Wait, What Was That Guy's Name Again?
Friday night I saw George Carlin. THEE George Carlin. One of the top 3 best comedians of all time. I was so excited when I got tickets - he's old, not touring too much anymore, I likened it to a "once in a lifetime opportunity".
So when my mom and her flamboyantly homosexual friend got plastered, I was pissed.
The night started out ok enough. Luke and I met up with some friends of ours outside and we were waiting for my mom to show up with the tickets since she purchased them. They were letting people in and of course she wasn't there so I called her.
Me: "Yeah Hi, where are you?"
Mom: "James and I just left Antigua and we're walking to the Bob Carr." (Not a super idea if you are already running late to a fucking show.)
Me: "what do you mean you're walking?"
Mom: "We didn't want to drive so we're walking and we had to walk down Parramore (ghettoooo) and Westmoreland (bigger ghetto). But we're almost there."
Me: "Yeah, that's great. Great idea. Hurry up already. By the way, it might have seemed like a good idea to walk through that part of town at this time (still somewhat daylight). But when the show ends, do you really want to walk past 10 blocks of crack houses back downtown? You guys are dumb. Anyway, hurry up I'm outside." *click*
So my mom and her jolly ol' gay ass friend show up. She's in this ridiculous jacket (ridiculous.) 1/2 Black velvet, 1/2 Satin, the arms are all scrunched up and the shoulders..well, there were no shoulder pads, but the way the arms were - it looked like there were some. Way to go, 80's mom.
So we they herd us inside, it's so packed and this guy on a god damn lark starts backing up screaming at everyone to move. We couldn't move - who let that guy in anyway? If it's that crowded, put that guy on fucking crutches - no one could get out of his way and he was getting all pissy in that "look-im-disabled-so-cater-to-my-every-need" sort of way. Fuck him and his gimpy legs.
So we find where we have to go and immediately my mom and her faggy friend go to the bar. Everyone else goes to find their seats. It's about 1 minute to showtime and my mom and James haven't come in yet. Doors closed, lights dimmed, the voice demanding you turn off your cell phone and no flash photography has came and went. The opening act is about to come on, and guess who's not there yet.
About 10 whole minutes into the set, I hear the loud, obnoxious laugh of my mother coming down the stairway. Of course the doors are already closed but you can hear that laugh from a mile away. Apparently they decided to stay at the bar, finish their first drink - then buy another so they could bring it in with them. Super! They sit down and start drunk whispering amongst themselves about god knows what. I am beyond embarrassed and even more annoyed. The only thing I can think of is they better not be like this when Carlin comes on. I mean, he's a pop culture icon they can shut the fuck up for that right? WRONG.
During the intermission I went to go smoke a cigarette and when I returned luke told me that the whole time I was gone (20 minutes) my mom was sitting there telling jokes to the people around us. Someone behind us apparently said something to her friend about how she talks with her hands alot and my mom turned around and proceeded to tell her that she was Italian and that she talked with her hands alot. Lucky I wasn't there, I would have said - Bitch, I wish you talked with just your hands - at least there'd be no fucking noise! I love my mom but, she does get pretty annoying.
So Carlin starts, I'm so excited. He goes on this long diatribe about the "Modern Man". It's great, save the "oh yeah's", "uh-huh's" or "that is so right!" from my drunken mother....LOUDLY.
Carlin told a joke about how he was going to make an all suicide network on tv and to get kids involved he was going to call it "extreme living". Faggotry looks (glares) over at me and says (loudly) "HA HA EXTREME LIVING! HA HA HA HA HUH HUH HUH HA HA" I'm not a teenager, and I wouldn't kill myself (and if he was referring to my stint in the hospital a few years ago the next time I see him I'm going to chop his infected god damn balls off) I said "it's not funny, so shut the fuck up."
5 minutes later he made another joke about how they should have bumper stickers that say "Save the Pussy" instead of "save the whales". James was laughing so hard, that my mom decided to repeat the joke and the punchline about 2 more times. "HA HA HA SAVE THE PUSSY! HA HA SAVE THE PUSSY! OMG SO FUNNY" Seriously, had luke not pointed out that since they didn't come in with us, no one knew they were with us, I would have thrown up. Mortified can't even begin to describe the way I was feeling. I was feeling...rageful. I was so pissed. Also during the show, they got up about 2-3 more times in the middle of Carlin to go get more drinks.
So after the whole thing was over, and my once in a lifetime experience was totally ruined, we all walked outside. Luke and I tried to lose them but they found us. Had I not been so irritated I would have offered them a ride back to their car so they didnt' have to walk thru ghetto ass cracktown wasted but i didn't care, I just wanted to leave.
-----------
In other exciting news - there may be a new addition to our little family. I delivered to this lady last week who's dog had ONE puppy. The mama is a full bred toy poodle and the father is a full bred Yorkie. She's only 4 weeks old, all black and probably not even 1 whole pound yet. Darling! I told her I would take her whenever she was ready - I'm just waiting for her to tell me a price. I'm going to take pictures of her when I go over there today. I am very excited about the possibility of a new little bundle of joy at my house. Once I get pictures, I'll have to get some suggestions on names.
