I don't need to fight you too....

[drune]

And today is the day I learn to stand up for myself, a long overdue action, culminating from all my past relationships where I swallowed my anger, my hurt, my disappointments and silently consoled myself, taking everything on myself

Comments

[_feather]

Because if I have to fight you to be with you, you're not worth it.

Tis true. Ex and I were like that, I was doing the saving, she was doing the tearing. Not that she was actively trying to break up but she kept letting everything get in the way of us being together. There's always a reason. I put us first and assumed that as long as we were together and tried, we would overcome shit together. While she was the reverse, and let the shit stop us from being together.

It isn't so bad if it was us vs the world. It never works when it becomes the world vs us.

May be an overshare but hey what else is the anonymous net for?

[drune]

I don't know... I haven't always been the best girlfriend in the world and I'm learning as I go along, but I'm just really tired and worn-out from dating all the wrong men.

It's "late" and I'm tired and emotionally over-wrought this week so this may be a bit of an over-share but I have to get my thoughts (jumbled as they are) out there somewhere.

It's not one of my life's missions to find someone to get married to or to have babies as it is for many women out there. I'd much rather live alone than be with someone unsuitable. Yet there is a not so small part of me that does want to find someone I can live with. But I'm so tired of the emotional toll that (the "wrong") relationships take on me and this one was a bigger disappointment than I initially thought he would be...

Re: May be an overshare but hey what else is the anonymous net for?

[drune]

At the end of the day I was fighting his ghosts (his ex), his ambitions, his concept of himself, his concept of relationships... It was just an uphill battle I no longer had the heart for. He was so caught up with all the reasons that his ex and him fell apart, reasons that didn't matter to me and... I think in his head he kept thinking of all the reasons (his ex had given him) for why (their) relationship wouldn't work out that when we got too close he would freak out and suddenly distance himself. And I'm not the ex... and it frustrates me so much that he couldn't see that

Re: May be an overshare but hey what else is the anonymous net for?

[drune]

And I think he needed me to pretend that I didn't care. He needed my distance in order to love me. If I showed any reciprocity like picking up the phone to call him first or asking to hang out, he'd freak out. It was as if only he could initiate contact and I suppose that what mystifies me, that from start to finish he was the one doing all the chasing and yet he could still disrespect my time or become distant for no foreseeable reason. At the very end, he says it's cause he's too broken-hearted from the last relationship to treat anyone well and I just don't need that at my age. I don't need to be the fixer of your broken heart. I'm tired of all my relationships working out that way. I don't need to listen to another story about Ms. Amazing who got away. I didn't need to hear that when he saw me I made him so happy and he forgot that he was lonely and that he loved me and he missed me and it was never my fault because whenever we're together it's amazing...BUT... he's still too wounded or whatever

Re: May be an overshare but hey what else is the anonymous net for?

[drune]

Sigh.. and this "comment" is a post in itself. Haha sorry.... just frustrated with myself and my poor pattern recognition. You'd think after so many relationships I'd have learnt by now... That and trying to make sense of it and come to peace with yet another broken link.