Save Me From Myself
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Larry Stylinson aka Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles
Word count: 3700+ (wow)
Warnings: angst, some fluff, hand jobs, frotting, alcohol addiction and incredibly shit writing.
um, enjoy??
Harry Styles has a problem. He wouldn't admit it to anyone else, he could barely even admit it to himself. You could ask him if anything was wrong and he'd simply state "I'm fine", Harry didn't want anyone to know what his brain was up to, it scared him too much.
Thoughts constantly invaded his mind. Would anyone even understand? Understand the rush he gets from alcohol and it killing all his inhibitions? Removing negative thoughts, even though it was only 'till he woke up the next morning hunger over and feeling like shit? No. No one would understand why the Harry Styles got drunk every night, how could they? He was in the worlds biggest boyband, famous all around the world, girls throwing themselves at him at every corner but Harry hated it. He hated the female attention, hated the rumors and the media that labeled him a whore. Sure, he would go out and if he was drunk enough, he'd find a pretty boy to fuck him in toilets of a dirty club, but that was to only to try and fill the empty hole that was his band mate, Louis Tomlinson. And Harry could say it worked everytime, but he'd be lying.
Well, where could he start? Harry was in love with his bestfriend, that was probably the most simple way to put it. The only problem was, Louis had a girlfriend, Eleanor. Even in Harry's mind he spits her name like venom on his tongue. He hated Eleanor. Couldn't stand how she flaunted that fact that she was 'Louis Tomlinson from One Direction's girlfriend'. She didn't or couldn't love Louis like Harry could. She wasn't good enough for him, she never would be.
All Harry wanted was to prove to Louis that he could love him more than anyone else ever could, but all Louis ever saw him as was his 'bestfriend' and 'band mate'. He was so completely oblivious to Harry's feelings for him. And yeah, maybe that's why Harry drowns himself in alcohol. Because it helps rid the thoughts of being unwanted by the person he wants more than anything in the world, even if it was just for a little while. Life had a cruel way of working, didn't it?
-
"Fucking hell, Harry, will wake the fuck up already?!"
Harry woke up with a groan, rubbing the heels of his palm to his forehead, trying to relieve the ache of his headache. He tried to open his eyes but he just couldn't, he was exhausted and his head felt like a brick. He knew he shouldn't have stayed out till all hours of the night last night, drinking till he couldn't see straight. But of course he did it anyway.
"Mm, don't wanna wake up. Go away Lou, m'tired." Harry mumbled, rolling over to face away from Louis and throwing his blanket over his head.
Louis let out a frustrated groaned, but Harry ignored him. Like he always did when Louis would try and get him out of bed in the morning. He couldn't stand being around Louis anymore, the ache in his chest was too much.
Without warning, Louis ripped Harry's blanket of him and he shivered and whined from the cold air being exposed to his naked body. He sat up and glared at Louis, what the fuck was his problem?
"I honestly couldn't give a shit how tired you are Harry, that's your fault for staying out all night and drinking. It's 2 in the fucking afternoon. God, I don't get you these days. You used to hate drinking, you would always say 'I don't need to drink to have a good time', what happened to that Harry? What happened to the Harry that was never late to anything? The Harry who would always make me laugh and have a smile on his face? What happened to him? I want him back. I don't like this Harry." Louis finished off his rant with a broken huff, blue eyes piercing Harry's own green ones. If Harry didn't look away, he'd probably break down and apologize to Louis for being such a fuck up. For going out every night and coming back off his face. For loving Louis and for letting that affect their friendship. But he couldn't, that wasn't Louis' problem so he adverted his eyes away from Louis' own, casting his eyes on his bedroom wall and not removing his gaze, fighting the tears that were threatening to spill.
"Can you -" Harry croaked and then cleared his throat, suddenly irritated at Louis for treating him like he was incapable of taking care of himself. So he snapped. "Can you just, get out of my room? I'm up now so you can stop fucking acting like my mother and fuck off. I don't need you to scold me like I'm a child. I'm 18, I'll do whatever the fuck I want. You have no right."
If Harry looked up, he would have seen the pain and hurt flash across Louis' face before Louis released a barely audible "okay, sure, if that's what you want" and leaving Harry's room, slamming the door behind him.
Harry let out a sigh before he collapsed back onto his bed.
"Fuck."
-
Louis' laugh rang through his and Harry's flat, effectively waking Harry up. Assuming it was late seeing as it looked dark outside. He grabbed his phone from his bed side table and through blurry eyes read the time 7:18, yep it was definitely late.
Harry pushed himself up on shaky legs and walked into his bathroom, opting for a shower to refresh himself. As he went to turn the shower on, he caught his reflection in the mirror. Fuck, he looked like shit. His usually bouncy curls were tangled and matted to his forehead, due to it being incredibly greasy. His pale skin looked almost yellow and he had purple bags under his eyes. He also noticed that his face appeared to be slimmer, his cheekbones jutting out and not in an attractive way.
