and i'm walking backwards, looking down
lesson learned.
but really i want to scream for about four hours. against the rain and the darkness and the cold and that fucking string tied too tightly around my lungs. but i couldn't even begin to because i don't have the breath. i don't have the guts. and isn't that the theme these days? my courage has dwindled. that's not okay. and that fucking string, cutting into the tissue inside my chest. occasionally i forget about it for a minute or maybe two, but when i try to take a deep breath i find that i can't. staring into the dark, awake until forever, clawing at the string when pawing only pulls it tighter.
whatever. what the fuck ever. who knew i was this naive still. and hey, at least i learned. for now. something. anything.
so let's sleep and sleep until spring and i find it or realise it or lose it.
but really i want to scream for about four hours. against the rain and the darkness and the cold and that fucking string tied too tightly around my lungs. but i couldn't even begin to because i don't have the breath. i don't have the guts. and isn't that the theme these days? my courage has dwindled. that's not okay. and that fucking string, cutting into the tissue inside my chest. occasionally i forget about it for a minute or maybe two, but when i try to take a deep breath i find that i can't. staring into the dark, awake until forever, clawing at the string when pawing only pulls it tighter.
whatever. what the fuck ever. who knew i was this naive still. and hey, at least i learned. for now. something. anything.
so let's sleep and sleep until spring and i find it or realise it or lose it.