The second perfect number
What better day to let you know about my life than on the anniversary of when it began? It was a good birthday: I introduced my co-workers to the Dutch tradition of bringing tartjes to work on your birthday, I left early, I talked with a number of good friends, I went to a movie with my brother Kevin, and bought him dinner (one of our stranger and more fun birthday traditions). But there's more than a day to talk about. Things haven't changed much during the past few months, but there have been a few things worth talking about. I, of course, will do so at length. You didn't think this was going to be a short letter, did you?
Work has been going well. I enjoy my co-workers, all of whom have easy-going personalities. We have a good time, and I enjoy what I'm doing. We're coming up on a new release for our software, so it's causing a lot of people a bit of stress, but it doesn't affect me as much as it does others, so I'm still mostly taking it easy. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to make any real relationships with any of my co-workers, as they rarely want to do anything with each other after work. But I keep trying.
I'm still making friends out here, which I know is a long and often hard process. I'm still trying to figure out ways of getting people together, and of course it's easier to do when you have a church you are a part of. In the meantime, though, I've been spending lots of time with my roommate and brother, Kevin, who I am very glad to have around. I think we're both becoming more aware of how different we really are, but I think we're both coming to appreciate each other more, too. I have to admit, I like living closer to my family. And I have made a few new friends, as well as connected with a couple old ones. I've been especially happy Patrick & Kate Linden moved into town. Patrick and I go way back, and can swap Pinky & The Brain quotes any day of the week. Nonetheless, I still feel out of sorts here sometimes, and still have evenings when I'd like to do something with someone, but can't quite figure out who or what. Some of this, I know, is part of life anywhere you are, but I still look forward to having the deep relationships I know are so good for me, and which I have been so blessed with in the past.
In the meantime, I have been doing many fun things here in Colorado. I went on a hike with a bunch of friends up in Estes Park, I enjoyed going to Chris Dragon's wedding, I've taken many walks into Cherry Creek park, which is practically my back yard. One of the most fun things I've done is to go to the Colorado Renaissance Festival with both my brothers. I love the odd shops, the odd costumes, and the funny shows. I decided, for the first time, to start putting together my own costume, especially since my older brother Cory has such a good one. I even brought some friends along when I went to the second one. I'll see if I can't get some pictures up on my web-log sometime.
I have been spending more time with God, and I've been learning a lot about a number of different things. I've been learning what it means to lean on God in my loneliness, and how to really see him as a friend. I haven't had the passion for seeking him lately that I have had in the past, but I try to seek him anyway. I would love to tell you all of the deep, profound, meaningful things I've learned about God and myself, and while I still enjoy my times with God, I honestly haven't really learned much along those lines.
I have learned a lot, however, about church. These past several months, I have been eagerly seeking out God's will for churches. I have gone to many churches, most of them for weeks or more at a time, trying to discern where it is I am supposed to be. I have sought God on this, hoping he would give me some guidance, and except for one time, he hasn't told me anything. Because of that, I have come to two conclusions. First, I think God is steadfastly refusing to tell me which church he wants me to be a part of. Some things, I know, he lets us decide for ourselves. Second, I have had to change some of my ideas about church loyalty. Ever church I have gone to, I have been a part of it come hell or high water, and I think it was good for me to do so. If I had God's strong direction here, I think I would probably make the same decision. But loyalty to a church is not like loyalty to a spouse; there may come a time to leave a perfectly good church. While that is not a decision that should be made lightly or easily, it may nonetheless be a decision to be made. I wouldn't really have considered it before, but I feel I must keep an open mind to it now, even if I never make such a decision.
I've also learned a lot about being a visitor. From the very first time I set foot in a GCM church, I knew several of the people there, so I never really was a visitor. The past several months, I have had numerous opportunities to walk into a church where I didn't even recognize a single person. I've been encouraged because every single church I've been to is really following the Lord. They're doing it in different ways, but I see a love for Christ in each one. I've been sorely disappointed, however, in how they reach out to strangers. I found it very difficult to meet people, and I've found it is impossible to introduce yourself to anyone. Everyone is talking in groups of at least four or five, so introducing yourself means not talking to someone, but rather many people at once. Also, you must then either listen in, as a complete stranger, on their conversation, or they must completely terminate it to begin a new one with you. I've even gone to some lengths to see if I can make myself noticed, and I've been surprised how reluctant church people are to talk with someone they don't know. I used to be much the same way, I'm afraid. I know that now I will be much more sympathetic to those people who are new to a place, and I will try much harder to get to know them.
