Drunks Are Fun?
So yeah….. some stuff about work and then like awesome drunken adventures in Cape Cod…. except they were really not awesome.
Okay work. Closing Monday night… had a blast until like the end of my shift when everything flew the fuck to hell.
Alright… to start…. I got there and Dave Allard had called in…. I did a little dance of celebration for that one. I don’t care if it left me short… which it really didn’t…. I’d rather be short than have to deal with him. Then at like 11 PM….. yeah Dave showed up and shopped for a bit… came in with one of our other regular and creepy sketchy customers…. I was all… how appropriate. So I went to Paul Dwyer and asked why Dave had called in and told him Dave was now shopping. Apparently Dave had a “prior commitment” that rendered him unable to work. it hadn’t been written in on his card so I wrote it down for Paul with some ???’s following it. What a tool.
Okay… the real story of the night was Lee. I had a blast with Lee… and it was totally not her night. First story…. she pages Paul Dwyer to the service desk. He’s ringing on 10, so I go and ask her what it is and if I can help. So… this guy bought a cooler at the Marstons Mills store like 3 months ago and is returning it now because it doesn’t work (i.e. he used it for a while and now doesn’t need it). Her problem was that we didn’t carry it and he had no receipt and she had no way to get a price for it. I went back around to tell Paul Dwyer about it and Lee opened the door to wait. As I looked back at Lee…. I saw the tag on the bottom with the barcode. I asked Lee why she couldn’t just scan it. Then she was all… there’s no UPC code. So I went over and pointed to the tag on the bottom and was all…. this should just scan. She just looked at me and was all…. fuck you for being right. Then she was all… okay…. it would’ve helped if I had just done that. It was funny…. she was all pissed she had totally missed the tag.
So then… later on. Missy is buying her break stuff and Lee is all complaining and swearing about how the new employee discount redemption thing sucks. I see her pull out a calculator to calculate it for Missy and I was all… what the hell is she doing. Then Lee goes on about how she just wished she could do the redemption at the beginning of the order so it would automatically take it off and she wouldn’t have to calculate it ever time. Again…. just staring at her. So I ask Lee what the hell she’s talking about and explain that it does automatically calculate the discount. She says it doesn’t. I tell her that it does… you wait to the end, subtotal, press the redemption amount and then it takes it off. So she says no… it asks her to enter the amount. I laugh and say no… all she has to do is hit enter then and it does it automatically. So she says it doesn’t work that way and wouldn’t let her do that. So I come into the service desk and we do a little experiment. I took out my card and we scanned some of the dangerous vanilla extract. I subtotaled. Then I hit redemption. It comes up with the enter amount message and she was all…. see… it makes me calculate it. So I tell her to just hit enter. She does and it takes it off. She throws up her arms, stomps her feet and stalks off into the corner of the desk swearing under her breath. Then we both busted out laughing for like 5 minutes. She’d been taking a calculator and calculating it all night. It was hilarious. I love Lee to death…. she’s just the awesomest.
So night wore on…. nothing special…. I tried to explain the redemption thing to Rosa…. I think she finally got it… never realizing that it was for employees only…. but I think she gets it now.
One bitch of a customer walked off without paying for a $50 order on selfscan… I was fucking pissed. It was while Toni and I were sorting out a big order that some woman couldn’t pay for because her credit card had been declined. Though it occurs to me now….. it could’ve not been a walkoff and just this order and Toni had forgotten to void it because she was carrying all of the groceries to be returned.
I’ll interject here for a second installment of hot girls I work with. So…. there’s this new girl in the deli that has just made me melt. I thin her name’s Sarah. She has glasses, is kinda nerdy looking… always has her hair up under her hat….. oh my God is she so hot. She’s like the classic girl from the movies where everyone thinks the girl is not that pretty because she dresses like a tomboy and has classes and doesn’t look all girly… but when she’s all prettied up becomes one of the hottest girls ever. Except I prefer her as she is now… fuck getting all prettied up. Every time I see her…. just…. yeah.
Then it got late and the night got boring…. just nothing to do… and no one to talk to. I got so bored I even put away all of CVS’s carts that were far flung to the other side of the parking lot.
And then with like 30 minutes left my night went to hell.
