(no subject)
Reflect
Rating: G
Characters: Sokka, Zuko, Katara
Ships: None
Summary: Sokka thinks about family and how war forces you to grow up to soon.
Words: 1,337
It’s weird; I know in the back of my mind that practically everyone has lost someone precious to them, especially family, during the war, so why should he be any different? It’s just... Hard I guess, trying to wrap my head around the thought that Zuko’s just like me really. We both lost our moms when we were kids. We’re still kids, all of us; me, Katara, Toph, Aang. ..Especially Aang. Toph’s still a kid too really, though she tries to hide it. Most of the time it’s easy to forget she grew up safe and sheltered from the war, from everything actually, her family intact and loving, even if they are over protective.
Aang was raised by Monks and had so much pressure put on him so young. It’s no wonder he snapped and ran away. I know I would have. But still, the guy had a mentor who loved him, and he was raised by loads of people really. One big happy family.
Me, Katara and Zuko never really had that. Everything happened so fast, so young, and I have difficulty believing anything was ever sunshine and daisies for him. Not with a father like that. Until now I’d never thought about Zuko’s family at all, other than the fact that they were evil and wanted to flash fry our carcasses. It was weird thinking he had a family at all. When we first met it was like someone had just built this man-shaped machine, all fire and brute strength and clanking of rust coloured armour. Glaring hate with burning eyes and stretched burnt skin pulled red and raw over a single slanted yellow eye.
He’s... He’s sort of broken now, all cracks and badly welded seams, barely holding him together. The cracks gape if you mention his family or his scar. Sometimes I think he doesn’t know the difference between the two. He’s never told me about how he got it, and I don’t want to ask. I’m afraid that’ll be the thing that finally pushes him over the edge; all those stitches unravelling from emotional wounds. That carefully maintained armour finally breaking beyond repair. And if that that happened now, we’ll never win the war. We can’t afford to lose him. I can’t lose him. As strange as it is to say, Zuko’s my best friend. Aang’s great, but he’s just a kid you know? Zuko’s the same age as me, sort of. I think he’s a couple of years older than me, but we’re still pretty close. We’ve certainly got more in common than Aang and I. For one thing, Zuko uses swords. It’s strange for a firebender to have swords. Strange for any bender to have swords.
If you had told me that I’d be best friends with the Prince of the Fire Nation, the son of my enemy, the guy who chased my friends and my sister all over the world threatening with a harsh voice and fists filled with fire and rage, the heir of the nation that killed my mother, I would of laughed until I cried.
But there he is. Sitting across the fire from me, gold eyes hooded, still staring at something only he can see. Maybe he thinks about his mom. I used to, a lot. But I can’t anymore. Whenever I and picture moms face, all I see is Katara. After mom was killed, Katara hasn’t been the same. She’s almost as fragile as Zuko. While he used to hide behind metal and, fire, brash words and brasher actions, Katara hid behind a mask. She built an image of mom around herself until she became her. They’ve both changed now. Zuko’s softer, quieter. After all he’s done for us, saving my Dad and Suki at the cost of his own freedom, and from what I’ve heard, very nearly his life, he’s still so cautious. All those sharp edges have been filled down, the walls he’d built have mostly crumbled, and all that’s left is a boy who’s more afraid of rejection than death.
Katara’s changed as well. She’s no longer the baby sister I used to know; the little girl who tried so hard to play house and pick up the tattered remains of our broken little family. She’s stronger now, harsher. Seeing the war has made her bitter and jaded. Her once warm heart is ice and she’s slowly built up sharp, biting cold walls as frigid and uncaring as her element.
I - I guess I’ve changed too. I’m not that stupid little boy who charged up an enemy ship with nothing but a club and some war paint. I’ve realised a lot about myself on this trip. I’m stronger, faster, smarter. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder what we would’ve been like if we’d had perfect families, whole and undamaged. If Azula loved her brother the way my sister loves me, if our Mom hadn’t been murdered, and our Dad hadn’t gone off to war, if Zuko had a parent who gave a damn.
He probably would’ve been a spoilt brat; A momma’s boy that followed orders without question and who would’ve inherited the throne and ruled with the same iron fist as his cruel and merciless father.
Katara would have become Mom anyway. She’d do all those domestic things for her family. Use her water bending to do the dishes while she waited for some man to come home with some fish. She’d be just like every other girl in the tribe.
Zuko will always be a soldier I think. He’s so stiff and tense. Even when he’s relaxed he’s coiled tight as a spring, ready to fight and defend. He follows orders, only he questions them. He thinks. He wants to be accepted, to be liked for who he is, but more than anything I think he just wants to do the right thing. At this point he’s as far from spoiled as it’s possible to get, probably a side effect from travelling across the Earth Kingdom as a refugee. He’ll always have a quick temper and be quicker to frown than smile. But he’s fair, honest (the guy can’t lie to save his life), loyal and honourable.
Katara is only 14 years old, and yet she’s a Master Water bender, healer and one of the only two Blood benders in existence. She’s strong, compassionate and caring. She’s beaten master benders from all four corners of the Earth. She’s still cry-baby, and she still does all of the cooking and cleaning (when she can’t bully someone else, namely Zuko, into doing it), but she’d never allow some guy to rule. It amazes me sometimes (okay, ALL the time) that someone strong and powerful is my baby sister. I used to be so jealous that she was a water bender and I wasn’t, even though I’d never admit it to her. Now I’m just proud.
Dad is too. I know he feels so guilty, leaving us behind to fend for ourselves and our village so he could go off to fight in the war. It must have been so weird when Zuko and I broke him out of the Boiling Rock. I wonder if he was proud of me?
I wonder if I compare to Katara at all. I mean, what have I done? All I can do is make plans, tells jokes and swing a sword. And even then my plans suck, my last one got the resistance captured. And me barely made it out of the Boiling Rock. If it wasn’t for Zuko and Suki, I don’t know if we would’ve made it. Actually, scrap that. If it wasn’t for Zuko’s girlfriend we wouldn’t have made it.
Wow that’s depressing. I really do suck. Sometimes I wonder if the Gaang’s better off without me...
I ask Zuko what he thinks, and he just stares at me with those weird Cathawk eyes. He calls me to stop being a depressing emo. That’s his job.
Somehow I feel a lot better.