(no subject)
I hate these feelings, i want to cry all day and night, i don't want to see any one happy. I'm so depressed, i hate hearing, you're going to be ok, everything will work out for the best. This happend for a reason, i hate hearing, U can do so much better. I hate hearing every ones opinion. I just want to cry and be sad. I want to just rip out my heart out of my chest and throw it away so i won't feel none of these things.
I feel:
Lonelyness
Sadness
i feel abandoned
I feel betrayed
I feel Ashamed
I feel Angry and just want to hate every one around me.
I'm going through such a hard time, i'm having a fight with my self. I keep fight off my feelings. I'm going out with my family, i'm trying to eat, i'm trying to get pretty and everything in my power to keep me busy, but who am i kidding, i want him back, i need him back. I thought it would be easy, but i do love him, i do want him in my life, i want to work things out, i want my companion, my friend and most importantly my husband, the pillow i would cry to when i felt lonely, the one that at least would tell me I love you, and i felt he ment it. This is too much and i can't take it.I know god is on my side, but it doesn't take the pain away, it makes it easier, but it's still there. It's too much. I so want to go out and get drunk and sleep with every guy i see and cover up my pain with un-real love, un-real feelings, but that isn't what i need, i need to hear "i'm sorry" "I love you" i want to make things work.
I cant.