(no subject)
Sometimes I think I hate everyone and everything. Other times, I think I would readily die for every single one of my friends. I don't have time to do everything I want to do anymore, and it depresses me. I hardly have time for friends anymore. I wish I had been born rich, with a studio in my back yard, and all I had to worry about was school and music. I hate thinking about the fact that I will be working every day away for the rest of my life. (Unless of course I win the lottery). I hate it when people tell me that I'm different or wierd because I was homeschooled. Funny how noone ever thinks that till after I tell them. I get the same reaction when I tell people that I'm half chinese. They're like "yeah, I thought so, you're skinny and your features are slightly oriental".....yeah well. *cough* bullshit *cough*. I hate being compared to other people. Especially when your trying to get me to do something. Everyone I am associated with on a regular basis has tried to get me to do something by trying the "well so and so does it, you should too" line, or some other form of it. If you ever try this on me, I'll do what I always do when this situation comes up:
1. Apologize for not being "so and so"
2. Be very pissed at you.
3. Probably not do whatever it was you wanted.
It's strange that that has happened to me so many times. Today was probably the 87th time it's been done this year. Is that just me? or does anyone else feel that way...
I love having a car finally. I am proud of the fact that I bought it myself. I know it looks like a piece of shit, and I know your parents probably bought you a nicer one. But that doesn't make me feel bad at all.
not one bit.
Ok maybe it does a little.
I can't help but feel more and more jealous of friends that I have who have had almost everything they want placed right in their lap. Whether it be material things, or just time. I can't do anything without any money, but to make money, I must work. And to work, I must give up my time.
The more time I give up, the more jealous of people that have time to waste I become. I know that while a lot of you will be fulfilling your dreams, I will be working hard somewhere to pay for life. It's so expensive just to live. My whole life is becoming this blur of work and sleep and work and sleep, punctuated by time with friends or being with hannah that seem so short in comparison. I always wish I had more time at the end of the day. I hate the fact that I will work the rest of my life all day, almost every day, just so I can have 2 days to do what I want. That doesn't seem like a fair trade at all does it?
Maybe I'm just being a bitch about life, but I can't help but feel screwed over sometimes.
But really, I have no place to complain. There are so many more people with much worse problems than mine. I have food. I have a home. I have a car. I have a girlfriend.
So why do I constantly feel like I want more in life than to just get by?
That's what everyones been doing for ages and ages.
That's what my grandfather and his father before him did.
I love what brad pitt says in fight club at that one part:
"We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars . . . but we won't. We're slowly learning that fact and we're very, very pissed off."
I think that describes me pretty well right now.
1. Apologize for not being "so and so"
2. Be very pissed at you.
3. Probably not do whatever it was you wanted.
It's strange that that has happened to me so many times. Today was probably the 87th time it's been done this year. Is that just me? or does anyone else feel that way...
I love having a car finally. I am proud of the fact that I bought it myself. I know it looks like a piece of shit, and I know your parents probably bought you a nicer one. But that doesn't make me feel bad at all.
not one bit.
Ok maybe it does a little.
I can't help but feel more and more jealous of friends that I have who have had almost everything they want placed right in their lap. Whether it be material things, or just time. I can't do anything without any money, but to make money, I must work. And to work, I must give up my time.
The more time I give up, the more jealous of people that have time to waste I become. I know that while a lot of you will be fulfilling your dreams, I will be working hard somewhere to pay for life. It's so expensive just to live. My whole life is becoming this blur of work and sleep and work and sleep, punctuated by time with friends or being with hannah that seem so short in comparison. I always wish I had more time at the end of the day. I hate the fact that I will work the rest of my life all day, almost every day, just so I can have 2 days to do what I want. That doesn't seem like a fair trade at all does it?
Maybe I'm just being a bitch about life, but I can't help but feel screwed over sometimes.
But really, I have no place to complain. There are so many more people with much worse problems than mine. I have food. I have a home. I have a car. I have a girlfriend.
So why do I constantly feel like I want more in life than to just get by?
That's what everyones been doing for ages and ages.
That's what my grandfather and his father before him did.
I love what brad pitt says in fight club at that one part:
"We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars . . . but we won't. We're slowly learning that fact and we're very, very pissed off."
I think that describes me pretty well right now.