The one church I have gone to much more than any other has been the Firehouse. The Firehouse is a new GCM church in Denver, led by Rich Thatcher. I found it to be a lot like the Rock, but it does have its differences. The people are older, for one, which definitely changes the atmosphere a little. Still, when I first was going, I found it very hard to be there. I changed a lot in going to Holland, but the church didn't change that much. I was afraid being a part of the Firehouse would mean giving up what I had learned in Holland. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to fit in, and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to trust the leadership or the culture there. I saw all the flaws first, and I see them still. But they aren't nearly as strong or as many as I first thought. My fears, fortunately, turned out to be groundless. The one time I really felt God spoke with me about churches was to help me define those concerns, and come up with questions to pursue to understand the Firehouse. I sat down with many people in a number of positions in the church, and spent hours asking them my questions. In the end, I had a much deeper understanding of the place. In the end, I really think highly of the Firehouse, and I am fully confident I could be comfortable there. I know I could make a difference there, that I would be appreciated, and that they really are doing a great thing. I know with peace it is a place I could call my home. Although I still see its flaws, I see its beauty as well, and my last fears of it are gone.
Nonetheless, I have decided to go to another church. Although it is hard, and a little scary, to leave GCM, the only ministry I have ever really known, I am excited to be a part of this new church. Diane Mulhollen introduced me to Denver Community Church, and I have been very impressed with it. The people are warm and friendly, the pastor has a good vision, and they have a powerful and Godly ministry. They have a heart to change this world, to believe with an undying faith and love with a supernatural love. This place, too, has many weaknesses, and I already see many of them. Still, I am excited about it, and I look forward to knowing it better.
A word to those people in GCM who read this. Please do not think I am leaving GCM because I don't like GCM. I love it, and may well return one day. I am not looking back with a desire to be rid of GCM at all; I am looking forward with a desire to be a part of DCC. I know I will always look back fondly with my time with you, and I hope you will continue to count me as your friend. I know I will continue to count you as one of mine.
So, I have finally found a church! I am really excited about it; and I am very hopeful about where my life will go in the next few months. Please pray for me, that I would be able to connect well with this group, and that I would continue to find my niche.
Now if only I could figure out these crazy Denver streets...
God bless,
Shawn
Work has been going well. I enjoy my co-workers, all of whom have easy-going personalities. We have a good time, and I enjoy what I'm doing. We're coming up on a new release for our software, so it's causing a lot of people a bit of stress, but it doesn't affect me as much as it does others, so I'm still mostly taking it easy. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to make any real relationships with any of my co-workers, as they rarely want to do anything with each other after work. But I keep trying.
I'm still making friends out here, which I know is a long and often hard process. I'm still trying to figure out ways of getting people together, and of course it's easier to do when you have a church you are a part of. In the meantime, though, I've been spending lots of time with my roommate and brother, Kevin, who I am very glad to have around. I think we're both becoming more aware of how different we really are, but I think we're both coming to appreciate each other more, too. I have to admit, I like living closer to my family. And I have made a few new friends, as well as connected with a couple old ones. I've been especially happy Patrick & Kate Linden moved into town. Patrick and I go way back, and can swap Pinky & The Brain quotes any day of the week. Nonetheless, I still feel out of sorts here sometimes, and still have evenings when I'd like to do something with someone, but can't quite figure out who or what. Some of this, I know, is part of life anywhere you are, but I still look forward to having the deep relationships I know are so good for me, and which I have been so blessed with in the past.
In the meantime, I have been doing many fun things here in Colorado. I went on a hike with a bunch of friends up in Estes Park, I enjoyed going to Chris Dragon's wedding, I've taken many walks into Cherry Creek park, which is practically my back yard. One of the most fun things I've done is to go to the Colorado Renaissance Festival with both my brothers. I love the odd shops, the odd costumes, and the funny shows. I decided, for the first time, to start putting together my own costume, especially since my older brother Cory has such a good one. I even brought some friends along when I went to the second one. I'll see if I can't get some pictures up on my web-log sometime.