So…. horrible drunken idiot lottery junkies come in. A guy and a girl. They want their scratch tickets cashed. I’m like….. no fuck you it’s 11:30…. lottery closed at 9. He’s all pissed, but drunk so he gets unpissed quickly and is all…. let’s buy more tickets from the machine. I try and stay away…. the girl buys hers….. and the guy all needs change as he only has a 20. He asks me if the machine gives change…. I say I think it does (it does not… fucking lottery machine…. refuses to give change so one spends all of their money on tickets).
I go over to look with him and see it says it does not give change and tell him I was wrong… it doesn’t. Then he gets all drunk buddy buddy hostile….. you told me it gave change…. I’m glad I didn’t listen to you… I would’ve been screwed… blah blah. I was like….. see how much I care. I walked off again…. and he called me back again. He wanted change…. He’d been talking about how he wanted to spend $10, so I gave him two $10’s out of Rosa’s drawer. It was my stupid mistake not to ask what he wanted. he got all back up in my face and was all…. no no nonononono…… I can’t have two 10’s….. I don’t wanna spend all of my money… I need ten 1’s….. give me ten 1’s ten 1’s…. repeat repeat. So I go back into Rosa’s drawer and get the money and as I’m doing it he walks back behind both me and Rosa and is all…. you’re an awesome guy Maurice….. don’t let anyone tell you you’re not Maurice… you’re the best Maurice. I was just……. fuck this guy.
So he then spent all of his money anyway…. as always… and he kept talking to me about his bad gambling habit and how he needed to go to rehab and blah blah. He finally left with like 15 minutes left and me and Rosa just looked at each other and rolled our eyes.
Then…. fuck fuck fuck….. Coinstar breaks down on me. The store is closing in like 12 minutes and Coinstar breaks while a customer is using it. I had to fucking get the key and play with it until I got it fixed….. having no idea what was wrong with it in the first place. My biggest accomplishment was remembering the password to get into the diagnostic screen. It turned out the dirt tray just needed to be emptied…. but it fucking took 15 minutes and we were closing as I was just finishing fixing it up. I was all sweaty and just fucking pissed… and while I was fixing it there was another walkoff on selfscan for like $2.50…. but still.
So then my brother comes to pick me up…. apparently there are people at my parent’s local bar that want to see me… Adam Stetson and Ronny Westgate….. both of whom I haven’t seen in 10 years since elementary school. It was cool seeing both of them. Just really awesome. Plus Greg McCarthy was there and I still want him madly.
But the cool stories Ron had to tell… he was a traveling salesman for hockey equipment. He’s talked with like all of the NHL goalies trying to sell pads, including the Dominator….. and he even got to skate on Joe Louis and pass pucks with Sergei Fedorov. Just so cool.
Then… the real fun of the night occurred. There was this totally trashed drunken slut. Porbably like 21 or 22….. real nasty and greasy looking… skinny with a nice body… and a nice face if she wasn’t so greasy…. but she was so nasty and so sketchy it was just disgusting… neither me nor my brother could stand her….. but Greg was all over her.
So last call hit….we had to go… this girl was trashed and had no ride… so it fell to us to drive her home. We sat outside on the steps for like 30 minutes while she insisted her friend was coming to pick her up…. as she almost fell over everywhere and tried to get us to go to Zachary’s… the local strip club. She wanted to do a pole dance for us…. she says she’s good…. and has done it before….. never naked or anything. Both me and Topher are like…. fuck no…. get in the goddmaned car we are bringing you home so we can get the hell out of here. Finally we got tossed out for good as they said we couldn’t stay on the steps. There was a sketchy guy that works there that all tried to take the girl home himself…. probably to fuck her since she was so out of it…. but he said some really nasty things to her and freaked her out so when she got in our car she was all freaked.
As we drove all the way to Falmouth… she recovered. She was all making out with Greg in the back seat…. she even climbed over to Greg and fucking mounted him. She had her hand down his pants the whole ride too. Me and Topher were getting pissed because we had no idea where we were and Falmouth is already 30 minutes away without getting lost because she was too busy doing Greg to give us directions. Anyway… after only 2 wrong turns because she wasn’t paying attention we finally got to her house. She wanted us to stay and party more and Greg probably would’ve but Topher and I were… fuck you… we’re getting the hell outta here. I drove back on the way home since Topher had been drinking all night and has enough trouble with the cops.
