Fic: Losing You (1/1)
Title: Losing You
Fandom: Murder Call
Characters: Tessa Vance, Steve Hayden
Prompt: 082. If
Word Count: 2076
Rating: G (K)
Summary: After the events of “Dead Offerings”, Tessa gathers a bit of courage to say what’s on her mind.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. They belong to Jennifer Rowe, Hal McElroy and Southern Star. I make no profit out of this.
Losing You
“You know what?” she asked him with a little tilt to her head, making her curls bob back and forth above her slender shoulder. Her big blue eyes were hesitant as they met his. “I’m scared.”
“What of?” For some reason his neck tensed and something strange coiled in his stomach. He didn’t linger on it, though, too mesmerised and trapped in the beautiful features framed by unruly blonde locks, too intent on keeping his distance.
She sighed then as if some sort of monstrous obstacle had been blown to pieces and left her with free passage, yet still she was apprehensive of journeying down the road presented to her. He wondered, but remained silent, waiting.
“Losing you,” she said in the end, withdrawing her gaze and fixing it on the pool table where their redheaded friend was being outmatched and seduced by a fellow constable from Forensic Services that had recently joined the forensic team. Neither of them knew him. Not that it mattered at the moment. He was too busy making sure his head didn’t snap in a sudden turn towards his companion.
Had she said that? He wasn’t really sure until he saw she was starting to chew her lower lip uncertainly, slowly crossing her arms defensively. Preparing herself for which assault? Did she think so lowly of him? Is that the impression he had given in their years of friendship?
When he thought about it, maybe he had. Sort of. They’d had a rough start but things settled down after a while, and now he couldn’t honestly say he hated her or something like that.
But he had never actually told her that. He knew what women were like. They needed affirmation and reassurance, but he had never ventured down that road. Why’s that?
Because that would mean she wasn’t just a partner any longer. It was easy to assume things were understood when not spoken of, that they could keep up the pretence of having a good and healthy working relationship. It’s not like he needed to tell old Barney that he liked him every fortnight or so.
But Tessa was a woman. Therein lay the difference. Despite popular beliefs on females being just like men, science proved again and again that men and women were polar opposites. Sure they had things in common, like a decent sensibility, but none had an equal amount of anything. Like two men were different, so were two women. Based on his experiences, it was a logical conclusion to say Barney and Tessa were completely different personalities. And he should have remembered that. Whereas he didn’t need to broadcast his feelings for Barney, Tessa was a whole other matter.
So why hadn’t he told her?
Steve knew why. It was perfect clear. But it was something he had tucked away in his mind for so long he had been sure it would never come up. Until now when he was faced with a beautiful and defensive friend that somehow managed to relay a deeper meaning to her statement than Steve would ordinarily catch up on. Perhaps it was the state of mind after a traumatic incident when they almost lost Tootsie to a serial killer, or the atmosphere born from watching Dee move in for the big kill beside the pool table, teasing and grinning as her recipient responded favourably.
And yet he couldn’t tell Tessa any of that. To her he was the big analytical and logical mind that had trouble working outside the parameters of imagination, and who had always kept things on the surface, never venturing below to the bottomless depths, letting her take first approach. So he would have to act accordingly.
“You’re not gonna lose me,” Steve said off-handed, slinging his shoulder seemingly carelessly over the back of the chair, fingering with the half-filled glass of beer in front of him. He grinned for her benefit when she looked back at him, lower lip red from the self-inflicted biting. “I’m not that easy to kill off, haven’t you noticed? Us Homicide detectives have at least nine lives, though I think you’re pushing up on twenty-something.”
Tessa’s lips widened in a smile at the familiar teasing, but she didn’t hold his glance for long as she withdrew and leaned forward on her elbows, sighing again as Dee and her unnamed companion leant close enough to touch but kept to the game.
Steve felt his insides melt at the nearly mournful look that crossed his partner’s face and wished he’d had more balls. Had it been someone else, someone less beautiful and endearing even in sorrow, he would have made a go at her. As it was, he forced his hands to remain calm and schooled his features.
