muse_playground October; 91.08
If you really want something, and really work hard, and take advantage of opportunities, and never give up, you will find a way. - Jane Goodall
Two months seemed like a very long time. Sixty one days was past the waiting time, but placing a specific date on when a life changing announcement would be made was not only narcissistic, it was ridiculous. Moments like that didn't happen when watched and stared at like a simmering pot of water, they came not quite when least expected but at some point in between the two. That was what made knowing they were coming easy, and impossibly hard.
The mail never arrived at the same time each day, and a decision like this wouldn't come via post either. She knew that, and it was why her hand had been resting on the phone in her office for twenty or thirty minutes at a time without her realizing it, waiting to catch it up when the first sound of a ring came. For the past two weeks her assistant had been instructed to send all calls directly to the administrator's office without question, and though a curious eyebrow had been lifted no other question had dared to be asked.
And it wasn't about the waiting anymore. It wasn't about the wanting because there hadn't been any chance that she had done anything but wait and want for over a year, and those two things had proved fruitless in their outcomes, disheartening and painful and leaving her to wonder just what the point was of wanting when that didn't seem to be enough. It had to be about more, about trying again when there was no other means to try, opening her eyes when she wanted to close them because the truth was too painful and harsh and grating to look at, and pushing again when she didn't think she had the strength to again, finding another turn when there was no other avenue to pursue, and all of the other metaphorical means of one more chance that she could think of.
She went further, the way she had through her entire early life, through medical school and residency and everything else that had earned her the circular office in Princeton, and when further wasn't enough she went even further, she fell hard and dragged herself back up and wondered once more what the point was in between the spaces in time where she could breathe.
And then the phone rang, the answer came, the answer was yes - approved - and suddenly it all became worthwhile.