Oh...

[drearyobsession]

I listened to Ryan Cabrera today and cried...I cried because 5 years ago this week I was in my first real relationship, with the first guy to ever say they loved me...and I fucked everything up, and always have with every guy ever since. I wrote to JH today saying we should try a friendship, its been 5 years, had I known we'd never be friends, I

Comments

[masteralucard]

i think we all wish we could fix things but perhaps that's the irony of being human-maybe we simply can't or maybe things work out much differently in the long run. perhaps you did not do anything wrong at all. don't hate yourself or see the difficulties right now-try to see similarities in the past and the present and say this is a lesson. just look at this as a stepping stone. i've had my years of self blame but at this point i've realized i don't really do that anymore..i simply can't. i do not have the strength anymore for that or any strength for arguing(to the best of my ability) and i try not to put myself behind an 8 ball with social life, work , and stress.

i'm wondering why do you feel guilty by doing those things ? Do they take the place of the emptiness or guilt ? are they just not healthy for you right now? feel free to email me/im if you want to discuss some more.