Someone Like You 58/63: Stablers - Beecher/Stabler
Someone Like You
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
Oz/Law & Order: SVU crossover
Tobias Beecher's trying to rebuild his family in the shadow of the man he was in prison. Elliot Stabler's struggling to continue in the wake of divorce while his job eats away at his soul. It makes for an odd friendship, but it works.
Rated R for violence and explicit references to sexual violence.
Wordcount this post: 4707
Yes, 63 chapters. Now all correctly divided and settled.
Huge thanks to Elayna, from whom I sourced all my Thanksgiving cooking information. She was kind enough to give an incredibly detailed portrait of your weird Thanksgiving traditions.
Full headers are on chapter 1.
Oz is the property of Tom Fontana and HBO. Law & Order: SVU is the property of Dick Wolf and NBC. The characters are used without permission, but with much appreciation.
Someone Like You
chapter 58: Stablers
by Dr Squidlove
Previously, in chapter 57, Family portraits:
Toby, Elliot and Holly arrived in Vermont, and Toby gave Elliot a tour. Toby got his wish of teaching his kids to ski. Harry took right to it, so Elliot helped out by throwing snowballs at Holly. Toby took Harry to the park to clarify the nature of his relationship with Elliot, and it didn't go well. Harry wanted to go home. Jonah called to express his objections. Toby held on to his temper with Holly and Elliot's calm.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There were hugs and greetings as everyone poured out of the station, bundled up against the cold.
"Where's Toby?"
Elliot let go of Elizabeth and tweaked her nose, just to see her wrinkle it at him. "He's waiting at the house." It worked out fine that Elliot's car was exactly big enough to squash his four kids and Olivia, because he didn't want to be introducing everyone at a train station.
A hug and a kiss on the cheek for Olivia too: it was Thanksgiving. "How was the train trip?"
"I want my driving privileges back."
"I'm happy to wait until you can remember where you put your keys." It was only a tease: Olivia's memory was back to normal, but her concentration wasn't up to managing the road.
"At least I was in good company." She looked at Maureen and they shared a grin.
Elliot opened the trunk and let Kathleen take over fitting everyone's bags inside, waited until they were down to what they could all keep in their laps for the drive before he made his speech. "I know some of you are uncomfortable with this, but just... don't take it out on Toby, okay? Take it out on me. He's nervous about meeting you as it is."
Dickie headed for the back seat. "Maureen already gave us this speech."
"And Olivia already gave us one about being nice to you," added Elizabeth.
Elliot hoped his look told Olivia and Maureen how grateful he was. He climbed in the front, Lizzie squished between him and Olivia. "There's something else you should know. Harry only found out about me yesterday, so just... tread lightly with him, okay?"
Silence. Of course. Elliot wondered if the three behind him were staring as hard at him as Olivia and Elizabeth were. He checked everyone's seat belts in the mirror, and yeah. They were. He started up the car.
Toby had made Harry come down for meals, but they hadn't got a word out of him. Elliot had been expecting an air of 'I told you so' from Holly, but she was desperately trying to cheer Toby up, which only seemed to make him feel more guilty. Elliot hoped his kids were going to help, and not make things worse.
As soon as they turned into the driveway Dickie unclipped his belt and leaned forward. "This is Toby's spare house? Is he rich?"
"It's his mother's house." Elliot skipped the second question as he pulled into the garage.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Toby was wiping down the counter for the fourth time when he heard the garage door rise. He ditched the cloth and checked his murky reflection in the oven door and rubbed his churning stomach and then sniffed his hand to be sure it didn't smell like kitchen cleaner. No time to run and hide.
Holly came barrelling down the stairs. "They're here!" At least someone wasn't wracked with nerves. For a moment, anyway: as soon as a pile of strangers streamed into the house, she remembered she was shy, shrank two inches and tucked herself against the stairs.
"Toby!"
"Maureen." At least one person was on his side.
Her smile helped, though not as much as the unselfconscious way she kissed his cheek and hugged him. "Happy Thanksgiving. This is Kathleen, Dick and Lizzie."
Dickie nodded, Lizzie stared, and Kathleen reached out for a handshake. It was a start. They all looked different from the photos. Older, he supposed. And real. They were really doing this. Toby tried to look friendly and not like a recently-released felon.
"And you must be Holly. It's so nice to meet you!" Maureen bounded over to kiss Holly's cheek, and Holly smiled.
"Hey Toby."
"Olivia," Toby said gratefully. Two people on his side. As they exchanged greetings Toby took the bags out of her hands. "Your hair looks great." She hadn't been brave enough to shave it off, but she had a pretty short crew cut, and it really did look good. It brought out her eyes and her elegant neck.
"Thanks."
The kids looked almost as nervous as Toby felt. Maybe not almost as nervous, but partway. The twins were standing together. They hardly looked like siblings, except for the matching wary expressions. Just two years older than Holly, but the difference seemed bigger than that. Elizabeth wore glasses: she must have taken them off in all the photos, because Toby didn't remember seeing them before.
Kathleen looked up. "You must be Harry." He was sitting at the top of the stairs, too curious to hide in his room through this. Kathleen climbed up to sit on the step beside him, offered her hand. "I'm Kathleen." They shook, and she introduced everyone else below.
Elliot finally shuffled in behind them and pulled the door closed. "How about we show everyone where they're sleeping, then sort out some food?"
"Something smells good," said Maureen.
"We've got baguettes warming in the oven," said Toby.
Food was definitely the solution to the awkwardness. Elliot had promised as much while Toby was preparing it this morning. He'd said, "We're a big family, Toby. You fill a table with food, and everything else is forgotten." Elliot's kids were all talking over each other, teasing and stealing fries from each other's plates as Toby shuffled back and forth to the kitchen. Elliot was catching up with Olivia while keeping a close eye on the kids' chatter. Toby loved watching him be with his kids: the way he juggled three conversations at once, all the communication shortcuts, the way it only took a raised eyebrow to warn Dickie off taking thirds. This was how it looked when a man didn't take an eight year break from his children's lives.
