I knew that you could relate to what I'm trying to explain. Hopefully no one thinks that this was my 'cry for sympathy', I just wanted someone to understand. I need someone to listen to me without making me feel stupid for talking about my feelings...or for having them. I don't want to be apathetic. I don't want to be numb.
Those feelings mean you are growing. I go through one of those periods every three years or so. Introspection can be terrible especially if you are honest with yourself and your own limitations. If you don't have times when you feel that way you don't expand your mind. Some people do clock out and go numb...loose all their shine. The hardest thing is to fight doing that. Clocking out is easy. Fighting to stay interested in being "alive" isn't. It is never easy to take the road less traveled. I would never want to think that would happen to someone as bright as you. Your energy is infectious. Beware your friends and vices...no matter how independent people think they are it is true you are what you surround yourself with in many instances.
You couldn't have said it any better. I know that what I need now is motivation. There are so many things I want to do. I'll hopefully be starting college in Winter...i'm scared shitless and excited all at the same time. I want to write, paint, direct, play music, travel...so many things. I need to put myself out of this mind set that I've got to accomplish all these things by the time i'm 30, in order to start a family and buy a house in the suburbs. That's not my american dream. In the past 2 years, I feel like i've aged at least 20. I think maybe my mind is trying to adjust. I threw myself out to the wolves and came back like this. I'm thankful for them, though. I'm thankful for every thing, good, bad and ugly. Maybe I think about life too much. It's much better when you just let it flow. I've got to learn how to help myself. Learn what makes me happy, then embrace it. I have no use for negativity in my life. I grew very weary of being a walking ball of angst. Your comment sent this rush of warm emotion through my body...from my
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Comments 4
-Jesse-
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Take Care,
Jess
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