Looks like I'm moving the 3rd of August.

I have a pretty good feeling about this.

I bought a tarot deck today.

I got the job in Albany. And I'm taking it. 42k a year, company car, benefits package including bonuses, 401(k), gift matching, all kinds of fun shit like that. There was one thing that was holding me from wanting to take the job, and that reason is no longer valid. It sucks, and I'm not at all pleased, but I really can't do anything ( Read more... )

She told me the other day that she felt two weeks ago the same way she feels now about me. I feel the same, I am still completely in love with her now as much as I was before. I am not ready to admit that this is over, and as I said before, I will fight for this tooth and nail. I know we drifted a bit this summer, but I think that drift could ( Read more... )

While I was on break, I started writing a letter, not really sure where it's going, or if I am even going to send it, but it makes me feel good knowing that I can still express myself sometimes. I'm starting to realize this isn't really going to change, but I still believe that if this is meant to be, it will, and that may mean five years from now ( Read more... )

I hate this. I wish that I could have lived this entire week over again, how could it have gone from so awesome on the 4th (she even said I was the love of her life, a sentiment that I completely reciprocate now and did then.) to so terrible 5 days later? Yeah, it hasn't always been easy, but it has always been worth it. And yes the next few ( Read more... )

I'm not ready to accept that this is over. I do not want this to be over, and I am willing to fight tooth and nail for even the slightest chance that it could work out. But I guess I am going to have to admit that this is the end. I am willing to do anything to make it work, even if that means not taking this job, or anything else as intense ( Read more... )

I got the job. It looks like I am moving to Albany. But that's not the tough part. Right when I was starting to feel truly alive, right when things were the best and most comfortable between the two of us as they have ever been, it got ripped out from under me. I realize that I haven't been the easiest person to get along with, and I'm sorry ( Read more... )

An excerpt from the novel Nausea by Jean-Paul Sarte, pg. 103:

"Nothing. Existed."

I do not want this. I do not like this. I really have no choice but to accept it, but I absolutely refuse to believe that it is for the best.