“Do you think Fisk’s with her?” Tessa asked suddenly from the bottom of her water glass, only glancing at him briefly, chewing her lip again. Steve shrugged.
“Don’t know. Probably.”
He knew what she was truly doing. She was gathering courage. Something he seemed to lack in his little self-imposed world of Cold-hearted Bastard. She had always been the bravest of the two of them. The emotional, the driven, the obsessed; Tessa was the visible force of nature’s most fundamental phenomenon. Steve carried it all inside, making him the invisible, the one who hid behind logic and mathematical concepts. Things he could grasp with his head, not his heart.
“She’ll be all right,” Steve told her softly, meeting her eyes when she looked up at him from her glass. He struggled to keep his hands where they were. “Unless Fisk bores her to death.”
“He won’t,” Tessa replied certainly. “They have something special.”
As she drifted off, Steve observed how her eyes glazed over and wondered not for the first time what she was envisioning in front of her. Was it Fisk hugging Tootsie tightly in the morgue after the killed had been taken down? Or a vision that had never happened but which she wanted to come true?
Steve didn’t know whether he should take the opportunity she presented him with or keep to the routines he had kept religiously for three years. His stomach coiled again when faced with this dilemma and he chose ashamedly the usual way out.
He kept silent.
The pub supplied the sounds neither of them elicited. Music pulsated in the ground, making the chairs they sat on vibrate. A television set in the back broadcasted loudly a sports event Steve took no pleasure from watching. Laughter and off-duty talk from the thirty-odd coppers and civilians surrounding them really only made him wish for a quieter atmosphere when previously he would have managed to unwind because of it.
It was strange but all Steve felt like doing wasn’t gulping down a couple of beers while chatting amiably with his friends and get all the ugly pictures and emotions out of his mind. He wanted to continue the train of thought Tessa had started earlier. He wanted her to keep talking because listening to her gentle voice trusting him with her thoughts made him relax. And he felt sort of special.
‘Ain’t that an eye-opener,’ his mind rebuffed ironically.
Steve agreed.
He looked back at the blonde curly bob, strands of hair sticking out where she had run her hands through it, messing it up. Coupled with the slightly creased brown trouser suit and open jacket revealing a creamy, silken shirt, it was a vision that made his stomach coil even more. It was unbelievable he had lasted all these years without doing anything.
“Why are you so scared of losing me?” Steve asked bluntly, deciding beating around the bush any longer would only prolong the conversation and most likely end up with no answer at all when their sensible minds deemed it ready to head home. His eyes settled upon her beautiful features that flashed with surprise before starting to chew her lip profusely again, not quite meeting his stare.
“Because...” Tessa began slowly, hands wrapped around the empty water glass until her knuckles whitened. He noted the slightly quiver in her voice and once more felt his neck tense from the strain of keeping his hands to himself.
“You’re my best friend. You make me feel safe,” Tessa continued in a low mumble that shook hesitantly. She glanced up at him, giving him a sort of sad smile Steve loathed to see on her face. Like there was no light left in the world. “And you’re everything a girl could hope for.”
She left the statement hanging, withdrawing from him once more as her hands abandoned the water glass, settling onto the opposite elbow joint in the now familiar defensive gesture. Off by the pool table, Dee and her seductive opponent were beginning to wrap up the game, their innuendo getting clearer for every ball that was downed. It was easy to see where their night was winding up.
But Steve didn’t watch them for long. His eyes were all on his partner and best friend as his heart did an unfamiliar skip and betrayed his carefully kept charade. This time he had heard and understood perfectly what she really meant to say. And yet he was speechless. There were no words that came to his rescue. He was instead drawn to the enigma that continued to surprise him.
Tessa tilted her head, noticed his expression, and then looked away again. Her voice was half a whisper and half a wondering inquiry as she spoke out of sight. “Haven’t you ever wondered what would’ve happened if we hadn’t met as partners that night?”
The Funworld amusement park. Nursery rhyme serial killer that wasn’t as cool-headed as he believed he was. Steve knew what she was referring to. He knew because it was something that had stayed tucked away in the back of his mind for years.