With a sigh, Harry turned on the shower and hopped in. Loving how the boiling water scolded his dirty skin.
No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get his argument with Louis out of his mind. He didn't mean to hurt him but Louis hurt him every single day so it was fair, right? Harry laughed at himself. Of course it wasn't fair. Louis didn't know his feelings for him, which in no way made it his fault.
With another sigh, Harry washed his hair and body, turned off the water and got out of the shower. Wrapping a fluffy white towel around his barely there hips. He strolled back into his room looking for a pair of clean clothes and boxers to wear, still having a mental battle with himself. Trying to figure out if he should apologize to Louis or not. Of course he should apologize. So Harry pulled on a plain white (not really clean) tshirt, along with a pair of sweat pants and made his way out of his room and down the stairs to right his wrongs.
-
Harry made it to the bottom of the stairs and stopped in his tracks when he heard a voice that was definitely not Louis'. Harry felt his blood boiling. Eleanor.
"Why don't we go upstairs? Hm babe? I could suck off, make you feel so much better."
He heard Louis groan and mutter. "Fuck El." Followed by a giggle. A giggle which made him sick to his stomach, he could hear how fake it was, she disgusted him.
Harry's insides were twisting and his throat was itching to have some alcohol slide down and bury the huge lump he couldn't get rid off. He thought about quietly walking back upstairs and sobbing into his pillow but before he could turn around and walk up the stairs-
"Harry?"
He groaned inwardly, for fuck sake. Life really did hate him, didn't it? He released a breath he didn't even realize he was holding and plastered on what he hoped was a convincing smile, then turned around so he was face to face with Louis and Eleanor.
He tried not to spit out her name and a croaky "Eleanor" left his lips.
She smiled one of her obviously very fake smiles and turned to Louis, as did Harry. He looked.. uncomfortable? Harry didn't know why. Was he really that mad at Harry?
Louis cleared his throat, eyes anywhere but on Harry. "Well, um, we're just gonna.. Um, go upstairs so. C'mon El." Louis grabbed her hand and made thei-
"Wait Lou, can we, um. Can we talk, please?" he looked to Louis and then eyes landed back on Eleanor. "Alone".
A bit of awkward silence passed and Louis gave Harry a nod, turned to Eleanor, gave her a tight lipped smile and said "go on up love, I'll be there in a moment."
She hesitantly nodded, obviously feeling the slight tension in the air and made her way upstairs, but not before looking at Harry then turning to give Louis a kiss. All Harry could see was red.
-
"So.."
"So?"
"Well then, what did you want to talk about Harry?" Louis asked a bit snappy.
Harry was fighting with himself. He was so angry and hurt and falling apart and the only person who could fix him was Louis. He needed Louis to fix him. He sighed and locked eyes with Louis.
"I'm sorry."
"Okay.. Are we done now?"
Harry faltered, eyebrows furrowing. What? That's all Louis was going to say? Okay? Harry wasn't the only one who argued, he deserved an apology didn't he? Of course he did.
"Wait. All you've got to say is okay?!" Harry spat.
Louis look frustrated, "what else do you want me to say?!"
"Oh I don't know." Harry replied sarcastically. "Maybe a 'I didn't mean to attack you' or maybe even a 'I hate fighting with you, I'm sorry too?!"
"I have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, Harry. All I ever do is try and look after you and all you do is constantly push me away! You're a prick, Harry. I don't even know who you are anymore. I can't do this anymore. I'm done." Louis croaked.
All Harry could do was stare in disbelief and then he let out a laugh that he quickly muffled with his hand. "I can't do this anymore" and "I'm done" was swimming around in his brain, Louis didn't mean it, he couldn't. Harry's mood snapped, he was furious. He grabbed Louis by the shoulders and slammed him into the wall. Hearing a pained gasp leaving Louis' lips.
"W-what a-are you doing?!"
"Shut the fuck up, Louis." Harry spat. Looking down on Louis and seeing the fright in his blue eyes and frankly, Harry couldn't give a shit. "Maybe if you didn't act all high and fucking mighty and opened your eyes, maybe you'd fucking understand why I do all of this to myself!"
Louis shuddered, Harry has never been violent with him before and it was honestly scaring him. "I, I-I don't -"
"Did I say you could fucking speak?" Louis quickly shook his head which caused Harry to chuckle as he leaned down to nip at Louis' ear lobe, enjoying the sharp gasp that left his lips. "Good boy."