Holly and Harry were intimidated by the chaos, wide-eyed and barely doing more than pick at their lunches, but he noticed Maureen and Kathleen both made an effort to include them. Kathleen and the twins were sullen with Elliot and they didn't have much to say to Toby, but as long as Holly and Harry were included, that was good enough. He was content to watch, and to hope Holly and Harry could get some sibling-inspiration, and to keep the food coming. He couldn't have eaten a thing anyway.
This was his family now. He'd never properly realised that until this moment, and it blew his mind a little. Kathleen, who Elliot was terrified was going to take after him and Kathy with a baby in her teens, or be an alcoholic like Toby. He couldn't see any sign of it here. Elizabeth, determined to beat boys at anything. Dickie - Toby noticed everyone but Elliot called him Dick - who cared a lot more about hanging out with some friend Elliot didn't like than doing his schoolwork. And Maureen, who was good evidence that the rest of them were going to turn out all right. He'd been thinking of them as pieces of Elliot, but these were four whole new people and Toby was going to be tangled up in their lives. He would probably end up seeing more of them than he did Harry.
Guilt stabbed at him. What sort of father was he? Not the sort that tucked his son in at night, or helped him with his homework. He hadn't even had a chance to teach Harry his own values.
Harry caught him staring, and looked down at his plate. Kathleen was the first person he'd spoken to since they came back from the park yesterday. Things had been so much better since San Diego, but now Toby was back to being an inconvenience. An embarrassment, that Harry wished was dead.
Maureen tugged at Toby's elbow. "Toby, sit down. Eat. We're fine."
"I'll just take care of these." Toby collected a couple of empty bottles from the table and headed to the kitchen. Even if he won Harry over this weekend, Harry was getting on a flight back to San Diego on Sunday. Home to the grandparents he adored, who'd lost their last shred of respect for Toby. Toby had two days to convince Harry that Elliot wasn't the end of the world, all while persuading Kathleen and the twins that he wasn't the last nail in the coffin of their parents' marriage. And hoping Holly didn't throw one of her dramatic stunts.
"You okay?"
Toby looked back at Elliot, who was standing a careful step behind him. Toby didn't know if that was for Harry's benefit or because they were in view of Elliot's kids, but either way, Toby appreciated it. "I'm fine. I'm starting to think we don't have enough food for tomorrow."
"You have enough for the entire NYPD tomorrow. Or my family twice."
Elliot had been a miracle, the last twenty-four hours. Silent and near and not pressing any stupid advice. Not minding that Toby couldn't stand to be touched last night with all of Harry's and Jonah's recriminations ringing in his ears. All those months of splitting hairs about how he felt about Elliot: even if he hadn't figured it out in the car, he would have been sure by now. He smiled at him. "I'm fine."
There was a roar of laughter from the table, and enough sideways looks to be sure it was well-meant and at Elliot's expense. Toby checked and - his knees actually wobbled with relief - even Harry was smiling. Maybe Elliot was right, about his family's normalcy being the key.
"Come on. Sit down before the kids think you're the butler."
Toby snorted.
"Come on."
Toby followed him back to the table and sat between Holly and Olivia. He took a couple of ham and cheese rolls, was looking around for the salt and pepper when Kathleen flicked her hair behind her shoulder and folded her arms. "So Toby. How did you and Dad meet?"
Toby decided to forgo the salt and pepper. He realised he didn't know how much Elliot had told his kids. Probably not much. "I was a witness. I... I saw a guy go through a door." He glanced at Elliot, got a nod of approval. Just enough information to make it sound boring, and they wouldn't push for more.
"And then you two just fell mad-crazy in love?"
"Kathleen..." said Elliot.
"Why shouldn't I ask Toby? You won't tell me anything."
"It's fine," said Toby. Elliot lived with everything bottled up, couldn't break the habit. Toby could handle easy stuff like this. "We bumped into each other a couple of months later at the trial, ended up having lunch." No one was eating. The entire table was hanging on everything he said, Harry included. As much as Elliot hated it, they needed to get this out of the way. "That was back in January. We became friends. Eventually, it became this."
"Oh." Kathleen seemed put-out.
"I could make up something more exciting, if you like. Throw in a second act where I robbed a bank and he pursued me to Rome."
Elliot smiled. He was wearing a long-sleeved navy t-shirt and it made his eyes sparkle.
"No, thanks."
Toby looked around. "Anyone else?" A sea of nervous faces. "I'm not as repressed as your dad. You can ask me." Toby ignored Elliot's dark look. That had earned him small smiles from Dickie and Lizzie, and a big one from Olivia.
The twins both looked at Kathleen, the designated spokesperson. Maureen was shooting her warning looks, but Kathleen just lifted her chin. "Have you always been gay?"
"Kathleen!" Elliot and Maureen at once.
Toby waved them off. He liked Kathleen. He could play this game, though it was a lot more fun when he didn't have to remember his ten year-old son was at the table, drinking up every detail. And Holly - Toby checked, and realised she was sitting ramrod straight, fist curled tightly around her fork. He rubbed her back to let her know he was fine. "I was happily straight for most of my life. I loved Holly and Harry's mother. I never even imagined being with someone else. Then... a lot of things happened. Genevieve died, and a man was there for me. He and I were together for... four years, on and off."
"So one day you just woke up gay."
Toby put a hand up to stop Elliot before he could open his mouth, and kept his own eyes on Kathleen. "I wish it had been that easy. It's incredibly difficult, to change who you think you are this late in life, but it's a lot harder to bury it. Love doesn't always seem to make sense, but you have to hold onto it when you find it." Toby sipped his drink, took a look around. "I have one brother, Angus. I like to read. I came third in the downhill skiing at regionals in college. I work as a paralegal for a small real estate firm in Williamsburg. What else would you like to know?"
Kathleen looked stuck.
Maureen was smirking. "What books do you like to read, Toby?"
Olivia passed over the salt and pepper. "Maybe that can wait until Toby's actually eaten something. These baguettes are delicious."
There was a chorus of approval.
Thank god for Olivia. Toby had his appetite back. "What about the rest of you? Anyone reading anything interesting?"
The kids talked about the terrible things their English teachers were making them read at school, which led to Lizzie talking about playing on her school's soccer team. After Harry told them about his last windsailing meet, Kathleen turned to Holly. "How about you? Do you like any sports?"