When he didn’t answer, Tessa chuckled darkly, still faced away from him. “I did. I still do. When I’m with you and see how amazing you are, I can’t help but wonder...what if?”
What if Steve had hit on her? What if Tessa had returned the sentiment? What if they had never been partners? There were so many and from the turn of the conversation, Steve could only assume Tessa had thought of them all. Just like him.
“Then again,” Tessa sighed in defeat, “As much as I’d like to initiate things, I’m scared of ruining everything.”
She didn’t ask him about his emotions, she just assumed they were similar to hers. Did she read him that well? Had they known each other so long and so well? Steve hadn’t realised. Tessa truly was the bravest of them both when hinting on this subject and then suddenly revealing everything, drawing him into her entrapment as steadily as she did the suspects.
“I’ve done it before,” Tessa continued without a thought to his inner battle, as if rolling on a tidal wave she couldn’t escape once it had caught her. “With Ezra, with Brett. There was this one guy who managed to stay my friend afterwards, but it didn’t last long once he got back together with his ex. Now they’re all gone and I can’t help wondering: Is there something wrong with me?”
Steve realised her voice broke at the last word and scrutinised her hunched shoulders for any sign of upset, but there wasn’t even a shiver, just silence as Tessa drifted off somewhere out of reach.
He couldn’t help it. His hands began to move in her direction.
But then she turned towards him and he lost the momentary surge of courage, letting the arms fall down before she noticed. A lone tear was tracing the length of her cheek, down her jaw and ending up hanging precariously on the tip of her chin. The sad smile sent towards him turned his insides to mush.
“I’m always falling for my best friends,” Tessa half-whispered, “Yet when my mind’s screaming for me to keep my distance I can’t help but wonder if I’m losing my life’s opportunity not doing anything?”
And in that moment, Steve wondered about that as well.
But he was too much of a coward to do anything. He was the invisible one, the one who made reasonable choices. This was not his territory. He simply did not have the words.
He met Tessa’s beautiful blue eyes, clenching his beer.
“Do you want something stronger than water?”
....
End? No, there's a part two!
Fandom: Murder Call
Characters: Tessa Vance, Steve Hayden
Prompt: 082. If
Word Count: 2076
Rating: G (K)
Summary: After the events of “Dead Offerings”, Tessa gathers a bit of courage to say what’s on her mind.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. They belong to Jennifer Rowe, Hal McElroy and Southern Star. I make no profit out of this.
Losing You
“You know what?” she asked him with a little tilt to her head, making her curls bob back and forth above her slender shoulder. Her big blue eyes were hesitant as they met his. “I’m scared.”
“What of?” For some reason his neck tensed and something strange coiled in his stomach. He didn’t linger on it, though, too mesmerised and trapped in the beautiful features framed by unruly blonde locks, too intent on keeping his distance.
She sighed then as if some sort of monstrous obstacle had been blown to pieces and left her with free passage, yet still she was apprehensive of journeying down the road presented to her. He wondered, but remained silent, waiting.
“Losing you,” she said in the end, withdrawing her gaze and fixing it on the pool table where their redheaded friend was being outmatched and seduced by a fellow constable from Forensic Services that had recently joined the forensic team. Neither of them knew him. Not that it mattered at the moment. He was too busy making sure his head didn’t snap in a sudden turn towards his companion.
Had she said that? He wasn’t really sure until he saw she was starting to chew her lower lip uncertainly, slowly crossing her arms defensively. Preparing herself for which assault? Did she think so lowly of him? Is that the impression he had given in their years of friendship?
When he thought about it, maybe he had. Sort of. They’d had a rough start but things settled down after a while, and now he couldn’t honestly say he hated her or something like that.
But he had never actually told her that. He knew what women were like. They needed affirmation and reassurance, but he had never ventured down that road. Why’s that?
Because that would mean she wasn’t just a partner any longer. It was easy to assume things were understood when not spoken of, that they could keep up the pretence of having a good and healthy working relationship. It’s not like he needed to tell old Barney that he liked him every fortnight or so.
