Comments | dreamy_idealist: Brigit's Flame - January 2009

dreamy_idealist

Brigit's Flame - January 2009 - Week 1

Jan 10, 2009 18:09

Hello, and Happy New Year!

brigits_flame is back!

I logged in to drop out. Yet, somehow the nice reminder from the mods I found in my inbox urged me to keep trying. I like to honor my commitments so I wrote something. I wish I had more time. Thanks for reading.

This week's topic is ANGELS.

( * * * * * )

one shot, brigit's flame

Comments 10

Edit pipisafoat January 16 2009, 04:08:29 UTC

Overall, I enjoyed this piece a lot. I am also curious about the coffee line, though! I can't really decide if this piece should feel hopeful or hopeless... it looks like most people are leaning towards hopeful, but for some reason I'm getting a more hopeless vibe from it.

Why is the angel's name just Angel? There are other angels, so I'm sure they have to have some sort of names.
The thought of a hot cup of coffee and made the feeling vanish quickly.
Angel headed for the kitchenette on the opposite side of the immense open space. What immense open space? The whole setting of this story is pretty unclear to me. Also, when you mention the Promised Land, is that the kitchenette?
...impatiently awaited the black hot beverage and the lips of the owner.
...the screens' dazzling light drew attention to from anyone who entered.
It was only the ninth day of the year 2009, and yet hope had never been so faint.
Clocks displayed current local times of the hottest places in the world above the TV screens broadcasting in live ( ... )

Re: Edit dreamy_idealist January 16 2009, 16:20:00 UTC

Hey! Good to see you editing me again. I really value your edits. I wish you all the best for 2009. ;)

I'm getting a more hopeless vibe from it.
I can't help spreading my pessimism sometimes. It might also be because you have read and edited some of my previous stories.

Why is the angel's name just Angel?
Angels are sexless so is the character, here. I tried not to use pronouns, which wasn't an easy task.

The whole setting of this story is pretty unclear to me.It was meant to be a longer piece, dialogue between three people, but ideas weren't coming, hence why I nearly dropped out. The basic plot: colleagues' small talk at the coffee machine on a new day at work. I pictured a large open space, but I wanted to make it all white and clear, I sort of imagined them on a cloud. The point was that when reading we would believe we are on earth in a regular office with regular workers. The last line would reverse the situation and we realize we are in Heaven the workers are Angels, the boss is God ( ... )

Re: Edit darkspirited1 January 27 2009, 07:19:07 UTC

Wow. So I saw the theme and thought maybe you were just writing about a character named Angel and a typical day at work. Then, I started trying to figure out if Angel was a boy or a girl because I noticed you never mentioned it. Then you mentioned the boss. That last line was great. I wasn't expecting that at all. Thanks for the surprise.

Further proofreading and all to come. Tis too late at night for that LOL.

Re: Edit dreamy_idealist January 27 2009, 18:06:32 UTC

Thank you! I love it when people understand my ideas. Sometimes I think about adding author's notes after the story to clarify my point(s).

Further proofreading and all to come.
I'd love that if you have the time and patience. Thank you :)