Holly stared at her like she'd suggested Holly ate puppies. "Sports?"
"Swimming? Basketball?"
"They make us play basketball in gym sometimes. I hate it."
"You hate basketball?"
"I hate gym."
They all started trading school gym horror stories, and Toby watched Holly sigh in relief as the attention filtered away.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Elliot could see snow flying in the yard, but he stopped by the kitchen first. "Do you two need help in here?"
Toby pulled his hand out of the turkey, dragging entrails. "We're okay."
Holly held up a cranberry. "Is this one okay, Dad?"
Toby barely glanced at it. "It's fine. Are you going to ask me about each and every one?"
She dropped it back in the strainer. "How about this one? It's squishy."
There were bowls and towels and dirty dishes scattered over the counter. There were steaming sweet potatoes sitting beside the stove and a couple of bags of fresh corn beside those and a strainer filled with green beans, and for some reason only known to Toby and Holly, artichokes. This wasn't going to be a traditional Stabler Thanksgiving.
"You want me to snap the green beans?" Elliot offered.
"Uh..." Toby looked around the FEMA-worthy kitchen.
"I'll take them outside." Elliot reached over Holly to get what looked like the last clean bowl out of the cupboard, swiped a dirty one for the ends, and found a paring knife in sink.
Holly called out, "Make them about an inch and a half long!" as he stopped to pull on his jacket. He stepped out onto the porch with Olivia, enjoying the press of chilled air into his lungs. "Is this a safe zone?"
"It has been so far, but probably not once they see you."
Lizzie threw a snowball at Dickie, ducking too late as Harry sent one flying at her. Maureen and Kathleen were tucked behind a tree, stocking up. All their faces were pink from running around in the snow and they were all laughing.
Olivia shivered, so Elliot put all his green bean bowls on the bench seat and pulled his woollen cap out of his pocket. He tugged it over her spiky head. "You don't have as much hair, remember?"
She pulled it into place. "I keep forgetting. Thank you."
He sat down with his beans, and started trimming the ends. It was a relief seeing her like this. She finally looked like his partner, instead of a patient.
Olivia glanced in the window, and sat beside him. "Is Toby going to spend the whole weekend hiding in the kitchen?"
"He and Holly are pretty excited by all this cooking."
She tipped her head towards the snowball fight. "I thought the point of this weekend was for him and your kids to get to know each other."
That was supposed to be the point. After Toby's nagging to meet them, he could have found a few minutes here and there to actually meet them. Other than Kathleen's interrogation, of course. "At least they're getting to know Harry."
She smiled as Maureen and Harry yelled threats at the twins. "Is that because Harry likes your lot, or because he's avoiding you and Toby?"
"You don't make things easy, Liv." He took another handful of beans. This wasn't the happy, magical coming-together Toby had hoped for, but it was peaceful. There was a lot to be said for peaceful. "He could have avoided me and Toby by hiding in his room." He shrugged. This was more than Elliot had hoped for this time yesterday. "If hanging out with my kids is what makes him want to move to New York, I'll take it."
"Toby wants him to move to New York?"
Elliot shut his mouth. Yes, but not exactly.
She narrowed her eyes at him. "You want him to move to New York."
"He should be with his father."
"Isn't that Toby's decision?"
Olivia should shut up. Elliot watched Harry racing around with his own kids, the fatal humiliation of his father's lifestyle temporarily forgotten. "Harry's grandparents aren't exactly the torch-bearers for tolerance."
She nodded, understanding. "That's going to complicate things."
"They already blame Toby for everything. If they use this as an excuse to poison Harry against him, I'm worried Toby might lose him." Elliot didn't want to think about what that would do to Toby. He was afraid Toby wouldn't fight it.
Lizzie squealed that she'd dropped her glasses in the snow, and everyone stopped to help dig them out. Two hundred dollar glasses. Elliot held his breath until Maureen held them up, intact, and then raced off with Lizzie chasing after her.
"Yours seem to be doing okay with this," said Olivia.
"Toby's going to win Kathleen over." He'd been perfect at lunch. "The twins are still on the fence."
"At least you don't have to worry about them being whisked off to their grandparents, never to talk to you again."
"No." She was right. It might take a while to smooth things over with his kids, but they'd get there. To tolerance, at least. Elliot took the ends off a few more beans, snapped them in thirds and threw them in the bowl. "How are you feeling?" They hadn't had a moment alone to ask until now.
"I'm fine."
"Headaches?"
"Not much lately. This fresh air is doing wonders." She filled her lungs, and let it out again. "Thanks for having me up here."
"We're glad you could come." She did look better. There was colour in her cheeks, fresh light in her eyes.
"It's a hell of a lot better than waiting at home. I didn't tell you, I saw Doctor Mazloum on Tuesday."
"And?" Mazloum was the one who could clear Olivia to go back to work.
"More time. More rest. Don't try to rush it. Remember that healing takes time. I wanted to stab her with a pen." By her tone, Elliot guessed it had been a close thing. "My next evaluation's in two months."
Hell. Two months before they'd even consider her for desk duty. "Would you do it? Stay on a desk long term?"
She tipped her head back against the house. "I don't know. I've started to think about options."
"Options?"
"If I can't be a cop. Maybe I'd try for Victims' Services."
The seat seemed to shift under Elliot. They'd both known since the accident that her career was in question, but it was the first time she'd ever spoken out loud about an alternative. Olivia would be great at Victim's Services, but he couldn't say it. He wanted her to be a cop.
"I've also been thinking..." She was staring out at the kids, chewing on her lip.
Elliot braced himself. "Yeah?"
"Maybe this is a good time to take a break."
"I thought that's what you were doing?"
"I mean a real break." A tiny smile curved her lips, and she gestured to Elliot's pile of romping teens just as Lizzie tackled Dickie to the ground, the pair of them laughing like nuts. "I want that."
All his selfish fears evaporated. "You're going to have kids?"
She lifted her shoulders, feigning casual. "Doctor Mazloum said there shouldn't be any problems with my health."
