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[drunkenmusician]

So I was going to post some stuff on fictionpress, but I can't decide what genre they are. So I'm slapping them up here in a cut. Feel free to read them and let me know what you think. Or feel free not to. Whatever floats your boat.

I Will Be Home Then

The hand holding the letter began to shake. With a cry, Colleen fell to the floor

Comments

[thatswhthesaid]

I Will Be Home Then
1. Apropos of nothing: Soldiers are hot.
2. Real critism:
I L-O-V-E this story. From concept to cinematic completion, this story pretty much rocks my striped socks off.

The only real complaint I can find would be the shortness. I really wish there was more in the middle; I dislike how the "all but forgotten" bit kind of simply sums up the loss of Alexander and the removal of his son from her existence. I would like something more of a nod back to the former life. If only something like "She thought of Alexander's son each time she bore a daughter" (not that tacky wording, obviously, but that general feeling of not forgetting, but pretending you have, you know?)
Also, I think making it more obvious that the tree was in the yard would be a tad more helpful.

Sailing Through the PinesI believe I read this when it was still titled "Rudolph

[drunkenmusician]

I agree with you on the first one. I always kind of felt like it's too short, but I'm just not sure how to extend it, and to keep that extension from being cheesey and lame. Although I think it's so short that it's almost cheesey already. Personally, I didn't imagine the tree being in their yard, exactly. I thought of them kind of walking home on a long country road, and there's a tree just half-way home or something. Maybe a few hundred yards from the house. I think somebody else told me that about the tree though, before, I just have to figure out how to make the tree-placement more specific

[thatswhthesaid]

I know what you mean about the whole knowing you need lenght but not really sure how to add it thing. It's difficult. Usually I just leave something, and wait until I can't sleep, then I've got a billion ideas for it...then you can add something to it? I dunno. And yeah, the tree is still a little confusing...

Props for Spoon River. I need to actually sit down and read the whole thing--that's public domain by this point, yeah? -scuttles over to Project Gutenberg-

I know what you're saying, alot of times I just stop when I get sick of something. Then I forget what I was thinking of doing, so I've got a really fun four pages of...plot-less dribble. Just don't abandon the story. Keep poking it with a stick until it breathes something halfway worthwile.

[drunkenmusician]

Yeah. I just have to wait a while until I can stand it again.

And yeah, Spoon River's public domain. http://www.bartleby.com/84/index1.html