I have been spending more time with God, and I've been learning a lot about a number of different things. I've been learning what it means to lean on God in my loneliness, and how to really see him as a friend. I haven't had the passion for seeking him lately that I have had in the past, but I try to seek him anyway. I would love to tell you all of the deep, profound, meaningful things I've learned about God and myself, and while I still enjoy my times with God, I honestly haven't really learned much along those lines.
I have learned a lot, however, about church. These past several months, I have been eagerly seeking out God's will for churches. I have gone to many churches, most of them for weeks or more at a time, trying to discern where it is I am supposed to be. I have sought God on this, hoping he would give me some guidance, and except for one time, he hasn't told me anything. Because of that, I have come to two conclusions. First, I think God is steadfastly refusing to tell me which church he wants me to be a part of. Some things, I know, he lets us decide for ourselves. Second, I have had to change some of my ideas about church loyalty. Ever church I have gone to, I have been a part of it come hell or high water, and I think it was good for me to do so. If I had God's strong direction here, I think I would probably make the same decision. But loyalty to a church is not like loyalty to a spouse; there may come a time to leave a perfectly good church. While that is not a decision that should be made lightly or easily, it may nonetheless be a decision to be made. I wouldn't really have considered it before, but I feel I must keep an open mind to it now, even if I never make such a decision.
I've also learned a lot about being a visitor. From the very first time I set foot in a GCM church, I knew several of the people there, so I never really was a visitor. The past several months, I have had numerous opportunities to walk into a church where I didn't even recognize a single person. I've been encouraged because every single church I've been to is really following the Lord. They're doing it in different ways, but I see a love for Christ in each one. I've been sorely disappointed, however, in how they reach out to strangers. I found it very difficult to meet people, and I've found it is impossible to introduce yourself to anyone. Everyone is talking in groups of at least four or five, so introducing yourself means not talking to someone, but rather many people at once. Also, you must then either listen in, as a complete stranger, on their conversation, or they must completely terminate it to begin a new one with you. I've even gone to some lengths to see if I can make myself noticed, and I've been surprised how reluctant church people are to talk with someone they don't know. I used to be much the same way, I'm afraid. I know that now I will be much more sympathetic to those people who are new to a place, and I will try much harder to get to know them.
The one church I have gone to much more than any other has been the Firehouse. The Firehouse is a new GCM church in Denver, led by Rich Thatcher. I found it to be a lot like the Rock, but it does have its differences. The people are older, for one, which definitely changes the atmosphere a little. Still, when I first was going, I found it very hard to be there. I changed a lot in going to Holland, but the church didn't change that much. I was afraid being a part of the Firehouse would mean giving up what I had learned in Holland. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to fit in, and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to trust the leadership or the culture there. I saw all the flaws first, and I see them still. But they aren't nearly as strong or as many as I first thought. My fears, fortunately, turned out to be groundless. The one time I really felt God spoke with me about churches was to help me define those concerns, and come up with questions to pursue to understand the Firehouse. I sat down with many people in a number of positions in the church, and spent hours asking them my questions. In the end, I had a much deeper understanding of the place. In the end, I really think highly of the Firehouse, and I am fully confident I could be comfortable there. I know I could make a difference there, that I would be appreciated, and that they really are doing a great thing. I know with peace it is a place I could call my home. Although I still see its flaws, I see its beauty as well, and my last fears of it are gone.
Nonetheless, I have decided to go to another church. Although it is hard, and a little scary, to leave GCM, the only ministry I have ever really known, I am excited to be a part of this new church. Diane Mulhollen introduced me to Denver Community Church, and I have been very impressed with it. The people are warm and friendly, the pastor has a good vision, and they have a powerful and Godly ministry. They have a heart to change this world, to believe with an undying faith and love with a supernatural love. This place, too, has many weaknesses, and I already see many of them. Still, I am excited about it, and I look forward to knowing it better.
A word to those people in GCM who read this. Please do not think I am leaving GCM because I don't like GCM. I love it, and may well return one day. I am not looking back with a desire to be rid of GCM at all; I am looking forward with a desire to be a part of DCC. I know I will always look back fondly with my time with you, and I hope you will continue to count me as your friend. I know I will continue to count you as one of mine.
So, I have finally found a church! I am really excited about it; and I am very hopeful about where my life will go in the next few months. Please pray for me, that I would be able to connect well with this group, and that I would continue to find my niche.
Now if only I could figure out these crazy Denver streets...
God bless,
Shawn