LJ Idol, Week 30: "A Cataract of Voices" [fiction]

[dslartoo]

The room was painted a soothing pink; the furniture was softly padded at the edges and anything remotely harmful had been removed from the place. There was a window to the outside world, opening to a colorful, flaring garden with a soft gravel walking path, but she could only look at it through the glass. They rarely took her outside anymore; she

Comments

[lilycobalt]

Oooo, this is creeeeeeeepy. At first, I thought the doctor would turn out to be the one with the evil thoughts, who had recovered and regretted what he had done. But the way that you did it was so much better.

[dslartoo]

I originally didn't even plan to have the cause of Mary's problems appear at all -- just her backstory and how she got here. Then I thought it would be deliciously wicked to have the person show up for more tormenting. I guess I'm just a cruel bastard at heart, or something.

Thanks for coming by!

cheers,
Phil

[n3m3sis42]

Oh my god. This is perfect.

[dslartoo]

Wonderful to hear, but a bit nonspecific. What about it rang so strongly for you?

Regardless, thanks so much for coming by all the same!

cheers,
Phil

[n3m3sis42]

The characters were real. Sometimes (not often enough) when I write, I can feel the characters speaking to me and it's the best thing ever because it's like I'm not even writing them. I felt like that about the characters in this story. :)

(Oh, and also the concept was cool, but I'm into that sort of thing anyway.)

[dslartoo]

Excellent. It could easily have been just a faceless doctor, a faceless set of interns, with Mary the only real character in the tale, but I did try hard to invest the doctor (and the interns, particularly the Evil One) with personalities of their own. I'm happy it came through.

Thanks for clarifying for me! :)

cheers,
Phil

[jem0000000]

Oh, no. Poor Mary.

[dslartoo]

Poor Mary indeed. I can be a right bastard sometimes to the characters I create. I just couldn't help it.

cheers,
Phil

[lrig_rorrim]

I really enjoyed this. The concept of telepathy itself is fascinating to me - it's such an odd and yet compelling idea, that we can break out of the cells of padded bone that contain us and mingle in the minds of others. I like that your story dealt with it in a more realistic way, tackling the idea that it wouldn't necessarily be a great thing, no matter what minds you were listening to. And of course, there are the bad ones... a great creepy little story, and well told! :)

[dslartoo]

The idea of someone being driven mad by a blast of telepathy isn't exactly new (Douglas Adams, for example, jokingly wrote about an entire world full of telepaths, who'd had the telepathy inflicted upon them as a cruel social disease for the offensively self-righteous and provocative behavior of being more enlightened, accomplished, serene, and above all QUIET civilizations in the galaxy), but I did want to bring something new to to the table. Especially when Mary's tormentor appeared out of thin air. Surprise! :)

I'm glad you enjoyed the piece. Thanks so much, and thanks for dropping by too.

cheers,
Phil

[medleymisty]

What lrig_rorrim said. :) I really enjoyed it. It had great atmosphere, and the ending with the intern...very visual. :)

[dslartoo]

I definitely put some effort into making it feel atmospheric, which is kind of tough with just dialogue to work with. Consciously avoided talking about what was actually in the characters' heads for the most part. I'm happy it seems to have worked.

Thanks for dropping by! I do appreciate it.

cheers,
Phil

[m_malcontent]

I agree with those who say the characterizations are good. When you care about the people who inhabit a story it ramps up the tension nicely.

[dslartoo]

One of the things I struggle with is characterization through dialogue only. In most of the stories I write I get into the characters' heads, telling you what they are thinking and feeling, but in this one I consciously tried to let only outward dialogue and outward appearances show what's going on. I'm glad it worked for you.

Thanks for coming by!

cheers,
Phil