"That's fantastic, Liv! You'd be an amazing mom."
She nodded, a hell of a lot more cautious than Elliot. "If I keep waiting for what you had with Kathy, I'm never going to have it."
"There's never a right time. You just have to do it." Elliot wanted to see it, his kids playing with Olivia's. And Toby's. He could imagine a couple of tough-minded little Bensons out there, wrestling down Dickie and Elizabeth. Olivia probably wanted quiet support, but he was grinning like an idiot.
She gave him a dry look, and he scooped up the last few beans, lopped the ends off and dropped them in the bowl.
"How about you, Elliot? How are you doing? With work?"
"Better." He brushed off his hands and stood up, crossed the porch and leaned his elbows on the railing.
Olivia followed, to lean beside him. "Have you talked to Toby?"
"Yeah. I did."
He'd surprised her. "And?"
He kicked a foot against the rail. "And I'm not going to make the same mistakes I made with Kathy." He watched the kids running around, laughing. All this second-guessing about his career would be a bigger surprise to them than it had been to Toby.
"Do you think you'll stay in SVU?"
Maybe. He knew for sure he couldn't make a decision until he knew where Olivia was headed. Maybe he'd go back even if she didn't, but he couldn't settle how he felt until he knew whether she was going to be his partner. He couldn't lay that extra pressure at her door, so he just said, "I haven't decided."
She watched him, knowing there was more going on than he'd tell her. "You've put in a lot of years; you have every right to find something easier."
Cragen had said much the same. "I think I can handle it better with Toby."
Olivia straightened up. "If that's true, then whatever happens to me, I think you should try to stay. Where else are you going to go? Fraud? Computer Crimes? You'd die of boredom in a week."
"Homicide?"
She screwed up her nose, unimpressed. "You could. But that's not... You want my two cents? You do better with victims who can fight with you. You're good with victims because you get them back on their feet. You help them fight back. You'd be a damned good cop in homicide, but nobody there needs you."
Before Elliot could gather any kind of response Maureen bounced up onto the porch, collected a handful of beans and flopped against the railing, panting for breath. "I'm getting too old for that."
Elliot snorted. "Yeah, you're ancient."
"That makes you ancient-plus-seventeen."
"Thanks for the update."
She threw a bean in her mouth with a crunch and lifted her hair to cool her neck. "Where's Toby?"
"Cooking. How was Thanksgiving at your aunt's?"
A shrug. "It was good. The usual."
"Did Uncle Greg get drunk?" asked Olivia.
Maureen lifted her eyebrows in the 'What do you think?' expression she'd learned from Kathy. Of course he did. Kathy's brother-in-law getting drunk and yelling at the referees was as traditional as turkey.
"How was it here?"
"I missed all of you." He pulled her close and kissed her sweaty forehead.
"Dad." She shot him a look. "What did you do yesterday?"
"Toby taught the kids to ski. Harry's good, took right to it." It probably used the same kind of skills as windsailing. Elliot had never done either, but that was Toby's theory.
"And Holly?"
"She was fine, but she'd rather build things." It's a pity she wasn't out here now; the others had finally calmed down, and it looked like Kathleen and the twins were teaching Harry how to make a snowman. Maybe Toby wasn't the only one playing safe by cooking.
Maureen peeked in the window. "Are those artichokes?"
"Yeah."
Olivia looked over her shoulder. "I love artichokes."
Maureen looked back at Elliot. "For Thanksgiving?"
"Holly's throwing in a few dishes of her own."
"Oookay."
Elliot tipped his head towards the snowman construction. "How are they feeling about all this?"
She shrugged. "Ask them." Smart ass. "How are you feeling?"
"Nobody's killed anyone or walked out, so I guess we're okay." He leaned back against the rail so he could enjoy the view into the kitchen, where Toby and Holly were squabbling over a recipe. "It's going to take them a while to be comfortable with this."
She folded her arms, eyes turning wicked. "How long is going to take you?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You haven't been within three feet of him since we got here."
Elliot glanced at Olivia, wondering if she got what this was about, but she had that same little smile she usually had when Elliot's kids were teasing him. He hoped he could enjoy her on the other end of it one day. "Where should I be?"
"With him? A touch here, a hug there..."
He snorted. "Forgive me for not being into the PDA like a sixteen year-old."
Maureen gave him a look that almost screamed 'moron', glanced at Olivia to share the joke. "Dad, you're worse than a sixteen year-old. You couldn't keep your hands off Mom. It was embarrassing."
True. Except for the embarrassing part. "That was different." In the kitchen, Toby was filling the dishwasher. Holly was shucking corn and throwing the leaves at him and giggling. Elliot grinned. Toby had corn silk in his hair and all over his shirt.
"Because Toby's a guy? Dad, you can't be gay and a homophobe. That's stupid."
Elliot squashed his sigh. He conceded - inside his own head, at least - she was partly right. He was uncomfortable with his kids seeing him that way. 'Gay', supplied some rude part of his brain. But it was also different because they grew up seeing him kiss Kathy. It was right for them to see how he loved their mother. Toby was a stranger to them, and Elliot didn't want their first impression to be their father pawing him.
And he was a man.
"You're not really comfortable with him until you can kiss him in front of people like it doesn't matter."
Olivia snorted. "Your father didn't-"
"Liv." Elliot shot her a glare, and she just gave him an cheeky grin. Maureen didn't need to hear it.
It was so straightforward for Maureen. She was living her college years where it was all about discovering yourself, living some kind of idealised post-modern whatever the hell they were calling it these days. Elliot didn't need to prove he was comfortable half as much as he cared about keeping the peace with his own kids, and protecting Toby's relationship with Harry, and he cared even less about teaching a civics lesson to the guys at work. He just wanted to put food on the table and keep his family close, and he knew Toby felt the same. That was why Toby didn't care about Elliot coming out at work.
So Olivia didn't need to tell Maureen about their very first kiss, out on the street in front of all the neighbourhood with Olivia gaping like a fish, and Elliot didn't need to tell her Holly had seen plenty. "I'm comfortable with him, Maureen. I'm comfortable enough to let everyone else get comfortable with him, too."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
end chapter 58
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The complete works of Dr Squidlove can be found at http://members.iinet.net.au/~tentacles/squidfic.html
S.