But Tessa was a woman. Therein lay the difference. Despite popular beliefs on females being just like men, science proved again and again that men and women were polar opposites. Sure they had things in common, like a decent sensibility, but none had an equal amount of anything. Like two men were different, so were two women. Based on his experiences, it was a logical conclusion to say Barney and Tessa were completely different personalities. And he should have remembered that. Whereas he didn’t need to broadcast his feelings for Barney, Tessa was a whole other matter.
So why hadn’t he told her?
Steve knew why. It was perfect clear. But it was something he had tucked away in his mind for so long he had been sure it would never come up. Until now when he was faced with a beautiful and defensive friend that somehow managed to relay a deeper meaning to her statement than Steve would ordinarily catch up on. Perhaps it was the state of mind after a traumatic incident when they almost lost Tootsie to a serial killer, or the atmosphere born from watching Dee move in for the big kill beside the pool table, teasing and grinning as her recipient responded favourably.
And yet he couldn’t tell Tessa any of that. To her he was the big analytical and logical mind that had trouble working outside the parameters of imagination, and who had always kept things on the surface, never venturing below to the bottomless depths, letting her take first approach. So he would have to act accordingly.
“You’re not gonna lose me,” Steve said off-handed, slinging his shoulder seemingly carelessly over the back of the chair, fingering with the half-filled glass of beer in front of him. He grinned for her benefit when she looked back at him, lower lip red from the self-inflicted biting. “I’m not that easy to kill off, haven’t you noticed? Us Homicide detectives have at least nine lives, though I think you’re pushing up on twenty-something.”
Tessa’s lips widened in a smile at the familiar teasing, but she didn’t hold his glance for long as she withdrew and leaned forward on her elbows, sighing again as Dee and her unnamed companion leant close enough to touch but kept to the game.
Steve felt his insides melt at the nearly mournful look that crossed his partner’s face and wished he’d had more balls. Had it been someone else, someone less beautiful and endearing even in sorrow, he would have made a go at her. As it was, he forced his hands to remain calm and schooled his features.
“Do you think Fisk’s with her?” Tessa asked suddenly from the bottom of her water glass, only glancing at him briefly, chewing her lip again. Steve shrugged.
“Don’t know. Probably.”
He knew what she was truly doing. She was gathering courage. Something he seemed to lack in his little self-imposed world of Cold-hearted Bastard. She had always been the bravest of the two of them. The emotional, the driven, the obsessed; Tessa was the visible force of nature’s most fundamental phenomenon. Steve carried it all inside, making him the invisible, the one who hid behind logic and mathematical concepts. Things he could grasp with his head, not his heart.
“She’ll be all right,” Steve told her softly, meeting her eyes when she looked up at him from her glass. He struggled to keep his hands where they were. “Unless Fisk bores her to death.”
“He won’t,” Tessa replied certainly. “They have something special.”
As she drifted off, Steve observed how her eyes glazed over and wondered not for the first time what she was envisioning in front of her. Was it Fisk hugging Tootsie tightly in the morgue after the killed had been taken down? Or a vision that had never happened but which she wanted to come true?
Steve didn’t know whether he should take the opportunity she presented him with or keep to the routines he had kept religiously for three years. His stomach coiled again when faced with this dilemma and he chose ashamedly the usual way out.
He kept silent.
The pub supplied the sounds neither of them elicited. Music pulsated in the ground, making the chairs they sat on vibrate. A television set in the back broadcasted loudly a sports event Steve took no pleasure from watching. Laughter and off-duty talk from the thirty-odd coppers and civilians surrounding them really only made him wish for a quieter atmosphere when previously he would have managed to unwind because of it.
It was strange but all Steve felt like doing wasn’t gulping down a couple of beers while chatting amiably with his friends and get all the ugly pictures and emotions out of his mind. He wanted to continue the train of thought Tessa had started earlier. He wanted her to keep talking because listening to her gentle voice trusting him with her thoughts made him relax. And he felt sort of special.
‘Ain’t that an eye-opener,’ his mind rebuffed ironically.
Steve agreed.