Overall…. it was just fucking crazy. I got home at 2 AM.
Okay work. Closing Monday night… had a blast until like the end of my shift when everything flew the fuck to hell.
Alright… to start…. I got there and Dave Allard had called in…. I did a little dance of celebration for that one. I don’t care if it left me short… which it really didn’t…. I’d rather be short than have to deal with him. Then at like 11 PM….. yeah Dave showed up and shopped for a bit… came in with one of our other regular and creepy sketchy customers…. I was all… how appropriate. So I went to Paul Dwyer and asked why Dave had called in and told him Dave was now shopping. Apparently Dave had a “prior commitment” that rendered him unable to work. it hadn’t been written in on his card so I wrote it down for Paul with some ???’s following it. What a tool.
Okay… the real story of the night was Lee. I had a blast with Lee… and it was totally not her night. First story…. she pages Paul Dwyer to the service desk. He’s ringing on 10, so I go and ask her what it is and if I can help. So… this guy bought a cooler at the Marstons Mills store like 3 months ago and is returning it now because it doesn’t work (i.e. he used it for a while and now doesn’t need it). Her problem was that we didn’t carry it and he had no receipt and she had no way to get a price for it. I went back around to tell Paul Dwyer about it and Lee opened the door to wait. As I looked back at Lee…. I saw the tag on the bottom with the barcode. I asked Lee why she couldn’t just scan it. Then she was all… there’s no UPC code. So I went over and pointed to the tag on the bottom and was all…. this should just scan. She just looked at me and was all…. fuck you for being right. Then she was all… okay…. it would’ve helped if I had just done that. It was funny…. she was all pissed she had totally missed the tag.
So then… later on. Missy is buying her break stuff and Lee is all complaining and swearing about how the new employee discount redemption thing sucks. I see her pull out a calculator to calculate it for Missy and I was all… what the hell is she doing. Then Lee goes on about how she just wished she could do the redemption at the beginning of the order so it would automatically take it off and she wouldn’t have to calculate it ever time. Again…. just staring at her. So I ask Lee what the hell she’s talking about and explain that it does automatically calculate the discount. She says it doesn’t. I tell her that it does… you wait to the end, subtotal, press the redemption amount and then it takes it off. So she says no… it asks her to enter the amount. I laugh and say no… all she has to do is hit enter then and it does it automatically. So she says it doesn’t work that way and wouldn’t let her do that. So I come into the service desk and we do a little experiment. I took out my card and we scanned some of the dangerous vanilla extract. I subtotaled. Then I hit redemption. It comes up with the enter amount message and she was all…. see… it makes me calculate it. So I tell her to just hit enter. She does and it takes it off. She throws up her arms, stomps her feet and stalks off into the corner of the desk swearing under her breath. Then we both busted out laughing for like 5 minutes. She’d been taking a calculator and calculating it all night. It was hilarious. I love Lee to death…. she’s just the awesomest.
So night wore on…. nothing special…. I tried to explain the redemption thing to Rosa…. I think she finally got it… never realizing that it was for employees only…. but I think she gets it now.
One bitch of a customer walked off without paying for a $50 order on selfscan… I was fucking pissed. It was while Toni and I were sorting out a big order that some woman couldn’t pay for because her credit card had been declined. Though it occurs to me now….. it could’ve not been a walkoff and just this order and Toni had forgotten to void it because she was carrying all of the groceries to be returned.
I’ll interject here for a second installment of hot girls I work with. So…. there’s this new girl in the deli that has just made me melt. I thin her name’s Sarah. She has glasses, is kinda nerdy looking… always has her hair up under her hat….. oh my God is she so hot. She’s like the classic girl from the movies where everyone thinks the girl is not that pretty because she dresses like a tomboy and has classes and doesn’t look all girly… but when she’s all prettied up becomes one of the hottest girls ever. Except I prefer her as she is now… fuck getting all prettied up. Every time I see her…. just…. yeah.
Then it got late and the night got boring…. just nothing to do… and no one to talk to. I got so bored I even put away all of CVS’s carts that were far flung to the other side of the parking lot.
And then with like 30 minutes left my night went to hell.
