The drive to reproduce is not in me that I can tell, but maybe there is a thing akin to it, bent but hopeful. Maybe at 34 I am overripe with it, my hormonal manifest destiny. It's been intensifying lately. I've been personifying inanimate objects like a child. I carry bugs outside now, I don't kill. Or I name them and attempt cohabitation ( Read more... )

Among the things that have burned themselves into my brain: the scene in How's Your News? in the cemetery, Ronnie singing a sublime impromptu homage to the state of Tennessee seamlessly built of shards of Trisha Yearwood, Berry Gordy and the gleanings from his own febrile mind; Larry, liberated of his wheelchair, rolling down a grassy hill with the ( Read more... )

So I am a nervous host. One by one I will your heads to duck as you cross the bathtub drawbridge and slip through the dwarf-sized door. I navigate each foot from the bridge to the stool to the floor to the stair ( Read more... )

Am I the only one among us who enjoyed herself?

Things I may have to my advantage: I am a lonely isolated creature lately, the mere prospect of human contact can excite me. My Others are all so-called "insignificant" and I had no one with whom to be fraught. I am not only lucky because I am loverless, but because I had a root canal Friday, and ( Read more... )

This may be the loneliest thing I know: there is a relatively new voice in my mother's delusional clutter, someone who serves the sole purpose of talking about the weather. 'Strato-cumulus' he says complicitly, 'you know what that means.' She stares at the sky, cannily intuits the weather, and is rewarded through his terse affirmations with a ( Read more... )

I am mulling over how I might assemble an exhibit around phylacteries, the precursor to the thought and speech bubbles of the comics, cousin to the Egyptian cartouche. Phylacteries, devotional objects in Judaism, leather-bound scriptural extracts worn on the arm and the head during prayer; the unfurled and often devout sentences that issue ( Read more... )

i fainted this morning. twice. i hit my head on the dining room floor (carpeted) and landed painfully on my left hand. then i reeled clumsily up the stairs to collapse again at the top in a puddle of sweat. i crawled back to my bed. my hand is not well, and it clicks gently when i flex my pinky ( Read more... )

i did not check for the delayed arrival/unscheduled leave policy in effect for us federales due to the snow. and i am wishing i'd stayed out later and played in it longer ( Read more... )

there is something on me that smells like my mother's apartment ( Read more... )

a strangely hearttuggy note matt sent to me:

I'm ok, thanks. I have a bunch of entries due Wed. for this encyclopedia of 90s music so I've been busy trying to get those done. I feel a little tired today, and therefore overwrought. I have a strong urge to settle down and get married and have some children. How are you?and ( Read more... )