Closer, yet more afraid
First thing I did when I opened my eyes this morning was to switch on my phone, waiting...waiting...and then it came in.
=D
But even within this happiness lies an element of uncertainty, one of fear. At times, I find this all so ghastly familar, as though I've been through it before- was this what had happened between me and G too? I don't want history to repeat itself- I knew right from the start that G would be a mistake (and was eventually proven right) but I don't want to make another mistake with you.
The thing is, the closer you get, the more afraid you are to lose it. People always say to cherish your loved ones while you still have them with you, and never ever let someone slip away just because you didn't hold on tight enough to them. But where does one draw the line? How do you know if you're holding on "too tight" or whether it's a "just nice" grip? They always say it's hard holding on, but I've always had more of a problem when it comes to letting go.
At least whatever happens next, we both know we have this friendship to fall back on. And that, is what makes you different from G, M and S- you developed the friendship first. The thing is, at the end of the day, what exactly do we end up with?
All I know is that if history is going to repeat itself again, then I'd rather not get close to you, because that will only make me hurt even more when you leave. G caused me four years of waiting, four years of pain, and I have absolutely no wish to go through that experience again.