Before Harry could even think about what he was doing, that Eleanor was just upstairs, he crashed his lips against Louis', moaning at feeling of finally having them against his own. He nipped and sucked at Louis' lips while the older boy stayed frozen to the spot, eyes wide and pupils blown before Harry let out a shocked gasp at the fact that Louis started kissing him back. Louis was kissing him back, he couldn't believe it.
He licked Louis' bottom lip, begging him to let him tangle their tongues together, he felt him hesitate before he finally opened his mouth and snaked his tongue into Harry's mouth, moaning himself when his tongue made contact with Harry's and both boys battling for dominance. Harry won.
Louis' suddenly fisted his hands in Harry's curls which caused him to cry out and pulled his head back to expose Harry's pale neck, latching his lips to Harry's pulse point and sucking.
"Fuck, Louis!"
But before Louis could continue, Harry quickly regained his composure and pulled Louis' back up to slot their mouths together once again. Harry was in control, not Louis and he was gonna show him that. He moved his lips to the tanned skin of Louis' jaw, neck and collarbones, sucking, biting and leaving little tiny kisses as he rutted his hard cock against Louis' equally hard cock, feeling it thicken even more at Louis releasing a high pitch moan.
"Yeah baby, you moan for me. Am I making you feel good? Hm? I bet I am. Go on, Louis. Tell me." Harry breathed into Louis' neck, rocking his hips harder against the older boys.
"Yes H-Harry, oh god, yes. P-please touch me, I - fuck - I need you to touch me."
"Well since you asked so nicely.."
Harry moved one of his hands down Louis' body to his cock, but not before tweaking a nipple just to hear Louis whine. He finally reaches his cock and palms him slowly, teasing him, wanting to make this last as long as possible.
Louis shakes his head and Harry stills, worried that Louis' changed his mind but all he does blab out a string of 'needyoutotouchmeharrypleaseharry' so Harry quickly pulls down Louis' sweat pants, amused to see him with no underwear on.
"Mm commando, Lou? How naughty of you, such a naughty boy." he says as he loosely wraps his long fingers around Louis' hard cock, fisting it once, moaning lowly about how perfect Louis feels in his hand.
Gasping, Louis pants out "Your-your hands are so good, Harry. Oh fuck. Make me come, oh please, please make me come."
"Sh sh sh." Harry coos. "I'm gonna take care of you love, calm down."
Harry thumbs the head of Louis' cock, spreading the pre come down his length, getting it nice and wet. He pumps his fist up and down Louis' cock then casually flicking his wrist which makes Louis cry out. Harry can't help but let out his own moans, he can't get enough of the pretty little noises leaving Louis' beautiful little mouth, he wants to make him make these noises all the time.
Rutting himself on Louis' thigh, he licks the sweat dripping down Louis' neck, stroking Louis faster and faster.
He whispers dirtily in Louis' ear 'want you to come' 'can you come all over my hand, baby?' 'mm I bet you look so hot when you come' 'c'mon Lou, come for me'.
Louis can't handle it, Harry's hand on his cock and him breathing dirty words into his ear, he comes with a silent cry of Harry's name. Painting the younger boys hand in white ribbons.
At the sound of Louis coming undone, Harry's comes wet and dirty in his sweat pants, panting and biting at Louis' neck.
He can't breathe, he can't believe what he just did. He just made Louis come, from his own hand. He felt like he was floating. He suddenly feels Louis shifting next to him.
"Oh my god, what have I done?! Harry get off me, get the fuck off me!"
Harry snaps out of his blissful state, as he's pushed to the ground. He looks up at Louis wildly pulling at the strands of his hair. Then he quickly looks down at Harry with tears in his eyes.
"Lou?" Harry whispers as Louis puts his pulls his sweat pants back on. "Boo, are you oka-"
"Don't fucking call me that!" Louis snaps "Do I look like I'm fucking okay to you?! I just cheated on my girlfriend, with my bestfriend, who's a guy!"
Harry can't help it, he starts crying. He can't think, Louis' mad at him, he hates when Louis' mad at him.
"Lou, I.. I-I'm in love with you."
Louis freezes, eyes still locked on Harry's, his expression cold and scared.
"You're sick Harry, y-you're my bestfriend and that's all you'll ever be to me." Louis whisper shouts cruelly, before taking one last look at Harry, muttering a 'fuck' and running out of the kitchen as Harry sobs brokenly on the floor.
-
The music thumps through Harry's veins on the dance floor, he's completely wasted and has a pretty boy grinding his ass against him. He knows he really shouldn't be doing this, grinding with a boy, if this gets out management will kill him but Harry's too far gone to care.
The pretty boy (Tim? Tom? Harry can't remember) cranes his neck and connects his mouth with Harry's, sliding his tongue into Harry's mouth teasingly and then pulling back to whisper in his ear. "Come with me." So he does.