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
Oz/Law & Order: SVU crossover
Tobias Beecher's trying to rebuild his family in the shadow of the man he was in prison. Elliot Stabler's struggling to continue in the wake of divorce while his job eats away at his soul. It makes for an odd friendship, but it works.
Rated R for violence and explicit references to sexual violence.
Wordcount this post: 4707
Yes, 63 chapters. Now all correctly divided and settled.
Huge thanks to Elayna, from whom I sourced all my Thanksgiving cooking information. She was kind enough to give an incredibly detailed portrait of your weird Thanksgiving traditions.
Full headers are on chapter 1.
Oz is the property of Tom Fontana and HBO. Law & Order: SVU is the property of Dick Wolf and NBC. The characters are used without permission, but with much appreciation.
Someone Like You
chapter 58: Stablers
by Dr Squidlove
Previously, in chapter 57, Family portraits:
Toby, Elliot and Holly arrived in Vermont, and Toby gave Elliot a tour. Toby got his wish of teaching his kids to ski. Harry took right to it, so Elliot helped out by throwing snowballs at Holly. Toby took Harry to the park to clarify the nature of his relationship with Elliot, and it didn't go well. Harry wanted to go home. Jonah called to express his objections. Toby held on to his temper with Holly and Elliot's calm.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There were hugs and greetings as everyone poured out of the station, bundled up against the cold.
"Where's Toby?"
Elliot let go of Elizabeth and tweaked her nose, just to see her wrinkle it at him. "He's waiting at the house." It worked out fine that Elliot's car was exactly big enough to squash his four kids and Olivia, because he didn't want to be introducing everyone at a train station.
A hug and a kiss on the cheek for Olivia too: it was Thanksgiving. "How was the train trip?"
"I want my driving privileges back."
"I'm happy to wait until you can remember where you put your keys." It was only a tease: Olivia's memory was back to normal, but her concentration wasn't up to managing the road.
"At least I was in good company." She looked at Maureen and they shared a grin.
Elliot opened the trunk and let Kathleen take over fitting everyone's bags inside, waited until they were down to what they could all keep in their laps for the drive before he made his speech. "I know some of you are uncomfortable with this, but just... don't take it out on Toby, okay? Take it out on me. He's nervous about meeting you as it is."
Dickie headed for the back seat. "Maureen already gave us this speech."
"And Olivia already gave us one about being nice to you," added Elizabeth.
Elliot hoped his look told Olivia and Maureen how grateful he was. He climbed in the front, Lizzie squished between him and Olivia. "There's something else you should know. Harry only found out about me yesterday, so just... tread lightly with him, okay?"
Silence. Of course. Elliot wondered if the three behind him were staring as hard at him as Olivia and Elizabeth were. He checked everyone's seat belts in the mirror, and yeah. They were. He started up the car.
Toby had made Harry come down for meals, but they hadn't got a word out of him. Elliot had been expecting an air of 'I told you so' from Holly, but she was desperately trying to cheer Toby up, which only seemed to make him feel more guilty. Elliot hoped his kids were going to help, and not make things worse.
As soon as they turned into the driveway Dickie unclipped his belt and leaned forward. "This is Toby's spare house? Is he rich?"
"It's his mother's house." Elliot skipped the second question as he pulled into the garage.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Toby was wiping down the counter for the fourth time when he heard the garage door rise. He ditched the cloth and checked his murky reflection in the oven door and rubbed his churning stomach and then sniffed his hand to be sure it didn't smell like kitchen cleaner. No time to run and hide.
Holly came barrelling down the stairs. "They're here!" At least someone wasn't wracked with nerves. For a moment, anyway: as soon as a pile of strangers streamed into the house, she remembered she was shy, shrank two inches and tucked herself against the stairs.
"Toby!"
"Maureen." At least one person was on his side.
Her smile helped, though not as much as the unselfconscious way she kissed his cheek and hugged him. "Happy Thanksgiving. This is Kathleen, Dick and Lizzie."
Dickie nodded, Lizzie stared, and Kathleen reached out for a handshake. It was a start. They all looked different from the photos. Older, he supposed. And real. They were really doing this. Toby tried to look friendly and not like a recently-released felon.
"And you must be Holly. It's so nice to meet you!" Maureen bounded over to kiss Holly's cheek, and Holly smiled.
"Hey Toby."
"Olivia," Toby said gratefully. Two people on his side. As they exchanged greetings Toby took the bags out of her hands. "Your hair looks great." She hadn't been brave enough to shave it off, but she had a pretty short crew cut, and it really did look good. It brought out her eyes and her elegant neck.
"Thanks."
The kids looked almost as nervous as Toby felt. Maybe not almost as nervous, but partway. The twins were standing together. They hardly looked like siblings, except for the matching wary expressions. Just two years older than Holly, but the difference seemed bigger than that. Elizabeth wore glasses: she must have taken them off in all the photos, because Toby didn't remember seeing them before.
Kathleen looked up. "You must be Harry." He was sitting at the top of the stairs, too curious to hide in his room through this. Kathleen climbed up to sit on the step beside him, offered her hand. "I'm Kathleen." They shook, and she introduced everyone else below.
Elliot finally shuffled in behind them and pulled the door closed. "How about we show everyone where they're sleeping, then sort out some food?"
"Something smells good," said Maureen.
"We've got baguettes warming in the oven," said Toby.
Food was definitely the solution to the awkwardness. Elliot had promised as much while Toby was preparing it this morning. He'd said, "We're a big family, Toby. You fill a table with food, and everything else is forgotten." Elliot's kids were all talking over each other, teasing and stealing fries from each other's plates as Toby shuffled back and forth to the kitchen. Elliot was catching up with Olivia while keeping a close eye on the kids' chatter. Toby loved watching him be with his kids: the way he juggled three conversations at once, all the communication shortcuts, the way it only took a raised eyebrow to warn Dickie off taking thirds. This was how it looked when a man didn't take an eight year break from his children's lives.
