Comments | dropdeadgothic: The Hurting

dropdeadgothic

The Hurting

May 16, 2006 17:14

Twenty years is a long time. And yet, the lapse can be erased in the time it takes to hear a favorite song, smell a familiar fragrance, visit some destination leaden with memories, or and this is a big one, be suddenly reacquainted with someone that has made an indelible mark upon your psyche ( Read more... )

Comments 9

divine_debris May 16 2006, 18:27:43 UTC

It's all in the details, people seem to lose that in relationships...say what you feel and mean what you say. I think making good can help you move on as well as the other person. Hopefully not a fare well for long...

dropdeadgothic May 17 2006, 15:30:12 UTC

Thank you for your kind and insightful thought, dearest. I feel I haven't "made good," because I still feel a wall there that looms as large as it ever did. Apology ostensibly accepted, and yet, I feel nothings changed. So, I must move on and incorporate the grief into my being. It is fare well, because I cannot bear the repeated rejection
every time I humble myself and I'm rebuffed.

fleager May 17 2006, 00:00:24 UTC

There's a golden, glowing barrier between two people I think. That's how I've always seen it. You can push and push, but in the end all you can do is just curl up next to it and feel its warmth. And it's true what you said.. the more I understand myself, the more I can understand my other. And even that is on a strictly personal level... the more I understand myself, the better I can see how to deal with my personal relationship to him.

I also find that I never really do get over guilt and regret. I just find a way to work it into the song, if you get my drift. Oriah Mountain Dreamer put it really well, i think: "I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it." The pain and regret just becomes a part of me, and I learn every day how to feel those never-lessening feelings, but still continue. It's possible, but it is a way that pushes you through thorns and brambles.

dropdeadgothic May 17 2006, 15:32:34 UTC

Thank you my friend, for sharing your thoughts. They really touched me, and helped me step outside my box, enough to see and feel it even a little differently.

Wow, Man... eyeblend May 17 2006, 00:43:48 UTC

That's the biggest load of crap I've heard spout from you in a long time...

..{just kidding}..

...But really. Wow. I miss actually carrying along a conversation with you, of any depth. The clubs were always too distracting. I like what you have just written. This is the stuff we should track each other down, pin down and torture ourselves with. It's this stuff that definitely gives hope. Hope to better futures, relationships and ourselves. Let's make a point of going and having tea. Sometime. Soon. I'd forgotten you actually have an inventive, creative thought in that mind of yours...

Re: Wow, Man... dropdeadgothic May 17 2006, 15:34:15 UTC

Still waters run deep, friend. Thank you for your thoughts.

edvard munch jesusweasel May 17 2006, 05:07:38 UTC

the vampire, one of my favorites!

clockwork_cat May 17 2006, 18:34:37 UTC

Hindsight is a strange enhancement of wisdom. The more experience we get, the more understanding and clarity we have of past moments that left us or others injured. The difference between a person who stumbles from moment to moment incurring the same path of destruction he left 20 years ago, and a person who feels bad for something that happened then but wouldn't dream of doing it now, is introspection and practical application of his experiences.

I certainly share your being a cup short of being able to "move on". In my case, there is a family member in particular that I will never allow back into my life. He must learn to forgive himself, if he chooses to ever rely on the better angels of his nature. As of recent reports, I certainly have no reason to hope this will happen in his lifetime, and this is sad for me, but out of my control.

Sometimes, the best we can do is not ask for forgiveness, but learn to forgive ourselves and do better today, by our best knowledge and experience.

dropdeadgothic May 18 2006, 16:05:19 UTC

Yes, I'm not very good at forgiving myself. I think I've done what I can, and more than once. They just aren't receptive. It just painful to hear
that they believe they'll be healthier not having any kind of social interaction. But, a lot of that is my stuff. I grew up people pleasing(mother) and bending over backwards has almost always been par for the course. Thank you for replying, my grief is waning, as I take in all these thoughts.