TM challenge 129: When I awoke the next morning...
G version for TM
I realized why it could never be... with Kaylee...
I hadn't exactly cheated on her because we weren't an item yet back then. And I'd been bewildered by my own hesitation with her. She was obviously willing. She was beautiful, cheerful, so positive. She'd make such a good wife and mother... back in my old life. When I looked in Kaylee's eyes, I saw clearly everything I'd given up and could never have now. Every time I looked into her eyes that's what I was reminded of - every thing I'd lost.
That part of my life was over. I'd given it up and when I awoke that morning, I realized that I had to stop pretending it was possible. I couldn't bear to hurt her. It wasn't fair to lead her on anymore.
Another thing I realized was how weak I am when it comes to love and affection. I needed them both so badly by the time we'd survived Miranda, that I couldn't resist.
So now I sit in the midst of my own tangled web... wondering who I'll hurt next.
Muse: Dr. Simon Tam
Fandom: Firefly
WC: 183
X version on drsimontam 's journal.
Missing scenes from Heart of Gold
We took turns dozing, River, Inara, and I through the night, with Petaline. I took her vitals and monitored her dilation each hour. I held her hand when the contractions hit. None of us had the right type of painkillers, so I didn't dare risk any until she was at ten centimeters.
We helped her birth her baby the old-fashioned way, like women have been doing it for millennia with or without civilization. Then that rabid Burgess took the baby and knocked Inara down, then shot Nandi before River or I realized anything was happening.
Nandi. Dead in the blink of an eye. We'd survived the night and the firefight and she'd lost her life trying to keep a newborn baby with its mother. What in the 'verse Burgess thought he was going to do with a newborn, I hadn't any idea. I just remember staring at the perfectly cauterized hole in Nandi's chest... right through her heart.
I'm a trauma surgeon, if I'd been surrounded by a suite of instruments and machines, there might have been a slight chance... If we'd had a cryo unit, there might have been a slight chance. But no. She was dead and that was that.
I spit on Burgess' body after Petaline shot him.
Anyway, after the birth I bandaged and treated wounds and helped clean up and put the Heart of Gold back together somewhat. I'd done 35 hours without sleep before. It wasn't that much of a strain really. But there was no break room... of the sort I liked. No TriD blaring out the latest sports scores and entertainment news. So nice refreshing energy drinks or comfy couches to crash on.
River was with Kaylee. I stood at the washbasin bare-chested and splashed water on my face. Staring into the mirror at my bloodshot eyes, I saw the door behind me open and the blonde boy slip in and shut it. The snick of the lock was quite loud. Funny how some details from that night stay with me.
I turned to ask what he was doing there. They'd said I had a room to myself, but maybe it was his room? Did someone need medical attention?
The words were surprised right out of my head when he shoved me back against the wall and dropped to his knees on the floor at my feet and rapidly unfastened my pants. I took a breath to ask him to stop, to assure him this wasn't necessary, when his warm lips and tongue wrapped around my flaccid penis and I experienced a mind-blowing shock of desire. I hadn't had an orgasm since the week before breaking River out of the Alliance facility. I was rock hard in seconds and moaning at his expert ministrations. His hand snaked up my chest to tweak at my nipples and within minutes I was whimpering and coming down his throat.
We both panted as we regarded each other. Him on his knees, me collapsed against the wall. That was good... but I wanted more.
"Tell me you brought lube and condoms."
With a smile he rose and pulled both out of his pocket. We undressed and laid down on the single bed and I gently began easing him open with the lube. He made appreciative sounds and soon I was hard again.
"Saddle me up and ride me," I whispered. It was corny, but he smiled. He turned over, his soft blonde hair falling over his blue eyes, and slipped the condom on me. Then he slipped himself on me with a sigh. I groaned and shivered at the intense sensation. I gripped his hips and thrust up into him. He moaned and started this mindblowing shimmy on me. We fell into rhythm and I batted his hand away and took hold of his erection, and stroked it in time. It was hot and wild and so very very good. I came inside him and his hot come spattered all over my chest. I think I fell instantly asleep.
After the night with him, I realized why it could never be... with Kaylee...
I hadn't exactly cheated on her because we weren't an item yet back then. And I'd been bewildered by my own hesitation with her. She was obviously willing. She was beautiful, cheerful, so positive. She'd make such a good wife and mother... back in my old life. When I looked in Kaylee's eyes, I saw clearly every thing I'd given up and could never have now. Every time I looked into her eyes that's what I was reminded of - every thing I'd lost.
That part of my life was over. I'd given it up and when I awoke that morning, to the boywhore sucking my cock to life, I realized that I had to stop pretending it was possible. I couldn't bear to hurt her. It wasn't fair to lead her on anymore.
Another thing I realized was how weak I am when it comes to love and affection. I needed them both so badly by the time we'd survived Miranda, that I couldn't resist.
So now I sit in the midst of my own tangled web... wondering who I'll hurt next.