So…. horrible drunken idiot lottery junkies come in. A guy and a girl. They want their scratch tickets cashed. I’m like….. no fuck you it’s 11:30…. lottery closed at 9. He’s all pissed, but drunk so he gets unpissed quickly and is all…. let’s buy more tickets from the machine. I try and stay away…. the girl buys hers….. and the guy all needs change as he only has a 20. He asks me if the machine gives change…. I say I think it does (it does not… fucking lottery machine…. refuses to give change so one spends all of their money on tickets).
I go over to look with him and see it says it does not give change and tell him I was wrong… it doesn’t. Then he gets all drunk buddy buddy hostile….. you told me it gave change…. I’m glad I didn’t listen to you… I would’ve been screwed… blah blah. I was like….. see how much I care. I walked off again…. and he called me back again. He wanted change…. He’d been talking about how he wanted to spend $10, so I gave him two $10’s out of Rosa’s drawer. It was my stupid mistake not to ask what he wanted. he got all back up in my face and was all…. no no nonononono…… I can’t have two 10’s….. I don’t wanna spend all of my money… I need ten 1’s….. give me ten 1’s ten 1’s…. repeat repeat. So I go back into Rosa’s drawer and get the money and as I’m doing it he walks back behind both me and Rosa and is all…. you’re an awesome guy Maurice….. don’t let anyone tell you you’re not Maurice… you’re the best Maurice. I was just……. fuck this guy.
So he then spent all of his money anyway…. as always… and he kept talking to me about his bad gambling habit and how he needed to go to rehab and blah blah. He finally left with like 15 minutes left and me and Rosa just looked at each other and rolled our eyes.
Then…. fuck fuck fuck….. Coinstar breaks down on me. The store is closing in like 12 minutes and Coinstar breaks while a customer is using it. I had to fucking get the key and play with it until I got it fixed….. having no idea what was wrong with it in the first place. My biggest accomplishment was remembering the password to get into the diagnostic screen. It turned out the dirt tray just needed to be emptied…. but it fucking took 15 minutes and we were closing as I was just finishing fixing it up. I was all sweaty and just fucking pissed… and while I was fixing it there was another walkoff on selfscan for like $2.50…. but still.
So then my brother comes to pick me up…. apparently there are people at my parent’s local bar that want to see me… Adam Stetson and Ronny Westgate….. both of whom I haven’t seen in 10 years since elementary school. It was cool seeing both of them. Just really awesome. Plus Greg McCarthy was there and I still want him madly.
But the cool stories Ron had to tell… he was a traveling salesman for hockey equipment. He’s talked with like all of the NHL goalies trying to sell pads, including the Dominator….. and he even got to skate on Joe Louis and pass pucks with Sergei Fedorov. Just so cool.
Then… the real fun of the night occurred. There was this totally trashed drunken slut. Porbably like 21 or 22….. real nasty and greasy looking… skinny with a nice body… and a nice face if she wasn’t so greasy…. but she was so nasty and so sketchy it was just disgusting… neither me nor my brother could stand her….. but Greg was all over her.
So last call hit….we had to go… this girl was trashed and had no ride… so it fell to us to drive her home. We sat outside on the steps for like 30 minutes while she insisted her friend was coming to pick her up…. as she almost fell over everywhere and tried to get us to go to Zachary’s… the local strip club. She wanted to do a pole dance for us…. she says she’s good…. and has done it before….. never naked or anything. Both me and Topher are like…. fuck no…. get in the goddmaned car we are bringing you home so we can get the hell out of here. Finally we got tossed out for good as they said we couldn’t stay on the steps. There was a sketchy guy that works there that all tried to take the girl home himself…. probably to fuck her since she was so out of it…. but he said some really nasty things to her and freaked her out so when she got in our car she was all freaked.
As we drove all the way to Falmouth… she recovered. She was all making out with Greg in the back seat…. she even climbed over to Greg and fucking mounted him. She had her hand down his pants the whole ride too. Me and Topher were getting pissed because we had no idea where we were and Falmouth is already 30 minutes away without getting lost because she was too busy doing Greg to give us directions. Anyway… after only 2 wrong turns because she wasn’t paying attention we finally got to her house. She wanted us to stay and party more and Greg probably would’ve but Topher and I were… fuck you… we’re getting the hell outta here. I drove back on the way home since Topher had been drinking all night and has enough trouble with the cops.
Overall…. it was just fucking crazy. I got home at 2 AM.