-
Harry isn't feeling too good, pretty boy fucked him in the dirty toilets of the club after he slipped Harry some kind of drug. Harry hated drugs, but in his drunken state, he lost all control. Harry stumbles and giggles to himself, he feels light headed and it feels kind of nice but his stomach's churning uncomfortably and he doesn't like that. He clumsily reaches into his back pocket and grabs his phone out and not even thinking when he rings Louis but Harry thinks he needs help. He really needs Louis.
"Ello?" A sleepy voice speaks through the phone and Harry giggles breathlessly. "Harry?"
"Hi Lou-Lou."
Louis groans. "Fucking hell Haz, it's 4 in the morning. What the fuck are you doing?!"
"I don't know, L-Lou, I.. I-I need help, I think. S-someone gave m-me something a-and I don't feel so g-good." Harry slurs. He can hear a rustling of blankets as Louis jumps out of bed.
"Okay Haz, okay. I need you to tell me where you are. I can hear music, are you at a club?"
Harry nods stupidly, forgetting that Louis can't see him. "I t-think I'm at club 2-21. Yeah.. Yeah, I'm a-at club 21. P-please hurry, Lou." He whines, as he slowly loses consciousness and passes out on the hard concrete in front of the club.
"Alright, stay where you are, I'll be there as soon as I can okay?" silence "Harry?! Harry, babe, can you hear me?!" silence. "Fuck."
-
Harry opens his eyes, hissing at the brightness of the room and snapping them shut. His head is pounding and his throat feels like sandpaper, possibly feeling worse than he's ever felt in his entire life. His body feels like it weighs a ton, everything hurts. How much did he drink last night? He felt someone talk hold of his hand and he snaps his eyes open to see, blue. Louis.
Before he knew it, Louis started crying and was flinging himself at Harry, wrapping his arms around Harry's neck and saying things like "I'm so glad you're okay" "god Harry I'm so so sorry" "I was such a prick" "please forgive me"
"Lou?" Harry croaked.
"Shh Haz, your throat is probably really sore right?" Harry nodded. "Here, drink some water." Louis brought the cup up to Harry's lips helping him drink it. "Better?" Another nod. "Good."
All there is, is silence. Harry's taking in his surroundings, realizing his in a hospital bed, in a hospital gown, in a hospital. Great. He must have really fucked up this time.
"What happened?"
Louis sighed.
"You.. You rang me in the middle of the night, telling me you took something and you didn't know what. I was so scared, I-I didn't know what to do and you were obviously not in a good state, I mean look you landed yourself in hospital.." Louis chuckles that sounds like he's in pain and then runs his fingers through his hair. "I, um, I got to the club and there was an ambulance there. You lost consciousness, s-someone found you laying in front of the club. Oh god, Haz" Louis can't stop the tears streaming down his face. "I thought - I thought I might have lost you." He cried.
Harry shudders, openly crying now too. He feels horrible, not only because he was stupid enough to take something from a stranger, but because Louis looks so broken, it hurts to see him like this.
"Lou, I-I'm so so sorry. I-I was s-stupid." Harry sobs out as Louis rushes to wipe away his tears.
"No, Hazza, no. Please don't, darling. I'm the one that should be sorry. I treated you so horribly. Fuck I feel-" "No Lou, it's ok-" "No Harry, it's not." Louis says firmly. Then softens immediately after Harry flinches. Louis takes Harry's hand, laces their fingers together and looks him in the eyes.
"Harry.. I, need to tell you something. Can you just listen to me and not interrupt?" Harry nods. "I don't know where to start.. I'm just so sorry, I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I hate that you think I hate you, because I don't. I could never hate you, Harry. You're my world, love." He swallows down a sob. "It hurt me to see you come home every night so wasted and lost and knowing I couldn't help you because you kept pushing me away. I understand why now and I don't blame you, it's just, I wish you would of told me earlier how you felt, we could have avoided all this.. The point is, I can't imagine what my life would be like without Harry fucking Styles and I don't ever want to. What I'm trying to say is.. I-I love you too." He breathes.
A sob escapes Harry's throat, tears flowing freely down his face. "Like - like I l-love y-you?"
Louis gives him a watery smile, "Yeah baby, like you love me."
"Does that mean, w-we're okay? Does that mean I can finally love you?" A hopeful smile lighting up Harry's face.
"Yeah sweetheart," Louis murmurs as he leans forward to place a tender kiss on Harry's lips. Brushing Harry's curls from his eyes. "We're perfect. You're mine, I'm yours and I'm never letting you go. Ever."
"Thank you, Lou."
Louis leans back, looking at Harry with a confused expression. "Thank you for what, gorgeous?"
"For saving me." Harry smiles.
Louis just pulls Harry into his arms and rubs his back and whispers in his ear. "Always."