Holly and Harry were intimidated by the chaos, wide-eyed and barely doing more than pick at their lunches, but he noticed Maureen and Kathleen both made an effort to include them. Kathleen and the twins were sullen with Elliot and they didn't have much to say to Toby, but as long as Holly and Harry were included, that was good enough. He was content to watch, and to hope Holly and Harry could get some sibling-inspiration, and to keep the food coming. He couldn't have eaten a thing anyway.
This was his family now. He'd never properly realised that until this moment, and it blew his mind a little. Kathleen, who Elliot was terrified was going to take after him and Kathy with a baby in her teens, or be an alcoholic like Toby. He couldn't see any sign of it here. Elizabeth, determined to beat boys at anything. Dickie - Toby noticed everyone but Elliot called him Dick - who cared a lot more about hanging out with some friend Elliot didn't like than doing his schoolwork. And Maureen, who was good evidence that the rest of them were going to turn out all right. He'd been thinking of them as pieces of Elliot, but these were four whole new people and Toby was going to be tangled up in their lives. He would probably end up seeing more of them than he did Harry.
Guilt stabbed at him. What sort of father was he? Not the sort that tucked his son in at night, or helped him with his homework. He hadn't even had a chance to teach Harry his own values.
Harry caught him staring, and looked down at his plate. Kathleen was the first person he'd spoken to since they came back from the park yesterday. Things had been so much better since San Diego, but now Toby was back to being an inconvenience. An embarrassment, that Harry wished was dead.
Maureen tugged at Toby's elbow. "Toby, sit down. Eat. We're fine."
"I'll just take care of these." Toby collected a couple of empty bottles from the table and headed to the kitchen. Even if he won Harry over this weekend, Harry was getting on a flight back to San Diego on Sunday. Home to the grandparents he adored, who'd lost their last shred of respect for Toby. Toby had two days to convince Harry that Elliot wasn't the end of the world, all while persuading Kathleen and the twins that he wasn't the last nail in the coffin of their parents' marriage. And hoping Holly didn't throw one of her dramatic stunts.
"You okay?"
Toby looked back at Elliot, who was standing a careful step behind him. Toby didn't know if that was for Harry's benefit or because they were in view of Elliot's kids, but either way, Toby appreciated it. "I'm fine. I'm starting to think we don't have enough food for tomorrow."
"You have enough for the entire NYPD tomorrow. Or my family twice."
Elliot had been a miracle, the last twenty-four hours. Silent and near and not pressing any stupid advice. Not minding that Toby couldn't stand to be touched last night with all of Harry's and Jonah's recriminations ringing in his ears. All those months of splitting hairs about how he felt about Elliot: even if he hadn't figured it out in the car, he would have been sure by now. He smiled at him. "I'm fine."
There was a roar of laughter from the table, and enough sideways looks to be sure it was well-meant and at Elliot's expense. Toby checked and - his knees actually wobbled with relief - even Harry was smiling. Maybe Elliot was right, about his family's normalcy being the key.
"Come on. Sit down before the kids think you're the butler."
Toby snorted.
"Come on."
Toby followed him back to the table and sat between Holly and Olivia. He took a couple of ham and cheese rolls, was looking around for the salt and pepper when Kathleen flicked her hair behind her shoulder and folded her arms. "So Toby. How did you and Dad meet?"
Toby decided to forgo the salt and pepper. He realised he didn't know how much Elliot had told his kids. Probably not much. "I was a witness. I... I saw a guy go through a door." He glanced at Elliot, got a nod of approval. Just enough information to make it sound boring, and they wouldn't push for more.
"And then you two just fell mad-crazy in love?"
"Kathleen..." said Elliot.
"Why shouldn't I ask Toby? You won't tell me anything."
"It's fine," said Toby. Elliot lived with everything bottled up, couldn't break the habit. Toby could handle easy stuff like this. "We bumped into each other a couple of months later at the trial, ended up having lunch." No one was eating. The entire table was hanging on everything he said, Harry included. As much as Elliot hated it, they needed to get this out of the way. "That was back in January. We became friends. Eventually, it became this."
"Oh." Kathleen seemed put-out.
"I could make up something more exciting, if you like. Throw in a second act where I robbed a bank and he pursued me to Rome."
Elliot smiled. He was wearing a long-sleeved navy t-shirt and it made his eyes sparkle.
"No, thanks."
Toby looked around. "Anyone else?" A sea of nervous faces. "I'm not as repressed as your dad. You can ask me." Toby ignored Elliot's dark look. That had earned him small smiles from Dickie and Lizzie, and a big one from Olivia.
The twins both looked at Kathleen, the designated spokesperson. Maureen was shooting her warning looks, but Kathleen just lifted her chin. "Have you always been gay?"
"Kathleen!" Elliot and Maureen at once.
Toby waved them off. He liked Kathleen. He could play this game, though it was a lot more fun when he didn't have to remember his ten year-old son was at the table, drinking up every detail. And Holly - Toby checked, and realised she was sitting ramrod straight, fist curled tightly around her fork. He rubbed her back to let her know he was fine. "I was happily straight for most of my life. I loved Holly and Harry's mother. I never even imagined being with someone else. Then... a lot of things happened. Genevieve died, and a man was there for me. He and I were together for... four years, on and off."
"So one day you just woke up gay."
Toby put a hand up to stop Elliot before he could open his mouth, and kept his own eyes on Kathleen. "I wish it had been that easy. It's incredibly difficult, to change who you think you are this late in life, but it's a lot harder to bury it. Love doesn't always seem to make sense, but you have to hold onto it when you find it." Toby sipped his drink, took a look around. "I have one brother, Angus. I like to read. I came third in the downhill skiing at regionals in college. I work as a paralegal for a small real estate firm in Williamsburg. What else would you like to know?"
Kathleen looked stuck.
Maureen was smirking. "What books do you like to read, Toby?"
Olivia passed over the salt and pepper. "Maybe that can wait until Toby's actually eaten something. These baguettes are delicious."
There was a chorus of approval.
Thank god for Olivia. Toby had his appetite back. "What about the rest of you? Anyone reading anything interesting?"
