(Untitled)

[drelmo]

Sentences the copy-editor should have caught, a series: From "The Wild Ways", by Tanya Huff.

Before I get to the sentence, I will repeat an establishing sentence from page one: "Nothing in the room screamed money, but everything said it quietly, well aware -- given the quality of the furnishings -- that shouting wasn't necessary to make the point."

Comments

[houseboatonstyx]

Mm. I can't quite agree with you here. From these samples, I'd say the target reader is more likely to be distracted by a word such as 'comparably' or 'proportionately' than by 'equally.' What alternative did you have in mind?

What bothered me was the softness of the desk, and the half moons. Fingernails would make a slender crescent, or perhaps a V-shape, if anything.

[drelmo]

Given that the expensiveness of the setting has already been established, I'd've dropped all reference to the expensiveness of the desk.

[a_h_scientist]

Funny... before reading your analysis, I interpreted "equally expensive" in this case as meaning the same percentage over the average value. So if the manicure was 200% normal, then the desk was likewise 200% normal.

Also funny... after reading your analysis, I still interpret it the same way.

;)

[auspeople]

I think it is awesome that you at least noticed this enough to post about it. Copyediting, unfortunately, is a lost art, killed by JK Rowling and other writers who decide they don't need editors.