Beginnings
I had known it was a mistake form the beginning. However, a part of me had refused to see the danger that he represented. Maybe it was the loneliness that had finally gotten the best of me or maybe it was the desire to have and hold a piece of heaven in my hands that had propelled me into his arms. Whatever the reasons may have been I walked into his embrace willingly knowing that the chances of surviving him were improbable. Even know I wonder how my life deviated into this path, how after careful planning I found myself walking such a dark road. It's hard to recall the events that led me here after all this time it surprises me to realize that the memories are hazy and distant. Nevertheless, the one thing that remains clear an constant are his features forever engraved in my mind.
He was the beautiful. I know it's silly to describe a man with such a word but I cannot think if a more apt depiction. He was beautiful but he was ruthless. There wan an underlying cruelty to the beauty that grazed his countenance the funny and twisted thing was that maybe that was what attracted me the most. When I looked into that blue gaze I realized I had found my beginning and end; with that one look my thoughts were ensnared in a web that would never let go.
There are nightmares that become all to real that snare in a maze of deceit and horror and when he touched me I knew my worst fears would come to life. For I feared love; feared it with a passion that knew no bounds even as my heart cried for it. I remember the desperate need to turn away from him when he looked into my soul. I remember how much my mind screamed at me to walk away no run away until the beauty of his eyes receded into oblivion but the lure of his kiss had been stronger that anything else even my will to be free.
Thus, I stayed; stayed within his grasp understanding from the start that he walked in shadows. He walked in shadows that would threaten to consume and devastate my soul in the months to come. It's hard even now to comprehend the choice my heart made; how it willingly walked into fire refusing to avoid the flames that that waited anxiously to sear.
I can't explain why I stayed why I welcomed his diabolical method of seduction. I can only say that I needed him; that something in my being responded to the darkness that laid in his spirit. I think a part of me wanted to save him believed it could save him from the demons that seemed to torment his thoughts. How foolish I was. How utterly silly my musings were as I fancied myself in love. But I did love him. I really did love him; frighteningly, completely, and hopelessly loved him so much that I was prepared to take that long dark walk with him.
So with every brutal kiss he'd take, with every embrace that he held me down with, he created a longing inside of me I didn't want to acknowledge. Hence began my descent into his world were I would find myself flirting constantly on the precipice of madness. It would be an ever ending battle to avoid falling into the abyss.
In the months that were to come all I had ever believed in would be challenged and I would be led through a labyrinth of twisted lies and secret desires. to where answers lay waiting in the darkest chambers of his heart.
However, the critical question was if I would emerge unscathed? Somehow when I looked at those stormy eyes that flickered dangerously with unfathomable and frightening feelings I doubted that I would survive at all. And even as this truth dawned on me I began to drown in those eyes that were so impossibly blue and spoke of little light and to much darkness, I choose my path. I stayed when I should have run and I loved with no end just a beginning.