright? He is still a bit sore about his lost reputation as a sailor, they all were. Alas, poor lads, they’d never stood a chance...
A/N: Yup, I deliberately took 'Elizabeth' for Riza. King Roy just doesn't sound right to me. ^^ I also know that in FMA:A Aquroya was a city located within Amestris borders, but I like to ignore those facts as suits and it fitted, in my opinion.