LJ Idol, Topic 23: "Silence and Darkness" [fiction]

[dslartoo]

Weak.

Worthless.

Useless.

Stupid bitch.She hunches her shoulders, pulling into her shell, preparing for another blow. He never hits. Says that any man who would beat up on a woman is total scum. He never even raises his voice to her. But the impacts come in an endless stream, nevertheless. The scorn in his tone, the carelessly tossed phrases,

Comments

[myrna_bird]

Wonderfully accurate descriptions here. The first scenario was so real. It made me think of people I know that live in that kind of relationship. I just hope they will leave before it gets to the second scenario.

[dslartoo]

I have known one or two people who were in the first kind of relationship, but didn't leave, and it DID eventually progress to the second kind. I have known a few others who didn't leave until they were crying virtually every day. And I know one who is still, sadly, in that same relationship. I die inside a little bit every time she tells me another horror story, but she just won't leave him. It's unutterably sad and utterly incomprehensible to me.

Thanks for coming by. I appreciate the comments.

cheers,
Phil

[dslartoo]

I wanted this to be evocative and painful to read. Not exactly a nice goal, but it seems I succeeded all the same. Thanks for coming by, and for the nice comments.

cheers,
Phil

[halfshellvenus]

Very hard to read, but that's because it feels so true. Verbal abuse is hard enough, but it rarely stays there. It almost always escalates.

Her throat is parched, her feet ache, but her heart is singing. Her pack is light on her back; everything she owns, encapsulated within. Strange to think it would be so small.
I wonder if she even realizes that this dream is one of escape, where even though she's unprepared and has nothing, it would still be better than the life she lives now.

"I know," she says softly, another piece of her soul curling up like a dying spider.
Very vivid phrasing.

The part I've never understood, and it's not your story, it's reality, is why women are willing to kill their abusers rather than leave? But never having been trapped in that life of desperation, I can't know why that makes sense for them. Somehow, it seems to.

Well done!

[dslartoo]

I wonder if she even realizes that this dream is one of escape, where even though she's unprepared and has nothing, it would still be better than the life she lives now.

I think that she does. She dreams of escape, but then comes back to reality when she thinks it's "only a dream". The truly sad thing is that it *isn't* just a dream -- anything, as you said, would be better than what she deals with now on a daily basis. Relationships like that are truly poisonous.

The part I've never understood, and it's not your story, it's reality, is why women are willing to kill their abusers rather than leave? But never having been trapped in that life of desperation, I can't know why that makes sense for them. Somehow, it seems to.I think the main reason for many women in that situation is that they're afraid that if they do run away then he's going to track them down and then make them pay for escaping. Some of them *have* tried it and then been severely punished for it; in some cases killed for it. I've read horror stories about the women

[cheshire23]

I think the main reason for many women in that situation is that they're afraid that if they do run away then he's going to track them down and then make them pay for escaping.

This is true. Statistically, the most dangerous point for a domestic violence victim - in terms of likelihood of being killed - is the first few weeks and months AFTER leaving.

This answers both "why doesn't she just leave?" and "why does she kill him instead?"

Though I actually interpreted it as a suicide, I realized the ending was deliberately ambiguous. (I was working with a DV victim who recently left in my internship today and it's *exhausting* sometimes.)

[frecklestars]

This was so difficult to read, but it was masterfully written. I think genesisdesire really said it best.

[dslartoo]

"Difficult to read" was more or less my intention, so I'm definitely happy it came through that way. A lot of people seem to have been powerfully affected by this one way or another, so I seem to have hit my mark.

I appreciate you coming by and adding your voice to the discussion! Thanks.

cheers,
Phil

[whipchick]

So I'm really conflicted! This is a very well-written piece - your images are very vivid, your phrasings well-turned, the story has a clean structure, and your motivation is very sound. And, reading the comments, the piece has clearly hit home for quite a few people, so it's reaching your intended audience. But it still feels a little like torture-porn to me. Not like a Saw movie, where ew-gory-gory-let's-watch-naked-chicks-get-sliced-up, but in the sense that it appeals to our desire for the wailing and the gnashing of teeth and the oh-how-horrible-it-all-is. So rather than politely saying "well-written!" and shutting up, I'm hoping I'm not offending you but I'm interested to discuss more

[jem0000000]

Not everyone realizes that emotional abuse is still abuse. A lot of people think that as long as he (or she) isn't physically attacking them, it's okay. And it is very difficult to build someone's self esteem back up when the person who is most important to them is busily tearing it down. Writing about emotional abuse realistically gives those of who are not-so-quietly praying on the sidelines (and, quite frequently, walking a fine line between alienating our friend and accepting the negative feedback that they're getting) a sort of impartial reinforcement -- both for us, when we start to wonder if we're overreacting (particularly as there is nowhere near as much community support available as there is for physical abuse), and for the friend, who may think that we have simply developed an irrational dislike of their significant other (or other abuser). So I think the first part of this is still very much a story that needs to be told

[dslartoo]

One of the reasons I like this "contest" is seeing the discussions that often crop up between the commenters (at least, hopefully, if I've done my job right). I am always happy when people take something different away from the pieces I post.

See my comments to whipchick just below regarding "Janie's Got a Gun" and "The Burning Bed", in case you want to learn a bit more about those.

Is there a point where something is not new but still additive in that it brings another voice into play?

This, I think, was my main point to whipchick. The fiction pieces I write are done in the service of the story, to tell a good tale. They may not necessarily be breaking new ground, or be significantly different, but as long as they are well-done then I'm happy with the results. This may not be the most enlightened attitude, but it's my own. :)

I appreciate you chiming in here!

cheers,
Phil

[jem0000000]

Oh, yay! I was wondering if this was quite appropriate