(no subject)
Friends of DrTao,
It is with profound regret that I must inform you of the untimely passing of Doctor Tao Honeybunsen. He was pronounced deceased at 2:22 this morning after taking his own life with a fistful of Cipro (ciprofloxacin), two bottles of benzodiazepines, three quarts of wintergreen isopropyl alcohol (70%), a gallon of bleach, an uncooked pound of month-old ground pork, and -- when all that failed -- a samurai sword to the third cervical vertebra, administered euthanasiacally by his Holy Guardian Angel. He was 102 years old.
Efforts to freeze the head of Honeybunsen (as was his dying wish) were met with categorical disaster. His skin had the paltry pange of palindromic wisdom (not to be confused with circular logic). His joints were both overly rigid and hopelessly warped. His holy frijole proved impenetrable to temperatures approaching absolute zero.
He is survived by a wife, two adopted children, and more cats than were readily enumerated. All were unavailable for immediate comment, but rumor has it that Honeybunsen left them a secret and sizeable fortune which his humble lifestyle left unbetrayed for several decades.
Honeybunsen will be remembered primarily for his outrageous barroom and bedroom antics. His creative, scientific, and scholarly contributions were quite numerous, albeit yet-unrecognized by the entrenched academic and art cabals. He was awarded an honorary PhD in alchemy and mad hatting from the Puppetry University of Cabrini Green in 1904, the year of his birth. The virile morphography of youth was maintained through a measured dosage of various chemicals, legal and otherwise. (It seems his participation in the popular "what-doesn't-kill-me-makes-me-stronger" life-philosophy has finally caught up with him, as confidants say that health problems played an important role in his decision to abandon his body.) His role as percussionist and noisemaker in the music/dance sensation Shinyville should not be overlooked. His bandmates were not available for immediate contact, but insider sources say that they have already begun the impossible search for his replacement.
As his editor and literary executor, it is my responsibility to sift through his rather substantial unpublished work and decide what is fit for the (often unforgivably cruel) public gaze. Most notable among his works is a 300,000-word suicide note composed over the last six months of his life. It will surely prove to be his magnum opus. Many of you who knew him will be asked to participate in interviews, which will become part of a work tentatively entitled The Doctor Tao Honeybunsen Reader. This will contain poetry, recently unearthed religious texts translated by Professor Honeybunsen, and scholarly commentary on the rather off-the-cuff rap lyrics of Honeybunsen's musical troupe, Adam Kadmon and the Fantastical Kabbalistical Hyperbolistical All-Stars.
Surely no human being this complex has ever existed, and it is time that the public recognize his genius for what it was. Funeral announcements will be forthcoming.
Sincerely,
The Editor
It is with profound regret that I must inform you of the untimely passing of Doctor Tao Honeybunsen. He was pronounced deceased at 2:22 this morning after taking his own life with a fistful of Cipro (ciprofloxacin), two bottles of benzodiazepines, three quarts of wintergreen isopropyl alcohol (70%), a gallon of bleach, an uncooked pound of month-old ground pork, and -- when all that failed -- a samurai sword to the third cervical vertebra, administered euthanasiacally by his Holy Guardian Angel. He was 102 years old.
Efforts to freeze the head of Honeybunsen (as was his dying wish) were met with categorical disaster. His skin had the paltry pange of palindromic wisdom (not to be confused with circular logic). His joints were both overly rigid and hopelessly warped. His holy frijole proved impenetrable to temperatures approaching absolute zero.
He is survived by a wife, two adopted children, and more cats than were readily enumerated. All were unavailable for immediate comment, but rumor has it that Honeybunsen left them a secret and sizeable fortune which his humble lifestyle left unbetrayed for several decades.
Honeybunsen will be remembered primarily for his outrageous barroom and bedroom antics. His creative, scientific, and scholarly contributions were quite numerous, albeit yet-unrecognized by the entrenched academic and art cabals. He was awarded an honorary PhD in alchemy and mad hatting from the Puppetry University of Cabrini Green in 1904, the year of his birth. The virile morphography of youth was maintained through a measured dosage of various chemicals, legal and otherwise. (It seems his participation in the popular "what-doesn't-kill-me-makes-me-stronger" life-philosophy has finally caught up with him, as confidants say that health problems played an important role in his decision to abandon his body.) His role as percussionist and noisemaker in the music/dance sensation Shinyville should not be overlooked. His bandmates were not available for immediate contact, but insider sources say that they have already begun the impossible search for his replacement.
As his editor and literary executor, it is my responsibility to sift through his rather substantial unpublished work and decide what is fit for the (often unforgivably cruel) public gaze. Most notable among his works is a 300,000-word suicide note composed over the last six months of his life. It will surely prove to be his magnum opus. Many of you who knew him will be asked to participate in interviews, which will become part of a work tentatively entitled The Doctor Tao Honeybunsen Reader. This will contain poetry, recently unearthed religious texts translated by Professor Honeybunsen, and scholarly commentary on the rather off-the-cuff rap lyrics of Honeybunsen's musical troupe, Adam Kadmon and the Fantastical Kabbalistical Hyperbolistical All-Stars.
Surely no human being this complex has ever existed, and it is time that the public recognize his genius for what it was. Funeral announcements will be forthcoming.
Sincerely,
The Editor