The kids talked about the terrible things their English teachers were making them read at school, which led to Lizzie talking about playing on her school's soccer team. After Harry told them about his last windsailing meet, Kathleen turned to Holly. "How about you? Do you like any sports?"
Holly stared at her like she'd suggested Holly ate puppies. "Sports?"
"Swimming? Basketball?"
"They make us play basketball in gym sometimes. I hate it."
"You hate basketball?"
"I hate gym."
They all started trading school gym horror stories, and Toby watched Holly sigh in relief as the attention filtered away.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Elliot could see snow flying in the yard, but he stopped by the kitchen first. "Do you two need help in here?"
Toby pulled his hand out of the turkey, dragging entrails. "We're okay."
Holly held up a cranberry. "Is this one okay, Dad?"
Toby barely glanced at it. "It's fine. Are you going to ask me about each and every one?"
She dropped it back in the strainer. "How about this one? It's squishy."
There were bowls and towels and dirty dishes scattered over the counter. There were steaming sweet potatoes sitting beside the stove and a couple of bags of fresh corn beside those and a strainer filled with green beans, and for some reason only known to Toby and Holly, artichokes. This wasn't going to be a traditional Stabler Thanksgiving.
"You want me to snap the green beans?" Elliot offered.
"Uh..." Toby looked around the FEMA-worthy kitchen.
"I'll take them outside." Elliot reached over Holly to get what looked like the last clean bowl out of the cupboard, swiped a dirty one for the ends, and found a paring knife in sink.
Holly called out, "Make them about an inch and a half long!" as he stopped to pull on his jacket. He stepped out onto the porch with Olivia, enjoying the press of chilled air into his lungs. "Is this a safe zone?"
"It has been so far, but probably not once they see you."
Lizzie threw a snowball at Dickie, ducking too late as Harry sent one flying at her. Maureen and Kathleen were tucked behind a tree, stocking up. All their faces were pink from running around in the snow and they were all laughing.
Olivia shivered, so Elliot put all his green bean bowls on the bench seat and pulled his woollen cap out of his pocket. He tugged it over her spiky head. "You don't have as much hair, remember?"
She pulled it into place. "I keep forgetting. Thank you."
He sat down with his beans, and started trimming the ends. It was a relief seeing her like this. She finally looked like his partner, instead of a patient.
Olivia glanced in the window, and sat beside him. "Is Toby going to spend the whole weekend hiding in the kitchen?"
"He and Holly are pretty excited by all this cooking."
She tipped her head towards the snowball fight. "I thought the point of this weekend was for him and your kids to get to know each other."
That was supposed to be the point. After Toby's nagging to meet them, he could have found a few minutes here and there to actually meet them. Other than Kathleen's interrogation, of course. "At least they're getting to know Harry."
She smiled as Maureen and Harry yelled threats at the twins. "Is that because Harry likes your lot, or because he's avoiding you and Toby?"
"You don't make things easy, Liv." He took another handful of beans. This wasn't the happy, magical coming-together Toby had hoped for, but it was peaceful. There was a lot to be said for peaceful. "He could have avoided me and Toby by hiding in his room." He shrugged. This was more than Elliot had hoped for this time yesterday. "If hanging out with my kids is what makes him want to move to New York, I'll take it."
"Toby wants him to move to New York?"
Elliot shut his mouth. Yes, but not exactly.
She narrowed her eyes at him. "You want him to move to New York."
"He should be with his father."
"Isn't that Toby's decision?"
Olivia should shut up. Elliot watched Harry racing around with his own kids, the fatal humiliation of his father's lifestyle temporarily forgotten. "Harry's grandparents aren't exactly the torch-bearers for tolerance."
She nodded, understanding. "That's going to complicate things."
"They already blame Toby for everything. If they use this as an excuse to poison Harry against him, I'm worried Toby might lose him." Elliot didn't want to think about what that would do to Toby. He was afraid Toby wouldn't fight it.
Lizzie squealed that she'd dropped her glasses in the snow, and everyone stopped to help dig them out. Two hundred dollar glasses. Elliot held his breath until Maureen held them up, intact, and then raced off with Lizzie chasing after her.
"Yours seem to be doing okay with this," said Olivia.
"Toby's going to win Kathleen over." He'd been perfect at lunch. "The twins are still on the fence."
"At least you don't have to worry about them being whisked off to their grandparents, never to talk to you again."
"No." She was right. It might take a while to smooth things over with his kids, but they'd get there. To tolerance, at least. Elliot took the ends off a few more beans, snapped them in thirds and threw them in the bowl. "How are you feeling?" They hadn't had a moment alone to ask until now.
"I'm fine."
"Headaches?"
"Not much lately. This fresh air is doing wonders." She filled her lungs, and let it out again. "Thanks for having me up here."
"We're glad you could come." She did look better. There was colour in her cheeks, fresh light in her eyes.
"It's a hell of a lot better than waiting at home. I didn't tell you, I saw Doctor Mazloum on Tuesday."
"And?" Mazloum was the one who could clear Olivia to go back to work.
"More time. More rest. Don't try to rush it. Remember that healing takes time. I wanted to stab her with a pen." By her tone, Elliot guessed it had been a close thing. "My next evaluation's in two months."
Hell. Two months before they'd even consider her for desk duty. "Would you do it? Stay on a desk long term?"
She tipped her head back against the house. "I don't know. I've started to think about options."
"Options?"
"If I can't be a cop. Maybe I'd try for Victims' Services."
The seat seemed to shift under Elliot. They'd both known since the accident that her career was in question, but it was the first time she'd ever spoken out loud about an alternative. Olivia would be great at Victim's Services, but he couldn't say it. He wanted her to be a cop.
"I've also been thinking..." She was staring out at the kids, chewing on her lip.
Elliot braced himself. "Yeah?"
"Maybe this is a good time to take a break."
"I thought that's what you were doing?"
"I mean a real break." A tiny smile curved her lips, and she gestured to Elliot's pile of romping teens just as Lizzie tackled Dickie to the ground, the pair of them laughing like nuts. "I want that."
All his selfish fears evaporated. "You're going to have kids?"
She lifted her shoulders, feigning casual. "Doctor Mazloum said there shouldn't be any problems with my health."
