Brigit's Flame - December 2008 - Week 2

[dreamy_idealist]

Wow, this one is definitely special. I had a plot, and the story was pretty much written when this occurred to me at the last minute, and it seemed so obvious. I wanted it to be about 500 words and guess what Word says it's 500 words! I would need more time, but well, the deadline is coming so we'll see what happens ;)

This week's topic is CHAOS

Comments

[merthin]

Nice take on the prompt and on writer's block.

[creature_girl08]

I really liked how different this was.

Editor

[amri]

Hi

[mullvaney]

Hi, I'm your other editor this week.

your spelling and greammar are excellent. I only noticed that, in this sentence He suffered from an invisible, incurable illness that let him in dire mental poverty 'let' should be 'left'.

a sound, deep, hoarse helped him out. This is a bit confusing; it might be clearer as"a sound, deep and hoarse, helped him out."

He heard consonants, vowels, and his head spun as he crashed back to the land of the living. Adrenaline rushed through his entire body. Someone was talking to him. The tone of the voice indicated the mysterious stranger was asking him a question.
There is really nice imagery here.

The professor froze in consideration, and launched into a passionate, pompous monologue, to which he promised himself to give heed, right after he finished admiring the humor of what just happened
I liked this a lot, too; I just finished a class with a prof like that :-D

This is a nice piece of writing, good imagery.If you wanted to, you could expand on it, but it stands really well on its own. Good

[dreamy_idealist]

your spelling and grammar are excellent.
That's the first time I've been told that! Guess I'm making progress!

Thanks for the tips!