Bitterness...
How do you measure someone who is twenty five?
I ran into a friend from high school last Saturday. It was great seeing her again. She was bubblying and pretty as always. But in talking with her, she asked the same questions that everyone who knew me from high school asks.
Did you get married?
Do you have any kids yet?
Did you graduate from college?
Damn it! Why are these the only measures of success and happiness?! I have so much more fun now than I ever did in my teens. These questions to things I actively avoided.
“Did you get married?” I am a child of an ugly divorce. Raised by my father. My boyfriend is a child of divorce, Also raised by his father. Kids like that come with baggage. We don’t have ally illusions that “happily ever after” is a guarantee for 2 people in love. We have had friends marry and divorce and remarry in the time that we have been together. I dunno, I always though I would get married someday. But life is what happens around plans. There are always more pressing priorities. *sigh* I dunno. Most of the positive changes in my life over the past 8 years have been directly influenced by Ryan. So please, don’t judge my happiness by whether I am married or not.
“Kids?” Dear god, why? There are still so many places to see and people to meet? I love to travel! Its exciting! Plus, I hate seeing people with children who cannot dedicate the time and money needed. It isn’t a race to see who can have the most first! I love children and being around babies,…. But seeing how people on the bus or at the mall treat their children, it makes me sick. No one should have a child unless they really want one, or fully understand the time commitment. I also see girls get pregnant because they think it will help their relationship. Such a cruel thing…
“Graduating?” I like my currently lifestyle,… a lifestyle that is mostly permitted by the flexibility of my job. Once I graduate, I lose my job. Hence the hesitation. The 2 times available this summer to walk, (commencement) I have scheduling conflicts, anyway. No one but me seems to understand that I wont have as much fun once I graduate. There is no well paying job for me to jump into. Who knows if I would be even able to get IT work. Being in college I feel smart. I can learn so much with all the tools available to me.
I’m in a foul mood today. I wish I wouldn’t feel so inferior when I am asked these questions. I live the life I have built for myself, and I am happier than I ever been.
So when I run into people I haven’t seen in a decade, I think I will just lie.
I ran into a friend from high school last Saturday. It was great seeing her again. She was bubblying and pretty as always. But in talking with her, she asked the same questions that everyone who knew me from high school asks.
Did you get married?
Do you have any kids yet?
Did you graduate from college?
Damn it! Why are these the only measures of success and happiness?! I have so much more fun now than I ever did in my teens. These questions to things I actively avoided.
“Did you get married?” I am a child of an ugly divorce. Raised by my father. My boyfriend is a child of divorce, Also raised by his father. Kids like that come with baggage. We don’t have ally illusions that “happily ever after” is a guarantee for 2 people in love. We have had friends marry and divorce and remarry in the time that we have been together. I dunno, I always though I would get married someday. But life is what happens around plans. There are always more pressing priorities. *sigh* I dunno. Most of the positive changes in my life over the past 8 years have been directly influenced by Ryan. So please, don’t judge my happiness by whether I am married or not.
“Kids?” Dear god, why? There are still so many places to see and people to meet? I love to travel! Its exciting! Plus, I hate seeing people with children who cannot dedicate the time and money needed. It isn’t a race to see who can have the most first! I love children and being around babies,…. But seeing how people on the bus or at the mall treat their children, it makes me sick. No one should have a child unless they really want one, or fully understand the time commitment. I also see girls get pregnant because they think it will help their relationship. Such a cruel thing…
“Graduating?” I like my currently lifestyle,… a lifestyle that is mostly permitted by the flexibility of my job. Once I graduate, I lose my job. Hence the hesitation. The 2 times available this summer to walk, (commencement) I have scheduling conflicts, anyway. No one but me seems to understand that I wont have as much fun once I graduate. There is no well paying job for me to jump into. Who knows if I would be even able to get IT work. Being in college I feel smart. I can learn so much with all the tools available to me.
I’m in a foul mood today. I wish I wouldn’t feel so inferior when I am asked these questions. I live the life I have built for myself, and I am happier than I ever been.
So when I run into people I haven’t seen in a decade, I think I will just lie.