Muse: Dr. Simon Tam
Fandom: Firefly
WC: 870
I realized why it could never be... with Kaylee...
I hadn't exactly cheated on her because we weren't an item yet back then. And I'd been bewildered by my own hesitation with her. She was obviously willing. She was beautiful, cheerful, so positive. She'd make such a good wife and mother... back in my old life. When I looked in Kaylee's eyes, I saw clearly everything I'd given up and could never have now. Every time I looked into her eyes that's what I was reminded of - every thing I'd lost.
That part of my life was over. I'd given it up and when I awoke that morning, I realized that I had to stop pretending it was possible. I couldn't bear to hurt her. It wasn't fair to lead her on anymore.
Another thing I realized was how weak I am when it comes to love and affection. I needed them both so badly by the time we'd survived Miranda, that I couldn't resist.
So now I sit in the midst of my own tangled web... wondering who I'll hurt next.
Muse: Dr. Simon Tam
Fandom: Firefly
WC: 183
X version on drsimontam 's journal.
Missing scenes from Heart of Gold
We took turns dozing, River, Inara, and I through the night, with Petaline. I took her vitals and monitored her dilation each hour. I held her hand when the contractions hit. None of us had the right type of painkillers, so I didn't dare risk any until she was at ten centimeters.
We helped her birth her baby the old-fashioned way, like women have been doing it for millennia with or without civilization. Then that rabid Burgess took the baby and knocked Inara down, then shot Nandi before River or I realized anything was happening.
Nandi. Dead in the blink of an eye. We'd survived the night and the firefight and she'd lost her life trying to keep a newborn baby with its mother. What in the 'verse Burgess thought he was going to do with a newborn, I hadn't any idea. I just remember staring at the perfectly cauterized hole in Nandi's chest... right through her heart.
I'm a trauma surgeon, if I'd been surrounded by a suite of instruments and machines, there might have been a slight chance... If we'd had a cryo unit, there might have been a slight chance. But no. She was dead and that was that.
I spit on Burgess' body after Petaline shot him.
Anyway, after the birth I bandaged and treated wounds and helped clean up and put the Heart of Gold back together somewhat. I'd done 35 hours without sleep before. It wasn't that much of a strain really. But there was no break room... of the sort I liked. No TriD blaring out the latest sports scores and entertainment news. So nice refreshing energy drinks or comfy couches to crash on.
River was with Kaylee. I stood at the washbasin bare-chested and splashed water on my face. Staring into the mirror at my bloodshot eyes, I saw the door behind me open and the blonde boy slip in and shut it. The snick of the lock was quite loud. Funny how some details from that night stay with me.
I turned to ask what he was doing there. They'd said I had a room to myself, but maybe it was his room? Did someone need medical attention?
The words were surprised right out of my head when he shoved me back against the wall and dropped to his knees on the floor at my feet and rapidly unfastened my pants. I took a breath to ask him to stop, to assure him this wasn't necessary, when his warm lips and tongue wrapped around my flaccid penis and I experienced a mind-blowing shock of desire. I hadn't had an orgasm since the week before breaking River out of the Alliance facility. I was rock hard in seconds and moaning at his expert ministrations. His hand snaked up my chest to tweak at my nipples and within minutes I was whimpering and coming down his throat.
We both panted as we regarded each other. Him on his knees, me collapsed against the wall. That was good... but I wanted more.
"Tell me you brought lube and condoms."
With a smile he rose and pulled both out of his pocket. We undressed and laid down on the single bed and I gently began easing him open with the lube. He made appreciative sounds and soon I was hard again.
"Saddle me up and ride me," I whispered. It was corny, but he smiled. He turned over, his soft blonde hair falling over his blue eyes, and slipped the condom on me. Then he slipped himself on me with a sigh. I groaned and shivered at the intense sensation. I gripped his hips and thrust up into him. He moaned and started this mindblowing shimmy on me. We fell into rhythm and I batted his hand away and took hold of his erection, and stroked it in time. It was hot and wild and so very very good. I came inside him and his hot come spattered all over my chest. I think I fell instantly asleep.
After the night with him, I realized why it could never be... with Kaylee...
I hadn't exactly cheated on her because we weren't an item yet back then. And I'd been bewildered by my own hesitation with her. She was obviously willing. She was beautiful, cheerful, so positive. She'd make such a good wife and mother... back in my old life. When I looked in Kaylee's eyes, I saw clearly every thing I'd given up and could never have now. Every time I looked into her eyes that's what I was reminded of - every thing I'd lost.
That part of my life was over. I'd given it up and when I awoke that morning, to the boywhore sucking my cock to life, I realized that I had to stop pretending it was possible. I couldn't bear to hurt her. It wasn't fair to lead her on anymore.
Another thing I realized was how weak I am when it comes to love and affection. I needed them both so badly by the time we'd survived Miranda, that I couldn't resist.
So now I sit in the midst of my own tangled web... wondering who I'll hurt next.
Muse: Dr. Simon Tam
Fandom: Firefly
WC: 870