He looked back at the blonde curly bob, strands of hair sticking out where she had run her hands through it, messing it up. Coupled with the slightly creased brown trouser suit and open jacket revealing a creamy, silken shirt, it was a vision that made his stomach coil even more. It was unbelievable he had lasted all these years without doing anything.
“Why are you so scared of losing me?” Steve asked bluntly, deciding beating around the bush any longer would only prolong the conversation and most likely end up with no answer at all when their sensible minds deemed it ready to head home. His eyes settled upon her beautiful features that flashed with surprise before starting to chew her lip profusely again, not quite meeting his stare.
“Because...” Tessa began slowly, hands wrapped around the empty water glass until her knuckles whitened. He noted the slightly quiver in her voice and once more felt his neck tense from the strain of keeping his hands to himself.
“You’re my best friend. You make me feel safe,” Tessa continued in a low mumble that shook hesitantly. She glanced up at him, giving him a sort of sad smile Steve loathed to see on her face. Like there was no light left in the world. “And you’re everything a girl could hope for.”
She left the statement hanging, withdrawing from him once more as her hands abandoned the water glass, settling onto the opposite elbow joint in the now familiar defensive gesture. Off by the pool table, Dee and her seductive opponent were beginning to wrap up the game, their innuendo getting clearer for every ball that was downed. It was easy to see where their night was winding up.
But Steve didn’t watch them for long. His eyes were all on his partner and best friend as his heart did an unfamiliar skip and betrayed his carefully kept charade. This time he had heard and understood perfectly what she really meant to say. And yet he was speechless. There were no words that came to his rescue. He was instead drawn to the enigma that continued to surprise him.
Tessa tilted her head, noticed his expression, and then looked away again. Her voice was half a whisper and half a wondering inquiry as she spoke out of sight. “Haven’t you ever wondered what would’ve happened if we hadn’t met as partners that night?”
The Funworld amusement park. Nursery rhyme serial killer that wasn’t as cool-headed as he believed he was. Steve knew what she was referring to. He knew because it was something that had stayed tucked away in the back of his mind for years.
When he didn’t answer, Tessa chuckled darkly, still faced away from him. “I did. I still do. When I’m with you and see how amazing you are, I can’t help but wonder...what if?”
What if Steve had hit on her? What if Tessa had returned the sentiment? What if they had never been partners? There were so many and from the turn of the conversation, Steve could only assume Tessa had thought of them all. Just like him.
“Then again,” Tessa sighed in defeat, “As much as I’d like to initiate things, I’m scared of ruining everything.”
She didn’t ask him about his emotions, she just assumed they were similar to hers. Did she read him that well? Had they known each other so long and so well? Steve hadn’t realised. Tessa truly was the bravest of them both when hinting on this subject and then suddenly revealing everything, drawing him into her entrapment as steadily as she did the suspects.
“I’ve done it before,” Tessa continued without a thought to his inner battle, as if rolling on a tidal wave she couldn’t escape once it had caught her. “With Ezra, with Brett. There was this one guy who managed to stay my friend afterwards, but it didn’t last long once he got back together with his ex. Now they’re all gone and I can’t help wondering: Is there something wrong with me?”
Steve realised her voice broke at the last word and scrutinised her hunched shoulders for any sign of upset, but there wasn’t even a shiver, just silence as Tessa drifted off somewhere out of reach.
He couldn’t help it. His hands began to move in her direction.
But then she turned towards him and he lost the momentary surge of courage, letting the arms fall down before she noticed. A lone tear was tracing the length of her cheek, down her jaw and ending up hanging precariously on the tip of her chin. The sad smile sent towards him turned his insides to mush.
“I’m always falling for my best friends,” Tessa half-whispered, “Yet when my mind’s screaming for me to keep my distance I can’t help but wonder if I’m losing my life’s opportunity not doing anything?”
And in that moment, Steve wondered about that as well.
But he was too much of a coward to do anything. He was the invisible one, the one who made reasonable choices. This was not his territory. He simply did not have the words.
He met Tessa’s beautiful blue eyes, clenching his beer.
“Do you want something stronger than water?”
....
End? No, there's a part two!