So when my mom and her flamboyantly homosexual friend got plastered, I was pissed.
The night started out ok enough. Luke and I met up with some friends of ours outside and we were waiting for my mom to show up with the tickets since she purchased them. They were letting people in and of course she wasn't there so I called her.
Me: "Yeah Hi, where are you?"
Mom: "James and I just left Antigua and we're walking to the Bob Carr." (Not a super idea if you are already running late to a fucking show.)
Me: "what do you mean you're walking?"
Mom: "We didn't want to drive so we're walking and we had to walk down Parramore (ghettoooo) and Westmoreland (bigger ghetto). But we're almost there."
Me: "Yeah, that's great. Great idea. Hurry up already. By the way, it might have seemed like a good idea to walk through that part of town at this time (still somewhat daylight). But when the show ends, do you really want to walk past 10 blocks of crack houses back downtown? You guys are dumb. Anyway, hurry up I'm outside." *click*
So my mom and her jolly ol' gay ass friend show up. She's in this ridiculous jacket (ridiculous.) 1/2 Black velvet, 1/2 Satin, the arms are all scrunched up and the shoulders..well, there were no shoulder pads, but the way the arms were - it looked like there were some. Way to go, 80's mom.
So we they herd us inside, it's so packed and this guy on a god damn lark starts backing up screaming at everyone to move. We couldn't move - who let that guy in anyway? If it's that crowded, put that guy on fucking crutches - no one could get out of his way and he was getting all pissy in that "look-im-disabled-so-cater-to-my-every-need" sort of way. Fuck him and his gimpy legs.
So we find where we have to go and immediately my mom and her faggy friend go to the bar. Everyone else goes to find their seats. It's about 1 minute to showtime and my mom and James haven't come in yet. Doors closed, lights dimmed, the voice demanding you turn off your cell phone and no flash photography has came and went. The opening act is about to come on, and guess who's not there yet.
About 10 whole minutes into the set, I hear the loud, obnoxious laugh of my mother coming down the stairway. Of course the doors are already closed but you can hear that laugh from a mile away. Apparently they decided to stay at the bar, finish their first drink - then buy another so they could bring it in with them. Super! They sit down and start drunk whispering amongst themselves about god knows what. I am beyond embarrassed and even more annoyed. The only thing I can think of is they better not be like this when Carlin comes on. I mean, he's a pop culture icon they can shut the fuck up for that right? WRONG.
During the intermission I went to go smoke a cigarette and when I returned luke told me that the whole time I was gone (20 minutes) my mom was sitting there telling jokes to the people around us. Someone behind us apparently said something to her friend about how she talks with her hands alot and my mom turned around and proceeded to tell her that she was Italian and that she talked with her hands alot. Lucky I wasn't there, I would have said - Bitch, I wish you talked with just your hands - at least there'd be no fucking noise! I love my mom but, she does get pretty annoying.
So Carlin starts, I'm so excited. He goes on this long diatribe about the "Modern Man". It's great, save the "oh yeah's", "uh-huh's" or "that is so right!" from my drunken mother....LOUDLY.
Carlin told a joke about how he was going to make an all suicide network on tv and to get kids involved he was going to call it "extreme living". Faggotry looks (glares) over at me and says (loudly) "HA HA EXTREME LIVING! HA HA HA HA HUH HUH HUH HA HA" I'm not a teenager, and I wouldn't kill myself (and if he was referring to my stint in the hospital a few years ago the next time I see him I'm going to chop his infected god damn balls off) I said "it's not funny, so shut the fuck up."
5 minutes later he made another joke about how they should have bumper stickers that say "Save the Pussy" instead of "save the whales". James was laughing so hard, that my mom decided to repeat the joke and the punchline about 2 more times. "HA HA HA SAVE THE PUSSY! HA HA SAVE THE PUSSY! OMG SO FUNNY" Seriously, had luke not pointed out that since they didn't come in with us, no one knew they were with us, I would have thrown up. Mortified can't even begin to describe the way I was feeling. I was feeling...rageful. I was so pissed. Also during the show, they got up about 2-3 more times in the middle of Carlin to go get more drinks.
So after the whole thing was over, and my once in a lifetime experience was totally ruined, we all walked outside. Luke and I tried to lose them but they found us. Had I not been so irritated I would have offered them a ride back to their car so they didnt' have to walk thru ghetto ass cracktown wasted but i didn't care, I just wanted to leave.
-----------
In other exciting news - there may be a new addition to our little family. I delivered to this lady last week who's dog had ONE puppy. The mama is a full bred toy poodle and the father is a full bred Yorkie. She's only 4 weeks old, all black and probably not even 1 whole pound yet. Darling! I told her I would take her whenever she was ready - I'm just waiting for her to tell me a price. I'm going to take pictures of her when I go over there today. I am very excited about the possibility of a new little bundle of joy at my house. Once I get pictures, I'll have to get some suggestions on names.