"That's fantastic, Liv! You'd be an amazing mom."
She nodded, a hell of a lot more cautious than Elliot. "If I keep waiting for what you had with Kathy, I'm never going to have it."
"There's never a right time. You just have to do it." Elliot wanted to see it, his kids playing with Olivia's. And Toby's. He could imagine a couple of tough-minded little Bensons out there, wrestling down Dickie and Elizabeth. Olivia probably wanted quiet support, but he was grinning like an idiot.
She gave him a dry look, and he scooped up the last few beans, lopped the ends off and dropped them in the bowl.
"How about you, Elliot? How are you doing? With work?"
"Better." He brushed off his hands and stood up, crossed the porch and leaned his elbows on the railing.
Olivia followed, to lean beside him. "Have you talked to Toby?"
"Yeah. I did."
He'd surprised her. "And?"
He kicked a foot against the rail. "And I'm not going to make the same mistakes I made with Kathy." He watched the kids running around, laughing. All this second-guessing about his career would be a bigger surprise to them than it had been to Toby.
"Do you think you'll stay in SVU?"
Maybe. He knew for sure he couldn't make a decision until he knew where Olivia was headed. Maybe he'd go back even if she didn't, but he couldn't settle how he felt until he knew whether she was going to be his partner. He couldn't lay that extra pressure at her door, so he just said, "I haven't decided."
She watched him, knowing there was more going on than he'd tell her. "You've put in a lot of years; you have every right to find something easier."
Cragen had said much the same. "I think I can handle it better with Toby."
Olivia straightened up. "If that's true, then whatever happens to me, I think you should try to stay. Where else are you going to go? Fraud? Computer Crimes? You'd die of boredom in a week."
"Homicide?"
She screwed up her nose, unimpressed. "You could. But that's not... You want my two cents? You do better with victims who can fight with you. You're good with victims because you get them back on their feet. You help them fight back. You'd be a damned good cop in homicide, but nobody there needs you."
Before Elliot could gather any kind of response Maureen bounced up onto the porch, collected a handful of beans and flopped against the railing, panting for breath. "I'm getting too old for that."
Elliot snorted. "Yeah, you're ancient."
"That makes you ancient-plus-seventeen."
"Thanks for the update."
She threw a bean in her mouth with a crunch and lifted her hair to cool her neck. "Where's Toby?"
"Cooking. How was Thanksgiving at your aunt's?"
A shrug. "It was good. The usual."
"Did Uncle Greg get drunk?" asked Olivia.
Maureen lifted her eyebrows in the 'What do you think?' expression she'd learned from Kathy. Of course he did. Kathy's brother-in-law getting drunk and yelling at the referees was as traditional as turkey.
"How was it here?"
"I missed all of you." He pulled her close and kissed her sweaty forehead.
"Dad." She shot him a look. "What did you do yesterday?"
"Toby taught the kids to ski. Harry's good, took right to it." It probably used the same kind of skills as windsailing. Elliot had never done either, but that was Toby's theory.
"And Holly?"
"She was fine, but she'd rather build things." It's a pity she wasn't out here now; the others had finally calmed down, and it looked like Kathleen and the twins were teaching Harry how to make a snowman. Maybe Toby wasn't the only one playing safe by cooking.
Maureen peeked in the window. "Are those artichokes?"
"Yeah."
Olivia looked over her shoulder. "I love artichokes."
Maureen looked back at Elliot. "For Thanksgiving?"
"Holly's throwing in a few dishes of her own."
"Oookay."
Elliot tipped his head towards the snowman construction. "How are they feeling about all this?"
She shrugged. "Ask them." Smart ass. "How are you feeling?"
"Nobody's killed anyone or walked out, so I guess we're okay." He leaned back against the rail so he could enjoy the view into the kitchen, where Toby and Holly were squabbling over a recipe. "It's going to take them a while to be comfortable with this."
She folded her arms, eyes turning wicked. "How long is going to take you?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You haven't been within three feet of him since we got here."
Elliot glanced at Olivia, wondering if she got what this was about, but she had that same little smile she usually had when Elliot's kids were teasing him. He hoped he could enjoy her on the other end of it one day. "Where should I be?"
"With him? A touch here, a hug there..."
He snorted. "Forgive me for not being into the PDA like a sixteen year-old."
Maureen gave him a look that almost screamed 'moron', glanced at Olivia to share the joke. "Dad, you're worse than a sixteen year-old. You couldn't keep your hands off Mom. It was embarrassing."
True. Except for the embarrassing part. "That was different." In the kitchen, Toby was filling the dishwasher. Holly was shucking corn and throwing the leaves at him and giggling. Elliot grinned. Toby had corn silk in his hair and all over his shirt.
"Because Toby's a guy? Dad, you can't be gay and a homophobe. That's stupid."
Elliot squashed his sigh. He conceded - inside his own head, at least - she was partly right. He was uncomfortable with his kids seeing him that way. 'Gay', supplied some rude part of his brain. But it was also different because they grew up seeing him kiss Kathy. It was right for them to see how he loved their mother. Toby was a stranger to them, and Elliot didn't want their first impression to be their father pawing him.
And he was a man.
"You're not really comfortable with him until you can kiss him in front of people like it doesn't matter."
Olivia snorted. "Your father didn't-"
"Liv." Elliot shot her a glare, and she just gave him an cheeky grin. Maureen didn't need to hear it.
It was so straightforward for Maureen. She was living her college years where it was all about discovering yourself, living some kind of idealised post-modern whatever the hell they were calling it these days. Elliot didn't need to prove he was comfortable half as much as he cared about keeping the peace with his own kids, and protecting Toby's relationship with Harry, and he cared even less about teaching a civics lesson to the guys at work. He just wanted to put food on the table and keep his family close, and he knew Toby felt the same. That was why Toby didn't care about Elliot coming out at work.
So Olivia didn't need to tell Maureen about their very first kiss, out on the street in front of all the neighbourhood with Olivia gaping like a fish, and Elliot didn't need to tell her Holly had seen plenty. "I'm comfortable with him, Maureen. I'm comfortable enough to let everyone else get comfortable with him, too."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
end chapter 58
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